Smile at Me

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”  Mother Teresa

Lost in my thoughts, I moved from counter to table and table to counter as I was hurrying to get dinner on the table.  I wasn’t mad or happy.  I was simply in a state of action.  Dinner.  I came to a complete halt when I noticed my 3-year-old intensely watching my every move.  My fast, hurried, frazzled moves.  Moves that sent a message of stress rather than control.  Our eyes locked momentarily.  I tried to pull away, but I couldn’t.  His look was so intense I had to say something.  “What is it?”

“Mommy, are you happy or mad?”

“I’m happy.  Why?”

“Then why is your face doing this?”  He made a most serious facial expression that I must say was one fine mad face.

“Oh, I’m sorry.  I’m not mad at all.  I was just busy making dinner.  I’m very happy.”

His shoulders relaxed, his face broke out into a smile that covered his face, and he hugged me.

He needed to know I was happy.  His sense of security seemed to be tied to the state of my emotions.

Later the same night, I was in the same state of preparation for bedtime.  Clothes were being gathered for the morning, rooms tidied, children prepped for bed.  This time it was my 7-year-old.

“Mom, are you mad about something?”

“No, honey, why would you think I’m mad.”

“Because your face looks mad.  I wondered if I had done something to make you mad.”

“Not at all.  Sometimes I guess I just am not really thinking of anything and my relaxed facial expression just might not look happy.  But I am!”

I reflected on their comments later that evening.  I thought about what a smile does to me.  When a stranger shoots me a little smile, my spirit is immediately lifted.  When my children walk in the door with a smile on their face, my heart is warmed.  A smile encourages us.  A smile sends a message to our children of love and acceptance.  A smile says ‘I am pleased with you’.  A smile says ‘You can do this’.  A smile says ‘I’m on your side’.  A smile carries a thousand messages.

If our little ones could write us a little message, would it go something like this…

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m watching you all the time.  Even when you don’t notice.  I love to study your facial expressions.  What things make you mad and what things make you happy.  I love when you are happy.  I love to see you smile at me.  When you are smiling, I feel safe.  I can relax when I see you smile because I know you have it all under control.  When you smile I know you are pleased with me.  

I can’t control my emotions very well, and I have tantrums that embarrass you.  Please forgive me.  I’m a child in training.  Model to me how to control my emotions.  If you yell at me, I might think that is how I am to handle my frustrations with you.

You are the center of my world.  My comfort comes from you and I desperately want to make you happy.  I will make so many mistakes every single day.  Please be patient with me.  I really want to do what is right, but I need help in figuring it out.  Please speak gently with me.  It scares me when you yell.

And please don’t ever give up on me.  Even when you think I don’t want you.  I will always want you and need you.

When you smile at me and speak with a gentle voice, I feel loved by you.  I love you.

Smile.

Smile even when you don’t feel like it.  It will make you feel better.  And the little ones watching too.