Nearly 5 Years Later – On A Letter to my Sons-The Real Reason I Say No To Electronics

Nearly 5 years after I wrote the first post I ever wrote that reached viral proportions, I look back realizing the decisions we’ve made regarding electronics were some of the biggest and best to date in our parenting journey. Hardest. Anti-cultural. But it is choosing a living life of moments over a zombied existence.

If you haven’t read that post, I encourage you to read it first before moving on.

When I wrote the first piece, I quickly turned off the comment feature on my blog. I’ve never turned it back on. While I received exponentially more positive response than negative, the negatives were so vile, I dared not let it infect my readers. Much of the opposition came from a place of fear. “Your kids won’t be normal. They won’t fit in.”

Is that my parental calling? To make my kids look like the world? To make it so they fit in whatever the cost to their souls? To hand them over to the online world? To give their developing brains over so that all that is still being shaped and formed can be disconnected and twisted by dings and beeps and compulsions and addictions?

I will do whatever it takes to protect my kids. When we place a connected device into their hands, we are removing an umbrella of protection to the souls.

When we place a phone in the hand of our child so we can get through a store, we are training them to be impatient and selfish and distracted. This is hurting their social skills. They don’t see the people around them. They don’t have to respond politely to the nice lady telling them what a darling they are. They don’t have to carry on small talk with the cashier. No, they are buried in their own world of games, separated from actual, real life.

And we wonder.

And we discuss how to teach them social skills.

And we wonder why they pull away from us in teen years buried in an online world we know nothing about really.

And we wonder why they struggle to find purpose and meaning.

And we wonder why depression rates are at all time highs in teens.

And we wonder why they are confused.

They’ve been buried in false realities, lit by the glow of a screen rather than the magnificence of actual life.

I sat at a sporting event overhearing a conversation that took every ounce of willpower to keep my mouth shut. I remained silent only because I’d not been invited into the conversation. Oh but how I wanted to speak.

Two parents discussed their children’s obsession with Fortnite. One said, “I recently read in Psychology Today that it’s actually a good thing how much time our kids spend playing these games. Because if they don’t, and they go to school, they are unable to fit in with their friends. This is actually teaching them social skills. Because they can talk to each other about the games.”

True story.

The other parent wasn’t bought in but shied away from a looming debate. The response was general and light.

When in the history of our culture have we ever had to teach our children social skills?  It’s never been an issue of concern to the point we are scratching our heads trying to figure out how to get our kids to connect with each other better.

Have you ever watched babies that haven’t been given a screen? They search out eyes. They move toward people. They delight in the simple. They are captivated by the wonder of the world around them.

We’ve lost our wonder.

We are being trained and conditioned to stop thinking, exploring, and creating. This is what is happening to our youth.

The average age of pornography exposure is now 11.

We are experimenting in this social experiment with our children. This should cause us to halt and question everything. Why doesn’t this scare us more?

When I see teenage girls with Instagram friends in the hundreds and the thousands, my stomach hits the ground. I have a ministry with a fairly large blog subscription, yet I don’t have a fraction of the followers of teenagers today. Why are we ok with this for our children? I’ve lived for 41 years and don’t have the online network teens have. This is scary!

We were created for connection. We were made in the image of a relational God. We were fashioned and formed to fit as one body. The body parts can’t exist apart from one another. It is the design of God that we socialize. This doesn’t have to be taught.

Yet here we stand in a culture living distracted and disconnected as never before in attempts to connect with the wider world. This type of connection only leads to a disconnection with the ones closest to us.

In the 5 years since writing the first post, I’m only saddened greater at the state of our parenting in this department. Where are the parents who are willing to fight and stand against culture?

The first post I wrote I believe reached so many because of the tone I wrote it in. I wrote it not with the intent to persuade, but only to share my heart. It was a heart desperate to not miss a moment of this beautiful, fleeting life with them. It was an alternate perspective compared to most pieces written on electronics I later realized. It was a mom’s heart poured out.

With children now on the brinks of 15, 13, and 10 I’m overwhelmed with gratitude we didn’t give in.

A question I commonly get is “Do your kids resent your limits and fight against it?”

They don’t. The reason is that we began discussing our whys way before it was an issue. We explained exactly why we said no. We showed them how much we loved them which is why they can trust us. They know we would never withhold good from them for the sake of being mean.

When we were at dinner, we talked to them, we enjoyed them. We understand this time is a breath, a vapor. They began to notice on their own families unable to talk at dinner because they all lived behind a screen. When they saw with their own eyes, they realized this is not what they desired.

When they tried to make friends with kids who couldn’t talk about anything other than a video game, they moved on to find the friends they could connect with. These people still do exist.

By withholding at younger ages, we are able to begin giving greater freedoms now. Boundaries are healthy and good. We must parent our kids with boundaries for their good with electronics.

When I hear parents say, “I wish I could get my kids off the screens”, I can’t understand this. We are the parents. When they live in our home, we provide shelter, food, clothing, and safety. We are given a responsibility by God to shepherd these kids. We aren’t responsible for how they turn out and the choices they make of their own free will. But we are responsible for how we feed His sheep.

Jesus told Peter if he loved Him, he’d feed His sheep.

If we are charged with feeding His sheep, how does this look in our parenting choices regarding screens? What are we feeding them when we allow them to feast on the online world? What is being digested into their hearts and souls?

Normally, my writing is much softer and more encouraging. But at times I feel compelled to shout from the rooftops to parents with a voice so different from my normal because this is a big deal!!

In church last week our pastor preached a message from Ezekiel about the watchman on the tower. Ezekiel was called to warn the people of what was to come if they continued in their ways. Sometimes this is how I feel. Like I have to stand on the watchtower and shout to parents everywhere to watch out. Danger is ahead. Don’t go that way. Stop. Retreat.

Every moment we have with our kids is a gift from God. Why do we want to give those moments over to the screens who don’t care at all about our kids beyond the trap of the moment?

Parenting is for the long haul. Making daily sacrifices for our future.

Maybe we start here. What do we want our relationships with our kids to look like in 20 years? What kind of human citizen do we want to raise?

Well, that is determined by choices and actions we make and take today.

To read more I’ve written on this topic, visit this link. At the bottom are links to many screen-driven posts. Also if you go to the blog page and scroll to categories, choose electronics, you will find many more on this topic.

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How To Stop Facebook From Deciding What You Want To See – My Facebook Breakup

Cut the Facebook cord

When you get on Facebook, how do feel after you leave? Do you feel uplifted? Inspired? Encouraged? Happy? Satisfied?

Many of us express feeling anxious, stressed, jealous, discontent, or frustrated after our social media time. Studies are revealing the level of addiction to social media is pretty startling. We reach for our phones hundreds of times a day to scroll through social media.

Many of us have experienced how much happier we are when we’ve taken a social media break, but we feel we will miss out if we aren’t there hanging out.

At the same time, we are finding great frustration with Facebook these days (and Instagram is close behind). Facebook is deciding for us what they will show in our feeds. They don’t really care what I’ve chosen to like and follow. They feed me what they want to feed me. I’m pretty fed up with their feed quite honestly.

So, I’m breaking up with Facebook. I’m cutting the cord.

I’ve found that if I struggle to let go of something, it’s a strong indicator I must let it go. If I feel I can’t live without it, it has a power over me that isn’t healthy for my soul. It’s become an idol.

We’ve given control to Facebook, now it’s time to take it back. God has been telling me to go on the offense and gain back ground from the enemy for quite some time now. I believe this aligns with what He is showing me. I think you will be able to relate to what I will share even if you don’t write online.

We all want the choice of what we see. And we all know what Facebook is doing. So let’s stop letting them.

If you decide not to read this post, I do want you to scroll to the very end so we can be sure to stay in touch!

Steve and I, followed by a large group of people, were driving to the interstate. As we approached the interstate we saw roadblock and detour signs. We turned to follow the detour. We got to the detour only to find another roadblock sign. We looked at each other and wondered aloud what we should do. I found the in charge road construction man sitting in a roadside trailer office.

I asked how we were to get to the interstate if both access points were blocked. He shrugged his shoulders saying no one knew and they were trying to figure it out.

Everyone in my group seemed to accept his answer. In fact they pulled out camping chairs and camped out. AT THE ROADBLOCK.

Well, I refused to sit at a roadblock. It was crazy. There had to be another way, and I refused to settle into the roadblocks like everyone else.

I began telling everyone we shouldn’t settle into this roadblock place. We needed to be ready to get up and go at a moment’s notice.

Suddenly, it hit me. It seemed so obvious that I didn’t understand why no one else had voiced the thought.

Why don’t we simply go back the way we came? I mean it might take longer, but we’d get there for sure.

Then I woke up.

It was the kind of wake up where my mind said, “No, no, no, no, no. Take me back to the dream.”

I know why I desperately wanted back in that dream. Because it was God speaking to me through it.

God has given me many dreams. Not frequently, but enough that when I awake from one, I want nothing more than more of it. So I ask Him all the time to speak to me.

We all hit roadblocks in life. Currently I’m facing a couple, but one specifically is Facebook.

Facebook has completely and totally stopped serving my posts. On my author Facebook page I have almost 4,000 likes and followers combined. Yet, when I share a post to Facebook, they serve it to an average of about 20-30 people. Yes, you read that right. My Facebook has gone silent.

Here’s where it gets interesting. I never wanted to be on Facebook. I knew it would prevent me from being as intentional with my children as I wanted to be. I knew it would steal my time and create in my heart thoughts and feelings that don’t belong. But I was a blogger and it was the way everyone else was going. So I jumped in too.

About a year and a half ago I began asking God for a way out of Facebook. I felt almost an obligation to be there as a voice of encouragement, inspiration, and sharer of God’s goodness. There was so much yuck on it.

My soul hasn’t handled it well. I’m sensitive and tender. Not easily offended interestingly enough. But issues weigh heavy on my heart. I get annoyed at “friends’. I’ve been hurt by “friends”. I’m just being honest with you.

In 2016 I wrote Breaking My Phone Addiction and Experiencing Freedom. When I’ve taken social media fasts, it’s felt so good I never wanted back on. But I never felt the Lord releasing me from using my gifts in that space.

Until recently.

I’m on Facebook, yet no one hears me. So I began praying, “God speak to me. Show me clearly what I should do and where I should share. Show me what to do about this Facebook thing.” I actually asked Him to speak to me in a dream simply because He gets my attention and I’m on alert for His confirmation.

He always confirms first in His Word.

Before this dream God brought to mind Daniel 10:13.

“But for twenty-one days the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia blocked my way. Then Michael, one of the archangels, came to help me, and I left him there with the spirit prince of the kingdom of Persia.”

There was a roadblock. That roadblock required the powers of Heaven to clear the path.

Is there a roadblock in your life that needs the powers of Heaven called down? What is your first instinct when you hit a roadblock? Where is God leading you toward greater surrender and leaning into His light to lead you out?

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8
“Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect”
 Matthew 24:44
Thinking on my dream these verses came to mind.
I continued praying for wisdom, answers, and guidance. God gave it so precisely that I almost dropped my phone when I saw it in my inbox. The title read Beating Facebook’s Algorithm and Being Your Own Curator.
Challies writes:
“I tend to think the future lies in the past, in a brilliant little technology called RSS. Essentially it works like this: Almost every web site generates what is called an RSS feed—a little file that contains the site’s most recent content. It’s kind of like a web site, but for computers to read, not people. You can use an app or site known as an RSS reader to subscribe to that content on your behalf. When you do that, it will “translate” it to an understandable format, and present it to you. The job of an RSS reader is not to curate the content, but simply to provide it to you in chronological order. You get to be your own curator by choosing what you will add in the first place.”
That’s it! The future lies in the past. God has been telling me to remember lately. In my dream I had the obvious revelation to go back the way we came.
I started blogging in 2008. It’s my 10 year anniversary writing on the internet. Cue the streamers and party horns. A lot has changed in the blogging world.
God is telling me not to settle in at the roadblock. He’s telling me to go back the way I started. You know how I started blogging? When I fell in love with reading blogs. I loved stories. I loved when the stories reached the reflection point and I could find my own story nestled in the author’s story.
You know how I read these blogs? RSS Reader. That is how I controlled what I saw without being on social media. I read my blogs at night after the kids went to bed. I emailed the ones that touched me to specific people the Lord led me to share with.
I’m leaving Facebook. I’m living my life ready to hear that trumpet at any moment. And until the Lord calls me home, my desire is to inspire and encourage you to walk faithfully with your Savior.

2 ways you can be sure to receive my posts.

  1. Subscribe via email. I highly recommend this. It arrives to your inbox and you read when it suits you.
  2. RSS feeder/reader. I found Feedly incredibly user-friendly. I actually love it. I searched my favorite blogs and subscribed to their feeds. It’s as simple as adding  /feed to the end of the web address.
You end up with your own personal feed of everything you actually want to see! No one decides for you if you see that post or not. If you get sick of a particular feed, just delete it. No biggie.
You can subscribe to the feeds on the sites you love with your computer or with your smart phone. I downloaded the Feedly app on my phone. Then I searched for the sites I really enjoy. In the search box you type the web address with no spaces adding /feed to the end. It will bring up the site feed and you click the plus sign to add it. You can customize if you want pictures or no pictures, newest first or most popular. Basically, you create the reading experience you desire. And you control what you choose to read.

If you don’t use your phone, you can subscribe to feeds a few ways.

  1. Just type in the address bar the web address followed by /feed. It will bring up the feed for that site and a box at the top of your screen that says “Subscribe to this feed using Live Bookmarks. Always use Live Bookmarks to subscribe to feeds.”
  2. Visit Feedly.com or another free RSS Reader site (there are plenty). Sign up and simply use their site for creating your own reading experience.
I think Tim Challies is right. I think the way of the future is in the past.
It’s time to simplify and declutter. Feedly is helping me do that.
Goodbye for now, Facebook. I may be back one day, but for now, I’m taking back control of what I see and I’m breaking the control social media has over me.
I’ve prayerfully created a resource for you that will give your soul a much needed break from this fast-paced, screen-driven world. Our souls long for us to tenderly care for them. Take a 14 day journey with me through Illuminate – Seeing God by the Light of His Word. I’ve created it in such a way that you will receive 14 emails, one per day. Each day will include an audio and a print link. You can simply hit play and allow yourself to relax and listen. Or you can read if you aren’t an audio lover.

I’ve heard from many Illuminate listeners that it’s become their favorite part of the day. It’s a break from the race and a redirect to the One who desires to walk with us intimately.

Purchase your copy today. And then buy a copy for a friend.

If you have been blessed by Illuminate, would you kindly share with your friends and family?

audio devotional