Avoid Dissensions and Factions

/in , /by

Proverbs and Galatians spoke right to today’s culture and climate. God’s Word always delivers the truth and sometimes pokes us awake.

I knew we had found the church God had for us in Omaha when I learned the heartbeat of the church: develop self-feeders, people who read the Bible for themselves every single day. Today’s readings from our church reading guide were perfect for what we see today in this climate and culture.

“Mockers inflame a city but the wise turn away anger.” Proverbs 29:8

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man holds it in check.” Proverbs 29:11

“When the wicked increase rebellion increases, but the righteous will see their downfall.” Proverbs 29:16
(I confess I felt guilty when this verse made me feel better. But keep reading with me and you will see why I let that guilt go.)

“An angry man stirs up conflict and a hot tempered man increases rebellion.” Proverbs 29:22

“A person’s pride will humble him but a humble spirit will gain honor.” Proverbs 29:23

“The fear of man is a snare but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected.” Proverbs 29:25

“An unjust man is detestable to the righteous, and one whose way is upright is detestable to the wicked.” Proverbs 29:27 (Well doesn’t that just explain why when we post about Jesus or anything in line with His teachings we receive such pushback)

Ok, now let’s move to Galatians.
“You were running well. Who prevented you from obeying the truth? This persuasion did not come from the One who called you. A little yeast leavens the whole lump of dough. I have confidence in the Lord you will not accept any other view. But whoever it is that is confusing you will pay the penalty.” Galatians 5:7-10

Here’s where I let go of my guilt over wanting to see the downfall of the wicked. Paul continues explaining to the Galatians why they weren’t bound to the Jewish law of circumcision because the cross fulfilled all the law and now they lived under grace. But Paul says this and I have to admit, I love when I see a little fire and sarcasm from Paul. “I wish those who are disturbing you might also get themselves castrated!”

Then in verses 16-18 we are instructed to walk by the Spirit and not by the flesh. To be sure we knew the difference, Paul calls it out directly to us. Emphasis added by me….
“Now the works of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, HATREDS, STRIFE, jealousy, OUTBURSTS OF ANGER, SELFISH AMBITIONS, DISSENSIONS, FACTIONS, ENVY, drunkenness, carousing, and anything similar. I tell you about these things in advance – as I told you before- that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21

Believers!!!
The definition of
dissension: disagreement that leads to discord.
factions: a small organized dissenting group within a larger one, especially in politics.

Please don’t miss this. It’s in the bible for a reason.

“Believers” everywhere are splitting by joining dissensions and factions. We are called to a higher standard.
We have the mind of Christ. We are called to live in unity.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law. Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, we must also follow the Spirit. We must not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:22-26

God’s Word changes me every single day. It convicts me when I’ve been walking in my flesh. It guides me back to His heart. It shows me the better path. It fills me with joy I can’t get in the world.

Sheep Among Wolves and Peace and Safety

/in , /by

I’m still catching you guys up on the posts I’ve shared on social media…..

“Look, I’m sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as serpents and as harmless as doves.” Matthew 10:16

Don’t speak to a fool, for he will despise the insight of your words. Proverbs 23:9

Two verses that stuck out to me today.

I read a few headlines. I’ve stopped giving my time to the articles when the title makes obvious it’s purely propaganda. I read some comments on the threads though. People are angry and mostly waste their time and energy engaging with foolish thinking. Wisdom and foolishness don’t speak the same language.

But one comment stood out to me. A lady said how interesting to see how the evil act of one man brought on (thanks again media) insane riots filled with acts of hatred that are no better than the act that sparked the fire. And how that started a movement to break down law enforcement. All the while the media still beats the drum of fear of this super scary virus they’ve warned us will be the thing that destroys us. This all leads somewhere. We know this right?

Fear will destroy us. Fear will absolutely destroy us if we allow it to.

I saw an article about climbing case numbers while posting a picture of a couple dining at a restaurant. There is an agenda. I hope we are wise as serpents and innocent as doves. I pray we have learned a lesson in this season about how the media operates, the power of group think, and the damage and control of fear that happens overnight.

One thing I’ve really noticed in this season is how bandwagon we really are. Like sheep led to slaughter. I’ve watched sheep loaded on a trailer taken to slaughter. It’s no different watching group think and bandwagon jumpers in our current culture.

I wish we could start a movement like happened this week where people muted in order to listen and learn to instead of muting themselves we’d mute the media, including and especially, right here on social media.

I actually did mute some people I follow because I was tired of their bashing of our President. Mute is a button we may need to use more often to maintain our love for people.

But I fear we are addicted to the intoxicating effects of fear and drama. We seem to thrive on living in a state of shock, awe, and outrage.

Love is intoxicating as well. It offers something that lasts. It actually changes people and cultures. But it’s not sensational and never makes the front page. Because it often looks so simple. Like the neighbor that sits on the porch with her elderly neighbor and listens to her heart. Or the friend who chooses to overlook an offense and live free of resentment in the relationship. Or the man who noticed the distressed bystander and stopped to see how he could help. Or the people giving hours to clean up vandalism from riots.

Maybe the next big social media movement will be to share and spread allllllll the amazing stories of hope and love instead of the ones of fear and hate. Fear and hate are here til Jesus returns and establishes His reign. And for everyday we have left on this earth, we can show love too. I wish those stories spread like wildfire.

Love is so much easier than hate. But we can’t show love when we’ve not experienced love. And there lies the problem. There’s an entire world that has never experienced the radical love of Jesus. They can’t show love because love comes from God. That’s why Jesus gave us the job to tell
the whole world about His love.

Nothing other than Jesus can change the human heart. Until lives are changed by Jesus, true cultural change won’t happen.

We shouldn’t be shocked that a world that doesn’t know Jesus acts in vile ways. We shouldn’t be shocked by the things we see when we realize that apart from Jesus we can do no good thing.

Let’s get busy!! The solution we aren’t talking about has already been given thousands of years ago. Jesus. Jesus. All we need is Jesus. We are spinning our wheels and getting nowhere because we are ignoring the true source of power.

God is love. Love wins in the end.

Have you read The Giver by Lois Lowry? It’s pretty intriguing.

They live in a world of conformity. A world that has no choices. A world of “sameness”. No one and nothing is unique or different. All the same. No color. No choices because what if people made a wrong choice. It’s for their safety and their own good.

The phrase that we hear whether covid or riots is “be safe”. Spirits of fear are roaring and roaming beasts.

There’s a term we are to be on the lookout for. Peace and safety.

1 Thessalonians 5:3
While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

Believers, the verse before tells us we don’t need to be given a date and time bc we know how to read the seasons and signs. Then verse 3 tells us what people will be saying right before Jesus comes like a thief in the night. A thief in the night for the unbeliever! This should not take us by surprise.

Are your ears tuned to the propaganda right now? Or are they tuned to Jesus? Friends, he’s asking the church to WAKE UP. Wake up and get about His business. That business isn’t long social justice posts. That business is going to your offended brother and seeking forgiveness. That business is releasing bitterness and offering forgiveness. That business is using our finances to help the poor and needy. That business is to stop the scroll and sit with our children and retell the most amazing rescue story ever told. That business is to hold that foster baby in your arms and tell her she is known and loved. That business is to get down on our knees and pray for the voiceless. That business is to notice the person at the store with empty eyes, smile, tell them they are loved. That business is to tell the world about Jesus.

Much of the church is asleep, lulled by complacency and deception.

2020 has been awful. For the believer, we have a job. Resist evil, advance God’s kingdom. Resist and advance. All with the hope and excitement that any day we are called out of the battle to our heavenly home.

For the unbeliever, 2020 is nothing, nothing, nothing compared to what the 7 years will bring when you see all the Christians have disappeared from planet Earth. It wasn’t an alien. It wasn’t a conspiracy. It was Jesus taking us away from the destruction to come. During that time people will beg for death and not find relief of death.

One will come offering peace and safety. He’s a liar and deceiver. But the majority will believe his lies. I never understood that until 2020. We’ve never witnessed greater deception and its blinding effects.

Here’s the good news. If you are breathing right now and don’t know Jesus, today can change everything for you. It’s all a position of the heart. The day that changed my life, I prayed a simple prayer: Dear Jesus- I confess I’m a sinner. I need a Savior. Forgive me of my sins, wash me clean. From this day forward I want to follow you. You are the Lord of my life. Fill me with your Holy Spirit and lead me by your love to love others.

If you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord you will be saved. Romans 10:9

If you prayed today to receive Jesus go tell someone!!!! Find someone to mentor you! Message me so I can pray for you as well.

Believer, it’s so time. Time to wake up, pray for wisdom, protection from deception, and courage to love radically. Our lamps better be lit. Don’t darken those screens anymore. Shine his light and be ready.

Do Facts Matter? Light vs Dark. Agitation over evil.

/in , /by

As promised I’m sharing here on the blog posts I’ve written on various social media platforms. I’ll be sharing these throughout the week in the event you’ve been on a social media fast. Happy reading!

Remember the line from A Few Good Men…..”You can’t handle the truth!”

Last year I heard Dennis Prager of PragerU speak and he talked about how this culture of today doesn’t care about facts. It’s all based on feelings and emotions. I didn’t really get it then. Boy do I get it now.

Facts matter little. Feelings are everything. And everything is offensive.

Galatians 4:16 “Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?” Paul wrote to the Galatian church, who seemed to love him when he said what they wanted to hear, but when he spoke the truth, which didn’t tickle their ears, they turned on him like an enemy.

Friends, that’s what’s happening now. Stand firm in the truth. The world can’t handle the truth, can’t stand the truth. But God’s Word never fails!

For a week God has been drawing me to the word light and the comparison of light and dark. I feel the heavy weight of the darkness of this world and He draws me back to His light.

Psalm 36:5-9
“Lord, Your faithful love reaches to heaven,
Your faithfulness to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains;
Your judgments, like the deepest sea.
Lord, You preserve man and beast.
God, Your faithful love is so valuable
that people take refuge in the shadow of Your wings.
They are filled from the abundance of Your house;
You let them drink from Your refreshing stream,
for with You is life’s fountain. In your light we will see light.”

Now more than ever we must fix our gaze on Him. Y’all, I feel the world has lost its mind. It’s so overwhelming and heartbreaking I can barely take it. Then I read His Word. Not a social media post, not the latest opinion thread, not the outrage. Just His Word. I’m beyond over hearing how everyone has figured out the best way to eradicate sin and evil in the human heart. Jesus is the only way. Like it or not, man can’t cure the wickedness in the heart of man. But Jesus died for it that we may be saved. He is good! He is faithful!!! In Him is the light this dark world needs.

Read all Psalm 36 today. Human wickedness and God’s love ??????

Oh man…..God knew the state of my heart this morning and He dealt with it by His Word.

I’ve been agitated. Agitated since March, whether covid or now race wars and civil unrest, at the deception, the lies, the fear, the evil, all of it.

Proverbs 24:19-20 says “Don’t be agitated by evildoers, and don’t envy the wicked.For the evil have no future; the lamp of the wicked will be put out.” I followed the cross-reference for these verses to Psalm 37. Do yourself a favor. Open your Bible (or open on your screen) and read all of Psalm 37. Here’s some of my favorites from that passage.

Trust in the Lord and do what is good; dwell in the land and live securely. Vs.3
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act, making your righteousness shine like the dawn, your justice like the noonday. Vs 5-6

Be silent before the Lord and wait expectantly for Him; do not be agitated by one who prospers in his way, by the man who carries out evil plans. Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated-it can only bring harm. For evildoers will be destroyed, but those who put their hope in the Lord will inherit the land. Vs.7-9

The wicked person schemes against the righteous and gnashes his teeth at him. The Lord laughs at him because He sees that his day is coming. Vs.12-13

I needed to read Psalm 37 today. If you are struggling in this season because you feel our world is drowning in evil right now, go read it. You will feel so much better.

 

 

 

 

A generation screened to death

/in , , /by

Click here to listen to audio

(9 minute listen)

When life loses its wonder

When one of my boys was young elementary, I chaperoned a field trip to an aquarium. Everything we encountered was magical and enchanting, yet a little boy in my group continued to complain, “This is soooooo boring.”

Initially, I ignored him. But he wouldn’t stop.

“When are we leaving?”

“This isn’t fun.”

Each comment he made sucked the joy right away from all the other kids. The rest of the group quieted down their own excitement. I saw these other kids question what they thought was cool and exciting.

Negativity is like that. Spreading like the vicious cancer it is.

I asked the little boy, “What do you think is fun?”

“Video games.”

A rock wrapped my heart and pulled it straight to the depths of my stomach.

Of course this kid was unimpressed with life. His brain was being rewired. He was being screened to death.

Video games seem innocent. They are not.

The goal is to addict

Dig in, do some research on how these games are created. The goal of the developers is to addict our kids. This should be common sense to us. It’s a business. If they can’t hook you, they lose money.

Many tech developers send their kids to tech free schools and their kids aren’t living on screens. They only put them into the world for our kids. Not their own. What does that tell us?

It’s only getting worse. Each new fad game released has to up the bar. It has to beat the game losing its grip.

These games do NOT have your child’s best interest in mind. They have a mission to entertain all the way to addiction.

We are screening our kids to death.

We are killing what could be in them and our families. You may think I’m being overly dramatic.

Listen, satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. And he comes as an angel of light. And he’s a master deceiver. In other words, we will see and encounter life threatening choices and see them as no big deal.

Parents, we are modeling peer pressure to our kids.

I can’t tell you how many parents have said to me the reason they give in is because all the other parents give in. Lord, have mercy on us.

We are stronger than this, parents. How often do we tell our kids, “Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to.”?

Yet, what do we do when we see all the other parents letting their kids feast on these games? We follow the masses. We let peer pressure decide.

We need to be stronger than we are.

Do you know what I’ve never heard a parent say to me? “I wish smart phones and video games were this popular when I raised my kids.” Never, not once have I heard this.

I am constantly overhearing conversations on this topic. I have to literally bite the sides of my mouth to keep from piping into a side conversation. I listened to a mom and a dad (not married to one another) discussing the problems they were facing with their kids’ attitudes and behaviors they believed linked to video games.

The mom ended by saying, “But the games are really good for them. It teaches social skills because when they go to school they have something to connect over and talk about with each other.”

We’ve bought justifications.

In the history of the world has social skills ever been a mainstream issue? Nope.

You know why? Because we were created in the image of God for community and relationship. This is what we were made for!!!! We don’t need to be taught how to connect with each other. Especially kids. Kids are so natural and innocent as they enter friendships and relationships. They talk about everything and nothing.

Screens are killing our ability to connect socially.

Screens are creating death in so many forms in the life of our kids, and we must wake up before an entire generation is lost.

Kids need to be bored.

Boredom is a friend of childhood. It is not our role to remove boredom and keep our kids entertained, occupied, and busy. Yes, they drive us crazy when they are bored, but so what? If they see we don’t budge, they will figure out their own boredom issues.

Kids can’t solve problems because we are too good at solving the problems for them. Oh, you are bored, here watch You Tube, play the XBox, watch movies.

In this state of constant screening:

  • imagination dies
  • invention never gives birth
  • insight lies in a dark cave never discovered.

A mind screened to death.

[Tweet “In a mind screened to death, imagination, invention and, insight die.”]

Something powerful happens in boredom. We become still and quiet. Inventive and creative. Deep thinking begins.

A mind never bored never has the opportunity to discover deeper insights. And we all suffer for it.

We are exchanging long term joy for short term convenience as parents when we put a screen in the hands of our kids.

It’s not easy to grocery shop with babies and toddlers. But how else do they begin to learn the world doesn’t revolve around them and their needs and their entertainment. So much life to see at the store, but more often than not all I see are glowing faces of kids head down in a cart.

They don’t encounter the smiles of strangers or small talk with the bagger. They don’t have to worry about developing patience in a long line. They can simply bury their head in a screen, entertained as the subconscious thought develops that their needs, their entertainment is of utmost importance.

As these kids are screened to death, they are numbed to real life. We all lose in the long run.

We are setting up patterns of addiction.

Kids are living on dopamine hits they are saying are as powerful as any drug on the market. We can’t live with our head in the sand over this issue any longer. The research is available. The resources to understand what is happening to their brains is astounding. The question is – do we want to know?

We are partly living not wanting to know. When we know, we suddenly are faced with making choices and decisions we’d rather not deal with.

When we know, we can’t un-know.

Say cocaine was legal, yet I know the ramifications it would have, would I allow my child to enjoy it simply because all their friends were? That’s ridiculous. Of course, I wouldn’t.

Screens are legal, but lethal in many ways. Over time, they kill so much of what could have been. They kill moments. They kill memories. They kill relationships. They kill creativity and imagination. They kill passions and desires.

They are killing families. Suicides and teen depression at record highs. When will we pay attention? When it’s our own kid? Then will we care more?

We have a choice.

  • We can choose to create a culture of connection in our home.
  • We can share with our kids the whys behind our choices. When kids understand the why, everything changes. They understand.

It’s never too late to make a change.

It’s easier to set healthy boundaries and patterns when our kids are young, but it’s never too late either.

The last thing I’ll say in this post. I get many letters privately on this topic. I’ve cried over some of them. It’s why I just can’t stop talking about it. One theme I hear repeatedly is that mom and dad aren’t on the same page. I don’t have an answer to this. All I can say is pray. God desires unity.

 

For more posts on this topic, browse through the Electronics category of my blog.

 

 

 

 

 

Scrolling through life – Are we living distracted by screens or focused on life?

/in , , /by

Living distracted by screens?

I sat behind this family. A pre-teenish aged girl, head down except for brief moments coming up for air, or rather, back into real life. Head back down.

Scroll.

Scroll.

Scroll.

I struggled to disengage following her phone habits. Her distraction from life around us was totally distracting me. The thing is, this is the norm for many teens today. But let’s be fair. The struggle is real for us adults as well.

When she engaged in real life, she complained to her parents about being bored. When she was bored, she picked up her phone.

Scroll.

She bounced from one social media platform to the next.

This isn’t unique to this girl. It’s all of us. It’s me too.

How often do I reach for my phone out of boredom, looking for that next hit of entertainment or distraction?

How often do I reach for my phone for the high of escape?

When I don’t feel like listening to one more complaint or argument, I pick it up.

Scroll.

When I feel awkward waiting for a friend to meet me, I pick it up.

Scroll.

We watched an entire family sitting at a table at a restaurant never looking up until the food arrived. 2 parents, 4 kids – scrolling through life. Missing the life of each other right before their eyes.

What stories went untold? What laughs never broke free? What impact or influence never passed one to another?

Real life vs fake offering

So much life missed trying to stay up on the fake life a screen offers.

We are missing the best and accepting the counterfeit.

This is nothing new.

‘When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, “Come, make us gods[a] who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.”’

Exodus 32:1

They were tired of waiting, so they reached for the counterfeit.

They chose fake over real. They chose immediate gratification over lifelong satisfaction.

The very next verse shocks me.

‘Aaron answered them, “Take off the gold earrings that your wives, your sons and your daughters are wearing, and bring them to me.” 3 So all the people took off their earrings and brought them to Aaron. 4 He took what they handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods,[b] Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.”

5 When Aaron saw this, he built an altar in front of the calf and announced, “Tomorrow there will be a festival to the Lord.” 6 So the next day the people rose early and sacrificed burnt offerings and presented fellowship offerings. Afterward they sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.’

Exodus 32:2-5

Aaron so quickly went along with the people and not only joined the masses but led them in their rebellious desires.

We do too.

We know we are trading real life, real connection for the false idol. Yet, we follow. We accept what never satisfies.

As we scroll through life, we are indulging our flesh. We indulge our desire to be entertained. We’ve created our modern day golden calf. We worship at the altar of our screens.

We have a choice to make.

These screens we scroll through will never give us what we truly crave. It’s like eating a diet of candy. Over time we will become sick.

I believe at various times God brings us enlightenment and we have a choice in what to do. We can continue down a path or make corrections.

When we find our scroll is invading our life, maybe a break is what is needed.  A fast in order to refocus our attention and reclaim the moments we’ve been missing.

Focused on Life?

There have been moments that happened I’ve looked back on and thought, “If I’d been buried in a screen, I would’ve miss that completely.” At the same time, I know for a fact I’ve missed countless moments as I’ve lived distracted by the scroll of my phone. I’ll never know what I missed. But I have a choice in each moment to claim it or let it pass.

I want to live a life full of beautiful moments. I want to have relationships that can stand the test of time and life. I want to create memories we can talk about around the table in 20 years.

Living an intentional life means looking ahead at what we desire and choosing today the steps we need to take in order to arrive.

It’s looking ahead and deciding what we want our Thanksgiving table in 20 years to look like and realizing it takes action today to achieve that. Meaningful relationships and moments take nurturing.

Intentional living is living life on purpose rather than scrolling through life mindlessly.

What are we nurturing today?

If you’ve followed along here for some time you know I’m passionate about guarding our families from screen intrusions. When I started writing online my goal was to encourage others to live an intentional life. Ironically, this was before screens were at play. It didn’t take long for screens to begin to dominate in homes and I’m determined to keep preaching this message.

The first post I wrote on this subject circulated into millions of homes. I received messages from parents who felt alone in their desire to raise children who could live with heads up and eyes ahead focused on life. They realized they aren’t alone. If you’d like to read that post you can find it here A Letter to My Sons – The Real Reason I Say No To Electronics.

You can can find other posts I’ve written on this topic by clicking here.

And if you aren’t subscribed to receive posts via email, click here. I rarely post more than once a week and promise never to spam you. I count it a privilege to encourage and inspire you to live an intentional life.

 

 

 

 

 

How to control screens in your home so they don’t control your family

/in , , , /by

When I began writing about limiting screens in our family, I was surprised to discover I wasn’t alone. It seemed many of us felt the encroachment of electronics in our homes and were searching for ways to protect our time and our hearts.

One common comment I heard, and still hear, is along these lines.

I wish my kids played outside more.

I wish my kids liked to read.

I wish I could get my kids off the screen more.

I wish…..

What do you wish for your family regarding screens?

The parents who make these comments genuinely mean what they said. I hear it in their voices and see it in their eyes. They truly feel at a loss and in need of ideas, help, or direction.

Over the years, I’ve spent much time talking, reading, and listening to families on this topic.

Two things to consider in taking control of the screen issue:

  • It starts with the culture we create in our homes.
  • It starts with starting with the end in mind.

Set the Home Culture

When we moved to Nebraska and visited our church for the first time, we immediately sensed the unique culture. Over the next several weeks, we saw it was a church that had a deeply established culture of servanthood and self-feeders. The congregation didn’t show up to be served and spoon fed the Word. They showed up eager to jump in and serve. And they showed up with their Bibles having spent the week studying the Word on their own and in groups.

It started with the leadership of the church. These were values important to the leaders. They modeled and lived out the culture they wanted to create.

In a similar way, we as parents are leaders in our homes and have the unique opportunity to create a family culture. In order to do this effectively, we can’t be concerned with what “everyone else” is doing. We have to keep our eyes in our own lane. Where do we want to drive our family?

How to limit screen time

In our home we never had the tv on in the background, and we never allowed our kids to simply turn on the tv whenever they felt like it. The same holds true for gaming devices or any screen for that matter.

We have a time and place for screens. We control screens so they don’t control our family.

When our kids were small, we had dedicated tv time. From the beginning screens functioned within boundaries set by us, the parents. As the parent, this is our role to set and monitor these boundaries. We didn’t hand this over to the children because children don’t know what is best for them. Two hours on a device is like 5 minutes to a child.

As our kids grew older, those boundaries remained. They earned more time and greater freedom with age and responsibility, but our family culture remains today the way we created it all those years ago.

Start with the end in mind.

It was highly important to me to have teenagers who wanted to hang around us, who were respectful and kind, and who didn’t live in their own selfish worlds. It’s impossible to one day mold a teenager when they are 13 into what we hope they will be. Instead we begin the day they are born. We spend time with them, we pour love into them, we teach, mold, and develop for years.

With screens, because they can be so invasive in the home, we begin with the end in mind.

If I want a teenager who lives connected to our family more than a device, then I’m careful when he’s a baby or toddler not to put a screen in his hand as a babysitter. What we do in the beginning sets patterns for later.

At the same time, it’s never too late to start again. To create new boundaries and communicate your love and commitment to your family.

If I want a teenager who isn’t completely selfish, I don’t as a baby give him a screen to calm him down or get him to do what I want as we go through our day. I don’t give him a screen so I can do what I want.

It’s hard, it’s sacrificial. It’s a long haul view for sure. But it is so very worth the time and energy it requires of us as parents.

Now when parents tell me the greatest struggle is getting their kids off the screens, I ask them if they allow screens to be turned on without parent permission. I know that if from the beginning we had allowed our kids to turn on the tv or play a gaming device whenever they felt like it, that is all they would want to do to this day. They would have never chosen to play outside or read a book. But screens weren’t an option to turn on whenever they felt like it.

We grow what we feed our appetites.

If our kids feed on screens, their appetites for screens grows. Same for us as adults.

Screens must live within the family’s boundaries. If not, screens will attempt a takeover of the family, and before long, it will feel like screens are in charge.

There is hope. There really is!

Over the years I’ve received my fair share of ugly emails from people telling me how my kids will end up hating me one day. How they will feel excluded and left out. I believe this is a fear many parents have. Often we cave to our fears and begin to allow screens to rule.

When kids understand the why and the heart behind the why, they get it.

From the beginning we discussed the issues and dangers of allowing screens to dominate our lives. We discussed the heart issues. Most importantly, we focused on building the relationship. As Josh McDowell wisely says, “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.” Build the relationship.

Our kids understand we are for them not against them. As a family, we are on the same team. We are Team Robinson.

The issue runs deeper than many parents have yet to consider. It’s deeply spiritual. When we place screens within protective boundaries, we are training our kids to master the cravings of the flesh rather than live slave to their flesh.

One argument is to give the kids all the screen time they want so they can learn to handle it.

Well, they can’t. Instead they will often find themselves bound to it.

We don’t place before a toddler a bounty of vegetables and candy and say, “They need to know how to handle this on their own.” No, we know what they would choose.

Over time, they would lose all taste for vegetables and find themselves highly sugar addicted. And we all know the spiral of the sugar crash in a child.

Screens are addictive. When our children are in their growing and forming years, it’s our job to protect their hearts and their minds. To teach them what is best for them.

My middle son leans more toward being a spender over a saver. When he was much younger, if he had $5 for 5 minutes that was a miracle. Money in his hand didn’t remain long. He was very impulsive too. We’d go into a store, and if he had money, he’d suddenly find something he thought he had to have.

For awhile I let him try to control his own spending. I told myself it was his money and the best way to learn is the hard way. But I began to see something quite sad take shape. He couldn’t control himself. No matter how many hard lessons, he didn’t seem to learn. In fact, the struggle only became more difficult for him.

He would feel guilt and shame over his choices. He’d be filled with sadness and regret. He saw all the lessons, but he felt powerless in the moment of decision to make the right choice.

Parents, this is so often what happens to our kids when we let them control their screen time. What takes form in their hearts is damaging over time.

So Zachary and I worked together on his spending. We discussed the heart issues. We discussed how this is a small issue now but at 20, it would be a bigger issue. He trusted me and knew I wanted to help him.

So when we went to stores, even though it was “his money”, I no longer allowed him to spend the money impulsively. If we hadn’t planned for it, we didn’t purchase it. He would leave without spending the money and spend a week thinking about it.

You know what happened? When the chemical rush wore off, he never went back to the store for those purchases.

We’ve spent years doing this with him now. He is gaining greater control by allowing us to help him by placing boundaries around his spending.

This applies to screens with our kids. They often simply can’t see what is best for them. They may not know they need us to place those boundaries, but they do.

They will never choose today based on what’s best for them in 20 years. They can’t possibly because they don’t have an adult brain yet.

This is our role as parents. It is loving and kind to place screens within our limits. When kids understand the why behind what we do, they may not love it initially, but they respect it. And over time, you may be surprised when they thank you for placing those limits around them.

I have written for the last 5 years on this topic. It’s a passion of mine because I want to see deeply connected families thriving. If you want to read more, simply choose Categories, Electronics from the Blog page or click here.

If you’d like to receive posts via email, simply click here. Bonus – you will receive some fun free downloads that will help you connect with your kids!