The Power of the 20 Second Hug
It was the days leading up to school beginning. Nerves were being stepped on by offenders at least 18 times an hour. Tones changed as impatience and irritability tried to move in. Words escaped lips that left divots in hearts. Eyes rolled and sighs exhaled. We were all tired. And just a tad bit anxious about the upcoming new routine and new school year.
Jacob stood in the kitchen, calm and quiet. He’s an observer, always taking in the life around him. An old, wise soul. And honestly, often the Holy Spirit will speak right through Jacob to convict me. I’ve learned to listen when he speaks as often the richest words and thoughts find a spot in my heart through him.
I finished my tirade about being sick and tired of saying the same thing, and why can’t anyone just obey on the first time, and didn’t I ask someone to take the dogs out an hour ago, and why for the love of all things lovely are y’all just lying on chairs staring at ceilings when so much must be done.
I’m grateful secret video recorders aren’t planted in my home. I’d hate to see what I sound like in these moments.
Jacob moved closer to me, held out his arms, and said, “Mom, clearly, you need a 20 second hug.”
I laughed and pulled him tight. Yes, I was in desperate need of many 20 second hugs.
Did you know that hugs heal? Or that hugs actually release the hormone, oxytocin, aka the love hormone? And it reduces our stress hormone, cortisol? It acts as an anti-inflammatory. Hugs have been called a natural anti-depressant. Here’s a few fun and interesting links on hugs:
When we hosted an orphan several years ago, at training they talked about the power and importance of a hug. These children may have never received a hug in their life, or maybe they rarely feel a loving touch. During that time we gave an enormous amount of hugs.
When my children were young, I hugged them all the time. As they’ve gotten older, my hugs have become fewer, but I’m changing that. In fact, I’m beginning to believe the bigger they get, the bigger the hug they need. Because the older they grow, the bigger their worries become.
At our orphan training, they told us that hugs should be 20 seconds long. No quick in and out type of hugs. And no half-hearted, one armed hugs. A hug is to put both arms around the other person and squeeze. Hold for 20 seconds.
Before life became rushed and distracted, I bet hugs did last 20 seconds. But now? We are too busy. We are rushing out the door barking orders most of the time. Or in my house, this is how it feels. We run in for a quick hug that lasts about .78 seconds and holler an ‘i love you’ over our shoulder as we part ways.
Last year the boys and I spent some time talking about the power of hugs. It became a fun game we’d play. We’d see someone down and say, “Looks like you need a 20 second hug.” We’d hug, we’d feel better, we’d forget our problems, we’d move on.
We started taking time to really hug before leaving for school. No more quick in and outs. We went in for the real deal kind of hugs. The long lingering kinds. When they walked in the door from school, I’d scoop each into a hug and hold tight for 20 seconds. It seemed to reset our buttons and pull us back together. It reduced our anxieties as we remembered we are loved.
But how neat, seriously, how neat that God is such a God of details. I mean He thought of everything. Sometimes, a hug is all we need, and He gave us arms to hold tight to another.
We moved into the first week of school, and the schedules became regular, and we began to get tired.
I saw Jacob sitting quietly in a chair. I walked by as he called out to me. “Hey, mom? I really a need a 20 second hug.” And his face confirmed, he did in fact need a hug.
It’s ok to ask for a hug. Most of the time our kids are completely unaware that all they really need is a hug. A hug is a tangible way we can remind them they are ours, they are loved, and all is well even when it feels it’s not.
I highly encourage you to tell your kids the power that hugs hold. How God created our arms to hug each other and when we do, our bodies release a love hormone that makes us feel good while taking away our feelings of stress. That hugs can even heal our sicknesses and make us feel better often times. I promise your kids will want more hugs! It becomes a fun challenge to see who can give and get the most hugs.
We need more than one hug a day, even as many as 10 and 20. Here’s to new traditions – hug more, hug often, hug hard, hug long.
Hugs,
Renee
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