When I thought I no longer struggled with comparison
There is a theme that comes up over and over again. This idea of comparison. I continue to see new books released on comparison, blog posts circulating.
It’s one of the most common struggles I hear women voice.
Last week, my prideful self said, “I don’t get it. Why is comparison this big deal? I just don’t struggle with that.”
And then.
God does this to me. All…the….time.
I opened up one of my favorite blogger’s blog post. I subscribe so I never miss one of her posts. And it wasn’t her normal type of post. It was all these beautiful pictures of her home. These before and after shots. How she restyled.
And all the while, I’m scrolling through the pictures thinking, “I’ll take your before please. Because your before is a thousand times better than my before. So your before can become my after.”
The thoughts took a few nasty slides off the road. “Well, yeah, when you have money to buy new things, restyling is easy.” “Even if you don’t have money, but you own some nice stuff, restyling is fun.” “All my stuff is old, out of date, beat up and scratched up, and holds a smell similar to a high school locker room.”
I closed the post and went back to my day.
So you don’t get comparison? Really?
A little while later, I scrolled through instagram. I heard these voices in my head saying, “You only posted that picture to show us how perfectly decorated your house is.”
I’m not lying. These thoughts went through my head. I’m ashamed. I’m embarrassed.
Still think you don’t struggle with comparison?
That is when it hit me. My struggle with comparison decreased when I stopped scrolling through Pinterest and when I had no time for social media. I simply didn’t see things that I could hold up in comparison to my life.
Then I remembered to the days my littles were actually little. Before I was on social media. And I still had plenty of opportunities to compare myself to the next mom. It was how I assessed how I was doing. I never considered holding God’s Word as my measuring stick. That just seemed too….I don’t know, too… inconvenient.
When my boys were small, I invited a new friend over. I spent hours cleaning before she arrived with her children. Then I spent hours cleaning after they left. I felt exhausted, and I portrayed my home in the most unrealistic way to this new friend. Though I LOVE a clean house, I love spending time with my children more. Most of the time, my house just isn’t the kind of clean I love. But on that day, it was.
A few weeks later, she invited me to her house. It was a disaster. I could tell she didn’t lift a finger for our visit. It was just like my house was every day that I didn’t expect company to visit.
I felt these pangs of jealousy. She apologized for the state of chaos her home displayed, and I responded, “A messy home is a sign of a well-lived home. It’s the mark of a great mom.”
Even in that situation, I was comparing her home to my home, her role as mom to my role as mom. I was in my head saying she’s a better mom and woman because she is comfortable with her role as a get on the floor and play kind of mom and I felt the need to cover that up before her visit.
As I thought back on this, it made me realize that comparison goes in all directions. It goes up and down, left and right, inside and outside. It just makes no sense.
It’s a great tool of the enemy because it gets our focus off of God and our purposes. We become discontented, distracted, materialistic, jealous, greedy. All kinds of lovelies come from comparison.
And I can’t believe I had the audacity to believe that comparison is something I graduated from and matured out of.
I’m grateful the Lord has a sense of humor with me. That He will take me on these little roundabouts. Look, kids, Big Ben, Parliament. Around and around I go. He never stops speaking to me no matter how many trips I take around the same issue.
I’ve drawn my own personal conclusion. Like fear, comparison isn’t something we defeat once and for all. We will struggle in greater capacities in different seasons of life. It will go away for a time and revisit haven taken a new shape and form. Just like the enemy.
Knowing our weak points helps us guard our hearts from falling into the comparison trap. For me personally, I simply can’t be on Pinterest. I go on periodically and will pin away then I go away for stretches at a time. I go for what I am looking for, but I don’t spend time scrolling, creating images and wants and desires that foster growth of the comparison monster.
And the daily strengthening that comes only from His Word. Who does He say I am? And who is He? That is all that really matters. He’s made some for this and some for that. But He’s made us all to lavish with love and bring glory to His name.
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