Unseen – The Silent Competition- Part 3

This is part 3 of a series titled Unseen. For previous parts, and to read series from the beginning, please visit this link for the index.

Thoughts of feeling loved and appreciated play a game of tag in the recesses of my mind. I scrub the counters with unwarranted force. The swirls of black and white granite camouflage the stains and spills. I know they linger. So I scrub. I step back admiring my work in all its glistening glory telling a story so different from the one it told only minutes before.

Realizing a break is in order, I remove the gloves one finger at a time and reach for the phone. Powder-covered fingers scroll through my newsfeed while the humming of the dishwasher plays background music.

Hmmm, they seem to live at the beach. How happy they all look. It must be nice to take that much vacation. The aqua waters mesmerize me. I can almost feel the sand beneath my fingernails. I run my fingers through my ponytail in desperate need of freshening.

While I’m in the midst of conflict with my husband, I see how her husband brought her coffee in bed this morning. At the first opportunity, I catch a good moment in time, and I post.

I joined in the silent competition.  The one that shows only a glimpse of me, and not all of me, offering a counterfeit version of transparency.

A Friday night is not my preferred night to have a marital scuff. It started over something silly and turned into more than it should have. The day had been long and exhausting for us both and suddenly bed seemed the best place for me to land.

I should’ve known better, but I picked up my phone and scrolled through my newsfeed. I saw pictures of friends on a girls night out while I lay in bed in my 10 year old pajamas with a hole in the armpit at 8:00 on a Friday night.

I unfairly compare my current frustrating situation with the highlight of their day or week. How fair is that to my own mental well-being to look at what might be their best moment in 7 days and set it in competition with my worst moment of the week?

Thorn-producing seeds are dropped right into the fertile soil of my sin-filled heart. Sins begin to grow, cutting my heart. The same heart that God knows and loves anyway.

My 6-year-old and I stop at the local ice cream parlor for a surprise treat. I gaze at the way he cherishes each bite. Smacks tell a story words cannot. I want to remember this moment forever. I’m blessed, and I post.

The likes pile up offering the instant validation I crave. The validation that I am a good mom, and I’m not ruining my kids. This moment makes up for my feelings the day before.

I’m not invisible. I am seen. I am known. I am loved. This is what my heart is longing to know.

I see the lives of everyone all day long scrolling before me, interrupting my own moments. Before I realize what is happening, I’m desiring to make myself known too. My desire to be seen and known is a silent question I ask.  Do you see me too? I have value too. Am I liked? Am I worthy? 

Sometimes I wish real life could hit a like button to reassure my insecure heart. But then again, it’s best that it doesn’t because I would still be left empty. Life, whether online or real time, can’t give me what I need most. Filling of the empty is reserved for God. He longs to remove our insecurities forever.

At times my highly connected life makes me feel as if I live in competing worlds. The online world offers immediate feedback, both good and bad. The place God calls us to does not offer feedback at the pace of social media. My online world allows me to show snippets of my life, both the good and bad. The place God calls me to places it all exposed before His throne. My online world tells me I’m not really known, I’m only partly known. The place God calls me to tells me I’m more than fully known. My online world turns my focus inward. The place God calls me to tells me to turn my focus upward.

My worlds collide.

And isn’t that exactly where God has placed us? In a collision of worlds. We are right here for a reason, my friends. He waits right at this intersection for us to look up. He is waiting to tell us that we are seen, known, loved, and accepted. In fact, He has already told us.

Let’s begin to know the One who knows us full well and loves us anyway. When we truly know Him, we desire less to be known by the world. He is all we need. Knowing Him satisfies a heart that cries to be known. 

When we know Him, we know who we are in Him because we were created in His image. This alone answers the silent cries through social media.

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