Graduates forget doing big things, go do small things instead.

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I read a graduation sentiment advising the graduate to go do great big things, go change the world. A verse popped in my head from Zechariah 4:10. The context is different, so I’m not attempting to make scripture fit where it doesn’t. But the sentiment still rings true. “For whoever has despised the day of small things shall rejoice, and shall see the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel.”

In the book of Zechariah, the Israelites had been back from exile in Babylon for 20 years and were discouraged. The beginning work of the temple rebuilding started strong but tapered off because of much opposition. In verse 10 of chapter 4, he is reminding the people that God is always at work even when we can’t see it. Often God’s “big” works are seen after many years of small acts of faithfulness and steadiness. Zechariah was reminding the people that though they despised their days of small works, they would soon rejoice when they witnessed the plumb line in the hand of Zerubbabel, the leader of God’s people at that time.

The plumb line could be considered a small thing, but it was crucial in the building of the temple. The plumb line guided the wall building, keeping them lined up properly in order that they last over time. The big work of the temple would have been impossible without countless small acts easily bypassed as unimportant.

Some graduates will go on to do “great” things like find a cure for cancer or invent the next technological advance. But those graduates are in the slim minority. We’d do better to encourage them to build a life doing small things with dedication and faithfulness. Small things aren’t applauded by the world. Small acts of faithfulness create a heart of humility, one who doesn’t seek attention and accolades. We need more of that.

Graduates, go do your small work well.

  • Wake early and make your bed daily.
  • Work with your hands. Scrub a toilet, take out the trash, pull the weeds, build something.
  • Notice your surroundings and fill that need. Even if it’s not your job.
  • Study hard even if you think you don’t need to.
  • Serve someone other than yourself every single day.
  • Smile at people everywhere you go.
  • Open the door for the person walking behind you.
  • Let the car out instead of jetting out first.
  • Bend down and pick up the trash in the parking lot.
  • Tell the person that nice thought you had about them.
  • Master your gift or talent. Practice until the boredom is too much to bear.
  • Listen even if you disagree.
  • Become a person who keeps your promise even to yourself.
  • Read books – they will change your life.
  • Find life work that brings you life.
  • Be kind to everyone. There’s never an excuse to be rude.
  • Look up. See the world around you. Screens offer counterfeit moments of life.
  • Show up on time.
  • Don’t quit because things get hard.
  • Do that thing you don’t feel like doing. Feelings don’t dictate your life.
  • Learn how to problem solve.
  • Love learning. More learning happens outside the education system.
  • Love God with your whole heart.
  • See, really see, the people around you.
  • Be confident in your small work even if culture sees it differently.
  • Tell the truth. Always.
  • Spend time with God daily. It’ll change your life too.
  • Pray.
  • Be a good friend.
  • Pick up the phone and call someone.
  • Whatever you do, do it unto God.

So this list isn’t really about what work one chooses to do, it’s about the person you are becoming as you do the work set before you. That’s what matters most. As you move about your day and your life, do every small thing faithfully, humbly, and steadfastly.

Who am I becoming? Who I am in the Lord sets me up for whatever work I do daily. Small or big, I can celebrate it.

Living an honest life in the Lord, doing small acts daily, will build into a life you simply can’t imagine today.

So, graduates, you are free to choose the path of small work. Your small work matters! The things that don’t bring recognition on stage and applause from the masses, God sees them all. One day you will stand before God and see how every small thing accumulated into a treasured life.

 

 

 

 

 

Let Your Kids Be Disappointed – It’s Real Life

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How do any of us grow? By walking through circumstances that require it. As a young mom, I lacked patience with my kids. I was quick to snap. After praying for patience, God called me to homeschool. Years of day in and day out trying my patience, and I see growth in that area. It’s been H.A.R.D.

Growth is a process filled with growing pains. As parents we have a role to help our kids grow. This is the opposite of setting them up for an amazing, success-filled, perfect, Disney World like life. I fear many parents in today’s culture are trying to create an amazing life for their kids rather than prepare kids who can function in a harsh and often cruel world.

Raising strong kids

As parents we want to raise strong kids. We want them to be able to withstand the storms life will bring them. We’ve heard the saying, “Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.” Are we doing that?

There’s a trend in parenting of cleaning the road of all obstacles so the child doesn’t trip, and when they do, mom and dad swoop in to make it all right.

When we hear of a kid being mean to our kid, we jump in and work out the problem for them. When a teacher gives a low grade on a paper, mom and dad email the teacher wanting answers. When the teen didn’t get the job, mom and dad call the employer. When our kid is cut from the team, we demand answers and work to fix it.

Yes, we should advocate for our kids, but at the same time, there are times we need to step back and see how they move forward. We can advise and guide them. We don’t want to raise victims who look at life as always being against them. We want to raise adults who realize life is hard, but with the grace of God we can manage hard things well.

As a parent, when our child faces disappointment, we have an opportunity to empathize, while pointing them to Jesus.

We are raising adults

We have a job to raise adults. As adults we face losses, unfair circumstances, disappointments, and failures. This is life. What’s important is how we handle them when they come. It’s not a matter of if, but when.

In 2010 Steve and I vacationed in Hawaii to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. Awakened at 5:00am by the report of an earthquake in Chile, which would result in a Tsunami in Hawaii, I went into full melt down mode. The message I received was one of imminent death by drowning. I’ll never forget the words of the news anchor, “It’s not a matter of if, but one of when and how bad.” I’m embarrassed to say, I did not handle our situation well at all.

As a mom, I want my kids to grow into adults who understand that life brings hard moments. It’s not a matter of if, but when and how bad. I want them prepared to handle it by the grace of God.

We are not their Savior

A few weeks ago Andrew texted me from school. He was having some difficult interactions, which led to him feeling sad and wanting to leave school. We’d talked through these issues before. As the texts increased I realized he was looking to me to be his rescuer.

Our role is not to be our child’s Rescuer or Savior, but to point them to the One who is.

My mama instinct was to swoop in, bring him home, comfort him, and make it all right. But this would only help him in the short term. One day mama won’t be there to make it all better. However, there is One who will always be with us and will never ever leave or forsake us.

I responded to his text, “You can’t leave school. Pray. God will help you. I will pray too.” And I did. I prayed and prayed. His text later let me know he felt much better.

Our children need God more than they need a mom and dad to solve all their problems. Yes, we have a high calling to comfort, protect, nurture, advocate, and help. But we are not their end all answer, or at least we shouldn’t be.

Children and teens need to learn to have their own faith, not an extension of our faith. My faith can’t hold my kids up. It has to be their own. It has to be real and genuine. Real faith usually develops out of necessity. I’ve decided I’m ok with my kids experiencing hard times so they can learn to grow in their faith.

When Disappointment Comes

I took a trip to Florida recently. I wanted to take Andrew with me, but he had his first baseball game. The day of the game the weather called for rain. I began praying it wouldn’t rain. I mean PRAYING. The thought of Andrew’s disappointment over not going to Florida with me because of a game that wasn’t played bothered me more than it should have.

I took a step back. I didn’t want him to be disappointed. Plain and simple. I wanted him to have everything go the way it “should” go. But that is not reality. That is not real life.

Rather than praying away possible disappointments, I should pray my child has a strong enough faith to turn those disappointments over to Jesus, the one who cares about every hurt we face and comforts us when no one else is there.

The real role of parents

The pressure of culture today in our see all social media world is to present a picture perfect picture of our kids and our family. If our kids fail, what does it say about me as a mom? Did I fail too? If they make bad grades, does it mean I am a failure because I didn’t support them enough? If they don’t make the team, did I fail to get them the help they needed?

I believe one of the reasons we try so hard to create a smooth road for our kids is because we fear what it reflects on us. What will people think of us?

One of my more embarrassing parenting moments happened when my kids made their own volcano for a science project. It felt as if my kids were the only ones who brought in a project that looked like a kid made it. I was embarrassed wondering if all the parents thought I was a slack mom who doesn’t spend enough time helping her kids out.

But I got over it. I realized it was ok if my kids were embarrassed because they didn’t put in more effort. If they care enough, then next time they will. And if they don’t care enough, well that is ok too. It’s ok to not be amazing at everything. It’s ok to do the best we can without pushing ourselves to be the absolute best.

Our role as parents is to love, support, nurture, guide, discipline, and more than anything point them to Jesus.

Our role is not to make sure they have a smooth road to travel. It’s to be there when they fall, tell them we love them. It’s to be there when they are disappointed and empathize while reminding them there is only One who doesn’t disappoint. It’s to support them on their journey without pressuring them to be more than God created them to be, which is simply a human loved by Him.

If you want to read more on this topic, I wrote a post years ago about letting our kids fail. Dear Son, Why I Want You To Fail

Looking for a special gift for Easter? Add Scripture pillowcases to their Easter basket to remind them of the One who never fails!

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Your Silent Competitor

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Here’s what I know about me, in the face of competition I know I can’t win, I draw back. I’m not the competitive type who digs deep and goes all in if I don’t think I have a chance to win. Now, I will push hard until the moment I realize there is no winning chance. At that point, I tend to wonder why I’d exert so much energy for 2nd place or worse. I’m not saying this is a good thing or the right thing. It’s just how I operate.

I believe this explains why I have a strong dislike for Monopoly. I can try so hard and play so long and still end up never finding the strategy that wins the game.

Smartphones, screens, and devices are playing silently against us. They have been for many years, and they’ve decided they are in for the long game.

I want to win this game.

Try this experiment

Next time you are in a checkout line, decide ahead of time you will not pull out your phone to pass the time. Look around and count how many people have their heads up. Chances are, you won’t count many. Watch how the clerk interacts with you compared to someone who comes through with their eyes fixed on their phone. I’ve watched this play out, and it’s fascinating. To the ones who are available and ready to engage in conversation, the clerk usually converses. But to the ones who are so engrossed in the world of their screen, the world not right there in front of them, the clerk will often only engage to the extent of, “Hi, how are you today.”

Knowing the competition

The smart phone is a feisty competitor; it nearly always wins. What exactly is it trying to win? Ultimately, our heart, but it starts with our attention. Once it has our attention enough, it will hook us in with its fake offerings of laughter, entertainment, escape, information, newest trends, and world happenings that ding throughout the day and night.

If it keeps our attention long enough, it’s winning. And then it only takes the slightest ding to bring us back to it. The body reacts with hits of dopamine. We feel we need it more and more. All the while, real life, real entertainment, real laughter, real people are wanting our attention.

Who wins this game against the smartphone?

How Can We Compete

It’s the most silent competitor vying for the attention of people. Often it’s not worth the effort to compete against it. So, we go silent rather than try to win against our silent competitor.

When I’m in the company of someone captivated by their phone, I tend to draw inward. It’s hard to compete against the stream of constant entertainment of a phone. While screens feed us news reports 24/7, I have only a few new happenings to offer. Screens provide us a hit of dopamine hundreds of times a day. That’s a hard competitor.

Which Side Are We On?

If we are honest we’ve played on both sides of this game. We’ve been the one held prisoner by our phone. And we’ve been the one on the other side hoping the other person would look up eventually.

While we can’t make people around us put down their phones, we can make a personal choice to be the ones who live free of our devices.

What Winning Looks Like

First, we need to form a picture of what winning looks like.

I love watching Steve and Andrew wrestle. Steve will have total control over Andrew’s arms and legs and pin him firmly. Andrew will call out, “Look, Mom, I’m winning. I’m dominating Dad!” Clearly, he is not winning. Steve has total control over all his possible moves, yet Andrew believes he’s winning. Likely, he knows the truth and doesn’t want to admit it.

This is a picture of our relationship with our phones if we don’t decide to win this game. We can think it doesn’t control us, but our actions tell a different story.

Signs our phone dominates us:

  • We pick up our phone at every ding.
  • Sitting in a room with someone, we find ourselves scrolling or reading online rather than engaging in conversation
  • We pick up our phone without having an actual reason. We feel compelled to check.
  • We check our phones at red lights, in checkout lines, and in any spaces of downtime.
  • Boredom is uncomfortable, and we pick up our phone to solve the boredom.

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything.” 2 Corinthians 6:12

This World Needs More Winners

Our world needs more winners. We need more people to decide they want to live the most abundantly alive, full, and vibrant lives imaginable. This world needs people captivated by simple wonders and able to handle boredom. Some of the greatest inventions known to man came when a human was bored. Ideas are given space to develop when the brain isn’t overstimulated.

Empathy grows when we are connecting with real humans. Screens decrease our capacity for empathy and compassion. They attempt to grow cynicism where God desires empathy.

We must decide to win.

Let’s Call It What It Really Is

Let’s be real. It’s not a game. It’s war. We are in a spiritual battle. Choose to stand and fight. Win against the smart devices that is after your attention, your heart, and your real life. Come back to the place where simple pleasures brought delight, where we paused to take in the beautiful landscape, where we didn’t want to rush away from a conversation, and where a child’s joke brings a genuine chuckle.

Life is good. Real life is worth fighting for. The enemy knows if he gets your attention, he can capture your affections and heart. And because he’s so deceptive, he will let you think you are winning. He will whisper to you that you are dominating, you are in control. The way to overpower him starts with recognizing the enemy and turning his tactics back on him. The name of Jesus is a strong tower. We pray for power and we make choices that over time replace our habits.

It’ll be a fight, but this world needs more winners. We have a Kingdom to run. We can’t run it distracted.

My Favorite Parental Controls For Kids’ Screens and Devices

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Safe Online

Keeping your kids safe on screens can become a full-time job. The best efforts are rarely enough. I finally found something that has worked so well for our family that I wanted to share it with you all.

Screens in stages

We have introduced screens in stages with our kids. When our oldest bought a smartphone, we dumbed it down. Over time, we allowed more options for him. Our kids can join social media when they are 17, as they are more mature to handle the drama it invites as well as controlled enough hopefully to fight the urge to live on social media.

Through the years we’ve tried several services for filtering, blocking, and adding another level of parental controls. We’ve struggled to find something that worked really well. Many services require you to use a particular browser in order to be protected. That never offered much comfort to me as often my kids would forget to use the alternate browser, so they weren’t really protected. Other services interfered with our normal computer internet usage for homeschool. The sensitivity levels ended up blocking even sites required for school. Needless to say, I’ve been on the search for something that filters, blocks, and truly protects.

Filter, Block, Protect

After seeing ads for weeks in my Facebook feed, I decided to try Bark for a free trial period. Before the trial was over, I was sold. I absolutely loved how well it performed.

Here’s how it works:

  • We set up services for our 13 and 16 year olds. The 16 year old has an iPhone and a computer. The 13 year old has an iPad. You set up profiles for each child and then connect to their devices and accounts.
  • It monitors, scans, reviews, filters through their texts, emails, you tube accounts, social media accounts (if they have them), Spotify or other music streaming services, entertainment services, any games they have downloaded. It’s very comprehensive.
  • Bark sends reviews for me to see throughout the day. It only sends items to review that I may find issue with. And I set the sensitivity levels that I want for each child.
    • For instance, if Zachary listens to music on Spotify where he has an account, it sends me the song, lyrics, and time listened if it is flagged based on the criteria I choose. I also love the fact that when I review something, if I decide I’m ok with it, I can click the button to not alert me again to this song or this issue.
    • If I set up the sensitivity to flag for bullying, sexual content, and profanity and he receives a text with any of these, it sends me the actual text. The only issue I’ve found with this is that context is missing. I’ve received reviews that bothered me, but when I pulled up the full text strand, the Bark review was missing context that cleared up the issue for me.
  • When I receive an alert from Bark, I can review in my own time. If it is something they deem important, it comes with a time sensitivity warning.
    • When we recently took a vacation, Zachary wasn’t on his computer for a week. I received an alert that his internet usage was drastically reduced, which could indicate a child has opened up another method. In our case, that wasn’t the case, but I like that it alerts to things I may never consider.
    • We allowed Zachary to join Snapchat ahead of our normal age 17 rule. Bark sent me a message to let me know he had a Snapchat account.

We have explained to our kids that Bark is a tool we use to keep them safe. It’s not because we don’t trust them or think they are doing anything we aren’t ok with. But the internet is a dangerous place, and it’s our jobs as parents to protect them.

Zachary bought his smartphone a few months shy of his 16th birthday. Initially, he had little access on it. Once we found Bark, we were able to loosen his iPhone restrictions, which he appreciated.

Bark has allowed us to help Zachary as he has entered the smartphone world over the last year.

A few other things I love about Bark:

  • It’s easy to set up. I had ours set up in no time.
  • Live people are ready and willing to help if you need it.
    • We had a review come through I wanted to understand better. I sent an email and received a response back that helped me so much.
  • Excellent customer service
  • Easy to use. Not only is it easy to set up, it’s easy to use.
  • There’s options to pause your internet.
  • The customization is fabulous. I can set screen schedules and rules. For instance, if I want no You Tube access during the school hours, I can set up that rule in our profile and they can’t access it during those hours.
  • It protects even in You Tube. This is the first service I have found that does that.

As always, I only share the things I truly love with you. While many things I share offer referral fees and affiliate payments, I never ever recommend anything I don’t use and love in our family.

If you are ready to try it out, click the link below!! I’d love to hear how you like it!!

Try Bark

What we need in a darkening world

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The world feels darker by the day as chaos and confusion increase. We are desperate for light. The world moans for hope. What can we expect in the coming days, weeks, months, and years?

According to the Bible, we can expect the days to become darker. At the same time, the light within us will not dim. The darker the world, the brighter our lights shine.

One reason so many christians are struggling with their faith right now is the lack of focus on worship of God alone. On who He is, His nature and His character. Modern worship songs tend to be self-focused and absorbed. How we are filled by God, what He does for US, what WE need. I feel what we need most is to develop a habit of focusing on the One True God.

We need to know who He is, what He promises.  Instead of emotionalism in worship, we need the raw truth of His Word in our souls.

You have been chosen to live in these days. You have a purpose, a role, a job. We are living in days that require we make a decision to grow deeper with God and build stronger faith muscles. Casual Christianity is over.

Are you craving intimacy with God? Are you fighting fear as you watch the world seem to fall apart? Are you desperate for more but don’t know how? If so, I invite you to take a 14 day journey to grow in intimacy with God.

I wrote a devotion that focuses on the character and nature of God as illuminated by His Word. God as Creator, as Light, as I Am, as the Perfect One, as King, and Emmanuel (God with us). Alternating days will lead you in guided meditations through the Psalms. My prayer is that each day Your eyes will shift away from this crazy world and onto our Almighty God.

My prayer is that after 14 days you will want to listen or read again and draw into Him in deeper ways.

And I’ve lowered the price. It’s the cost of a cup of coffee, but will last much longer.

Illuminate makes a great easy gift. After buying one for yourself, log back in and buy one for a friend. You’ll only need to know her email address. Then send her a note to encourage her and tell her you are thinking of her today.

Together we can grow in Him and glow brighter in this dark world. He is here.

Purchase your copy here and begin listening or reading today. Available in both audio and ebook or both!

ebook devotional