Parenting In A Culture Where No One Is Wrong and Teaching Our Kids To Own It

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I gave clear instructions as to my expectations. I even went as far as writing down the four things I expected them to do, time frame to finish, and consequences for failure to complete in a timely manner.

At 12 and 10, I don’t feel I need to micromanage my older boys. The 4 instructions should have been common sense. Things they need to do every night. Pack your lunch and clean your mess well. Put away any clean laundry in your room. Brush teeth, get ready for bed. Clean up all dirty clothes and bathroom mess. Simple.

Andrew and I finished up reading his favorite baseball book. The one that is ridiculously long. I’m sure I wasn’t the one who bought this book. We dogeared where we’d pick up the next night, said our prayers, snuggled for a minute. The door opened a crack. “Hey, mom, I’ve finished everything.”

Surprised at the record time, I asked, “Everything on the list?”

With complete assurance, he nodded is head, “Yes, every single thing.”

Kissing Andrew’s head one last time, I whispered goodnight and closed the door. I walked downstairs for a glass of water before beginning the nightly reading session with Jacob and Zachary. When I entered the kitchen, I froze.

How in the world could he possibly think he completed the 4 simple things when the kitchen looks like this? Two bags of popcorn, a loaf of bread, peanut butter, jelly, a sticky knife, crumbs galore, all the drawers wide open, dirty dishes placed next to the sink. It looked like they hadn’t lifted a finger towards that list.

Initially, I was agitated at the fact that they are 10 and 12 and should just know better. I shouldn’t have to tell them to clean up after themselves. The fact that I had specifically asked them and they failed to obey is what I wanted to discuss with them.

One of the boys had followed me down the stairs. He was the first to hear my thoughts. He immediately began cleaning. “I’m sorry! I’ll clean up my mess.”

I hollered upstairs for the missing culprit. I began the same discussion with him I’d just had with his brother. However, this child immediately began to defend himself, to build a case for why he was right. “You didn’t tell me to clean up that mess.” “That part isn’t mine.” “You said…..”

What could’ve ended in 2 minutes ended up becoming an hour long process.

I sat him at the table and we did the back and forth. Each stating our case. Showing how we were right. We heard a key in the door and paused as Steve walked into our tense dialogue. We each began retelling our versions, which surprisingly were vastly different in details.

Steve remained mostly quiet as my son and I continued. Then this child’s emotions spiked, and he bordered that point where you begin to say things you will later regret. Those things that will hurt your heart when your emotions settle and the heat of the moment passes. This is the point I asked him to simply go upstairs.

I’ve learned when my boys are emotionally charged isn’t the best time for us to have the discussions. Tempers flare, anger threatens, and words can become dangerous weapons. When the battle is intense, we will never convince each other why we did what we did, why we said what we said. And simply put, we are pretty selfish creatures. We are prideful and tend to look at our own wants, needs, and sides of the story. We falsely believe the person’s eyes we look into have become our enemy.

Psalm 4:4 Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.

In the middle of the argument, I excused the brother who failed to argue, the one who owned his part, apologized, and made it right. For him it was end of discussion.

The entire time I argued/discussed with the other brother, God kept saying, “You do this, too.” At one point I caught my husband’s eye and had to keep from laughing. I’m sure he was thinking that this child and I are so similar at times it’s scary.

After he went upstairs, Steve said, “I wish someone would always tell me to go away when I got angry. It would keep me from saying things I’d later regret.”

“Yeah, me too.” I had to know. “Steve, do I do that too?”

With a slight twinkle in his eye, he said, “Yes, sometimes. It’s just that usually, I’m wrong. But when you are wrong, yes, you do that too.”

Ouch. I knew it was true because I saw it played out and I heard God saying, “You do this, too.”

It gave me what I needed to talk to this child. First, I stopped by the brother who’d been excused.

“Listen, I want to point out something. When I showed you the mess in the kitchen and pointed out where you guys failed to obey fully, I appreciate the fact that you owned your part and made it right. You didn’t make excuses for why you didn’t obey. You didn’t even simply clean up only your mess. You simply realized that yes, you hadn’t done what you were asked to do, said you were sorry, and made it right.”

He stopped reading his book, gave a sleepy grin.

“I wish I were more like you in that way. You’ve always had a heart that is quick to repent. God uses you to teach me.”

His grinned broadened. We prayed, I tucked him in, kissed is head, and gently closed his door.

I walked into the next room. He sat propped up by his pillows, reading lamp casting a soft glow on his maturing features. His face had softened drastically. His jaw wasn’t set, his shoulders relaxed, hands clasped on his stomach.

“Listen, I need you to understand something.”

He looked up at me with those eyes that look the same as the newborn eyes I remember gazing into. I remembered back to thinking I could never envision this sweet, innocent baby challenging our love in any way.

His demeanor was completely different from only 15 minutes earlier in the kitchen.

“The major issue wasn’t about your failure to do what was asked. That was the starting point. But it goes beyond that. It’s how you handled yourself and the situation when confronted with your failure to obey instructions.”

He nodded. Eyes still so soft.

“You are not perfect. You will make mistakes. It is how you handle the mistakes that is most important. Can we own our failures? Can we simply say we are sorry and do what is required to make it right? Or will we allow our pride to blind us so that we only make a defense for ourselves?”

I continued, “Conflict and confrontation are normal parts of life. Human nature is to look at the conflict only from our perspective and form our response from that position. That is where pride begins to take root. We become selfish even in our own points of view.”

“I know this because this is what I do many times. I wish at your age I had begun to learn these things. At 39, I’m only beginning to see things differently. The heartache I could’ve saved if I’d entered disagreements looking from common ground instead of from my position only.”

“I hate to disappoint people. I hate to fail at something or fail someone. Out of fear, I will try to protect myself. I will state my case so that the person will not see me as a failure or a disappointment. Often, I create greater disappointment in my inability to own my own mistakes and say I’m sorry quickly. Bottom line, it’s pride.”

I could tell he was really listening. Not just trying to get through a lecture. This time there was no lecture. Truly, I shared my heart. It’s one of my many struggles as well. I get it. I get him. I feel for him. It’s what I do. As a parent, it breaks my heart to watch his pride stand tall. I know the dangers of pride. I know how it grows. I see in lives around me how this very thing has destroyed relationships.

“Jesus was the most beautiful picture of humility. Never elevating himself over another. Always choosing the lower position. To the very point of death. For us. He could’ve made his case (and he would’ve been right), he could’ve demanded that everyone see his point of view. He did nothing of the sort. He submitted to the Father. He humbly went to the cross. And He never said, “You all just wait and see. You’ll know I’m right sooner or later.” No, He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Even to death, He thought of others first.”

I looked back over the things we’d exchanged downstairs. His defense of his defense. ‘I can’t just submit if I don’t think I’m wrong.’

I was struck by this because it’s how I often feel as well. I can’t submit to what you are saying if I think I’m right. But that is not the example of Jesus. He submitted fully. He was right. He gave no defense. He left that to the Father. And so should we.

I’m learning alongside these children that we are raising. Before we argue our case and defend ourselves, maybe we need to pause. See the part that is ours, the mistakes we made, and own them. Say we are sorry quickly, not after defending ourselves, and move forward to make it right.

The sweetness of God in how He parents us as we parent our children, His children first.

2 Corinthians 10:5-6The Message (MSG)

3-6 The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

When My Anger Broke Out On My Children

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Psalm 37:8-9 “Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated, it can only bring harm. For evildoers will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.”

Something snapped inside me. A raging fury welling up from the pit of me. Slamming down the lunch box, I lurched at him standing with the refrigerator door open in his hands. I snatched the door handle from his hands, slammed it shut with every ounce of rage now fully visible for all to see.

The words poured out like the bile they were. All over my child. “How dare you speak to me like that. Why do you think you can speak like that?”

Silence in return. His face reddened with anger in his eyes matching mine. He held his tongue. Mine ran with wild abandon. And then I pulled away.

As I walked away, I felt weak and shaky. All energy expelled through my anger, now I stood blanketed by shame, guilt, and humiliation. My selfish pride demanding respect from my child in a way that disrespected him right back.

He returned to the refrigerator door. “Great, you broke the door. That is what anger does.”

I felt the anger again. This time in the form of sheer disgust. The anger at myself.
This refrigerator I’ve never been fond of. It has an odd mechanism on the door that is fragile. The left side must close before the right. A piece must fit neatly and securely in order for the right side to fit. Break one side and it affects the other.

This door mechanism was out of joint. I was out of joint.

My anger broke out. And in the aftermath, I saw in the faces of my children I’d broken more than the door. I’d broken hearts and spirits. Deflated, defeated, hurt, disappointed.

When anger breaks out, it breaks all that stands in its wake.

The condemnation began. The fiery accusations. The taunts. Some example you are for your kids. You just set them up for a great day. Just wait until you try to homeschool them….home all day to fight these battles – have fun. They will always disrespect you. You have no control over them. Look you can’t even make them talk to you the way you wish they would.

I let the enemy have his way. I imagine he stood right in the middle of our kitchen pushing button after button, whispering threat after threat. Even as the boys walked out the door with angry, sad hearts, the enemy didn’t stop. He kept telling me to punish myself.

I closed the door behind the children as they left with the carpool. I stood for minutes replaying the devastation that took place in a matter of seconds. It didn’t take long to realize my anger came from somewhere else. It wasn’t really a simple disrespect from my child that caused that fury to spew.

I sat with the Lord, words were few. I’m sorry.

I felt numb. Exhausted emotionally. I sat with the Lord stunned at my behavior. It seemed to come out of nowhere.

Was it worth it to give my energy to my anger? Did I get what I wanted? Did they stop sassing me and show the respect I demanded they show? Of course not, but who thinks rationally when anger drops the gloves? Where had that been hiding in me? Who was I in that moment?

Fear. The root is my fear.

I fear my children will turn away from the Lord one day. I read story after story. I hear it from friends. It terrifies me. And satan knows it. So in those moments my children show the sin in their hearts, the enemy says, “See, they will wander away one day.”

I fear losing my kids. I fear the loss of control. I fear so much, and this fear lies under the surface. It takes a mere hair trigger to set off the explosion.

I’m tired of fighting for control. I don’t want to let anger win. I’m tired of worrying.

What I can’t wrap my head around is this endless grace and mercy God bestows. I deserve to be done with. I deserve Him to give up on me. I deserve to suffer much harsher consequences than a broken refrigerator door.

As I sat in the silence with no words but “I’m sorry,” I felt His tender compassion. I felt His warm embrace. I heard Him whispering, “It’s ok, my child, I love you. I forgive you. You are mine and I’ll never let you go.”

Then I remembered. I prayed a dangerous prayer at the beginning of the week. God, make me love you more than I do right now.

In the hours that followed my undoing, I almost felt unable to bear the lovingkindness, the mercy, the forgiveness, the unconditional love. It makes no sense. Unworthy of forgiveness with no ends, yet that is what He offers. Unworthy of love when my actions are beyond unloving to those He’s graced to me. Yet He tells me His love isn’t hinged on my efforts. It makes no sense.

In those hours, I felt rushes of His love over me. My heart that wanted to continue punishing myself continued to feel it might explode from within me with this growing love for God.

I wish I could say I immediately accepted His forgiveness and held tight to His promises of love and mercy. But they were too good for what I felt I deserved. So I held them at a slight distance. Close enough to see, not close enough to own.

The days that followed I fell again and again. In my rejection of what He offered, I suffered the consequences. It’s the place the enemy wanted me. Pride kept me there.

It was a trap, and I felt the chains with every move I made.

I stepped outside to simply be with Him. The wind chimes swinging gently. The blue sky proclaiming His glory. Suddenly, I remembered the prayer from the beginning of the week. Make me love you more.

Is that how? By falling? By seeing the disgust that still lives inside me? And knowing that when He looks on me, He loves me despite my heinous actions? Because He sees His Son when He sees me?

It’s one thing to read about His mercy, His lovingkindness, His grace. These become church terms that I fear lose their meaning. We sprinkle them in conversations, but do we understand their magnitude?

As I sat outside listening to the wind chimes, watching the birds flit from branch to branch, I felt Him. This is when I knew that He had been answering my prayer to love Him more.

It was Holy Week. I was already reading daily devotions on the path to the cross, the great love poured out, the great redemption, the great rescue. Sin, penalty, death, into freedom.

In that moment, it became as personal as a mom who lost it on her children, broke the refrigerator door in her wrath, and couldn’t forgive herself, much less allow her Savior to forgive her. Again.

In the days that followed, I continued to fight. I fought grace. I fought mercy. I fought tender loving kindness. Until I had no fight left in me. Spent and exhausted, I surrendered to His love. And this mama who didn’t feel she had an anger issue, surprised and disgusted by the disgust that resided in the depths, allowed God to rush His waterfalls of grace over her.

I never expected Him to grow my heart to love Him more in this way. It was surprising in ways I still can’t put words to.

I broke the refrigerator door on a Wednesday. I had to rig it shut. No one seemed to be able to do it but me. Each time someone tried to close it, I’d have to get up and assist. I had to be the one. Each time it was a reminder of my fall, my pride, my anger, my fear. But God did something that week.

Until I stopped fighting Him to receive His mercy, I felt shame at that door. When I surrendered to His love, I felt His tenderness each time I had to delicately close the door just so.

Thursday night the entire mechanism ended up falling off. It took a bigger fix to fix. Family would be arriving on Friday night. I knew that my dad or step dad would be able to fix what we were unable to fix. Another reminder. I was waiting on my dad to fix my mess. My Heavenly Father left the throne to come down to me to fix my mess once and for all. I will continue to make messes with my life, but He has already poured out the punishment for what I mess up. Now He wants me to accept what He has already accomplished and walk in that love.

Friday night the door was fixed. It works like it is brand new. Truly He makes all things new.

One day, everything will be truly new. Each day His mercies are new and fresh. New starts. But one day, He will do it for good.

Revelation 21:5 Then the One seated on the throne said, “Look! I am making everything new.” He also said, “Write, because these words are faithful and true.”

 

 

Christian Idolatry on Instagram & Beyond

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A little alarm has begun to sound in my heart at times I’m scrolling through Instagram. Never when I am viewing a picture of someone I know, but almost without fail each time I see a picture a christian public figure or “celebrity” posts.

It’s the comments I read from followers on these feeds that scares me. Here’s a few:

I’m sooooo jealous!

So perfect and beautiful! 

I would give anything to hang out with you!

I would die if I ran into you. Love your ministry!

We worship quick and easy.

What alarms me is how as worshippers, we are setting up some of our favorite people to fall. Rather than solely looking to these people as communicators of God’s truths, we are looking to them as the objects of our worship. Idolizing. Wanting to know where they bought their jeans. And oohing and ahhing over their hair and the big names they know. We don’t even realize we are doing it.

Do we become so devoted to the person teaching the Word of God that we begin to forget they are fallible? They are human. Sinful like us.

Do we begin to take their words as gospel truth? Do we take off our hats of discernment and believe everything they speak?

Most importantly, do we spend more time worshipping them than praying for them? The enemy seeks to devour those who will teach the Word of God. When we as believers forget to cover them in prayer and take it a step further and shift our focus from worshipping God to worshipping the communicator, we are helping to lay the trap.

Andy Stanley came under quick fire for careless statements he made from the pulpit. I appreciate the boldness of people like Voddie Baucham who were quick to rebuke teaching that is in error. The thing that saddened me was how quick people were to do two things: 1) Lash out harshly and unlovingly 2)Look past the error in what he said because they are fully devoted to him as a person.

While I appreciate Andy’s apology and explanation, I still feel he left much unspoken. On a friend’s Facebook page, I commented “While his response and apology are nice, the bottom line is that it’s not the church’s role to raise kids with a deep faith….it’s the parents job. To suggest that parents should attend a church based on what their children need in a youth ministry is unbiblical. Church is where we go to worship God and fellowship with believers, not to get served and entertained. Still feel much left here unaddressed. At the same time, he’s a pastor….human, prone to mistakes.
Our role is to recognize what doesn’t align with God’s Word, forgive, and move on. I imagine being in his position is not easy at all!”

God’s Word says a few things about raising our kids in faith, and a thriving, large youth group is never mentioned. Deut 11:19, Deut 6:7.

Once when our boys were very small, we were looking for a church. We shared with a friend our list of requirements we wanted met. He listened patiently before correcting me. “You know, the church’s role is to preach to the believer, to equip the believer to go out and make disciples. It is not the role of the church to raise your children to love the Lord. The church will equip you to make disciples of your kids.”

His correction sent me to the scriptures myself.

When a christian public figure or a pastor or anyone teaching God’s Word speaks and something in our spirit feels poked, we need to go to God’s Word. It’s a dangerous place to believe everything as truth and not compare it to the Word of God.

That is only one issue. The issue that is saddening my heart is how we as believers are aiding God’s gifted servants to fall into the traps laid by satan by our hearts of worship misplaced.

I appreciate the humility of Andy Stanley in quickly apologizing and taking ownership.

Our pastors and christian communicators need our faithful prayers more than they need our worship. They need to be encouraged by us not flattered by us. Flattery is dangerous. It’s a trap satan places that will whisper to the pride and ego in each of us.

My challenge to us is to not raise these people up higher than they need to be risen. When we are lavishing our praise for these public figures each time they post a picture, we are flattering them not encouraging them. Encourage your pastor or favorite christian public figure by telling them how God used them to show you something. They need the encouragement. They don’t need the empty flattery, though if we are honest, we all like the flattery.

I’m not at all saying the Andy Stanley issue has anything to do with what I’m seeing on Instagram. The point I want to make is this. Be careful what we worship. Test everything with scripture. Pray and encourage, don’t idolize.

Satan is a deceiver and manipulator. He wants our leaders and communicators of the Word to fall. Let’s lift up those the Lord has called and equipped to proclaim His Word. Let’s be careful not to pour out words that will inflate them and set them up for a fall. The most loving thing we can do for those in the public eye for the Lord is to pray for them and encourage them.

 

 

The Moment You Say Never Is The Moment You Will

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One July I thanked God for calling me to write and not speak. I said to myself that I would never speak….only write. Two months later I had 4 speaking engagements lined up.

God is hysterical like that. Really He is.

I’ve had several “I will never do that” type of moments. For me, God 100% of the time turns those into “I never would’ve imagined I’d do that, but God” types of moments.

You would think I’d learn lessons faster than I do. God has taken a never of mine and brought me to surrender. Again.

Here’s a few things I’ve said in the past years. I could never homeschool Jacob because we are too much alike. And…. I could never homeschool Andrew because of his learning disabilities. Maybe something like this. I could never homeschool Zachary because he has such a zeal for life and lights up around his friends, I could never take him out of that.

You following me? Yes, God did that. At a time like this. When it makes no sense to me.

We are homeschooling next year. More on that in a minute, so keep reading.

Bottom line, God wants my whole heart. Whole heart. Not half. Whole.

That means following Him wherever He leads, whenever He says go, no matter my own desires. My desires trip me up because I’m quite good at making those desires fit into this tidy little box dressed up with a bow screaming, “God, I’m yours.” But when I open up that box and dig around inside, I find a mess. Tangled up desires forming knots with selfishness and pride.

God use me, I’m yours. Take me anywhere. Do anything. Make me putty in Your Hands.

I’ve prayed these words. I wonder now did God say, “I will take you. I will mold you. I will use you. But. Trust me. Just trust me. I want Your whole heart. Every ounce of it. I want you to trust me so much that no matter where I take you, you will rest in me. I have more for you than you’ve ever imagined. But in your fear, you won’t trust me, and you won’t surrender to me. Surrender everything to me. Follow me.”

I didn’t hear the Lord speak these words. But I can imagine Him saying them to me. I know His character.

God has taken me in a complete circle in my journey with motherhood and ministry. We are starting back at a place similar to where we started many years ago.

When my boys came into my life, I wanted to soak up every second. Intentional became my favorite word. I wanted Steve and me to be the greatest influence in their little lives. I wanted us to point them towards Jesus every second of every day. I wanted to take seriously the command to talk about God as we walked along the road, when we lied down, and when we rose again. I wanted to be the one to see all the first moments. I wanted to be there for all those conversations that come out of nowhere that lead to heart stopping moments.

I wanted to not take a moment for granted. I wanted to live intentionally for the Lord.

I would cringe when moms would say (in front of their children) how they couldn’t wait for school to begin again. I’d grieve my kids going back to school. Getting back into the swing of routines that made me miss the best of them. Coming back together with all the worst versions of ourselves. Our tired, worn down, grace passed out all day, selves that let our guards down and let our sin flow freely.

But. There was another part of me that loved my time. My time while the kids were away at school that I could “do” ministry. I could write in peace and quiet to encourage moms. I could prepare for speaking events. I could plan and lead women’s ministry.

A part of me began to build an identify in my ministry. A part of me began to seek acceptance in serving the Lord. A part of me liked feeling good about doing “great” things for God.

The prayer that I believe God continues to use to lead me is the one I’ve prayed without realizing what I’ve been praying. “God, protect me from myself.”

In His Sovereign goodness, He protects me from myself repeatedly.

In the last year, God has shifted my course multiple times. I will hear God direct me, I follow Him. I feel like I’ve solved a mystery. I see where we are going. I feel like I’ve really figured something out. Shift. Change.

It happens in an instant. So I follow. Repeat. Shift. Change.

Here we go again.

This has been the pattern of the last year. For 4 years I was going in one direction. Raising my children, while beginning and growing a ministry to encourage and inspire parents, moms, women. It turned from writing a book into blogging into speaking into women’s ministry at my church. Until God changed direction and called me to serve in my church, I thought I knew where my ministry was going. Now I realize that I had it all wrong. He’s been teaching me something all along, and I’m just now getting it. He wants me to learn to surrender in an instant. Shift. Change. And follow Him wholeheartedly

Oh, my friends, I’m grateful you are along for the ride with me.

I LOVE  the school my children attend. Love it so much that I really can’t begin to write about it. I’ve also always loved the idea of homeschooling. I love the model. I love my friends who do it. But deep down in my heart, I’ve been really grateful that God had us in a school that we loved so much because that gave me my “out”. Here is what I would say, “If I didn’t love our school so much, I would homeschool.”

The Lord is leading us to homeschool. And I don’t know why. He has confirmed this in multiple ways. And none of those have anything to do with the school. It’s interesting to me how God chooses to work. In the one area that has held me away from homeschooling, God did NOT use to confirm what He was asking of me. It’s almost as though He wants me to practice really listening to Him. Really discerning His voice over other voices. And testing my heart.

What He spoke to me was personal. It wasn’t a blanket statement meant for anyone but my family. He did NOT say that homeschooling was better than private or public education. Instead He simply said, “Homeschool the boys.” He didn’t say a time frame. He didn’t say if it’s forever or a short season. He just told us to do it.

Am I really willing to surrender? Surrender my time. Surrender my ministry. Surrender my service. Surrender my will.

The night I surrendered to the Lord in this area, I felt His peace wash over me. The fight to hold onto my will exhausted me. Surrendered to Him, I could rest finally.

While I’m at peace over this decision, I’m grieving at the same time. I know this is what the Lord has asked of us. I’m learning that while surrender releases peace, it releases a strange mix of emotion.

Part of me is sad. I can’t begin in this post to write about our school. It’s a family. They love my boys. And here come the tears again….so, like I said, I can’t write about that right now. Maybe later.

Twice this year I’ve given a talk that I now see was a prophetic talk meant for me. Right before God has done the shift change thing, I’ve given talks the Lord has brought back to mind as He’s called to me. I hear Him now saying, “Remember these words. Follow Me.”

He never promised us following Him would be easy. But He promised He would never leave us. We can rest assured that He holds our hand, He lights our path, He directs our steps. He is good in every way. We can trust where He leads us. No matter how scary it looks.

If the Lord wills, I will continue to blog and lead the women at my church. But a full speaking schedule will go on hold for a season. It’s hard to put something aside that you love. The Lord knows our desires and hearts, so I trust Him.

 

Why Don’t We Pray More?

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Last week was amazing and crazy, full and empty, glorious and heartbreaking. No “big” event took place. In our family we are in a state of many points of indecision and pending choices. Waiting for God to direct us and light the path. So we wait.

The waiting can be excruciating.

Piece by piece, God would reveal something. Another piece of the puzzle.

God brought a woman into my life who prays fervently for me and my family. Can I just tell you that no one has ever given me a greater gift than that. I take that back. Jesus- my salvation- that was my greatest gift. But for God to draw someone’s heart in such a way that they fervently pray for you?

I know prayer is crucial in our walk with the Lord. I’ve read many books on prayer. Heard sermons on the topic. All the time, “I’ll pray for you.” Or “let’s just pray about it.”

My mentor is a living example of the enormous power of prayer, and I am asking myself, “Why in the world have I not utilized this power in bigger ways?”

Billy Graham once said one of his regrets is that he didn’t pray more. This is shocking because we know he was a praying man.

That is the thing with prayer. It’s an endless supply of God’s power. It’s a line of communication that never fails, never disconnects. As you taste it, you want more.

I told my husband last week that I’ve never in my life felt more in the center of God’s will. He paused. I paused. How to articulate that thought? Nothing has changed in our state of waiting on all fronts. The only thing that has changed with me is that I’m spending far more time in prayer than I have before. It’s that sitting with the Father, knowing He’s right there with me, hearing me, speaking to me. Then I move on and time after time, my jaw drops through the day as I see God over and over again.

It’s as if the more I pray, the more I see God. This seems so common sense. But we get busy, we race from here to there, we desire to serve and love, to share and give. And all these wonderful things, but sometimes we miss the very best thing. God in our ordinary. I am seeing the more I pray, the more I see God.

Do we want to see a miracle? Pray for God to open our eyes. God is performing miracles all the time.  He’s the same God who parted the Red Sea. He is still the God who healed the blind and made the lame walk. That same God resides in us and works through us.

Prayer is opening my eyes to see miracles masquerading as ordinarily normal. Prayer is changing my heart and my desires. Prayer is changing how I see relationships and people.

God has given us a gift of prayer. Access to Him around the clock. The more time we spend talking to Him, the more madly in love we fall. Nothing in this world can compare to that.

Prayer is the thing we often feel we don’t have time for. Yet, it’s the thing that fuels our ability to do life to the level we desire.

The boys are seeing a shift as well. I see it in their prayer life. I once heard a wise mom say, “We can’t lead our children in faith further than we ourselves have gone.” If I spend my time in prayer only blessing meals and saying bedtime prayers with them, how will they see the living God who is actively working in the cracks of the day?

Zachary jumped in the car after school one day and the tears were on the edge of spilling, “I just have so much homework. I’ll never get it all done.”

Initially, I responded, “I’m sure it’s not that much. You will get it all done.”

This didn’t help as he began to tell me how I didn’t understand.

“Well, let’s just pray.”

“Mom, please don’t close your eyes while you pray and drive.”

Smiling, I assured him I’d put safety first. We thanked God for our school and the loving people in our lives. We thanked Him for the beautiful day and the gift of a safe and loving home to do this work. Then we asked Him to increase Zachary’s productivity, give him clarity and organization of thought, order his time in such a way that he does an excellent job staying focused and giving it his all.

After getting home and settled, Zachary appeared in the kitchen wearing a new face. Radiating with excitement, he said, “It worked! I can’t believe it, but I’m done with everything.” Thirty seconds later I heard the steady dribble of the basketball on the driveway.

We had bigger issues to pray through. One in particular that will affect our entire family. We discussed it with the boys, who initially were not happy with the issue at hand. Much disagreement voiced around the table.

“Let’s begin to pray. I trust that God will direct our hearts and draw us into unity over this decision.”

Within days, trickle by trickle, I saw hearts changing, unity forming. Amazing. Only God. Only through prayer.

My tendency is to think of all I’ve missed in my christian walk by not praying more. But I am not going there. Instead I’m thanking God for His gentle hand lifting open the lids of my eyes to His glory and the gift of constant conversation with the Creator of my soul.

P.S. One of my favorite books on prayer is by Timothy Keller. Prayer – Experiencing Awe and Intimacy with God. Remember when I said last year, I finished few christian living, non-fiction books because they began to beat me over the head with the message and by mid-book, I’d gotten it. Not this book. I checked it out of the library and quickly realized I need to own it, mark it up, and read it again.

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My Proverbs 31 Friend – I want to be just like her

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Proverbs 31:26 “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her lips.”

As newlyweds and brand new christians, Steve and I attended a young married Sunday school class. It was pivotal in our walk with the Lord.

The first time the girl across the room spoke, I felt an immediate conviction from the Holy Spirit. In my heart, I had already categorized her. Oh, my shallowness. She was strikingly beautiful, so well put together, that I put up heart walls because I was certain we would have nothing in common.

She spoke, and wisdom fell on those of us who had the privilege to be in that class. Each week I found myself hoping she would speak up. She spoke when needed, never over speaking or dominating the class. Always with wisdom. Always with faithful instruction.

Her faith was different. Deep. Mature. I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to one day love the Lord like that.

Her son was diagnosed with leukemia. I followed her caring bridge page. Each post I read through tears, and at the conclusion, I found myself saying, “I simply can’t imagine having a faith like that when faced with something like this.” I wanted a faith like hers. A faith that trusted in God no matter what nightmare I lived through. A faith that loved God boldly and clung to His promises. A faith that longed for His courts.

Our family moved states, her family moved states, we lost contact.

In 2011 our family moved to North Carolina. I googled “nearby churches offering summer Bible study”. Lake Norman Baptist Church was top on the list and childcare was free. I signed up. During class I heard someone say the name Tara Reeves. I thought to myself, “I know a Tara Reeves. It couldn’t be the same one.”

Our family ended up attending another church for a couple of years and in 2015, we found ourselves back at Lake Norman Baptist. I heard her name again. This time I went exploring to discover it was the same Tara Reeves. And she lived in my neighborhood. And we went to the same church. How like the Lord.

I’d always known Tara from afar. I admired her from a distance. I knew her faith was genuine and went to places mine had never been. But when I began to truly know her is when I discovered the depth of her beautiful soul.

When I became the women’s ministry leader at our church, Tara and I had coffee together. I wanted her to speak at our women’s retreat. I knew that our women would be blessed beyond blessed to sit under her teaching for 3 days.

I called Steve after mine and Tara’s coffee date and said, “She is one of the most real people I’ve ever known. She is so transparent. And she genuinely cares for people.”

Recently, I went to her youngest daughter’s birthday party. Again I left her presence deeply impressed. Not impressed by her beautiful home, but impressed with her TRUE gift of hospitality. You felt loved in her home. Deeply loved. And known.

Tara is a living example of the difference from being a good hostess and being hospitable. Anyone can be a hostess, but you have to really love people well to be hospitable.

Her home was one of the prettiest I’ve seen, but she couldn’t care less about the appearance of her home. She cared about the hearts in those walls. Toddlers and teens in and out, eating and drinking throughout. Not once did she bat an eye over dropped crumbs or spilled drinks. The birthday cake was full of green icing. All these little kids with icing fingers, and she never asked them to wipe their hands as they left the dining room. All you saw was that she loved having her home filled with the people she loves.

I want to be just like that.

The girl loves Jesus so big. And THAT. That is why she loves people so big. People over stuff.

She cares deeply for people. At the party she told a story about her teens wanting to give a few friends candy grams at school, and she had them send one to every student so no one would be left out. At the retreat, a large group of us were attempting to arm knit scarves. I messed up from the beginning and had a heap of yarn at my feet. We were all struggling to be crafty and when the instructor was helping people, Tara was concerned about me being left behind. She spoke up, “Can you help Renee? She needs help.” She said it twice. Truly concerned that no one feel left out. At the retreat, she did an experiment that took longer than she’d hoped. She let the clock tick away so that each person participated despite it cutting into her time to teach.

She loves well.

I want to be just like that.

I could go on, but I won’t. She will be deeply embarrassed by this post, but I needed you to know the heart behind her outer beauty. She is one of the most beautiful people inside that I’ve ever known.

She makes the enemy tremble. That is how great her faith is. How bold she is for Jesus. You will always know where she stands.

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She happens to also be the author of my 2 favorite children’s books. I’m giving one away tomorrow. But don’t wait for the giveaway. Order multiple copies today. Keep a stack in your closet. You will want to give one at every kid’s birthday party, Christmas, baptism, etc.

The Pirate and the Firefly : A boy, a bug, and a lesson in wisdom

The Knight and the Firefly: A boy, a bug, and a lesson in bravery

I only recommend what I love. If I didn’t know Tara, I would still be telling you to get these books for your kids and everyone you know. But I know her. And the heart behind these books.

People like this in our lives are the sweetest gifts from the Lord. She is a treasure, which I’m humbled by. The Lord is too good to me. He has filled my life with the most amazing hearts and souls.

I can only attempt to imagine the joy in Heaven surrounded by people like Tara the Lord has dropped into my life.

We all need people like this in our life. If we don’t have them, we pray for them. God will bring these people into your life. I promise He will do it. We have to be open and transparent to allow them in. If we are private and reserved, it’s hard to penetrate.

Tomorrow I’m giving away a copy of The Pirate and the Firefly. Giveaway will be a drawing at random. Share this post and tag me on social media. Like or comment on my Facebook page. Comment here. Subscribe to the blog. Blog subscribers are automatically entered to win.

Ends tomorrow at noon.

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The Call of God is Terrifying – Are You Listening?

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When God calls us to something, it can be downright frightening.

I posted this picture on instragram. It was a reminder to me that sometimes the road ahead is foggy, but the path right in front is clear. It takes trust to simply hold His hand and walk along the lit path, not knowing what’s in the fog. Trust is a choice.

Each believer is called into ministry. Some into the pulpit, some behind a screen, some in the washing of dishes and windows, some in the changing of diapers and the caring of elderly. Our entire life is to be one of ministry because our life isn’t supposed to be about us. Our life is to be spent glorifying God, not ourselves. We glorify God when we are using the gifts He placed in us in the service of others.

Over the weekend the Lord shook me to the core. I have yet to steady myself.

For those of you who have been readers for a long time, you have followed my meandering path of public ministry. A family devotion published, a call into speaking, a growing blogging platform. More writing opportunities. But then God.

You have a “but then God” experience too don’t you? We all do. Where you see the direction God is leading you, then He takes you on a turn. You can fight the turn or bend with Him. I’ve done both.

In those “but then” moments, it’s so natural to try to figure out what God is doing. I’m learning it’s really none of my business to know what God is doing. Rather it’s every bit my business to cling to His hand and say, “Let’s go. Take me where you want me to go.”

With the growth of my online ministry came territories that simply didn’t sit well with me. I’ve talked about this before. The idea that if you want to write a book, you need an enormous following. I just struggle with that. Something about developing a following I despise. Besides I tend to be a small group girl. I like an intimate setting with a few close friends over a party where I can’t spend quality time with the people I love.

The reason I have a hard time with this, is that it’s so easy to justify to suit our internal desires that walk a fine line. What part of my ego is fed when my platform grows? How much am I enjoying the praise of my work? It just seems dangerous to me. But it’s not for everyone.

My “but then God” moment came when I was asked to lead our women’s ministry at church. Prior to that I felt God calling me to focus on my smaller assignments. This was a relief. I could let go of the desire to grow in order to encourage believers, I could focus on the individual assignments He brought me.

The Lord intervened to be sure I took the women’s ministry role, and now I know why. The blessing in serving these women is something I’ve never experienced in my entire life. Ever. I had no idea the joy the Lord had waiting for me in these roles that appear so small, but are actually eternally important.

I feared taking the leadership role for many reasons. Leading women online is easier. I was scared of the difficult task of leading hundreds of women face to face!

My fears were fierce.

Fear #1 – Failure. What if I was a horrible leader? What if I just couldn’t spin one more plate? Would this take away from my number one ministry- my family?

Fear #2 – Unknown- I didn’t know where this would lead. I knew the path I had been on in my writing and speaking ministry. It had become familiar to me. Comfortable. God often loves to take us out of the comfy zone right when things get cozy. Just about when I start relying on myself more than Him.

Fear #3 – Rejection – What if the women didn’t like me?

Fear #4 – Embarrassment – What if I fall flat on my face and have to suffer humiliation?

Then I wondered something. Why should my ministry be protected from humiliation, embarrassment, unknown, or failure even? Jesus suffered all except failure. Jesus never failed, not once. But the enemy hopes we fear failing to the point of shying away from living our life fully spent for God.

God intervened. He made it so I took the role. I’ve never in my life felt more joy for the hours that I spend my day apart from serving my family.

Over the weekend, we had our winter women’s retreat. The theme the Lord placed on my heart was Hearts Ablaze.

Luke 24:32 So they said to each other, “Weren’t our hearts ablaze within us while He was talking with us on the road and explaining the Scriptures to us?”

Retreats are life changing, life shaping, life shaking experiences. If you’ve never been to one. Go. Sign up soon.

The Lord set hearts ablaze last weekend.

Watching the Lord on display among these women….there’s just nothing like it. I don’t get to see this when I write on my blog! This was such a gift to see in person!

My faith has doubled, possibly tripled since taking this role in October.

I’ve learned it had nothing to do with me. I feared following God because I was so focused on myself, my efforts, my failures, my, my, my. But when God practically forced me in, He showed me right away, within minutes actually, that it had only to do with my yes, my submission to Him, my obedience. That is all.

The Lord wants our yes. Our full surrender to Him.

He didn’t need me to understand the path. He didn’t need me to have it all figured out. He just needs me to become bendable. Is He asking you to become bendable too?

I wondered how I would get to know the women so I could know who had which gifts and who should serve where. Silly me. It was wasted worry. God had gone way ahead and prepared the way. He literally brought the women straight to me with their gifts. There were no questions. He had prepared their hearts already. They were ready for action.

Now my fear has become that women will give me credit that only belongs to God. Honestly, I’m not doing anything it seems. I think that is what happens when we say yes and know we are saying yes to the right thing. That thing just happens supernaturally.

What is happening among the women at our church can only be of God. Truly. No person can change hearts. No person can set hearts ablaze. Not the kind that lasts anyway.

To see it all working together this weekend was overwhelming. All the variety of gifts, so drastically different from one another, yet together in such amazing love and unity. When united by Christ, there is no room for division.

There were moments during worship that I simply wept at His goodness poured out on us. He is too good. And my heart breaks for the lost who have never believed that He is good.

I’d not trade this role for anything. No amount of money, no fancy vacation, no mansion. Nothing in this entire world compares to complete joy found solely in Him. Nothing.

Over and over I kept thanking Him for allowing me to lead these women. What an incredible honor and blessing. And to think, I almost missed it because I was afraid to give God my yes. My all in yes. My full submission yes. I almost missed the blessings He is raining on me.

Saying yes to God is the most humbling experience. That moment of total surrender, you realize how tiny you actually are in the sight of a mighty God. Yet, He reaches down and says, “I have special gifts for you. Open your hands, daughter. Receive what I have for you.”

Is there something God is asking you to say yes to? Don’t focus on the big yes’s. Where does it look small, but is actually enormous?

Is God asking you to turn your stay at home days into full time ministry? Right where you are, with the people you are already with? To become intentional in pointing your children to Jesus moment by moment? Don’t discount what seems small.

Is God asking you to say yes to a daily quiet time? To reading your Bible daily? To spending an hour a week talking to someone in a mentoring relationship? To serving in an area that feels uncomfortable?

Ask God today what it is He wants you to say yes to. Let’s spend our lives well. Every ounce poured out for Him, saving none for later. He will replenish daily. Remember the manna?

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