We piled in the car after church and the questions began. “Where are we going? Are we going out to lunch? Where? What are we doing after lunch?” We wanted to take them to lunch, but we didn’t want to tell them where we were going. I kept wondering why they had to know. They knew we would feed them. They knew we wouldn’t choose something they despised. Why couldn’t they sit back and go along for the ride?
I imagine God wonders that about me. I imagine He wishes I would sit back and go along for the ride, simply following Him.
Sometimes following is hard when we don’t know where we are going. Sometimes He just asks us to follow. We don’t need to know where we are going. We just need to follow Him.
God’s doing something in me. I don’t know what it is. He has ignited something but hasn’t revealed what it is. There is a stirring, a pulling, a leading. God is doing something in Steve. He doesn’t know what it is. He just feels a leading.
I love putting pieces together. I love figuring out mysteries. I love for things to click and make perfect sense. I love to say, “This happened because of this.” Here’s the thing, following God, we rarely will see how all the pieces fit. We will never see the whole picture while we are here on this Earth. When we follow we have to surrender our desire to know where we are going. Hands up high, crying out, “God I will go, though I don’t know where I go.”
That is where I am right now. The further I go into the world of writing and speaking, the more frustrated I become because I don’t know where I’m going most of the time. I’m about to be brutally honest here. If you have followed me for awhile, this will come as no surprise. I likely share way too much information. Here goes anyway.
There is a rebel inside me. I’ve alluded to that before. Deep inside me is this little rebellious spirit that loves to push back. Not against God (though I have many times), not against doing what I know is right. My rebellion is always against following what appears to be the way of the “in” crowd. Something in me always rebels against following the way of the popular.
After I posted my letter to my boys, I saw something that disturbed me. Why did I care how many views it got? Why did I check my stats (the stats that I didn’t even know existed prior to that post)? Why did I care how many times it was shared?
I began praying, “Lord, let me not care so much for the attention that I lose the heart of the intention.”
That is where God has landed me. The way of the world says that to make Him known, we have to build a platform to stand upon so we can be heard above the noise. Something inside me rebels against this.
I write because I love you. I genuinely love you. I don’t want to build a platform. I want to make Him known. And this passion inside of me is growing stronger to the point I feel like something is about to explode right out of me.
After my viral blog post, I was contacted by one of the top agencies in the country. An agency I never in a million years would have submitted to for representation. It made no sense to me they would want to represent me and my itty bitty platform. But I moved forward. I didn’t sign a contract, I simply followed the steps they told me to follow.
Fast forward to a run I took with one of my best friends this week. I began pouring my heart out about God doing something and I needed a break from writing, but I’m scared I’m running away from a responsibility God has given me. She encouraged me to take a break to listen to God. I got home and received an email from the agency that the agent I was working with had moved on and they were deeply sorry for the position it left me in.
While it might seem disappointing, I felt freedom wash over me. I don’t know what God is doing in me. But I know that above anything He wants me to do, He desires I love Him so passionately that everything I do will bring honor and glory to Him. I don’t know where I’m going. All I know is that I write. I don’t have a clear plan.
Building a platform and making my name known seems to be the very opposite of what He wants me to do. The rebel in me wants to come out. But I can’t stop writing because if I stop writing I fear I won’t understand myself. It’s how life makes sense to me.
I’m opening my eyes to a new path. One where I will not ask where we are going.
Where is God leading you today? Is there a rebel that lives inside of you too? Is that rebel desiring to be used for God’s kingdom. To go against the popular and make Him known?
Would you share what your rebel is saying to you. Right here in this little blog space? I receive so many emails privately from readers, and I want to encourage the little rebel in you to leave a comment here. Why? Because you have no idea how much your thoughts can encourage someone else who needs to know they aren’t alone.
Matthew 16:24 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”
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