Blackberry Moments

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This is a post I wrote last summer. A reminder as we enter the last half of summer to slow down, enter the moments, engage fully. Reap the rewards.

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“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” Robert Brault

As I embark on this journey to create more moments and memories with my family, I’ve realized that without complete intentionality, the moments have the propensity to slip away completely.  Time never slows down.  It moves at a consistent pace.  However, our pace determines the outcome of the moment.  Our pace determines the extent to which we can fully engage in the fleeting moments of life with our family.  Moments are all around us.  Experiences are available for the taking.  Memories are waiting to be created.  Traditions are waiting to be developed and claimed.

To grab the moments, we must be available.   Life needs to be a little less complicated, a little less distracted, a little less busy.  Buffers of time must exist in order to capture the moments that sometimes crop up unexpectedly, without warning.

We have one chance to paint a beautiful life.  Lord willing, the day will come when we have more time on our hands than we know how to fill.  Our houses will be quieted.  Our homes will look the same way at 7 am, 12 pm, 5 pm, and 8 pm.  Because there will be no block towers built, no army scenes created, no pillow forts constructed, and no sword fights fought.

A couple of weeks ago, Jacob and I went for a run.  For me, the actual run was not a good one.  My foot was hurting, and I couldn’t quit cramping.  Our pace had to change.  Our “run” turned into a walk.  I continued to apologize to Jacob for slowing him down as I urged him to go ahead, to leave me behind.  He wouldn’t do it.  He is loyal like that, and he wanted to be with me.  He wasn’t running to exercise, he was running so that he could enter my time and space, and he didn’t want to lose that.  My “bad” run was a blessing in disguise.  God is good like that.  Lord, help me see the lemonade through the lemons. 

As we neared our house at the end of our walk, I noticed a small patch of wild blackberry bushes.  “Jacob, look over there!  It’s blackberries!”  Always cautious, he asked, “Can we eat them?”  I replied, “Yes, we can.  And we will be picking and eating them for weeks!”  I watched his eyes light up immediately at the thought of spending days together picking blackberries, watching for the red ones to turn to deep purple, spending time together making yummy blackberry treats.  For him our blackberry discovery equaled precious moments and memories with me.

Jacob, so wise beyond his young years, said as we walked back home, “You know, Mom, it’s a good thing we weren’t running today and we were walking instead.  If we were running, we would have missed the blackberries completely.”

Right you are, my sweet boy, right you are.  If we walk rather than run through life, we will reap the rewards of countless blackberry moments.

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When Life Takes A Hard Turn

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************Today’s post is a guest post from a friend of mine, Kathryn Jackson, from Atlanta.  No introduction I can write is adequate to capture the beauty of her soul.  I first met Kathryn through mutual friends.  We were planning to homeschool our children, we had 2 toddlers and were done having kids.  Until God brought the Jackson family into our path.  When we shared our family philosophy with the Jackson’s, Erick gently responded that God’s view of children is as a blessing and a reward, and could we possibly be trying to limit God’s blessing on our lives?  It was powerful and bold.  Yet gentle with love.  The impact was substantial.  One month later we were pregnant, with a baby we later miscarried.  Never had I wanted God’s blessing of children more than when I couldn’t have it.

I had the privilege of spending time with Kathryn and her children during the years we all had little ones and homeschool journey’s were just beginning.  I knew Kathyrn before the story you will read in a moment.  I respected and admired her immensely.  Her faith was different.  It was mature and deep.  You could see it in the everyday life of her family.  And you can still see it.

I appreciate Kathryn’s willingness to transparently share her heart with us today.*****************************************************

This is Kathryn’s story:

Photo courtesy of Bobbi Jo Brooks Photography

Photo courtesy of Bobbi Jo Brooks Photography

Family. I’ve always longed for it.

My dad left when I was one years old. It was always just me and my mom. I didn’t care about family then – only success. But then Christ grabbed my heart in college, and my dreams changed.

I remember working summers in a Christian bookstore. In the “family” section was a book by Ruth Bell Graham. It was always turned so the cover faced out, and on its cover was a picture of family. Her family. I wept every time I passed that book. The longing for a family of my own was so deep. I learned not to walk through the “family” section that often 🙂

God was gracious and granted me a family. One husband and two kids later, I longed for more. Just one more child to make us a bit more messy. A family of four was just too neat for me. And God was gracious, and gave us Kate.

I tried to savor the early years. Not being one who really enjoys babies, I think I did a pretty good job. But my eyes were always looking forward to when our youngest, Kate, would turn 4. By that time, the kids would be 8, 6 & 4 – and we could create moments that only independent children can. Spontaneous moments to the beach, or quiet moments reading together at home. Moments building forts out of cushions in the living room and moments throwing rocks in the stream. I dreamed of my three little disciples – walking, chattering, laughing and living life with me.

But as is often the case, dreams don’t always come true. God had different dreams for us. 6 weeks before Kate was to turn 4, our family was in a horrific automobile accident. Kate’s older sister, Anne (5 at the time), was critically injured.

I remember calling our pastor’s wife from the ambulance. I calmly told her that I didn’t think Anne was going to make it.

“No, Kathryn. That can’t be true.”

“Sharon, Listen to me.  I. Don’t. Think. She. Is. Going. To. Make. It.    Please. Pray.”

Miraculously, by God’s mercy, Anne lived. We spent 73 days in the Children’s hospital. When we left, Anne was a shell of her former self. She sustained a severe traumatic brain injury. We are now a family marked by disability.

Anne cannot walk. She must be carried or wheeled everywhere we go. On the other hand, she is extremely talkative and loving. But the downside to that is that she has no inhibitions. She asks every stranger, “Can I sit in your lap?” It’s fascinating to watch people’s reactions… but that’s a different blog post 🙂

I struggle with the demands of caring for a disabled child. And because Anne’s needs are so great, I struggle with how to make moments with my family. I wrestle with our new family. It’s not what I had dreamed for.

I’m in the middle of my story, and it’s all very messy! I don’t have the advantage of hindsight to say, “Oh, that’s what God was doing!” But God does give me glimpses.

My children are growing up in a home that demands great sacrifice. They are constantly giving up their own desires to serve their sister. Our oldest, Canon, can breathe life into Anne just by sitting beside her. I watch her soak up his presence, and they always laugh together. He spends time with her because he loves her, passionately. He defends her. He is forever changed… for the better.

Kate, our youngest, is now put in a role of caregiver. She dotes on Anne. She helps her buckle her seat belt, and helps her eat her meals. Kate’s life trajectory was drastically altered the day of the accident. She doesn’t have the luxury of being the carefree youngest of three. She is also changed… for the better.

And Anne. Sweet, precious Anne. Her life will always be hard. But her Spirit is strong. She is learning to depend on God in ways that us “healthy” folk can’t comprehend. She is also changed… for the better.

The moments in our family are characterized by hard physical nurturing and care for Anne. We live in heavy moments. Lightheartedness is a luxury. But we also experience profound moments of joy that can only be appreciated when you are in the midst of great trial. I treasure the joy. It is of the Spirit, a rare find in this world… And a gift I could not have experienced apart from the heart-brokenness of losing the little girl I knew to brain injury.

God is good. And the family he is building is good. Much, much better than the family I ever dreamed of. It’s just so much harder. But isn’t that true of anything worthwhile?

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The Cycle of Life

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3 years ago we drove our oldest son to his first day of kindergarten.  I cried for weeks leading up to that day and wondered how I would manage on his big day.  As we were leaving our neighborhood that morning, I heard a mom shout, “Freedom!” as her child entered the doors of the bus.  And my heart cried.  I wasn’t looking at my son’s entering school as my source of freedom.  Far from it!

Children are a precious gift from God to us.  Our children are always listening.  What will they hear?

Monday was the first day of school for my older 2 boys.  1st and 3rd grades.  I’ve always known the time would fly by.  It’s part of my story.  It’s part of why I’m so passionate about creating moments, creating experiences, living life, slowing down, saying no.  I want no regrets.  I want to reflect back to this time of my life and know that I gave my all.  That I gave all of me.  That I gave my heart, my time, my affection.

One chance.  One chance at a beautiful life.  One chance at today.  One chance at this very moment before us.

We will not do it perfectly.  We will mess up more than we want to admit.  But.  But. But.  God offers grace and mercy.

The night before the first day of school arrived.  Our end of summer celebration dinner had been cleared away, bucket lists reflected upon, lunches packed, clothes laid out, and boys scrubbed clean.  They sat and listened to their daddy reading them a story.  They still enjoy being read to as much as they did as babies.  While daddy read stories, I began cleaning up the house, which was an absolute disaster from a weekend lived well.  Evidence was in every corner.  As I walked towards the playroom, my chest began to tighten.  The squeeze on my heart was unbearable.  When the first sob broke through, there was no holding back.

I walked to Jacob’s desk and picked up stacks of sketches he had worked on for hours and hours this summer.  Piles of papers.  It had been his end of summer passion, horses, sketching.  He wanted to sell his sketches.  Constantly, his little brain was trying to figure out how much to price each piece, what forum he would use to sell.

“Mom, how much do you think I could sell this one for?  You know, I was thinking that if we framed them, people might buy them because they are getting more than just a sketch.” 

“Focus on the art.  Practice.  Do it because you love it.” 

“I do love it, but I want to sell them.” 

“Just keep practicing.”  Oh and he did.  He dreamed.  He’s dreaming.  And I was blessed to hear his heart. 

“Mom, I want to have a horse farm one day.  You always wanted to live on a horse farm, too.” 

“I did.  It was my dream.” 

“Then why didn’t you do it?” 

“Well, my dreams changed.  I’m living my dream now.” 

“Well, I’m following my dream.  I hope my wife has the same dream as me.  And I hope she likes horses.” 

“If she is the one for you, the two of you will share the same dream.”

I placed the sketches right back on the desk.  They belonged there.

I knelt down and began picking up Lego pieces.  Hundreds of them.  And I sobbed harder.  As much I love order, organization, and clean, I want to see the handiwork of my boys more.  With each piece that went back into its color coded box, I thought of how it would be weeks before those Lego’s would be out again.  No time will be available to sit and create for hours.

“Look, Mom, I made a car.  It’s the first one I’ve ever made without directions.” 

“Zachary, that is incredible.  I love it!” 

“Look, Mom, we made a battle scene.  These are the good guys, and these are the bad guys.”

“Wow, Mom, that is great.  You did a great job on that.” 

“Well, I don’t have as much practice as you guys, but I tried.” 

“No, mom, really, it’s great.”

Would the tears dry up soon?

These memories were from hours ago, days ago, weeks ago.  And they felt like they were a lifetime ago.

I finished cleaning the playroom and their bathroom.  And I knew the next day that playroom would look exactly the same way the following afternoon.  Because the house would be missing 2 of our children.  It would stay cleaner.  It would be quieter.  There would be no fighting and wrestling.

The sobs wouldn’t stop.

I walked downstairs, keeping my eyes hidden from the boys, and went straight to Steve.  He knew immediately.  “You had a great summer with the boys.  You made the most of it.”

“I know, but, Steve, it is flying by.  I mean, I always knew it would.  But Jacob is halfway to being out of our house.  And really there are fewer summers than that I have left with him.  When he is a teenager we won’t draw and build Lego’s together for hours.  He will be doing his own things.”

I cleaned my face up the best I could and walked upstairs to tuck the boys into bed.  Touching Zachary’s chin, I lifted his eyes to look into mine.  “Zachary, I had the best summer of my life this summer.  I had a great time with you.  I love you.”  As much as I wanted to hold in the tears, it was an impossible feat.

“Oh, no.  Don’t do it.  Mom, are you crying?”

I looked at him.  This boy whose legs are reaching further down the bed than they were only 3 short months ago.  This boy who knows and understands things that simply amaze me. “I’m sorry, Jacob!  Yes, I can’t help it.  I love y’all.  And I had the best summer of my life.  Thank you.”

“I love you too.”  He quickly put his book in front of his face, pretending to continue reading, jaw clenched tight.

The next morning I drove home after morning drop-off when I got a call from my dad.  He knew it would be hard for me.  He was right.

“You know, as a parent you spend so many years when your kids are little being frustrated with the messes and aggravations.  The toothpaste spread all over the bathroom counter, the washcloths left out, the dirty clothes.  Then they leave.  And you clean the toothpaste up.   You put a fresh washcloth out.  And it stays that way.  Even though it is sad, it is the cycle of life.”

Yes, it is.  The cycle of life.  Seasons come and seasons go.  It’s the change of season that creates a beautiful picture at the end of the road.

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A Little Encouragement Goes A Long Way

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“Jacob, you will be the best dad one day,”  my Zachary said to his older brother.  With a sheepish smile, Jacob looked back at him and asked, “Why would you say that?”  Zachary’s reply, so sweet and genuine, “Because you are so responsible.”  Zachary was referring to how his older brother, cautious by his first-borne nature, seems always to keep an eye out for anyone around him.  Just like a father.  Just like both their earthly and their Heavenly Father does for them.

When Jacob sees his brothers in danger, he doesn’t hesitate to speak up or warn them away from their folly.  On this particular day, Jacob was very concerned about Zachary’s safety and felt compelled to warn and explain to him why he was in danger.

Zachary spoke a simple statement to his brother.  “You will be the best dad one day.”  How easy was it for Zachary to speak those words?  Words that are true.   Words from the heart.

How often do we think encouraging thoughts yet fail to speak them?  What power do we have to lift the spirits of someone we love?

Words have power.

Words of encouragement can take us from a state of withering away….

to a state of renewed life and energy.

I saw an immediate spark in Jacob’s eye.  He actually looked taller.  I realized he was proudly standing taller.  Something good he holds inside was recognized by someone he loves and respects.  And it was spoken out loud.  It built him up.  It edified him.

Proverbs 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

As a parent we often become parched without realizing it.  When someone we care about takes the time to encourage us, it makes all the difference in the world.  We are renewed.

Several weeks ago I received the sweetest gift of encouragement from one of my closest friends.  A friend I adore, respect, and love to pieces.

This is what she made me

and these are the words she wrote that renewed my wearied heart

 She had no idea that on that particular day that her gift arrived in the mail, I was in need of encouraging words.  I wasn’t feeling like a great mom.  I was tired, overloaded, spread thin, and wondering if anything I was doing was making a difference at all.  She saw a different picture in me and took the time to tell me.  And it made all the difference in the world.  I went to my boys, hugged them, and that day I was the best mom I could be.  My parched soul had been watered.  I had renewed strength to grab hold of the moments in front of me that day and cherish every second, making the most of what God had blessed me with.

Encourage someone today.  They need it as much as you do.  Encouraging them will create a moment that will in turn create multiple moments down the road.

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Blackberry Moments

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“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” Robert Brault

As I embark on this journey to create more moments and memories with my family, I’ve realized that without complete intentionality, the moments have the propensity to slip away completely.  Time never slows down.  It moves at a consistent pace.  However, our pace determines the outcome of the moment.  Our pace determines the extent to which we can fully engage in the fleeting moments of life with our family.  Moments are all around us.  Experiences are available for the taking.  Memories are waiting to be created.  Traditions are waiting to be developed and claimed.

To grab the moments, we must be available.   Life needs to be a little less complicated, a little less distracted, a little less busy.  Buffers of time must exist in order to capture the moments that sometimes crop up unexpectedly, without warning.

We have one chance to paint a beautiful life.  Lord willing, the day will come when we have more time on our hands than we know how to fill.  Our houses will be quieted.  Our homes will look the same way at 7 am, 12 pm, 5 pm, and 8 pm.  Because there will be no block towers built, no army scenes created, no pillow forts constructed, and no sword fights fought.

A couple of weeks ago, Jacob and I went for a run.  For me, the actual run was not a good one.  My foot was hurting, and I couldn’t quit cramping.  Our pace had to change.  Our “run” turned into a walk.  I continued to apologize to Jacob for slowing him down as I urged him to go ahead, to leave me behind.  He wouldn’t do it.  He is loyal like that, and he wanted to be with me.  He wasn’t running to exercise, he was running so that he could enter my time and space, and he didn’t want to lose that.  My “bad” run was a blessing in disguise.  God is good like that.  Lord, help me see the lemonade through the lemons. 

As we neared our house at the end of our walk, I noticed a small patch of wild blackberry bushes.  “Jacob, look over there!  It’s blackberries!”  Always cautious, he asked, “Can we eat them?”  I replied, “Yes, we can.  And we will be picking and eating them for weeks!”  I watched his eyes light up immediately at the thought of spending days together picking blackberries, watching for the red ones to turn to deep purple, spending time together making yummy blackberry treats.  For him our blackberry discovery equaled precious moments and memories with me.

Jacob, so wise beyond his young years, said as we walked back home, “You know, Mom, it’s a good thing we weren’t running today and we were walking instead.  If we were running, we would have missed the blackberries completely.”

Right you are, my sweet boy, right you are.  If we walk rather than run through life, we will reap the rewards of countless blackberry moments.

Thank you, Lord, for using my children to speak to my heart.

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Mission Monday Moments

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I desire for my children to feel so cherished and loved that they in turn will pour out that love into the lives of others.

Matthew 22:36-40 ” ‘Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?’  Jesus replied: ‘ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

What does loving others look like through the eyes of our children?

Summer provides the time and opportunity to create traditions, memories, and experiences on the mission field.  The hope is that the time we spend together as a family sharing the love of Christ with others will not only deepen our family bonds, but will make us less self-centered and more others-centered.

The simple act of naming an activity can create anticipation and excitement to participate in that activity.  Sort of like Taco Tuesdays referenced in my Friday Night Chicken and Rice post.  In an effort to create some excitement around serving others, we labeled Mondays as “Mission Mondays”.  Throughout the summer every Monday we will do some type of family mission project.

For our Mission Monday kickoff, the boys and I put together a few blessing bags.  We often pass people standing on the street in obvious need of some love and care.  Usually we have very little on hand to offer.  For less than $10 we were able to fill 4 bags that we can keep in the car for the next person we see in need of a little love.

The boys really took to this project much more than I realized they would.  We purchased a few supplies such as wipes, mouthwash, and deodorant.  We added a few non-perishable food items we had in the pantry along with extra Bibles we purchased for 50 cents each at the Christian bookstore.  Next, the boys wanted to add candy and their own money to the bag, two of their prized possessions.

To complete the bags they drew a picture with a scripture verse on a card.  Zachary chose James 4:8 “Come near to God and He will come near to you.”  Jacob chose Acts 16:31 “Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved.”  The final step was to pray for the people who would receive those bags.  We asked God to send us to whoever was in need of what was inside that bag.  And most importantly that God would draw near to those individuals.

This was a really fun project to start our summer missions.

Here is a list of some fun and simple family missions projects:

  1. Prepare blessing bags
  2. Volunteer at a soup kitchen or food bank
  3. Visit a nursing home
  4. Provide a meal to someone who could use it
  5. Bake cookies for a neighbor
  6. Sponsor a Compassion or World Vision child
  7. Send a care package to a soldier.
  8. Write a letter to a sponsored child
  9. Gather items around the house to donate to Goodwill or Salvation Army
  10. Pull weeds or other yard work for an elderly neighbor

We’d love to hear your ideas for creating family memories through missions!

Creating Perfect Memories….Imperfectly

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Recently, I tried a new approach to hosting a gathering that I must admit was excruciating to implement.   To execute this experiment took self-control and discipline.   The result was freedom.  Freedom and life.

Precious family memories have been created in our home when we have spent time sharing our life and our home with our friends and family.  The experiences and memories we have shared have developed bonds that distance can’t break.  Hospitality is being sewn into the hearts of our children.  Or so I thought.  Until I realized something else was tainting that hospitality.

Lurking behind hospitality and love was something else.  Something so perfect it was ugly.  Something so unrealistic that it blurs the line between truth and fiction, true life versus perceived life.  Something that screams the message, “We have it all together.  Our house is perfectly clean and orderly.  Our children behave well all the time.  It’s easy for us to do all that we do.”

It’s a lie.  It’s a lie that I want to destroy before it becomes entangled in their hearts.

I’ve learned many lessons from my husband, but one of the most powerful examples I’ve witnessed in his life is his ability to attract true friendships through his transparent and authentic life.  I’ve witnessed him bring about true relief in the lives of others because he was brave enough to be real with them.  Walls of defense crumbled, they were free to be themselves, full of struggles.   Our culture doesn’t do this.  Images and messages surround us moment by moment telling us that we aren’t good enough the way we are.  We need to be more this or less that, have more of this and less of that.

That’s not the message of our Father.  And that’s not the message we want to buy when we desire true friendships, deep family relationships.  When our hearts yearn to create memories and experience life with the ones we love, we must release ourselves first to live fully, imperfectly.

Prior to my experiment, I would spend hours preparing to host a simple gathering.  In order for the house to shine and sparkle, something had to suffer.  Time with my children was exchanged for a shiny countertop.  Listening to my 6-year-old tell a long-winded story didn’t happen.  Furniture needed a quick dusting.  Holding my 3-year-old in my lap after his afternoon nap didn’t happen.  Floors needed to be swept.  Sweet words spoken to my husband didn’t happen.  I barked orders of what was left to do.

Finally, all was done.  I could breathe.  Everything looked just right.  House was shiny, but hearts were dulled.  Home was prepared to create memories, but moments were lost in the preparation.

What message penetrated the hearts of my children?  You are less important to me than the way I look to other people.  I care more about my house and the way things look than I care to spend the extra 10 minutes you need me to spend with you.  Stuff is more important.  Perception is more important.

But these aren’t the values we claim in our home.  And this is NOT how we feel.  We say we value them above everything other than God.  As I tell my boys over and over, actions speak louder than words.   My actions are screaming one message while my mouth is whispering another.  The whisper will never win against the scream.  Because the scream is traumatizing.  It sticks.  The whisper soothes the hurt of the scream.  But it doesn’t remove the scar.

So I took one small step.  That one small step was to enjoy the day with my family rather than lose the moments begging to be held.  Rather than lose the moments in the process of preparing the house to host our guests, I left my house the way it is EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Full of life.  Life happens in these walls.

I can thank my friend, who hosted our family a couple of weeks prior, for opening my eyes.  She gave me the freedom to be real with her.  The moment we walked in the door of their home, we felt welcomed, loved, and cherished.  Her house wasn’t spotless.  Life happened there.  As she toured me around the house, she said, “Sorry about the mess, see I didn’t even pick up my bra off the bathroom floor for you.”  She made a choice that day to enjoy the moments with her children.  And I loved it. The gift she gave me was freedom.

I shared this story recently with two other friends.  Interestingly, they each remarked the same sentiment.  Wasn’t that freeing?

Freeing indeed.  To experience moments (really experience them), to create memories, to build and strengthen relationships takes a healthy dose of letting go of the things that make no difference in the grand scheme of life.  One day we will host gatherings, and they will look perfect.  Because there will be no little ones to clean up after before the guests arrive.  I will miss this messy, imperfect life.  Knowing I will miss it motivates me to live so there are no regrets.

I will exchange a clean and shiny house for moments with my family.  While they are here for the taking.

So how did it go for me?  Perfectly.  Simply perfect.

I exchanged shiny counters for a nap on the screen porch.  I exchanged dust-free furniture for stories with my sons.  I exchanged crumb-free floors for a peaceful day with my husband.  To top it off, I didn’t even wash my hair.  I threw a hat on and called it a day.

How do you free yourself to create more moments with your family?  We’d love to hear your comments!!

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