Dear Boys, Saying No To Sex Starts Today


Want your teen to stay sexually pure? Here's a conversation to have.

Dear Boys,

We’ve been talking about sex for a lot of years now.

You know how dad said, “I know it’s hard to believe, but one day, all you will think about is girls.” And how you all laughed and said, “No way!” Also, remember how dad said that you would begin to experience feelings and urges that are very powerful? And how you looked at us with confusion?

It’s hard to believe, but one day you will understand what we are talking about.

Right now, at 10 and 11, it’s easy to say you will remain pure. It’s easy to say you will not have sex until marriage. It’s all easy when you aren’t in the situation.

The reason it’s easy is because you have never been overcome by hormones, passion, or infatuation. The forces of these have brought the wisest of men down. (Think Solomon) The forces of these have brought down “a man after God’s own heart”. (Think David)

We can learn from their mistakes. And we can learn from the wisdom of others. The choice to remain pure until marriage can literally save your life.

How do you say no to premarital sex in a culture that shrugs its shoulders?

  • You first recognize you are powerless to say no
  • You ask God to give you wisdom to make good choices and the power moment by moment to say no
  • You decide now, right this very moment, that you will remain pure. Don’t wait until you are facing temptation. Otherwise, it might take you down.
  • You stay out of situations where you might say yes to sex before marriage. When it comes to sexual temptation, God says to flee. He doesn’t even want you in that situation. He knows the power it holds. (1 Cor 6:18). At the same time, if you find yourself in temptation, He provides a way out. (1 Cor 10:13)
  • Choose to obey God. No. Matter. What.

Out of this list, I want to stress one decision you must make today. It’s a decision today to remain pure no matter what.

Let’s talk about how ahead of time decision-making played out for Daniel. Daniel, along with others, was brought into the royal court by the king of Babylon. The king instructed that this court be given choice food and wine.

Now Daniel loved God very much. He knew that this food and wine would cause him to sin against God because the food was offered to idols and the wine poured out on pagan altars.

Daniel knew in his head and his heart that he should not take part in this food. Daniel 1:8 “But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way.”

Did you notice that phrase…Daniel resolved not to defile himself.

Before Daniel sat down with a plate of this delicious buffet to tempt his watering mouth, he made a choice to say no. Daniel did not wait to decide when faced with the decision. He took the offensive position. He took the upper-hand. Daniel said no before he faced temptation.

Follow Daniel’s footsteps. Choose to abstain from sex before marriage before you are faced with a girl telling you how much she wants to be with you, and that it’s not a big deal, and everyone else is doing it.

How can you be a Daniel in a sex-saturated teen culture?

  • Decide now to remain pure
  • Decide with friends to remain pure and hold each other accountable.
  • Pray for yourself and your friends

Daniel and his 3 friends held strong together. Together we are stronger. Stand with friends to remain pure together.

Find a friend, find a brother, but find someone today that will walk the road of purity with you.

Now, Daniel was faithful to God. And God was faithful to Daniel. But it still ended up with Daniel being thrown into a lion’s den later in life.

Don’t think for a second that just because you have made a decision for purity that you won’t find yourself in a lion’s den. You likely will.

God will deliver you from the lion’s mouth. Stay steady and sure in your faith. Never waver for one second. Don’t be scared by the lion’s den. Remember, God sends His angels to shut the mouths of the lions.

You have nothing to fear.

Daniel never regretted choosing God.

You will never regret choosing purity.

When you say your wedding vows, the greatest gift you can give your wife is the gift of saving yourself for her. When you take your wife, if you remained pure, I promise you will not look back and say, “Wow, I wish I hadn’t waited for this.”

Listen carefully, you are in your training years. When Daniel made the decision to abstain from the king’s food and wine, he was in his training years. Those are the years that God prepared him to be able to sit among the lions fully confident in the one who held those lions back.

You are in your training years. It won’t be easy, but the places God will take you because of your faithful obedience will blow your mind. What God has in store for you because of your obedient faith, doesn’t hold a candle to a moment of pleasure. One that could very well end or change the course of your entire life.

Be a Daniel.

Decide ahead of time that you will say no to sex before marriage.

Keep yourself out of temptation.

Don’t fear. God holds you secure.

And remember, God isn’t trying to withhold anything good from you. He’s trying to protect you so that He can give you the VERY BEST.

Psalm 119:9-11

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
By living according to your word.
10 I seek you with all my heart;
do not let me stray from your commands.
11 I have hidden your word in my heart
that I might not sin against you.

I love you with all my heart. I pray daily you will choose a path of purity. I pray you love God more than you love the pleasures of this world. They are enticing and deceitful. If you remember who God is, you can remember that He would only desire what’s best for you.


I highly recommend the book series God’s Design for Sex. We’ve used these books for years with our kids. It gave us the tools to begin the conversations. We started as early as we can remember so that we would always have open dialogue. Ultimately, our kids will make their own choices. As parents our responsibility is to pray them towards purity, to prepare them with knowledge, and to keep open the doors of communication. Kids today are very confused, and they are going to the wrong sources for information.

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