I am not the Holy Spirit


Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God;  I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the world.

Steve and I have this little thing.  This little thing where I get in a little rut and begin grumbling about all the ways I can’t keep the house clean, and how no one appreciates what I do, and no one understands.  Yada, yada, ya.  You ever find yourself in these patterns?

I appreciate how Steve engages with me when I’m stuck here.  He usually smiles and says, “Just love me.”  He knows I can’t fight back to that.  He’s not telling me how he has it harder or how yes he does understand or yes he does help.  He simply asks that I love him. Because when I love him, I can more easily look over the yuck around me.

God says the same thing in different words.  Essentially, God is saying to me, “Just love me.” Do you hear how He asks you this same thing? When I just love God, I am free to enjoy Him.  When I enjoy Him, I am free to love and enjoy these lives He’s entwined with mine.

I am not the family holy spirit.  I cannot change the heart of my child.  I cannot control my husband.  I suddenly understand the freedom in this revelation.  This freedom allows me to do what God asks me to do.  Simply love Him.

I think I had this running dialogue with God going on in my head.  Something like, “God, they won’t do what I say to do.  They are stubborn.  They have a mind of their own.  No matter how I try, I can’t change their responses.”  Because He is gracious and compassionate, He allows me to try to take His job away.  He knows I learn best when I experience the struggle firsthand.  Only when I come to the point of realizing I simply cannot am I able to turn to Him with my arms held high.  Then I hear Him say to me, “Just love me.”

Some things with my family are so stinking easy.  Then there are the things that seem impossible.  These are typically the things that matter the most.  The heart issues.  Usually at this point, I begin to see I have the same heart issues expressed differently.

I’ve come to realize my job description as “Mom” and “Wife”  doesn’t include “God” in it.  I give it my best shot anyway.  On any given day, I’m attempting with everything in me to direct their heart’s every moves.  These are the days I feel worn down and defeated.  These are the days I feel like I’m failing as a mom and wife.  The only thing I’m truly failing at is being god.  Our house is only big enough for one God.

Psalm 46:10 has been my life verse for many years.  Recently, it has taken on new life to me.  I particularly like this translation:

New American Standard Bible 

“Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

It’s like I can hear His patient whisper saying to me, “Renee, just stop trying so hard to do my job.  Cease striving.  I’m God, not you.  I ask you to love me and let me be God to your children and your husband for they are mine just as you are.”

Sometimes I forget that my children are His children first.  I forget He is creating a story in them like He is creating in me.  I forget that the struggles that have drawn me to Him my children may experience and be drawn to Him too.  If I take away His job, I may effectively take away their ability to love Him in ways they are desperate to love Him.

Sometimes I believe that to be a good mom, I have to have good children.  Or to be a good wife, my marriage has to be rosy all the time.  This lie causes me to try harder.  I become performance-driven, not grace-livin’.

When I’m driven by performance, I’m striving too hard.  I’m unable to be still.  When I’m driven by grace, I experience the liberation of the lie that tells me to get the results I want, I must be in control of everyone around me.

Such freedom lies in two simple words “Be still”.

Such beauty is lived with 3 simple words “Just love Me.”

Do you have any areas He’s asked you to be still?  To release your hold and just love Him?