Let’s Chat

I closed the door on 2 of my soon to be sleeping boys and snuck down the hall to have some alone time with my oldest.  He was leaning against my bed looking at a magazine on my nightstand.  He didn’t notice me coming around the corner, and I couldn’t help noticing how much taller he seemed.  Sensing my presence, he turned towards the door where I was standing.  The soft lamp light reflected off his glistening eyes.  His best efforts couldn’t disguise the crack in his voice as he began to talk.

“Why are some kids orphans?  Did their parents die?  Or did they just not want them?”

The stress of the day that caused the tension to develop  in my body simply fell away in that moment.  I felt my body soften as I watched my boy look into the eyes of a child who doesn’t feel loved.

“Each orphan has a different story.  Some had parents who died, some had parents abandon them, some had parents who hurt them, there is a different story for everyone.  It’s very, very sad.”

I reached down and hugged him so tightly. “Some have never felt a hug like this.  Or had someone look them in the eyes and tell them they are special in God’s eyes and they are loved.”

His voice still shaky, he said, “If we had an orphan in our home, I would hug him all the time.”

“I know you would.  I love that about you.  Can I lay with you for a few minutes so we can just talk?”

“Sure.”  He never hesitates.  This boy is quiet.  He will rarely fight to be heard.  He always takes the backseat to his brothers.  For him it is pointless to fight to be heard.  But he has a lot to say.  And so he began.  I said few words back.  I simply lay next to him.  I would have laid in silence if that is what he wanted.  But he had a lot to say.  He told me about school, his friends, who has a crush on who, who gets along with who.  He talked about what it felt like to pitch in his baseball game.  He simply talked.  I simply listened, nodded, affirmed.

I have underestimated the power of simply being with my children.  Simply being physically present and completely undistracted with them.

It only took about 15 minutes.  A 9-year-old can say a lot in 15 minutes.  Those 15 minutes further strengthened our relationship, built up the trust and openness.  It was a time for him to be heard.  It was a time for him to share his heart in an easy and non-threatening environment.  A time that he wasn’t listening to demands or being corrected for something or asked to do something.

We need these times.  We need to store up as many as we can.  Because times will come when the relationship feels rocky, when they are going through emotional and physical changes that they can’t understand.  We need these times to fall back on.  We need these times to create the bonds, to form a strong connection, to build trust.  We need them now, before the rocky times arrive.  It’s much harder to build the relationship in the midst of struggles.

That time with my son reminded me of what is in his heart.  Compassion is in that kid’s heart.  He deeply cares for others, which causes him intense pain at times.  This helps me to realize in those times when I question why he could do what he just did, that his heart goes deep.  And sometimes that 9-year-old tries to protect that heart.  When he allows me in, I have a chance to keep that heart soft and let him know it’s all ok.

We all want someone to care enough to listen to what we have to say.

Let’s Get Uncomfortable

Last week we celebrated my son’s 9th birthday.  Great efforts were made to make his day, his week, extra special.  Special touches, simple actions to let him know we love him and we want to celebrate who he is.  All 9 years of him.

In the midst of all the celebrating, the Lord broke my heart.  He broke my heart for the children all around us who don’t have families making their day special.  The children who don’t have a warm bed to sleep in at night, who don’t have a safe place to lay their head, who don’t have families showing them they are valuable in God’s eyes, who didn’t get a birthday card or gift.

I was lying in a bed soft and warm, fleece sheets pulled snug to my chin.  The conditions were perfect for the most comfortable night’s sleep, yet I felt miserably uncomfortable.  As I pondered the weekend with my children filled with wonderful moments where memories were made,  my heart became heavier by the moment.

On my nightstand I had 2 magazines and some information I printed online. A Compassion International magazine, a World Vision magazine, and information from a non-profit I discovered in Charlotte.  As I read article after article, the ache grew.  Because we live in a world where millions of children are hurting, starving, and in unimaginable circumstances.  They are not in warm beds.  They have no food to fill their starving bellies.  The Lord allowed the hurt to fill my heart.  I allowed Him in fully, showing me the depth of the pain, the intense needs around us.  I allowed myself to feel the pain.  Despite my best attempts at comfort that night, the Lord made me completely uncomfortable.

We are privileged beyond belief in America.  Blessed beyond measure.  We know of the hurt in the world, but we don’t really know it until we live it.  We can’t possibly imagine the pain and scars until we’ve walked in their shoes along their road.

I began noticing things about myself that just made my skin crawl.  How much I love my comforts.  The temperature took its first real dip last week.  I walked right over to the thermostat and set it on an optimal temperature.  An hour later I still felt chilled, so I marched on over and hit it up a couple of degrees.  After making myself a cup of coffee to warm me instantly while I waited for the heat to kick in, I saw my actions and found myself completely uncomfortable despite my best attempts to feel just right.

How I take for granted the simple, simple elements of life that make life just right for me.  Turning up the hot water until it’s just right.  Unlimited supply of water at the turn of a handle.  A toilet that flushes, a door that closes and offers privacy.  A closet filled to the ceiling with 10 different styles of blankets providing exactly the comfort anyone could wish for.  A closet filled with nothing but coats, an average of 3 per person in this house.  One coat for each temperature range or weather condition.  Shoes that need an organization system to house them all.

As I lay in my warm, soft bed, I cried.  I cried for the children who can’t have what I am trying to give my own children.  What if it were Jacob?  What if it were Zachary?  What if it were Andrew?  Knowing and loving each of these boys, I would give anything for them.  What if we were to imagine the helpless children of the world as our own?  What if it were your own grandchild?  If we were to imagine the nameless faces of the world as our own, would we feel called to greater action?  Jesus sees them through the same eyes He sees us through.  He loves them as much as He loves us.  And He wants us to care for their needs.

The problems of the world are overwhelming.  When we look at them as the gigantic problem that they are, we can become frozen, feeling that we are only one person, wondering if anything we do could make a difference at all.

We can make a difference.  We might not solve world hunger.  And we can’t save every orphan in the world.  But what can we do for just one?  Or two?  Or one hundred?

What if you were that one who needed someone to help them?  Wouldn’t you want someone to do what they could even if for just one?

So here is a call to action.  What can we do beyond what we are doing?  Beyond what is comfortable for us?  What can we sacrifice in order to give a basic necessity to another?  Could I leave my thermostat lower, saving money on my bill, using that extra money to help provide blankets for the homeless?  The ways and ideas are limitless.

I believe if we experienced even just one day of what it’s like to live in poverty or a homeless situation, we would be willing to give just about anything.  Because we would understand the depth of the pain.

Let’s get uncomfortable.  Let’s get uncomfortable so that we can provide comfort to those who desperately, desperately need it.

Everyone wants to feel loved.  Everyone wants to feel special.  How can we create special moments for orphans, homeless, battered women, starving children in Africa?  Who is God laying on your heart today?

And the winner is…

Jessica To: “The $50 would help me to buy Christmas presents for my son for Christmas!”

Jessica please email me your name and mailing info to reneebfw@gmail.com.  Enjoy your $50 gift card!

10K Parent Training Plan and Another $50 Giveaway

Training for a race is not much different than walking the road of parenting.  To become a runner, to train for a race, requires planning, intentionality, priority setting, discipline, and perseverance.  You will shed blood, sweat, and tears.  It takes pushing through the cramps, wiping off the dirt, and continuing to put one foot in front of the other.  Even when all you want to do is throw in the towel.  Even when you wonder if each step is making a difference at all…….

To read the rest of this article,  click the link and join me over at The Better Mom  where I am contributing today!

I’m so excited about contributing over at The Better Mom that I thought a giveaway was in order.

Prize: $50 Amex gift card

How to enter:

  1. Leave a comment about how $50 could be useful to your family, a favorite fall activity or tradition, or anything you like!
  2. Like me on Facebook
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  6. Share Barefoot Walks on Facebook or Twitter.  Comment with your link backs please.  Share the giveaway.  Share your favorite post.  Share whatever you like.
  7. Did you read this list and find yourself in the category of “I’ve already done #2-4?” Awesome!  Do #1, 5, and/or 6 and get credits for #2-4 as well!  Just a way to say thank you for your faithful support!

Not So Fine Print:  Winner will be chosen at random.  Giveaway closes Wednesday at 11:59 pm.  Winner will be announced here at Barefoot Walks on Thursday, so be sure to check back to see if you are the lucky winner.  You can have up to 6 chances to win.  Each item in “How to Enter” makes you eligible for one chance.  The more you do, the more chances you get.  

*****Updates made to Not so Fine Print Sunday, September 30th*************************

September 27th

Yesterday was September 27th.  All day I had this nagging feeling about the date.  Was it someone’s birthday I was forgetting?  An anniversary?  Why every time I saw the date, did I feel a twinge of something I couldn’t put my finger on?  Driving Andrew home from preschool it hit me.  His constant chatter brought the recollection to the forefront of my mind.  In the midst of his chatter, he said, “I love God.  I want to hug him.”  That’s when I remembered.

September 27th, 2007 was the day we found out we would likely miscarry one, possibly two babies.  I had no real reason to suspect any problems with the pregnancy.  Until I had my quiet time with the Lord the morning of the ultrasound.  I walked away from my time with God knowing something wasn’t quite right.  Deep in my soul, I knew that even when things don’t seem right, God makes all things right.

The morning of September 27th, I read Psalm 27, 57, 87, 117, and 147.  Here are a few verses that God used to reveal trouble lay ahead and to encourage me that He would be right there with me.

Psalm 27:5 “For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.”

Psalm 57:1 “Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.”

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

I walked into the doctor’s office that day with a different feeling than the prior two times I had been pregnant.  I sat on that cold table in complete silence waiting for the ultrasound to begin.  The door opened, and I tried to unclench my sweating fists.  She was talking excitedly as is expected when you are discussing new life.  She didn’t know that just that morning I had begun to believe today would not be an exciting day for me.

She calculated that I would be around 8 weeks so a heartbeat should be detected.  I stared at the white ceiling as she patiently tried to locate the heartbeat.  I’d glance at her face, but she remained focused.  “Sometimes it’s hard to hear this early.  We’ll keep trying.”  And she did. “I see two of something, but I’m only picking up one heartbeat.  And it’s very slow.”  She was telling me what I already knew.  The Lord showed me kindness that morning in preparing my heart for what I would hear that morning.

She went to get the doctor, who came in after reviewing the ultrasound.  Her words were not comforting in the least.  She actually said something along these lines, “I’ve never seen anything like this before.”  Honestly, I didn’t hear much of what she tried to explain to me.  None of that mattered to me.  All that mattered is that I had 1 baby that had a slow heartbeat and possibly another that had already died.  The due date they estimated would fall on Mothers Day of 2008.

The rest of that day is a blur.  I called Steve pretty hysterical.  I called my sister and my mom sobbing.  I laid on my couch crying all day.  For how many days did I cry?  I really don’t know.  My emotions were all over the place.  Hormones were raging.  Desperately, I begged God to save the baby or babies.  Let it be a mistake.  In the end, I would just rest in Him.  It was all I was able to do.

I woke up September 28th and followed the same Bible reading plan I had followed the previous morning.  I read Psalm 28, 58, 118, 148.

He washed me in His comfort.  Only the way He can.  No one else could comfort me.  But He could.  Because He formed me.  He knows me.  He loves me enough to sacrifice His own Son to die for me!

Psalm 28:16 “Praise be to the Lord for he has heard my cry for mercy.”

Psalm 28:7 “The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped.”

Psalm 118:1 “Give thanks to the Lord for he is good; his love endures forever.”

And then I read this

1 Peter 1:6-7 “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

We waited for 1 week for a 2nd ultrasound.  The week was long, which now I’m grateful for.  It was a week of pain, yes.  But it was a week of seeing God in a way I had never seen Him before.  The comfort I experienced from Him that week I can’t put into words.

How do we know the character of God without pain and trial?  How do we see his tender mercies if we aren’t in need?

1 week later there were no heartbeats to be heard.  We grieved.  We were heartbroken.  But we had God.  And we had His faithfulness.

Our prayers weren’t answered with a yes that day.  It was a “not yet”.  The following November, on Thanksgiving Day, Andrew was born.  How fitting God chose Thanksgiving as Andrew’s birthday.  We had much to be thankful for.  Thankful for new life.  Thankful for salvation.  Thankful for His love that endures forever.  Thankful for every moment He allows.

God is good.  Always.  Even when we are feeling intense pain.  God is still good.  In the pains of this world, He’s all we’ve got that is worthy of clinging to.

A Little Birdie

A little birdie told me there might be a little giveaway here at Barefoot Walks on Saturday.  And it might put a little cash in your pocket for a little fall fun.

You might want to check back on Saturday to see if the little birdie is right.


Smile at Me

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”  Mother Teresa

Lost in my thoughts, I moved from counter to table and table to counter as I was hurrying to get dinner on the table.  I wasn’t mad or happy.  I was simply in a state of action.  Dinner.  I came to a complete halt when I noticed my 3-year-old intensely watching my every move.  My fast, hurried, frazzled moves.  Moves that sent a message of stress rather than control.  Our eyes locked momentarily.  I tried to pull away, but I couldn’t.  His look was so intense I had to say something.  “What is it?”

“Mommy, are you happy or mad?”

“I’m happy.  Why?”

“Then why is your face doing this?”  He made a most serious facial expression that I must say was one fine mad face.

“Oh, I’m sorry.  I’m not mad at all.  I was just busy making dinner.  I’m very happy.”

His shoulders relaxed, his face broke out into a smile that covered his face, and he hugged me.

He needed to know I was happy.  His sense of security seemed to be tied to the state of my emotions.

Later the same night, I was in the same state of preparation for bedtime.  Clothes were being gathered for the morning, rooms tidied, children prepped for bed.  This time it was my 7-year-old.

“Mom, are you mad about something?”

“No, honey, why would you think I’m mad.”

“Because your face looks mad.  I wondered if I had done something to make you mad.”

“Not at all.  Sometimes I guess I just am not really thinking of anything and my relaxed facial expression just might not look happy.  But I am!”

I reflected on their comments later that evening.  I thought about what a smile does to me.  When a stranger shoots me a little smile, my spirit is immediately lifted.  When my children walk in the door with a smile on their face, my heart is warmed.  A smile encourages us.  A smile sends a message to our children of love and acceptance.  A smile says ‘I am pleased with you’.  A smile says ‘You can do this’.  A smile says ‘I’m on your side’.  A smile carries a thousand messages.

If our little ones could write us a little message, would it go something like this…

Dear Mom and Dad,

I’m watching you all the time.  Even when you don’t notice.  I love to study your facial expressions.  What things make you mad and what things make you happy.  I love when you are happy.  I love to see you smile at me.  When you are smiling, I feel safe.  I can relax when I see you smile because I know you have it all under control.  When you smile I know you are pleased with me.  

I can’t control my emotions very well, and I have tantrums that embarrass you.  Please forgive me.  I’m a child in training.  Model to me how to control my emotions.  If you yell at me, I might think that is how I am to handle my frustrations with you.

You are the center of my world.  My comfort comes from you and I desperately want to make you happy.  I will make so many mistakes every single day.  Please be patient with me.  I really want to do what is right, but I need help in figuring it out.  Please speak gently with me.  It scares me when you yell.

And please don’t ever give up on me.  Even when you think I don’t want you.  I will always want you and need you.

When you smile at me and speak with a gentle voice, I feel loved by you.  I love you.


Smile even when you don’t feel like it.  It will make you feel better.  And the little ones watching too.