10 Ways To Teach Your Kids To Give More And Want Less At Christmas

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We would love for our kids to think less of themselves and more of others during the Christmas season (and all year long, really). Our job is to guide and model to them how this is possible. Culture is going to hailstorm them with messages of “It’s all about you.” Commercialism will create the monster named “I Want This” inside our children. Retailers will tantalize us with their displays and beckon our children to not just want but to desperately need what they are selling.

As parents we wonder how we can possibly fight against the way of culture. How do we create children who understand the meaning of Christmas and have hearts that desire to give more and receive less? It seems an overwhelming task.

When faced with what seems impossible, I like to look at the small piece of possible.

What can I do that sends the opposite message to my children than the message retailers are sending? Here’s a few ideas you might find helpful in growing kids who have hearts of giving in a season that tells them to get, get, and get some more.

  1. Don’t ask them to create a Christmas wish list – Don’t get mad at me. But your kids will give you enough hints that you can write down a few ideas without them spending hours creating a list of everything they could ever possibly want. This also keeps their expectations lower. When my kids have created lists, then don’t receive what is on their list, I’ve seen the disappointed looks. On the other hand, if they only drop hints, they don’t fully expect to get those items. It’s a bit of psychology I suppose. If we want our kids to think less of themselves and more of others, then we can make one simple change at Christmas by not asking them to think of what they want.
  2. Throw away the catalogues – One of my children loves to look at toy catalogues. He finds items he never knew existed then suddenly can’t live without them. I try to save him the anxiety and throw the catalogues out before they ever make it inside. If we don’t know it exists, we don’t want something we don’t need.
  3. Christmas Blessing List – Create a list that you post in a visible spot where members of the family keep a list of all the ways they have seen the gifts of Christmas. We define gifts of Christmas as the gifts of hope, love, peace, and joy. Where did we give one of these gifts, where did we see one of these gifts, or where did we receive one of these gifts. It’s a daily hunt for the blessings of Christmas. Training our kids to see beyond themselves and look for blessings. You could even make this a fun game that when the family reaches 100, you go out for ice cream. A little incentive for the littles (or bigs) to give a blessing more often than normal.
  4. Limit visits to stores – Does this sound impossible? It’s really not if we are a little creative with our shopping. I have begun to do most of my shopping online. When I need to visit a store, I try to arrange to go when my husband can be home with the kids, when they are in school, or swap babysitting with a friend. I realized when we hosted 2 orphans over the last couple of years how trips to stores seem to increase a child’s desire for more stuff. This should be common sense, but I didn’t realize it until I saw how these children would begin so content and the more stores we visited, the more stuff they began to ask for. They suddenly weren’t satisfied with what they had.
  5. Pick family missions or service projects – Our family prepares a meal to provide to a hospice patient on Christmas Day. We double the portion we are planning to prepare, package it up, and deliver on Christmas. It’s easy on Christmas Day to become absorbed in the gifts and festivities and lose sight of the ones suffering and grieving. Christmas isn’t joyous for everyone, but each of us can be a vehicle of sprinkling even the tiniest drops of joy into someone’s life. I’ll be posting ideas of family service projects in the coming weeks.
  6. Purchase gifts for others with their own money – If your child has their own money tucked away, it’s a good idea to have them use some of it to purchase a few small items for those they love. The Dollar Store is a great place they can get very small items inexpensively.
  7. Keep them busy serving – The more our kids serve, the less they think of themselves. The more I serve, the less focused I am on myself. Simple acts of kindness through the season will help loosen the hold of greed.
  8. Create family traditions – Traditions are what kids remember more than the gifts. It can be the simplest of moments, but the more time families spend creating memories and traditions, the less focus is given to the gifts. Kids will look forward to the events rather than the material gifts. The value of time and experience will grow larger in their hearts than gifts. Family traditions can be very small, and cost nothing or very little, but kids excitedly anticipate them each year.
  9. Set budgets and limits on gifts and communicate these to your children – I’m always surprised at the expectations of my children when compared to my own. I often forget that they create expectations based on fewer years than I have and often will place my own expectations on them. When I have communicated what our kids can expect at Christmas, they have never complained. If anything it has allowed them to let go of obsessing about what they will and won’t get. If they are told they will receive 5 gifts, they don’t expect more than that. If they are told they will receive one toy, a few clothing items, and a surprise item, they are more than ok with this. Sometimes when we are trying to decrease the size of Christmas, it is easier than we realize. We just have to communicate it to the kids.
  10. Gratitude Journal – A thankful heart produces contentment while leaving less room for discontentment, which is the root of many “wants”. The more we focus on what we have to be thankful for, the less we focus on what we don’t have. It’s a change in how we view life. We spotlight the thanks and the desires become dimmer.

Share your ideas with us. How does your family balance the commercialism of Christmas and cultivate hearts not consumed with material gifts?

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31 Ways To Pray For Your Kids

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In May I attended a writers conference and had the honor of meeting an author I admire and respect so much. He ended up being one of my favorite instructors at the conference with his humor and wit. Bob Hostetler has a new app available to help us parents pray intentionally for our kids.

I love that each day has a specific prayer topic, a beautiful picture, and a verse to pray along with. The app allows you to set a reminder, which was very helpful for me. I start out my day praying for my children, but often intend to pray for them throughout the day only to find the day became busier than I intended, and time slipped away. No matter how busy I found myself, the alarm would sound, I’d open the app, and I’d take a moment to pray specifically for each of my children.

This app gave me topics to pray for my kids that I had not been praying about. It helped me to move outside of my “normal” prayer topics to go a little deeper in my prayer life for my kids. Some days I simply breathed out the verse of the day in prayer for my kids. Other days, the app provided a springboard for me to dive deeper into a prayer topic.

I highly recommend this app if you find yourself wanting to become more intentional in your prayer life for your children.

You can download 31 Ways To Pray For Your Kids here.

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Bob Hostetler is an award-winning writer, editor, and speaker from southwestern Ohio. His books, which include the award-winning Don’t Check Your Brains at the Door (co-authored with Josh McDowell) and The Red Letter Life, have sold over 3 million copies. He has won two Gold Medallion Awards, four Ohio Associated Press awards, and an Amy Foundation Award. He is the founding pastor of Cobblestone Community Church in Oxford, Ohio. He and his wife Robin have two grown children, Aubrey and Aaron, who have given them five beautiful grandchildren.

 

 

 

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

15 Non-Toy Gift Ideas To Give Kids At Christmas

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Ready or not Christmas is around the corner. For many, this brings excitement. For others, it brings stress.

I’m speaking to several groups this holiday season on moving from stress to simplicity to splendor during the Christmas season. I thought it would be fun to take a little poll to see what stresses everyone out and solutions they have discovered. I will be sharing tips to simplifying the season over the coming weeks.

TOO MANY PRESENTS!

Today, I share a common stressor. Too many presents! One of the most common complaints I hear is this, “We have to clean out and purge toys before Christmas because the grandparents buy so much stuff.” 

Or

“We have asked relatives to simplify gift giving, but it is X’s love language, and she just can’t help herself. She brings bags and bags of toys each Christmas.”

Or

“We can never think of anything to get our kids because they have so much stuff.”

This may seem like something silly to be stressed about, but it’s actually not so silly.

When you are trying to model the true spirit of Christmas being about Christ and not material gifts, it’s really hard when kids are bombarded with the gifts. And what kid doesn’t like loads and loads of presents?

A closely related stressor for many people is the materialism and consumerism of Christmas. The pressure of gift buying, the draining bank account, and the ungrateful attitudes that begin to develop.

SOLUTION TO TOO MANY PRESENTS

If you have been a reader here for awhile, you know I love to talk about creating memories and traditions. When our kids were little, we asked the grandparents to try to limit the amount of toys they gave our kids. Toys were bursting through every crevice of our home, and the more our kids had, the less they actually played. At the same time, we wanted them to have something that went beyond Christmas morning- something of value, something that could create a memory.

We began incorporating more experience types of gifts.

About 2 weeks after Christmas, our kids were unable to list the toys they received. And they certainly couldn’t identify who gave them what because there was so much stuff, nothing had much value. However, the gifts they clearly remember and still talk about are the ones that created memories.

I love memory-creating, experience-happening gifts. One year our kids received a day of snow-skiing lessons from the grandparents as a Christmas gift. One year Andrew received 8 weeks of swimming lessons. One year our kids received season passes to the local amusement park. They enjoyed that gift for months and even created sweet memories with the grandparents.

Not only do we as parents love these gifts more, our kids do as well. Even if they don’t realize it now, they will later in life.

When they outgrow the latest video game, the newest all-the-rage toy people wake at 3:00am to fight for, they will not outgrow the memories they created with a gift that is a moment with you or an experience they can hold onto.

Here’s a list of alternative types of Christmas gifts:

  • Lessons– sports, music, art, etc. Do you have a child who wants to play the guitar? Do you have a baseball player who wants a few batting lessons? Do you have a budding artist? Giving a gift such as lessons also begins to instill gratitude and appreciation in a child. They begin to see the gift and sacrifice in something such as piano lessons rather than simply expecting they are entitled to it.
  • Sports registration– season of team soccer and a pair of new cleats, session of swim lessons and a swim bag. Sports registrations are expensive, again this is another way to teach children to appreciate the gift of playing team sports rather than simply believing they are entitled to play.
  • Movie passes with a box of candy and a popcorn bucket. We love taking our kids to the movie theater, but it’s a rare treat for our family of 5. Giving the gift of movie passes allows us to enjoy movie trips through the year we wouldn’t normally be able to enjoy.
  • Hotel night away– use points earned from travel or credit cards to save more money. This is meant to be very inexpensive and not extravagant at all. Really focusing on the simplicity of time together. Grab pizza, play games in the room, swim in the pool, just being together away from home.
  • Tickets to favorite sporting event -MLB, NHL, NFL.
  • Gift cards to favorite restaurants
  • A favorite camp. Camps are expensive, and many kids love summer camps. This is a great way to give a gift they will get to enjoy months after Christmas has passed.
  • Books, books, more books. Now, I don’t feel about books the way I do about toys. I think one can’t possibly have too many books. And books are a wonderful way for children to spend time together with their parents as well.
  • A special date night. This takes a little creativity but would be so special to a child and something they would always remember. If you are a grandpa who likes to fish and one of your grandkids likes to fish, plan a special fishing date for the just the 2 of you. Wrap up a little tackle box of a few fishing supplies with a note inside for a private fishing date.
  • Future project together. Are you a grandma who loves to sew? Plan a day of sewing a special project piece with your granddaughter. Wrap up all the supplies and a picture of what you will create together along with a little note about the date you will do this. Are you a dad who loves woodworking? Gift a project date for you and your son to build a project together. Just the 2 of you.
  • Coupon book of 12 one-on-one dates for the year. One coupon a month. The activities should not be expensive or extravagant but should focus on doing something in particular with that child. A trip to a favorite ice cream shop. An evening walk or bike ride. An early morning breakfast out when everyone else sleeps.
  • A collection– coins, baseball cards, stamps. Collections are fun for kids, but even more fun when someone they love gets excited with them and takes part.
  • Groupons for bowling or skating. Each year we purchase a groupon to the local bowling alley.
  • Family gifts– One year we received a popcorn machine from my dad, and one year he gave us a soda machine. These have been so much fun for our family to use on movie nights or when friends come over.
  • Trip supplies – Are you planning a trip next year? Find a way to include aspects of that trip into their Christmas gift. Are you planning a ski trip? Give ski lift tickets and new gloves as part of their gift.

Kids love time. Kids love moments. Kids love experiences. Kids also love stuff. But stuff doesn’t give much beyond the moment. Time, memories, and experiences go far beyond Christmas.

As a bonus, when you give gifts that you don’t necessarily buy at a store, you effectively combat the consumerism of Christmas. Spend less and give more.

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A Letter To Me (and all moms)- What We Need To Remember Before We Open The Screen

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[box] Today’s post is in response to the requests of many of you. The ones who wrote to me and said, “It’s not my kids who I need to limit their electronic usage, it’s myself.” Or those of you who wrote me and said, “I’m afraid I am the one who is missing out because I can’t put down my phone.” Or the ones who simply said, “Can you write something for us, parents?” The letter I wrote to my boys about why we limit their electronics is viewed at numbers that leave me speechless. Since June I continue to receive emails that leave me in tears. You have asked me to write to husbands, which I did, to ourselves, which I’m doing, and to wives, which I hope to do.

Here’s the thing, technology is wonderful when placed within proper boundaries. It doesn’t take long before it begins to creep out of its boundaries. It doesn’t mind breaking rules. It’s time we put technology back where it belongs. As a helper, not a master.[/box]

Dear Me,

Do you remember the way he handed you the little baby acorn attached to a bigger acorn? The way he said, “Mommy, look it’s a me and you one?” The softness of his still chubby fingers placed in yours. Remember the way you breathed in his freshly shampooed hair as you kissed his forehead with a thank you? Remember the way his eyes said more than his lips uttered?

It was a moment. One single moment in time, never to be another exactly like it. Yes, other moments will be, Lord willing, some may even resemble it. But that moment passed. Build a collection of those moments. Fill books and books with moments. Moments write the story of life. Real life.

Too much time on the screen and you will miss the acorn moments. You won’t realize you are missing them because you are still there. Physically there. If your head is down, he may decide not to offer you the acorn next time. Or he may not think it resembles the “me and you.” He needs your eyes to fully connect to you. He needs to talk to you while looking into your eyes. Hearts connect through the eyes not the screen.

He is good at knowing the difference in you being partly there or fully there. One day he won’t be there at all. And you will have all the time you want for the screen.

The screen doesn’t play fair. You see it won’t sass talk you. It won’t argue. It won’t spill milk. It won’t cry for no reason at all. It’s very predictable. Its mood stays the same from day to day. It doesn’t need anything from you. Instead it tells you to come to it and it will give you a break from the stress of life. It beckons you to escape.

I know the acorn moments don’t equal the tantrum moments, the moments of defiance and disobedience, the moments of accidents in pants when we are too old for accidents in pants. The moments of sibling fighting and hurtful words. Yes, I know the majority of your day isn’t filled with acorn moments.

You need the acorn moments. It’s the acorn moments that lend sweetness to balance the bitter and sour moments that will follow. You need as many acorn moments as you can bank.

Much of your day feels exhausting, stressful, chaotic, and busy. Yes, this is part of life too. It’s tempting to pick up that phone to get away from it all. It’s right at your fingertips. It promises to make you smile, to make you laugh, to make you smarter, to make you more interesting. It promises. But it lies.

Remember that a beautiful life isn’t filled with only beautiful moments. A deeply satisfying life isn’t one where everything is worthy of a post. A beautiful life isn’t what it looks like on the outside, it’s how you view it from the inside. The screen shades your view.

Some of the most meaningful moments are the ones that can’t be shared online. Life needs you fully engaged to handle each moment that comes your way.

Life is a collection of moments. Fleeting moments. Here today, gone in….a moment. They will not all look worthy of a Pinterest pin. They will not all win you mother of the year. But they all play a role in the story of your life. The screen will shield your view of the full story. It’s like starting and stopping a page turner when all you really want is a solid hour to sit and read 2 chapters. The screen makes you go through the story of your life reading only a few sentences at a time, setting it down, picking it up. At the end of the book, you won’t remember the intricacies of the plot, the parts of your favorite characters that sucked you into their lives. You will have snippets. Because that is how you went through life. One snippet at a time.

Don’t experience life in snippets. Experience life fully. Put down the phone. Walk away from the computer. Screens will snippet your moments.

What you need most is a life filled with soul-filling moments that carry you through the seasons of change and the seasons of struggle. 

The screen moments are like empty calories for your soul. You will be temporarily filled. It creates subtle cravings that bring you back for more. It promises to satisfy longer each time, and you will believe it. Especially on the days you are tired of hearing the name “mom” called ceaselessly. Or the days the whining and crying has short circuited your nerves and left you desperate for anything other than what you are experiencing in that moment. The moments of weakness are the times it will draw you in the most.

I know you are busy. I know you are exhausted. I know you crave intellectual stimulation and conversation. I know you want to feel connected to the world. Many days as a mom you are left bored, disconnected, and feeling unimportant. I know that when you catch up online, you feel smarter, you feel wiser, you shared a few laughs.

Remember a screen won’t hand you an acorn. A screen won’t place its hand in yours. A screen won’t make an impression on your heart that will remain for life. You will read this letter and likely forget it. You won’t forget the acorn moments.

Now, close this letter and go make your moments.

andrew acorn

 

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Dear Boys, Why I Won’t Tell You I’m Proud of Your Home Run

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Photo credit: Justin Anovick

Dear Boys,

I love watching you play baseball. Not because I want to see you hit a home run, not because I want to see you make the play, not because I want to see you win tournaments. But because I get to see your character tested and developed. When you lace up those cleats, remember it’s not just a game, it’s more than a game. You’ve heard us say, “It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about how you play the game.” When we say ‘it’s about how you play the game’, we are talking about the heart you play the game with, the attitude you have. We are not talking about your skills, performance, and results. It’s heart and attitude.

Tournaments and games are tough when you play teams that take little league to a different level. It’s tough to hear opposing coaches screaming and parents on the other side mouthing off comments about missed balls and errors in the field. But don’t let that drag you down. Don’t let that dampen your love for the game. Baseball offers more than just a game. Life lessons are played out on that field, and you have an opportunity to be a champion for Christ. In life you have to learn to tune out the negative and tune in to your purpose.

We live in a see all world. Performance and results seem to be king. We don’t have to post pictures on social media of our tournament trophies to be champions. The sweetest successes are the ones not easily recognized. While the social media likes may not accumulate, your Father in Heaven is cheering you on to the quieter triumphs.  This world will tempt you to gain recognition. Fight the temptation to look to the world to validate you.

Don’t strive for the glory of a trophy. Strive for the glory God receives when you play the game for Him. With attitude and heart. Sometimes a trophy will follow, but when you play for Him, often the joy won’t come from something that sits on a shelf. It will come from something that takes root in your heart.

Hitting a home run is fun, but striking out is golden. If you never strike out, how can you understand the sweetness of hitting that ball to the fence? And how can you offer words of encouragement to your teammate that walks into the dugout after his 3rd strike out of the game? Striking out with grace positions you to appreciate the gift of the home run. And when you experience that, you have something to offer your teammate.

You will rarely hear me tell you I’m proud of the hits you got, the plays you made, or the runs you scored. Here is what makes me proud.

When the kid joins the team that’s new to the game and you pat his back and welcome him. That makes me proud. When you embrace him and cheer him on. When you take the time to notice the catch he made and you high-five him with a genuine sincerity. That makes me proud. Looking to build others up, not only strengthen your own game. That makes me proud.

When your team is losing, and you hear parents hollering from the sides with tones lacking encouragement, and you cheer on your team anyway. When you don’t hang your head in defeat, but raise your head to the challenge and the lessons. When you shout out to your team to remind them that you are all together and you can do this. Encouragement. That makes me proud.

When you lose a game and you come home reflecting, can you look back and see where you can improve and own up to your own mistakes without pointing out the errors all your teammates made? Ownership of our own faults and mistakes. That makes me proud.

When the opposing team makes an amazing catch, can you place yourself in that child’s shoes? Can you feel the disappointment of what that catch meant for your team while at the same time telling him, “Great catch!”? That makes me proud.

When you’ve not been satisfied with your game, and you practice hard. When you realize anything worth achieving takes a lot of hard work. And then you work. That makes me proud. When you hit a home run, when you make the big play, when you score a run because you’ve been working hard. It’s the effort you gave to improving that makes me proud.

As you get older, you will find that our world leans towards a view of a one-man game. Baseball is not a one-man game. Neither is life. As you get older, remember the game of baseball. Remember that life is a team game too. Life takes a pitcher, a catcher, infielders, and outfielders. Life takes the gifts and talents of many. And life takes more encouragement than we have to offer. So offer it as often as you can.

You will hear a lot of talk about stats. You will hear a lot of talk about records. You will hear and see a lot of getting ready for the next level. But I want you to hear this. Baseball and life are more than stats, more than trophies, more than steals and wins. It’s about how you play the game that matters most. Play with integrity. Play with honesty. Play with passion. Play with love. Play with excitement. Play with courage.

You can be a champion without a trophy or medal to prove it. Your main audience is not in the stands by the dugout. He is up in Heaven, gifting you, preparing you, and cheering for you. When you play the game, play with all the heart He created in you. Play as if you are playing for the Lord. When you do that, you will be a champion.

With all my love,

Mom

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When Sibling Bickering Escalates

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Dear Boys,

The button pushing has reached new heights. It was sly the way it snuck in on us. A few times that I let slide opened the door further. A few more times multiplied like gremlins doused with water. Suddenly we found ourselves in a situation of running from alarm to alarm, to the sounds of crying, yelling, and name calling. Bruised hearts remained long after the “I’m sorry’s” were uttered.

Don’t believe the lie that sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. It’s a complete lie. Words are like a dagger, a sword, a baseball bat right to the tender spots. Those parts that you open to the ones you trust, and when the words come from the ones you’ve allowed in, the bruise is darker and takes longer to heal. When you think it’s healed, the scar remains. Every so often the scar begins to ache with memory pains.

So, words. They are worse than sticks and stones. Use your words wisely. I’ll be writing more to you on words later. But today let’s talk about button pushing.

Do you know what I mean when I say, “Stop pushing your brother’s buttons!”? It simply means stop provoking him to anger. When you look at him in a way you know he despises, you are pushing a button. Now I know he has his own sin issues in allowing himself to be so easily frustrated and irritated, but we can’t control or change someone else’s sin. What we can control is ourselves! When you push your brother’s button, you are provoking him. In your sin, you make him sin. And we all end up in some ugly looking sins.

Sometimes we don’t see our errors. Today, I want to help you see your errors through God’s Word.

Psalm 19:12 Who can discern his errors. Forgive my hidden faults.

Put this letter down and pray Psalm 19:12. Ask God to forgive your hidden faults and ask Him to help you discern your errors.

Do you know what the Bible calls what I call a button pusher? A mocker.

Proverbs 21:24 The proud and arrogant man – “Mocker” is his name; he behaves with overweening pride.

So the behavior of a mocker is one of extreme pride. My Bible notes say this about mocker “Those who are proud and arrogant, who are full of insults, hatred and strife, who resist correction even though they deserve flogging.”

We won’t be flogging you, but do you see how serious this is? That description is not who you are. This is not a description of your heart at the core of who you are. When you push buttons, you are acting not true to yourself, to your true nature and character. You are not reflecting the love of God and glorifying Him.

Proverbs 22:10 Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; quarrels and insults are ended

Do you know why I send you out of the room when you begin to push buttons? Because when I drive out the mocker, the fighting stops, the insults stop, the name calling is over. I don’t want to drive you away. And I know you don’t want to be driven away.

But you know what else? When you are a button pusher, you push others away from you. And I know that isn’t what you really want either.

Here’s the bottom line. We are sinners. All of us. It’s ugly. It makes us react and behave in ways we dislike. This is where grace enters the picture again. Grace we will never stop talking about. It’s central to our entire lives. I will end this letter here because as you know, I could go on and on. Especially when we get to talking about grace.

When you go to bed tonight, ask God to forgive your hidden faults and help you discern your errors the next day. And when you are tempted to push that button on your brother, push pause first. Pause and pray. Remember who you belong to and who you represent. You don’t represent a mocker. You are a child of God.

With all my love,

Mom

Mocker

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What Our Kids Really Want Is A Mom Who Can Be More and Do Less

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If I stayed inside the house one more minute, I might seriously explode. Every time I turned around, a new mess called out to me. Every room I entered reminded me of something left undone. The soles of my feet were coated in crumbs from a floor in desperate need of attention.

Room to room I bit my tongue from lashing out. It was safer to keep my mouth closed because the anxiety in my heart threatened to spew on the ones I loved. No one tried to approach me. In fact, it seemed everyone in my home wanted to avoid me. The look on my face told them I was not happy with the state of the house, the noise level, the chaos. And when mama’s not happy, well….. it just gets ugly.

Running through my head were all the things I needed to do, all the people needing something from me, all the things I was supposed to have done last week, all the thoughts of what people must think, all the ways I’m failing, all the ways I can try to keep up. A serious boxing match was going on inside my head. I had to step out of the ring. I needed fresh air.

Grabbing a book and a blanket, I headed to the backyard. I collapsed on my back and stared at the sky for a few minutes. The clouds moved in a hypnotizing motion as I breathed deep of the breeze. Everything that seemed so pressing only moments before seemed to fade away. Moving away with the clouds.

My heart rate slowed, my breathing slowed. All the anxiety that held my shoulders so tightly began to dissipate. I prayed. I thanked. I asked.

I tried not to stress about what the kids were doing inside the house. I tried not to think of what I would walk into when I reentered the walls of our home.

The screen door slammed, the grass crunched under his feet as he made his way to my blanket. His 10-year-old body cast a shadow over my face as he stood over me, allowing me to open my eyes to see him.

“Hi, mom, can I read with you?”

“I’d love that.”

We sat and read. We only had about 15 minutes, but it was glorious. It was all I needed to regain my composure and be the mom I wanted to be.

My stillness drew my boy back to me. My stillness draws me closer to my Father.

My anxiety, the pressure I put on myself, pushed my kids away from me. When I stopped, when I walked away, when I slowed down, they drew back to me.

My kids don’t want a spotless house. They want an available mom. My kids don’t want a completed task list. They want to complete a board game. My kids don’t want a perfectly scheduled week. They want a spontaneous tickling match.

When my kids are grown, I don’t want them to remember me being grumpy because I was trying to achieve the unachievable. Or impress the unimpressible.

The reality is the life of a mom is hard. What is harder is the pressure we moms put on ourselves. The expectations we place on us are unachievable. The guilt of what we aren’t, the guilt of what we can’t do, the guilt of what we should’ve done only increases the fight to do more, try harder. It’s an endless, vicious cycle.

The only way to break the cycle is to pull out completely. Escape to fresh air to clear the head. To see the beauty right here.

You remember I said I have a little rebel that lives inside of me? The rebel is rearing its head again.

I need more stillness. I need more slow. My family needs me to be still more than they need me to be supermom. My family needs me to slow down more than they need me to set records for accomplishing more in a day than humanly possible.

Yesterday was mine and Steve’s 14 year anniversary. As he thought what I would like most for our anniversary, he decided it was time with him and time with God. At 5 am he woke with me, and we headed to the coffee maker. Coffee and Bibles we sat together and prayed for our marriage. Steve had done his homework and came prepared with a list of verses on marriage. We read them to each other.

That started my day slow. And still. The rest of the day I focused on doing what was necessary but allowing room for spontaneous. And when I tucked the boys into bed, I sat on the couch. This is unheard of in my house because I don’t watch tv. Ever. But the rebel in me decided I needed a break.

I did something radical. I watched a movie. (Mom’s Night Out…..highly recommend). This after a chain reaction of simple decisions through the day that turned out to be exactly what I needed. And it turned out to be one of the best days I can remember in the longest time. A lot of letting go. A lot of lowering the bar of my own expectations.

For the most part, I live in a constant state of doing. If I have free time, I will do something productive. Every minute of every day is filled with something. In the course of a day, I rarely, rarely, rarely do something just for fun. I rarely do something that has no purpose. Everything I do has a purpose and accomplishes something. And I’m tired. So I’m ushering in more stillness.

Life as a mom can look crazy ugly and crazy beautiful at the exact same moment. Being a mom is a high calling. High callings come at a high price.

When I stop doing, I start seeing. The doing will always be available. The seeing changes. I don’t want to miss seeing what is here to see right this very moment.

I want to be the wife of my husband’s dreams. I want to be the mom of my boys’ dreams. And what they want more than a beautiful home, gourmet meals, perfectly planned outings, and accomplished looking days is simply me. Doing less and being more.

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.

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