Ready Position

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“Ready position.  Right hand on bottom, buddy.”

Andrew switched his hands on the tennis racquet.  Two seconds later, the left hand slipped back to the bottom position.  Again.

Patiently, the instructor repeated himself. “Ok, buddy, ready position. Right hand on bottom.” “Nope, right hand on bottom.  You’ll get it.”

I watched this over and over and over again.  I wondered at what point I would see the tennis instructor throw the racquet in the air and call it a day.  At what point he would say ‘Enough is enough.  He won’t get it.’  He never did.  In fact, the tone of his voice never even hinted at frustration or lack of faith.

I watched as the instructor explained to Andrew what he expected him to do only to notice that Andrew wasn’t listening.  He was dialed in to the big kids playing a court away.  These weren’t just any big kids. They were the highly ranked players. He was mesmerized.  The look in his eyes told me all I needed to know.  That is what he wanted.  To play that way.  That is exactly what he had come for.

Now, I knew this before our first lesson, which is why I very carefully explained to him that he would not be playing actual matches or even against other players.  I explained how he would play fun games to learn how to play the sport.  If he could choose, he’d skip all of that. He’d get right to the match.

I thought back.  It’s summer time.  Golf lessons.  Andrew was the proudest monkey of the bunch.  Over and over again I could hear the instructor from 100 yards away.  “Andrew, ready position.  Nope.  Ready position.” Every. single. day. that. week.  The instructor never lost faith, never showed frustration.

Andrew focuses on what’s ahead and would prefer to skip what he calls ‘the boring parts’, what the rest of the world calls the important parts.  When he thinks of playing golf, he envisions a golf tournament.  When he thinks of playing tennis, he imagines himself smashing the ball across the court to his opponent.  He would prefer to skip right over the most important part – the foundation, the basics, the skills needed for future success.  And he struggles to keep his eyes locked on the instructor.  Instead he gazes at where he wants to go.

I feel a bit like Andrew these days.  I get him in this way.  When I decide to do something, my eyes tend to focus on the highly ranked players rather than the Instructor who is working with me one-on-one to prepare me for the match.

It’s a New Year, and my sights are set on the matches and tournaments down the road.  I’m struggling to keep my focus on the Instructor.

I have all these ideas swirling in my head.  Ideas for book #2, ideas for growing a ministry, ideas for Seeking Christmas next season, ideas for nurturing my family.  Ideas, ideas, and ideas.  I’d like to skip the in between and jump right to the implementation of it all.  But I can’t. I need to spend this time with my Instructor.

Here’s the thing.  These aren’t just ideas I’m holding onto.  They are passions that were awakened.  Something happened last fall to my desires.  When I began confronting fear, the desires emerged and ignited passions I didn’t know were hanging around.  They grew and began burning out the fear.  I confronted fear time and time again (because I had no choice, my book had been released- there was no turning back though I wanted to many times). Now that something inside has come awake, it wants to do more.

But now it’s January.  And it feels a bit like starting over.  I focus on all these ideas, these hopes, these dreams, these desires. I begin spending too much time watching the other court when I should be listening to my Instructor.  Suddenly, anxiety begins to replace passion. Suddenly, the fear I thought had lessened only changed shape.  The whispers within begin. The ones that are telling me I can’t do the things I want to do.

The Instructor never gives up.  Never loses faith.

If I listen closely, I hear something else.  If I listen closely, it quiets the whispers. While my eyes are on the other court, I hear it in the background.  “Ready position.  Right hand on bottom.  That’s it.  Ready position.  Right hand on bottom.  That’s it.”

One step at a time.  Whatever desires He places in our hearts, whatever dreams He creates for us to chase, whatever passions He inflames, He will continue to coach us in the process. Patiently.  No giving up.

No matter if it’s a small dream or what seems impossible, no matter if it is a small passion or one that would save the world, no matter- He is the creator of the dreams, hopes, and desires, and He will instruct us each step of the way.  If we are listening to His coaching – not watching the other court.

We must be in the ready position before we can handle the ball.  He protects our dreams and passions by reminding us to get ready.

“Ready position. Right hand on bottom.  That’s it.”

 

Slow Processor

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I watch as one of mine struggles to process information.  His brain receives it, and depending on the time, the day, the circumstances, it processes at different rates.  Early in his development, we noticed a few minor things that caused us to pause.  A disconnect of sorts. Sometimes he grasps concepts, sometimes he doesn’t.  No rhyme or reason can be found.  As he grows, we notice it more.  However, he is tenacious, strong-willed, hard-working, and passionate.  Just what the Lord knew would be needed to overcome a few disconnects.

The mama bear in me emerges at times.  I try to tame her. It’s not the mama bear wanting to protect her child that tries to break out (though she is there as well).  It’s the mama bear that wants to make it all ok.  To soothe, to explain, to make it all better.  I want all connections to exist.  I want everything firing well.  But the Lord planned differently.

This child is passionate about all things sports.  Any sport.  Anything physical.  And he is good.  Seriously, good.  I know we all say this about our littles.  I see certain passions the Lord has placed in him.  And I watch him try to overcome his inability to process information at the rate of other kids by excelling at his strengths.  Where understanding is lacking, brute force shows up.

With his inability to process information as quickly as other children, comes a need to remind him of things.  Not remind him of things he needs to do.  That is the exact opposite.  Simple instructions need be given once.  Get your shoes on.  Check.  Make your bed.  Check.  It’s the things he doesn’t hear over and over again that need reminding until he gets it.

I’m realizing how much I actually have in common with this child of mine.  I need a lot of reminding.  I usually do this through my writing.  I remind myself who goes before me.  I remind myself who I belong to.  I remind myself that I’m forgiven.  I remind myself to fear not.  I remind myself of truths over and over again.  Because I’m a bit slow to process the moments as they come, writing is a necessity for me.  It’s not merely an expression of my heart.

I’m a slow processor at times.  I need constant reminding. Most of what I write comes from a place of remembering something I already know.  I’ve just been slow to process it, and I need to remind myself again.  It’s sort of like a shepherd using his staff on himself.  His crook is intended to guide the herd, but when he turns it on himself, it does the same thing.  My writing might appear to be used to encourage and inspire the path of my readers, but it’s always turned towards me.  I need the gentle reminding of the shepherds hook.

The post I wrote titled A Letter to My Sons (the real reason I say no to electronics) served two purposes for me.  First, to explain my heart to my children.  Second, to remind myself why I say no.  What has taken me by surprise is the popularity of it.   This post has received more views in 2 days than all posts combined over the last 2 months.  I believe the reason is that it has served as a reminder to many of us.  We know the things we feel in our hearts.  Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder to keep us on our paths.

I wanted to thank you for sharing that post.  Thank you for giving me the gift of seeing how the Lord moved in your heart. I truly treasure it as a gift.  I find myself floored by the community of readers we have here.  Thank you for loving me and encouraging me the way you do.

P.S.  It is definitely worth noting that we are not an electronic free household.  We own a computer, 2 iPads, 2 iPhones, Wii, DS, and Leapster.  Oh and tv.  When I wrote the post, I didn’t specify only because it was written as a letter to my boys, who know all of this.  My letter addressed their desires to have electronic usage when we are away from home….doing life with others and each other.  We do use electronics at home.  We give our children limits and guidelines, such as it’s allowed only on weekends, 30 minutes a day over the weekend, etc. Just felt the need to clarify that 🙂

 

A Letter to My Sons – (the real reason I say no to electronics)

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Dear Boys,

Do you remember the day we went to the drugstore and the lady said, “Wow, you are the first kids I’ve seen all day with nothing in your hands.”  Remember how she marveled at how you didn’t need an electronic device to carry through the store?   I know how her words made you feel.  I know how it reminded you that you are different because your mom limits your electronic usage.  I know it was yet another reminder.

The same reminder you receive when we are out to eat and you notice all the kids playing their phones and iPads instead of talking to their parents.  I know it was a reminder of all the sporting events where you feel you are the only kids whose parents are making them cheer on their siblings rather than burying themselves in a phone.  I know it was another reminder to you that you feel different in this electronic age we live in.

Well, boys, it’s not you.  It’s me.  Me being selfish maybe.  You see I can’t bear to miss a moment with you.  Let me explain.

I want to talk to you when we are out to eat.  I want to listen to your questions.  I want to have training opportunities.  I want to allow space for conversation that can take us deeper.  And if you are always distracted with electronics, well… I might miss those moments.

I could give you all the statistics about how damaging it is to your development, your attention span, your ability to learn.  While all of those are valid reasons to keep electronics away, that is not my primary reason why I say no to you so much.  It’s more than that.  Much more.  I need you to understand this.

When we are together, I want all of you.  The fullness of you.  I want to experience you. Truly experience you.  And I can’t do that with you when there is an electronic device between us. You see it acts as a barrier.  I want to see what brings life to those eyes.  I want to watch the wonder and magic dance across your face as you discover the wonders of this world.  I want to watch you as you figure things out.  I want to watch you process life, develop your thoughts. I want to know you.  I want to know your passions.  I want to watch you as you discover your God-given talents and gifts.  And when you hide behind a screen, I miss out on all of that. And my time with you….well it will be over in the blink of an eye.

I want to guide you into an understanding of life and who you are.  Boys, kids today are starved for attention, true connection and relationship.  I don’t want you to feel starved. That is why I say no.  I know that feeding the desire to play in your device is like giving you candy.  It satisfies for a moment but provides no long term nutrition.  It does more harm than good.

I don’t want to look back when I’m out of the trenches of child training and regret a second I had with you.  I don’t want to merely survive.  I want to thrive in this life with you.  We are in it together.  We are a family.

Yes, when we are waiting at a doctor’s office for an hour, it would be easier to quiet you with my phone.  But if I did that, I fear I would send you a message that says I’d rather hush you than hear those precious words falling from your lips.

I can’t bear the thought of allowing you to miss out on the wonders and mysteries of this world. When you are transfixed on a screen, the beauty of this world will be lost to you.  In every moment beauty is waiting to be discovered.  I don’t want you to miss it.

I want you to be comfortable with yourself.  I want you not to feel a constant need to be entertained and distracted.  If you stay behind a screen, you never have to experience just being you, alone with your thoughts.  I want you to learn to think, to ponder life, to make discoveries, to create.  You have been gifted by God in unique ways.  I want those to bloom.  They can’t bloom in the glow of a screen.  They need life, real life, to bring them to light.

I want you to be confident in who you are.  I want you to be able to look people in the eyes and speak life into them.  If I allow you to live behind a screen, you get little practice relating eye to eye.  To truly know someone you have to look into their eyes.  It’s a window into their heart.  You see what can’t be seen in cyberspace.

When I tell you no to devices, I’m giving you a gift.  And I’m giving me a gift.  It’s a gift of relationship.  True human connection.  It’s precious and a treasure.  And you mean so much to me that I don’t want to miss a second of it.

I love how God created your mind.  I love to hear the way you think and process life.  I love to see what makes you laugh.  I love to watch those eyes widen when a new discovery is made. And when your head is behind a screen, I miss all of that.  And so do you.

In this life we have few cheerleaders.  In this family we will cheer each other on.  I know it is boring to sit at swim lessons and watch your brother learn to swim.  I know it is boring to sit through a 2 hour baseball practice.  And in all honesty, it would be easy for me to give you the iPad and keep you quiet and occupied.  But we all lose out when we do that.  You will miss out on watching your brother’s new accomplishments.  You will deprive him of the joy of his moment to shine for you.  You will miss out on what it means to encourage each other.

I want you to grow up knowing the world doesn’t revolve around you.  (One day your wife will thank me)  I want you to learn to give selflessly of yourself….to give away your time, your talents, your treasures.  If I distract you with electronics when you should be cheering for your brother, well, I’m simply telling you that your happiness is more important than giving your time to someone other than yourself.

This world needs more selflessness.  This world needs more connection.  This world needs more love.  We can’t learn these behind a screen.

I want to raise sons that know how to look deeply into the eyes of the ones they love.  I want my future daughters in law to know what it’s like to have a husband that looks deeply into her eyes because he knows the value of human relationships and the treasure of love.  And that is best communicated eye to eye.

I want to watch your face illuminated by the majesty of life – not the glow of a screen.  I want all of you.  Because I only have you for a short while.  When you pack up and leave for college, I want to look back with no regrets over the time I spent with you.  I want to look back and remember how your eyes sparkled when we talked.  I want to look back and remember how I actually knew those little quirky details of your life because we had time enough to be bored together.

It’s ok to be bored.  We can be bored together. And we can discover new things together.

I love you.  I love you too much to quiet you with an iPhone or an iPad or a DS.  And I can’t even apologize, because I’m really not sorry.  I’m doing this so that I won’t be sorry one day.

With all my love,

Mom

Intentional Living

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I saw the shadowy figure standing over me and shot straight up, gasping for air.  “Mom, it’s just me.”

“Gosh, you scared me to death.  I’m sorry.”  My mind tried its best to process what was going on.  The clock showed 3:30am.  My senses were slow to come awake.  He was wide awake, talking at a pace that made following the details difficult.  The fear in his voice begged me to awaken quicker.

“Mom, please.  I had the worst dream of my life.  It felt so real.  It was an angel type creature.  He was standing in front of me and told me that I would die and go to Heaven on November 14th.”

“Oh, honey.  I’m so sorry.  It was just a dream.”  I guided him down the hall towards his room.  The whites of his eyes glowing in the deep black of the hallway.  His mind and mouth raced as he relayed every tiny detail.

“I just want November 14th to hurry up and get here so I can quit worrying about if I will really die that day.”

The next morning he was quiet, contemplative.  I knew he was thinking of the dream. He thinks deeply, life tends to worry him more than it should.

Attempting to lighten his mood, Steve told him, “Well, I guess live every day like it’s November 14th.  Like it’s your last.”

With a little grin, he shrugged his shoulders, “I guess.”

What does a New Year mean to you?  For some it’s a little like awakening from a bad dream with the sudden relieving realization that it’s a new day.  And you are alive.

What would this year look like if we lived every day like it was our last?  I imagine it would be the epitome of intentional living.  Moments seasoned with grace, compassion, love, and mercy. Not reckless abandon or checking off a bucket list.  Would I move slower through my moments because I don’t want them to end?  Would I savor the flavors of each moment I encountered? Would I hug tighter?  Would I laugh harder?  Would I look deeply into the eyes of the ones I love?  What would it look like?

I’m not a big New Year’s Resolution maker.  I am a big goal maker though.  I’m always evaluating my goal progress and making adjustments where needed.  The New Year is just another day to evaluate life and make course adjustments.  I tend to do this frequently.  Always evaluating, processing, planning, figuring things out.

This year our family has a common goal.  We are praying for more kindness, compassion, gentleness, and patience within the walls of our home, with the ones closest to us the Lord has graciously given us.  We desire to treat each other better than we treat the world.  In the everyday stresses of life, it’s the ones we love the most we tend to hurt with the words that slip out too quickly.

The moments of life are precious and fleeting.  Our prayer is to take intentional living to another level.  We are moving beyond living in the moment – though we want more of that too.  We want to live in the moment and soak in every ounce.  And then give it all back out.  Soak it in to give it back.

It’s not just living in the moment, for the moment.  It’s BEING the moment.  It’s living in the moments in order to be the moments.  It’s savoring every second so we can pour it back out. Into the ones we treasure most.  It’s taking the focus off ourselves and putting it on the ones we love.

It’s being the blessing.  Because we are blessed.

 

When My Expectations Challenge True Compassion

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His response caught me off guard.  My mind was racing to produce a response that would disguise my true feelings.

I called to schedule a time to deliver a meal to the family of a hospice patient that recently passed away.  The meal would be for Christmas Day.

“We plan to drop your meal off around 4:00.  Will that be ok?”

“4:00?  I guess if that’s the best you can do.”  His tone of voice wasn’t what I was expecting.

“Oh, I’m sorry.  What were you expecting?”

“I was expecting 10:00 am.”

I stammered.  10:00 on Christmas morning.  Right in the middle of Christmas morning surprises with my children.  It would be impossible.  Realizing this man and I were in completely different phases of life, I tried to be sensitive to that.  I was unsure of his relationship to the patient who had passed.  However, there was something else that was bothering me.  Some emotion, a feeling that I hadn’t expected.

“Sir, I’m preparing a fully cooked meal and it will be really hard for me to have that ready by 10:00 on Christmas morning.  I can bring it by 10:00 unprepared if you prefer.  Or I can try for about 2:00?”

“2:00 will be fine.”

Honestly, I was bothered by the response.  I had expected someone to show appreciation for receiving a cooked meal on Christmas Day from a stranger.  That wasn’t the response I received.

The response I received bothered me less than the response of my own heart.

Our expectations can set us up for feelings of disappointment and frustration.  Had I only had appropriate expectations from the beginning I wouldn’t have experienced the feelings of disappointment.  But it went way beyond my expectations.  You see my expectations were completely off-course.  I was the one in the wrong.  Not this stranger I was providing a meal to.

The Lord challenged my motives.  He refocused my heart.

As I pondered the conversation, and tossed around my thoughts on it all, the Lord whispered to my heart.

Is this for Me or for you?  Do this for Me.  When you do this for Me, there should be no expectations. 

The Lord convicted my heart.  I wanted to provide a meal.  I wanted to bless someone.  But deep down, I wanted to experience the joy in the blessing.  My motives had been called to the table, and the Lord was gracious to allow me to see it.

To show true compassion, I should serve out of love for Christ.  Period.  Regardless of anything I receive.  I should expect to receive nothing.

Christ died for the sinner.  He gave himself as a sacrifice.  For the ones who appreciated the sacrifice and for the ones who didn’t appreciate the sacrifice.  He gave anyway.  Out of a deep, profound love he gave.

Christ showed compassion to us when he hung on that cross.  In my daily life, I rarely show Him the appreciation He deserves.  Why should I expect any different in this life from others?

Our acts of mercy don’t earn favor in God’s eyes.  They come out of a place of deep love for the One who gave it all for us.  Why do I expect something from a stranger that I myself don’t give to my God who died for me?

I opened my Bible, which naturally opens to the Psalms as it is the most worn part of my Bible.  But on this day, it fell open to Zechariah 7.

“….The people of Bethel had sent Sharezer and Regem-Melech, together with their men, to entreat the Lord by asking the priests of the house of the Lord Almighty and the prophets, “Should I mourn and fast in the fifth month, as I have done for so many years?”  Then the word of the Lord Almighty came to me: “Ask all the people of the land and the priests, ‘When you fasted and mourned in the fifth and seventh months for the past seventy years, was it really for me that you fasted?  And when you were eating and drinking, were you not just feasting for yourselves?  Are these not the words the Lord proclaimed through the earlier prophets when Jerusalem and its surrounding towns were at rest and prosperous and the Negev and the western foothills were settled?”  And the word of the Lord came again to Zechariah: “This is what the Lord Almighty says:  Administer true justice, show mercy and compassion to one another.  Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the alien or the poor.  In your hearts do not think evil of each other.”

I read this and paused.  What an unbelievable God we serve.  His gentle rebuke had taken the thoughts I pondered in my heart and turned them completely.

Hebrews 4:12 “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

Lord, thank you that you love me enough to continually correct me, rebuke me, and pull me back to you.  Thank you for your word that is alive and active and speaks to my daily life.  Thank you for giving me the means and ability to serve, and I pray it comes out of true compassion.  I pray I would serve you and not me.  Forgive me for not showing true appreciation for your sacrifice.  Amen.

Merry Christmas

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This Christmas season looked different for our family.  At the center of it all, His truths still remained.  Despite a first book launch and a busier time of life than I prefer, His truths reigned in our lives.

His steady Presence provides peace to our hearts.

May you be filled with peace, love, and joy in these final hours of Christmas.  May you see Christ in your every moment.  May you experience the fullness of His grace and mercy today and everyday.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours.

Gifts for the True Gift – A Christmas Tradition

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When my husband suggested we place a 2nd Christmas tree in the front room, I knew I must have misunderstood him. This is a man who loves Christmas decorated with more simplicity and less clutter.

Before he could change his mind, we had that tree up and decorated. Yet something was missing. The gifts.

So began a new tradition…….

I’m writing at (in)courage today.  Click on over to read the rest of today’s post.