When We Feel Guilty If We Have Time For A Coffee Date


Several years ago someone made a comment to me that I periodically think back on. She was making light, or making fun, of a conversation she overheard of another woman’s “important, busy day”. One that was filled with laundry and coffee with a friend.

I was taken aback, said nothing in response. I’ve thought of that conversation over the years.  Now shift direction with me for a minute.

About two weeks ago, the Lord did something very surprising in my life. But He began it months ago. Maybe years ago. At the end of the summer, I knew the Lord was telling me to lay down the book I was working on. I didn’t understand why, but I obeyed.

I stopped working on it. At the same time, I began to feel the urgency to pray. I wrote a little about it here. Mostly, I’ve held it close to my heart. It’s been a very personal and intimate time with the Lord.

I’ve not understood what He wanted me to do, so I did nothing different except spend more time with Him. Praying more. Studying more. Reading more.

In fact, so much for a few weeks, that I began to feel as if I were living in a false reality. My days that once seemed so productive took a sharp turn. I couldn’t quantify the efforts of my day. I knew I was exactly where He wanted me. I knew it was a season of time. I knew it made no sense, but does it ever make sense to us when we find ourselves simply sitting with Jesus not knowing what we are to do?

Restless. That was my heart. Something stirred and poked. Something I’d never experienced before.

I might jump back and forth a little, so stay with me. I think you are used to me by now. So this is no surprise.

This blog. You. Are my heart’s passion. Most of you I have never seen in person. Most of you I’ve never spoken with. Most of you I may never have an interaction with. But I love you. Truly love you. I pray for you constantly. My heart aches to encourage you to see God, to walk with Him intimately. But I just wish I could really see you. I want to hear your stories. I want to hear what God is doing in your life. Your stories would increase my faith and encourage me to walk faithful step by faithful step.

Then I started speaking. And the love for leading women only increased. Now I had a tiny glimpse of your stories. When you come talk to me afterwards and tell me how God spoke to you, you have no idea what that does to my faith. My passion for sharing with women.

My love for leading women has never waned. Writing on this blog has never one time felt like work. Preparing to speak has never one time felt like work. It is pure and utter joy. When I pray I thank God that He has allowed me this privilege.

During these past few months, I’ve known God was preparing me for something, but I’ve not known what it was. About 2 weeks ago, He showed me. And it was to lead the women’s ministry in my church.

One day I am going to share the neatest God story with you about this. But today is not the time.

I’m continuing to write here at the same pace I’ve always written. Basically, whenever the Lord directs. Once, twice, sometimes three times a week. It’s nice having no pressure to keep a schedule with you. Thank you for that gift.

I’m continuing to speak at any invitation the Lord brings. It’s one of the greatest surprise loves of my life. An area of ministry I once thanked God for not calling me into. He likely laughed as He thought, “Just wait.” Grateful for a God who laughs with me and pushes me to go to the place that feels foreign and terrifying.

And to this point, I wonder if you are thinking, “I don’t care to read a post all about her.” I hope not, but I felt I had to in order to lead you where I’m going with this post.

When I accepted the role as women’s ministry leader, my mind began to race. The passion and excitement, the opportunity, felt exhilarating. I love leading women to follow Jesus. Our church is amazing! We have an incredible foundation laid already. And the women in our church. Impossible not to love.

I woke from a dream and remembered the details and the Lord’s instruction. I fell back asleep and awoke to have forgotten the details, but the Lord’s instruction was clear. He said, “Abide in Me. Lead by example.” Here I was going into go mode, and God does what He does best. He goes against the natural process. Basically, He said, “It’s not go time. It’s abide in Me. Nothing changes. Show how.”

The last 2 weeks have been crazy busy. The next two are insane as I prepare to speak at a women’s retreat…5 sessions. And God is saying, “Abide.” And I’m all like, “But God! Don’t you see how much I have to do right now??”


Abide in Me.

I’m trying to obey. It’s hard. Back to how I started this post.

2 weeks ago I had a lunch date I hadn’t planned for that day and a phone call with a friend not on my calendar. The two combined took up 3 of my 6 work hours. It ended up being the most important hours of my day apart from reading God’s Word.

Honestly. I didn’t plan for it. I didn’t have time for it. God spoke to me through both. The blessings were tremendous. Impossible to quantify.

Relationships. It’s the first thing we push aside when life gets busy.

Over the last 2 weeks I’ve become a professional coffee drinker. I think I’ve had a coffee meeting a day as I’m getting to know women at the church or work on various projects the Lord is bringing to me. I come away each time simply overwhelmed by what God does in a coffee date.

I remembered back to how I started this post. An “important” day couldn’t possibly be a coffee date. It’s too frivolous and luxurious. Life is too busy for much of that.

I disagree. When life is too busy to have coffee with a friend, something should change. I didn’t realize this until I spent the last 2 weeks having coffee dates with women I’m only now getting to know. Hearing their stories, and wanting to hear more.

We need each other. Desperately.

It’s not luxurious to schedule time to sit face to face or sit ear to ear on the phone. It could be the most important appointment of your day.

As women we can feel guilty if we make time to take a walk, meet for coffee, or chat on the phone. I say no more.

It’s that rebel girl that lives in me. We were created for relationship. In today’s culture, we kind of have to fight for it.

In a world that says to be important you must be crazy busy, I’m saying let’s let our crazy busy be sitting with Jesus and sitting with each other.

I say this on a day I had to reschedule a lunch with my two closest friends who wanted to take me out for my birthday. In some ways, it’s pretty ironic. But the thing is, I know the grace these two girls have. I know they fully understand where I am right now. The beauty of relationships. Lots of grace given when investments have been made.

Relationships. A gift. Such a gift. Worth every second of investment.

At 39 years old (as of yesterday), I’m only now beginning to see how the most seemingly insignificant uses of time are the most enriching.

To the world, we seem unimportant when our calendar is full of relationship kind of stuff. But we serve a God who does things upside down and inside out. Jesus was all about relationships.

Ultimately, I want to be like Jesus.

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