When Fear Shows Up

 “It is much easier to be brave if you do not know everything.  And so your mama does not know everything. Neither do I.  We know only what we need to know.”  Number The Stars by Lois Lowry.

On a cold November morning, the silence of the morning enveloped me in its warm embrace.  The sun not yet roused, coffee mug warming my hands, Bible laid open on my lap.  The ponderings drifting in and out of my thoughts.

Then God.

One of those ponderings pricked something, so I began to write.  Ideas, bullet points, notes, thoughts.  So began Seeking Christmas.

I tucked that scratch sheet of paper in my Bible and slid it back on the shelf.  That little prick in my heart never went away.  Little by little God revealed each step for me.  Yet He never showed me the full picture.  He only showed me what I needed to know at the time.

I thought I was writing this book for my own family.

Then God.  

To be painfully honest there were many times I was hoping for a way out.  I questioned if this was really what God was calling me to.  Maybe He wasn’t and I was following my own dream, not His plan.  Maybe I would see closed-door after closed-door and that would be my answer.  At least I could say I tried.

Then God.

He did close door after door.  Then another would open.  Just when I thought I had found my dead-end, He showed me where to move.

Now 4 years later, I’m moving so far outside of my comfort zone it scares me to death quite honestly.  Had God revealed to me that cold November morning what I would be doing right now, I don’t know that I would have ever picked up another pen.

God doesn’t reveal the whole picture to us because He knows we can’t handle it.

Fear can become crippling.  It can choke us.  It can blind us.  It can cause us to see Goliath looming over us and not see the power of the stones in our own hand.  It can cause us to see the giant Midianite army against our mere 300  and forget He’s given us a trumpet and water pitcher.

Then God.

He’s whispering.  He’s cheering us on.  He’s begging us to trust Him.  He’s asking us to leave our pride and fear behind and walk with Him.  Over and over again, His Word reminds us to “Fear not.”

I am on the verge of launching my first book- moving into unknown territory.  Literally clinging to Christ because I feel the mountain of unknowns and to-dos may very well crumble and bury me.

The only thing to counter fear is prayer.

So I prayed “God just let me see You and not all the mess of details and to-dos.  Let me just see You and focus on You.”

And then I ran.  I ran hard and fast wanting to sweat the doubt and fear right out of my body.   My thoughts were a swirling sea of questions without answers.

1 mile of my run is a cornfield on my right.  A sea of corn.  It all looks the same.  My feet pounded hard on the pavement, my eyes were on the corn.  Usually my eyes are down, scouting for snakes.  Today, my eyes were up.  Looking at the corn-for anything other than corn.

Then God.

It stood out, brilliant purple, yet it was small.  Easily it could be missed.  Two purple flowers on a vine wrapped all the way up the stalk.

Aww, God.  Yes, You are right here.  In the sea of swirling fears, doubts, and questions, You remain.  Quietly You are there.  You could easily be missed if we aren’t looking through the mess of all the same to find the One thing that stands out.

Psalm 56:3  “When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”

………Thank you for all the prayers as the book release nears.   Be on the watch for my new website soon to launch and the official release of Seeking Christmas.  Lots of fun stuff planned for the weeks ahead!………..