Don’t Blink, Then I Blinked

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#dontblink – a common hashtag when celebrating graduations, birthdays, a new school year, or a life change.

#theniblinked -it’s like a sudden realization that time actually does move at a pace that is frighteningly slow in real time yet megafast in the replay.

One day we are wiping smashed peas off chubby cheeks, then we seem to blink as we watch that same child wiping milk from our new grandbaby’s mouth.

One day we push a shopping cart holding our tantrum throwing toddler through the store as all eyes on us seem to be the cause of the sweat forming under our arms. Then we blink, and  one day we are by ourselves in a store. We look around in a panic for our child for a split second until the realization hits that we no longer have a toddler in tow.

One day we are longing for the nights we can curl up in our bed and read a book uninterrupted or watch a show without pausing every 3.5 minutes because someone wants a cup of water, someone is scared, someone remembered they can’t find their prized possession and are in full panic mode until we come to the rescue. Then we blink, and they are teenagers who become chatter boxes at the point of the night that are eyes are begging to close, our bodies desperate for rest. And we sit on beds and listen to dramas unfold, listen to aches no one else knows of. Then we blink again, and that room is empty except on weekends or holidays.

When in the dark depths of sleep-deprived infant days or knee-deep in the endless days of potty-training (or lack thereof), the moments of parenting can feel like we are living in slow-mo. Well-intentioned, seasoned parents offer smiles of encouragement and tell us to enjoy each drop because it will be over before we know it.

I’ll confess times of a cynical inner-self living inside me wanting to holler back, “Easy for you to say, I bet you didn’t have to….” Fill in the blank with whatever my thorn was for that day. Then I had the glowing moments of cherishing these words in my heart, desperately wanting to hold onto the time at hand. It is a tug of war between these two selves, one wanting to move forward, one terrified to leave the present because I want to never let go of the gift of now.

Scientists say we blink on average about 15-20 times a minute, which is about 28,800 times a day. In 18 years that is about 190,000,000 blinks.

While on the lookback it may feel a lifetime went by in a blink, we actually receive the gift of nearly 2 million blinks in 18 years with our kiddos, Lord willing. What sweet mercy to our souls.

“Mom, if we ever decide to stop homeschooling, the thing I would be most sad about is knowing how sad it would make you. I know you would miss us so much.”

I looked up to catch his tender gaze. “I would miss you. But I live season to season.”

Intrigued, he leaned in slightly. I went back to the task at hand while continuing, “You know God gives us life broken into seasons. I have chosen to embrace each season as God brings it and hold it with open hands. If I cling too tightly, I won’t be ready to release it when God says it’s time. So I try to keep my hands open, ready to release one season and receive the next.”

His eyebrows raised as he nodded. The answer seemed to relieve him of his worry.

“That is why it’s so important not to take any season for granted. Make the most of each moment. Cherish the relationships while you have them because you don’t know when the tide will change.”

It’s not a living in fear of the change of life. It’s living with the excited expectation of what is next on the horizon.

I remember when Jacob was an infant, an older mom saying to me, “This too shall pass.” I knew it was true. I saw moms who received a nightly 8 hours of sleep. It would happen again. All moments pass eventually. All seasons pass.

I’ve observed many in my life enter and exit various seasons and stages of their lives. I’ve gone through many of my own in 40 years. It seems there are the ones who joyfully accept the new while letting go of the old. And there are some who tend to become bitter and cynical even as they transition into new seasons.

It’s easier to release a season and receive another when we’ve made the most of the one we are leaving. But what happens when we squandered the time? What happens when we’ve made a wreck out of the relationships we should have cherished? Or what if we tried our hardest but surrounding situations or people cut in bringing sadness, destruction, or failures?

We can let regrets eat away at our soul. We can make excuses or blame others around us. This will surely create a bitter soul.

Or we can release the past to God. Confess our failures. Forgive others. Let go of resentments. Ask for a fresh vision. We can choose to not let our past define us and live with the truth that His mercies are new every day.

We can’t get time back, but we can choose to walk into the future with joy and hope. When we are in Christ, we are never a moment without hope. Feelings can lead us away from the truth. His Word is the unmoving point to fix our eyes on when we desperately want to enter the next season with a new vision.

My kids have taught me they remember more about the present than the past. In my own head, I may tend to stay in the past. They tend to live in today.

I replay times of failure to myself. They remember the times I was their hero. I’m my own worst enemy at times. They tend to be my champion cheerleaders.

When my boys were little, I played with them a lot. I’d run and chase outside. We’d sit on the floor and play cars. We’d read books for hours at a time. I invested heavily. Despite all the time I invested, Andrew said to me recently, “Why don’t you ever play with me?”

I immediately became defensive. All the years of floor playing, sweating in the yard, and reading until my eyes begged for sleep, and he thinks I don’t play with him enough? Then I realized that it’s today that matters to him. While I initially looked at the negative, I realized this is actually a blessing.

Yes, what I did in the early years is important. Vitally important. It built a foundation of memories and trust. However, it’s what I choose to do today that matters the most for today. He isn’t living in the past. He is living in today. And this is a healthy thing for him to do. And it’s a healthy thing for me to remember. Because I’ve regretted many moments in my past. But it’s what I choose to do with those moments today that matters going forward.

With my boys each day is a new day to grow in our relationship. Each season offers new and unique gifts. The letting go of one day is the preparation to receive the next day.

If yesterday was a disaster because of my incorrect perceptions or my negative attitude, Lord willing, I get a restart the next day. I am not a victim to the replay. I have the choice to create a new route. Often it begins in my own mindset. How I choose to view this life or this season holds quite a bit of power.

We are entering our second year of homeschool. We’ve mostly completed our summer. Summer #14 of 18 with my oldest. It’s time to release this season with a thankful heart and prepare my hands and heart to receive the new school year. He’s soon to be 14, which is hard for me to believe.

Didn’t I simply blink?

Yes. Yes, I did. About 143,000,000 so far actually.

For each blink, I thank Him. A blink is a gift.

Lord, You are the giver of all that is good. Today, we thank you for the gift of a blink of time. We thank you for the collection of blinks that create a life. We thank you for the blinks blurred by tears. We thank you for blinks happening unaware. We praise You that you are Creator of life. Your mercies are new with each blink. That hope is alive because of Christ. Today, may we receive each blink as the gift it is. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.

 

How To Use God’s Word In Daily Raw Moments of Parenting

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I sat at the farmhouse table with 2 of 3 boys. Bibles out, breakfast being consumed, ready to start the homeschool day. Boy 3 arrives on the scene with an apology for being late to the table. He opens the pantry, pours a bowl of cereal, opens the fridge, and….finds the milk empty.

He wheels around looking for the person who dared take the last of the milk. A brother offered a smile with a raise of the red dixie cup that housed the last drops of milk. The fuming brother stepped with pounding feet toward his spot at the table. I held my breath afraid to inhale the smoke exiting his ears. And then it happened.

The brother who drank the milk made eye contact with the brooding brother, he took a deliberately slow sip while winking from behind the tilted cup. Brooding brother bursts out in his anger. The fighting words start. I attempt to calm the boys down, and I make the mistake of walking away for a brief moment, long enough for brooding brother to push provoking brother to the point of spilling a cup of water.

I send angry brother to his room to calm down. And then I take a deep breath.

I’ve been listening to a book that is daily challenging me in how I parent. It’s revealing to me the sin in my heart that parents from a wrong perspective most days. It’s encouraging me to look at every single parenting moment as a gift from God. Every frustration. Every heartache. Every outburst. Every moment we have our kids is an opportunity to be used by God to live out the gospel, to be used by God to point them to their desperate need for the cross, and to fall madly and deeply in love with the One who is worthy of our everything.

The book I’m reading, or listening to, on Audible, is Parenting – 14 Gospel Principles that can radically change your family by Paul David Tripp.

My first reaction is NOT to point to the cross. I want that to be my first reaction. But it depends on my fatigue level, how many issues I’ve had to parent through when the next one strikes, how hungry I am. You get the picture. If you catch me fresh in the morning, I’m high on His new mercies and I can point away to the cross. But grab me at the end of the day, and you might think someone has replaced me.

On this particular morning, I’d enjoyed a long quiet time alone with the Lord. While showering I listened to the end of this book I’ve been savoring. I was fresh into my day, yet my first reaction to this situation was in my head, “Seriously??? Monday was great but Tuesday is now Monday??” Then I sent a vent text to my husband for good measure. (Good man he is just lets me vent away…then I think he prays for me)

I opened up my file box I keep in the kitchen drawer. It’s full of sacred. It holds God’s Word as I’ve stumbled upon it in my quiet times or at various points when God has spoken to me. I’ve jotted key verses on these index cards for years. If they fall into a particular category, like anger, I write the topic at the top of the card.

These cards aren’t beautifully created. I would never post them on Pinterest as they would be overlooked. They aren’t color coded, organized smartly, written with beautiful calligraphy, or doodled on for extra charm. But they hold God’s Word etched in paper.

When I began to read God’s Word every single day, not only did I find myself falling more in love with God, but I found myself shocked at how practical and alive God’s Word is. Each time I sat to read the Word, I’d find myself grabbing an index card out and writing down a verse that I knew I would need eventually.

I didn’t know God’s Word well enough in my early years of parenting to recall a verse and point my kids to Jesus with His Word. So when I discovered a passage of scripture, I’d write it down, labeling if possible and tucking into a file box that I kept near at hand in the kitchen.

When boys complained, I’d grab at my index cards and quickly pull out the verse about complaining. When boys argued, I’d reach for the cards and find scripture on loving others. When anger reigned, I’d find the verses on anger. When we found ourselves choosing not to watch movies that friends might be allowed to watch, we’d pull out the cards that talked about keeping pure hearts.

While there are books out there that give a topical index to finding scripture to use in parenting, I found that discovering it on my own held the most power. I was relying on God to show me Himself through my own study time. Taking the extra minute or two to write the Word on the card was an active step in hiding His Word in my own heart that I might not sin against Him. My kids actually seeing me reading, studying, writing, and relying on His Word has impacted them and their own reliance on God’s Word.

Back to the story. I grabbed my file cards and started thumbing through them before I sat with my incredibly angry child. Then I sat on his bed and we prayed. We thanked God that He is gracious, kind, compassionate, and forgiving. We thanked Him for His Word that lights our path. We asked Him to guide us in righteousness for His name’s sake.

I read the first card to him.

“Proverbs 19:20 says ‘Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.’ I hope you will listen to my instruction now. I’m going to read to you some scripture as it relates to what just took place.

Proverbs 19:11 ‘A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.’

Proverbs 17:19 ‘He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction.’

Proverbs 16:32 ‘Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s temper, than capturing a city.’

Proverbs 29:11 ‘A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.’

You know why I send you away to your room before I talk to you? This is why…

Psalm 4:4 ‘In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent.’

I want you to sit with your heart and let the Holy Spirit speak to you before I speak to you.

James 3:18 ‘Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness’

Proverbs 14:29 ‘A patient man has great understanding, but a quick tempered man displays folly.’

Ecc 7:9 ‘ Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.’

Ecc 7:8 ‘The end of a matter is better than its beginning and patience is better than pride.’

James 1:19-20 ‘Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.’

Psalm 37:8-9 ‘Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated it can only bring harm. For evildoers will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.’ ‘

After I read the scriptures jotted on index cards that have been used repeatedly over the years, I looked into his eyes. They’d softened. His shoulders had relaxed.

I continued, “I understand your feelings and thoughts from that incident, but I want to point out something you might not be aware of. Were you upset because your brother used the last of the milk?”

He nodded his head.

“That was selfish of him to think of himself right? He didn’t consider anyone else when he poured the last drops. I’ve done the same thing before. Thought of myself only.”

He kept listening.

“But who were you thinking of when you realized there was no milk?”

Quietly, he answered, “Myself.”

“Right. You thought of yourself first. You wanted cereal. You had no milk. So you see,  both of you had selfishness in your hearts. The anger we experience is typically birthed from another sin hiding in our hearts. Something drives that anger out, and we need to identify the sin in our heart producing the anger. That anger then caused you to sin. That’s why I love the verse that says ‘in your anger, do not sin.’ We have a choice when we feel anger to NOT sin in the anger. It’s hard, but that is why I send you away. I’m trying to help protect you from sinning further in your anger. Then you can get into the quiet moments with God.”

I finished by praying with him showing how to ask God for forgiveness and asked him to go to his brother and ask forgiveness. I sat with the brother and shared words with him to show how selfishness hides in our hearts and we don’t even recognize it most days. I told him initially he wasn’t trying to hurt his brother, but he didn’t think of anyone other than himself when he took the last of the milk. And one step further, when seeing the brother fuming, continued to stoke the fire, provoking him to anger.

This process can be exhausting. It takes time, patience, and diligence. There was a season where we simply didn’t have time for an exercise like this. We were running from here to there. There was no time to sit and talk. However, we are in a season now where we have much greater margin in our days.

Do I handle every argument this way? No. Do I wish I did? Yes.

Many days I take the easy road. I simply slap a band aid on the injury and rush us onto the next item on the agenda. But I know deep down that this isn’t what my kids need most. Yes, I temporarily regain peace in the home, but their hearts were shaped, and they didn’t see Jesus at work.

Often in my parenting, I let my own selfishness rule my heart. I want peace. I want quiet. I want time. I want. I want. I want. Therefore, I don’t take the time needed to truly point my kids to Christ.

We have a small window of time to instruct our kids, to train them up, to shepherd them. We have limited time to influence them more than the world will. It’s our privilege to take every moment as a gift and use it to the glory of God.

Lord, I confess I parent selfishly many days. Forgive me for not taking every moment to point my kids to you. Grant me wisdom. Give me strength to parent well. Show me how to do this task You’ve called me to. Thank you for the gift of parenting.

 

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About International Women’s Day – the Christian Response

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When satan first revealed to us his plan to influence the world for his purposes, he started with a woman. The first International Women’s Day began in the Garden of Eden.

When the man and the woman had everything in complete perfection. They had everything they could ever desire, and more. They actually walked with God.

There was only one thing. One thing God told them was not theirs. Everything else was theirs but this one thing. The fruit from the tree in the middle.

Satan went to the woman first. Maybe he said something like this to himself before approaching the woman with his lies, “Let’s get to the woman first. She will believe our lies then she will influence the man. They will fall in my trap and become mine. Then I will be like God.”

Maybe satan began to say things like this, “God has given the woman everything she could ever desire. Let’s get in her head to make her solely focused on the one thing she can’t have. Let’s make her think that God is withholding good from her. Let’s create in her a desire for more.”

In my mind the first international women’s day happened in the garden. It was the day the woman decided she deserved more than she believed God had given her. Satan first went after the woman, and today he still goes after the woman.  Satan isn’t creative. He uses his same tricks. And we keep falling for them. What was in her heart she didn’t see? Discontentment, covetousness, greed, pride -a desire to be her own God?

One of satan’s oldest tricks is to get in our mind and begin his whispers. “Did God really say?” “God didn’t say that.” With a few crafty words, He takes what God says and twists it causing confusion in our mind, planting seeds of doubt, creating a sense of entitlement, sowing jealousy and envy, breeding anger and bitterness. Of course, we don’t see that. Until it’s too late usually. We’ve walked in his trap.

We don’t see the deception at the time. It’s in hindsight we see. After Eve fell for satan’s lie, God confronted Adam and Eve. Adam blamed Eve, Eve blamed the snake. She said, “It was the serpent. He deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:13)

He deceived her and she ate. Today, he deceives women and they eat.

International Women’s Day is a day crafted from the pit of hell, giving birth here, and now disguised as something good.

International Women’s Day website says this – “Women unite to transform the world. Join us to ignite a global sisterhood. International Peace · Global Coherence · Promoting World Peace”

International Women’s Day is a trap, a lie, and it’s meant to divide and destroy. Christian women, don’t fall for the lie satan is feeding to you.

There is only one way to peace. One way to global sisterhood. And God has already shown us the way. He rescued us, redeemed us, we are His. We don’t need to fight for what God has already said is ours!

During the election season, one of my boys asked me what rights women don’t have that men have. He asked with genuine concern in his voice.

“What do you mean?” I questioned back.

“I keep seeing all these commercials that say women need to fight for their rights. What rights don’t you have.”

Even kids see the messaging pumped into women of this age.

My husband and I flew to Omaha on a house-hunting trip. He sat in the seat next to me. Two women entered and had no seat to sit in. My husband stood and offered his seat. He insisted. He couldn’t sit while a woman stood. No other man budged to offer their seats.

The woman looked at me and whispered, “You have a good one. Men these days aren’t like they used to be.”

I smiled at her and responded, “It’s probably because women demand to be treated like a man and men are confused about how a woman wants to be treated.”

She agreed.

Culture has placed men and women in competition with each other. The Bible doesn’t. Biblically, men and women are created equal in God’s eyes, made in His image. Yet they are very different. They complement each other in beautiful, unique ways.

Our culture is interesting in how far we swing. How far to the opposite side we go to right was seems off balance. One extreme to the other.

I saw this on Facebook recently. A new boys’ t-shirt Target put out that says Strong Like Mom.

So what’s so wrong with being strong like mom? Well, nothing except that it fits in with the rest of the messaging against men. The messaging that tries to elevate women above men. To make our boys look to mom as a picture of strength rather than dad. The messaging which satan intends to use to divide, he disguises as a message of unification. He is pitting women against men.

It’s all an effort to tilt and twist what God created so we accept and esteem something out of order. It’s meant so that we believe that God is withholding something from us. It’s meant to create a sense of fight in us. Fight for our value. Fight for our rights. Fight to be heard. Fight to be equal.

Women. We are fighting the wrong battle. The battle isn’t against men. The battle is against the prince of this world, given a short time, to win as many to him as he can before he is thrown in the lake of fire for eternity. (Rev 20:10)

So what’s the right fight for christian women? What is the good fight? It begins with Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.”

Women, we must renew our minds daily. Culture is not our guide. Culture is influenced by the devil. It is not truth. It may hold pieces of truth, enough to make us blind, but it isn’t truth.

Women, don’t conform. Don’t conform to the patterns of this world, the patterns that say we must fight for rights we already have, or fight to be heard because we’ve believed a lie that says no one sees us or hears us. Don’t conform to the patterns that tell us to make our boys in our images, strong like mom.

Instead, be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Women and men are strong from the strength of God. He is the giver of strength. I’m raising boys who I want to love and cherish women. I want them to not see a competition of who is stronger or better or smarter. I want them to see a man and a woman the way God sees them. All created in His image.

I want to raise glory-bearers. Boys that become men who will protect and shield their woman. Who will be tender and compassionate to her. To believe in her and encourage her to use her God-given gifts for the glory of the Father, whether in the workplace or in the home or both. I want my boys to be in partnership with their future wives, seeing her as the helpmate she was created to be.

While satan is using women in creating this movement, which is no new movement, he is influencing the minds of our youth.

Our roles as christian adults is to protect the minds of these kids to see the truth of God’s Word. The only way to know Truth is to know Him. And the only way to know the difference between a lie from satan and the truth from God’s Word is to read the Word for ourselves.

Christian women, here’s how we interact with International Women’s Day.

1- Pray. Pray for women everywhere who are believing the lies that they must fight the wrong fight. Pray for eyes to be opened to the truth. Pray against satan’s deception. Pray for our youth. Pray for our little girls and boys growing up in this culture bent to destroy them.

2- Read God’s Word – Know it. Let it transform you. Let it illuminate the darkness.

3- Don’t focus on the issues. Focus on Christ. When satan can’t get a christian to believe his lies, he will create in them an intense focus on the issues. He will get them to fight the wrong battle still. But when our eyes are on Christ, we are looking at the Victor, we are covered in peace, and we can love our brothers and sister well.

4- Love one another- Love others well. It’s not a feeling. It’s an action. Satan stirs up division and hate. God stirs up love. Fight the division and anger and hate with love. “A gentle answers turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

The “Best of” Christmas Posts – Tips to simplify, celebrate, serve, cherish, and give

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I thought it would be helpful to compile a list of my most popular or favorite posts from the past Christmas seasons. Enjoy these over several days. I’ll be sharing new posts soon. Currently we are wrapping up our first semester of homeschooling. I have much to share with you on what the Lord has been working in my heart.

I pray your Christmas season is off to a beautiful start!!

18 Ways Your Family Can Serve Others At Christmas

The Christmas season seems to blow in like a blizzard and bury us with piles of to-do’s. The key for me is to plan ahead just a little. To determine before life gets too hectic what our family will do.

Give the Gift They Don’t Know To Ask For –

“I have come to realize that my boys only retain a small portion of what I speak to them. My words are granted only a few seconds to slip in before the door of opportunity slams. Written words aren’t blocked by doors, they slide under the crack of the door. There they remain and can be taken in slowly over time and multiple times.

A letter from a parent to a child is a tool that plants words deep into the soil of the soul. Those words remain with them for life. When the words are most needed, they are waiting to be unearthed. Resurrected to life in the heart of the child.”

My Favorite Christmas Tradition – A Father’s Blessing ( For single mothers and widows, a mother’s blessing is equally as powerful and life-giving)

It’s a gift slipped into the Christmas tree. A letter. Words. To be opened with care and treasured for life. A gift that won’t be quickly forgotten. A gift that might not hold the wow factor, but a gift that will give more than we ever actually realize.

When You Are Weighed Down By Getting it Right at Christmas –

Christmas can be simpler than we make it. There is freedom in walking in simple ways. In our home some things we do every year, and some things change each year. A tradition is a gift when it is enjoyed, but when it ties you down, it’s no longer a gift. This post shares a few books and activities we enjoyed one Christmas.

How To Not Miss Christmas

“We’ve all had that kind of Christmas. The one that seems to rush by only for you to look back and feel you missed it all. The one that you feel you are on the Christmas treadmill, checking off the list, racing from obligation to obligation, panting for air.

Then you wonder, did you miss Christmas? Did you show your kids what Christmas really means?

Here’s the secret to not missing Christmas. The absolute certain way that you will not miss it.”

Fighting the Christmas Pressure to Impress

“When we fall to the pressure of our culture in our gift giving, it becomes about us.  The attention is taken from the gift recipient and placed back on us. We might earn favor or impress, but we lost our humility. Christmas is the greatest picture of humility the world has ever seen.

If we want to celebrate the true meaning of Christmas, it starts with modeling humility.”

When Your Christmas Season Doesn’t Go As Planned

Sometimes when our Christmas looks nothing like we planned, we experience Him like we never imagined. Isn’t that the real gift of Christmas?

15 Non-Toy Gifts To Give At Christmas – a most popular post!! The title says it all.

When It’s Time To Break Tradition -Why The Wish List Needs To Go Away –

“He came to do. He doesn’t need our to-do’s.

Instead of filling our to-do’s with finding the perfect gifts for our kids, planning magical surprises to delight, scouring social media for the latest, newest, creative expression of Christmas magic, turn it over to him. Let go of the pressure to create magic. The magic is here. Waiting to be found. Hunt for it rather than burden yourself with creating it.”

25 Advent Calendar Days of Memories and Experiences

I’ve found a secret to fighting this type of Christmas stress.

Simplify.

With our advent calendar, we have simplified our Christmas, while making our season more meaningful and intentional. It only takes a little extra planning the first year, then each year that follows, you will thank yourself for making your holiday less stressful and more memorable.

Gifts for the True Gift of Christmas

Room in the Inn of Our Hearts

Dear Boys, When You Compare What You Get For Christmas With What Someone Else Gets

“Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise.”CS Lewis, Mere Christianity

 

 

When My Tradition is at the Expense of Another’s Family

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My sister told me a story that I can’t get out of my head. She was paying for her groceries at Wal-Mart. She began asking the woman scanning her groceries about her Thanksgiving plans, her work schedule, and the frenzy of shopping around the corner that would take place at Wal-Mart.

The woman began to share about her personal family situation- divorce, split families, a 44-year-old single mom. Because of the volume of business at Wal-Mart, she would be required to work over the Thanksgiving holidays. She would be working Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Her 14 year-old will sit at home by himself while she works Thanksgiving Day from 10-7. She has no other place for him to go. She requested off, she’s worked there 21 years. The answer was no. Mandatory for all.

I’m not upset at Wal-Mart, or any store for that matter. They didn’t create this. We did. Our materialism. Our focus on gifts. Our clinging to traditions. That is what has created a scenario for the stores that places them in a position to capitalize on the opportunity.

In my mind, I’ve created a picture of this woman and her son. I see her 14-year-old like I picture my Jacob and my heart breaks. God won’t let me shake this image I’ve painted. For this particular woman, maybe I’m off. Maybe I’ve romanticized her story in my heart. Maybe not. Regardless of this one story, I think God won’t let me shake it because our world is full of stories like this we fail to see.

I tend to live in my own little bubble at times. Thankful for my little world, focusing on the blessings that abound in my home. But there is a larger world outside my little bubble that breaks my heart when I allow myself to go there. It’s easier to live blind to the hurting world around us. I’m certain that is not the way of Jesus.

Right now I’m sitting in a cozy guest room at my mom’s house in Georgia. I’ve enjoyed days of lounging, laughing, and feasting, surrounded by the love of family. It’s easy for me to focus right here. To thank God for these blessings. But He keeps bringing back the picture of this woman and her son. He loves them as He loves me.

Thanksgiving Day on social media we will see feeds filled with beautiful family photos. The captions will say “Thankful” “Blessed” “Family”. I will love scrolling and seeing these beautiful pictures filling my feed. But there are others all around us who don’t have the picture perfect looking family. Many will feel thankful still. Many will not. Many will feel blessed minus the Rockwell portrait, many will not.

I was reading in Matthew this morning as I reflected on how thankful I am today. Thankful for my family near and far. I read this and then God brought to mind the lady I’ve never met from Wal-Mart.

Matthew 12:46-50

46 While he was still speaking to the people, behold, his mother and his brothers[a] stood outside, asking to speak to him.[b] 48 But he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” 49 And stretching out his hand toward his disciples, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! 50 For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”

I don’t know if this woman is a believer or not. I don’t know anything about her. But I know that she has captured my heart.

Until 4 years ago, one of my favorite days of the entire year was Black Friday. Every year as long as I can remember I shopped on Black Friday. Either with my mom, sister, or friends. I rarely missed one. Thanksgiving night we’d scour the sale ads, make our strategic mapping of the course, then spend an entire day shopping.

Three years ago Seeking Christmas was published. I thought I was writing Seeking Christmas to help families discover the true magic of Christmas by giving tools to create traditions that focused on what Christmas really means. Today I look back and see that Seeking Christmas changed me. It was a pivotal turning point. The changing process wasn’t overnight. It’s been over years.

Part of why I wrote Seeking Christmas was to counter the commercialism and materialism of our culture. It creeps into our families in an effort to entangle us. While I’m a huge proponent of traditions, I also am a fan of breaking traditions and creating new ones. Sometimes we cling to something because we believe we can’t break tradition. It’s what we’ve done forever, so we must continue on. When we stay in that place, we miss out on creating more meaningful moments. The clinging to tradition can be stifling. It can choke out what might have been.

The year Seeking Christmas was published I attempted the traditional Black Friday shopping, but my spirit was unsettled. Each store I went into I saw all that is wrong with Christmas. The carts filled to overflowing with gifts, the maxed out credit cards, the pushing and shoving to make sure you get the item you came for with no thoughts to the others wanting the same item, the honked horns at stolen parking spaces. For the first year in my shopping life, I left Black Friday without buying a single thing. And I felt sad. I was sad at what had always been that I’d not clearly seen. I was sad that I spent my morning out supporting the very thing I hoped to change within families.

The year after Seeking Christmas was published, I broke my Black Friday tradition for the first time ever. The reason is that it didn’t coincide with the heart of my message. How could I write about celebrating what Christmas is truly about and then spend a day shopping and feeding the very thing that is wrong with Christmas? That year we created a new tradition instead of going out shopping, we would stay in creating. We crafted and made handmade gifts. Each year since has been a little different.

I thought I would grieve the giving up of Black Friday. I thought I would feel I was missing out. The opposite happened. It freed me. Over the past several years, we’ve focused less and less on material gifts. Yes, we give our kids plenty of gifts, but we give more experiences than toys. We give them gifts of opportunities, memories, and trips. These usually aren’t bought in the store.

Five years ago you never would’ve convinced me I would ever give up Black Friday shopping. Like many things, when we feel the prick of God in our spirit and we act on it, He blesses us.

I’m not saying Black Friday shopping is wrong. But there are times God will poke us and He is calling us to something that will cause us to walk against the current we are living in. That is what He did in my life and continues to do.

God continues to poke me at things that others freely enjoy and He gives me the option of listening to Him or following what others seem free to do. I’ve found that my soul rests still when I listen to the poke of God. When I resist the poke and go along with everyone else, the gratification is temporary. And the poke comes back.

This Thanksgiving would you consider the lady in Wal-Mart who is required to work because the demand for store hours is such that she will work 3 straight mandatory days? If there is any way you can not shop on Thursday or Friday, would you kindly consider it? Our dollars send the loudest message of all to stores. When we spend, we tell them we like what they are doing. When we don’t spend, we tell them we want to see change.

Family is the heart of civilization. Family is the beautiful gift our Creator gave us. What is most important is family. And according to Jesus, our “family” isn’t only by blood or marriage relations, it’s by those who follow the will of the Father.

To honor family, we must honor all families. To cherish our own at the sake of another seems selfish. To spend our money on a day or days that others are forced to work when they should be home loving on their own family seems unfair.

If God has poked your spirit over Black Friday shopping, may this be the year you follow the poke? It’s only two days of prolonging the purchase. Waiting until Saturday. Delaying our desires for the sake of another. It seems small and insignificant. Like our few dollars make any difference. But they do. I believe God multiplies our offering of restraint to bless the families at work on these days from our spending.

Here’s a radical idea. Maybe a new tradition is going out on Black Friday, but not spending a dime. And all we do is go to the people, the ones working, and bless them in some way. Pray with them or over them. Hand them a gift, take them a plate of food, give them a gift card. If you love being out on Black Friday, but you have felt a poke, maybe it’s time to create a new tradition.

 

 

Because I love you I’m going to say this to you.

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Hearing the truth isn’t easy. Sometimes the truth stings, burns, and hurts deeply. Sometimes before healing begins, truth must enter the wound first. The wound is already there. The truth doesn’t inflict the wound, but the wound is secretly infected. So the truth must enter and purge out the bacteria. The purifying burns.

What I’m about to say will sting.

Let’s start with what scripture says…

2 John 4-11

Truth and Deception

4 I was very glad to find some of your children walking in the truth, in keeping with a command we have received from the Father. 5 So now I urge you, dear lady—not as if I were writing you a new command, but one we have had from the beginning—that we love one another. 6 And this is love: that we walk according to His commands. This is the command as you have heard it from the beginning: you must walk in love.[c]

7 Many deceivers have gone out into the world; they do not confess the coming of Jesus Christ in the flesh.[d] This is the deceiver and the antichrist. 8 Watch yourselves so you don’t lose what we[e] have worked for, but that you may receive a full reward. 9 Anyone who does not remain in Christ’s teaching but goes beyond it, does not have God. The one who remains in that teaching, this one has both the Father and the Son. 10 If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your home, and don’t say, “Welcome,” to him; 11 for the one who says, “Welcome,” to him shares in his evil works.

Jude 3-4

3 Dear friends, although I was eager to write you about the salvation we share, I found it necessary to write and exhort you to contend for the faith that was delivered to the saints once for all. 4 For some men, who were designated for this judgment long ago, have come in by stealth; they are ungodly, turning the grace of our God into promiscuity and denying Jesus Christ, our only Master and Lord.

Jude 16-18

These people are discontented grumblers, walking according to their desires; their mouths utter arrogant words, flattering people for their own advantage.

17 But you, dear friends, remember what was predicted by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ; 18 they told you, “In the end time there will be scoffers walking according to their own ungodly desires.” 19 These people create divisions and are unbelievers,[h] not having the Spirit.

Truth and love must not be separated. Look at verse 6 again in 2 John before we go further: “ 6 And this is love: that we walk according to His commands. This is the command as you have heard it from the beginning: you must walk in love.[c]”

Love is walking according to His commands. This must remain at the forefront during the conversation that will follow. What is walking according to His commands? It is following Truth.

We are also warned about deceivers. We are warned throughout God’s Word to be on the lookout for deceivers. Is this unloving or judgemental? No, it is not. We are guarding our hearts so our love doesn’t run cold.

In this age of constant information, it’s easy to find ourselves worn down from the beating of the same drum over  a story. Our attention spans are short online. We’ve heard it and read it from 10 different viewpoints and we are ready to move on. This also leads us to a numbing of our senses. I imagine you’ve read many thought-provoking, disturbing, and heart wrenching articles on the Jen Hatmaker situation.

The Lord keeps pushing me towards writing about this and here is why. Truth and love go to together. The Word of God is being twisted and distorted. And I fear many of you will be deceived. I love my readers. I love this community. And there is this mama bear burning inside me that is flaming mad about the deception going on.

I believe the end is very near. As in nearer than we can imagine. I believe it is exactly why many Christians are feeling so fatigued and worn down. It’s not that evil has necessarily increased (though I think it has), it’s that a veil is being removed and we are seeing what has always been.

Jen Hatmaker has a ginormous following. This in itself is dangerous. When you serve a platform her size, standing for Truth in this culture is a most difficult task. (In fact, I will lose subscribers after this post. It happens every time.) This culture isn’t truth-driven. This culture claims to be love-driven, but it’s not. If we were love-seekers, we’d be truth-seekers. You simply cannot separate love and truth. To lead with lies is to hate.

I believe Jen Hatmaker and her husband have been deceived and blinded by satan and this breaks my heart. We each must guard our hearts from deception. How? By knowing the Word of God. When we know truth, we don’t believe lies.

When Jesus spoke of the end of the age in Matthew 24: 10-14, he said, “Then many will take offense, betray one another and hate one another. Many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. Because lawlessness will multiply, the love of many will grow cold. But the one who endures to the end will be delivered. This good news of the kingdom will be proclaimed in all the world as a testimony of all nations. And then the end will come.”

When I read Jen’s original interview, my heart literally sank. It was so full of theological error I felt my head spinning. How could she possibly be a follower of Christ and believe these lies? Not only believe but take a bold, public stance. She is a leader, a teacher, she is held to a high standard.

You simply cannot be a true believer, a true disciple of Christ and believe and teach what Hatmaker is teaching. (Refer back to 2 John 9).

All I could think about as I read her words were how many women follow her that don’t know their Bibles well enough to realize she is speaking against the Word of God. If Jen Hatmaker says it, they will take it as truth. This should never be. We should test everything against the Word of God. Don’t take my word for anything I’m writing. Take it to scripture. Test it there.

Satan has done this same trick from the beginning. He takes God’s Word and manipulates it. So it carries some truth in it so as not to be obvious, then he twists it in order to deceive us.

If you don’t know your Bible, you will read the Hatmaker’s words and think they made a decent case for their position. Reading our Bible is crucial in these days. The end is nearer every day. We have to know our Bibles!

When I read the words of Brandon Hatmaker, my mouth hit the floor. Here’s a sampling of these shattering words.

“To be clear…

Jen and I are 100% on the same page regarding her recent interview about our love and hope for the LGBTQ community. This is a journey we have been on together. We both believe a same-sex marriage, as a life-long monogamous commitment, can be holy before God.”

Holy? He called sin holy?

He goes on to talk about the pain and suffering in this world and their journey to “help”. Well, how about we start with the gospel? That’s always a great place to start. Love and truth. The gospel. Love poured out.

He continues, “We’ve seen so much pain among the LGBTQ community: Suicidal teenagers. Divided families. Split churches. So. Much. Pain.” Again, how about using truth in love? You know why there is so much pain, suicide, split families and churches in this community? It’s because they are living separated from Christ. Christ is the bridge the Hatmakers need to be preaching. They love to talk about healing by building bridges, did they forget about the bridge of the cross? It’s been built, but we have to choose to walk across that bridge. The consequences of sin is death. Yes, living a life of sin will bring pain, death, and heartache.  They are leaving out the cross and trying to find a new solution to a problem that arose in the garden. It’s called sin. God gave us the solution already. But the deceiver is spinning us around the issue so we can’t get to the root and ultimately the solution.

Sin brings death. But the gift of God brings eternal life. What the LGBT community needs is christians to pour love on them with the truth. We love them by treating them as created in the image of God. We love them by telling them they are living apart from Christ and the way to Him means we must deny ourselves. The best thing I read on the internet last week was this article. Please take the time to read it. Written from a former lesbian who gave her life to Christ and realized she had to walk away from that lifestyle in order to receive Christ.

The Bible tells us to deny ourselves and pick up our cross. To deny ourself is to lay down the sins we love so that we can pick up the cross. That cross represents true grace. Unmerited favor. When we accept Christ, we don’t continue in our life of sin. Yes, we will stumble. Yes, we will continue to sin. But we don’t remain in our known sin patterns. The beauty is that when we surrender to Christ, we are given a Helper, the Holy Spirit.

What was impossible now becomes possible. All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) Without Christ, we can’t fight sin. With the Holy Spirit living inside us, He gives us strength to walk away from our sin. It’s beautiful. It’s love. And it’s truth.

The Bible is clear that when we come to Christ for salvation, we first repent. We can’t become a christian without a turning away from our sin. A confession, a surrender of the sins we love, and a commitment to let God give us the strength to walk in His light, which is away from sin.

It’s no different than a thief. Say they’ve lived a life of stealing. They see the light, they want Christ. They confess, ask forgiveness, and repent. They turn away from a life of stealing. They can’t be in Christ and continue to live a life of stealing.

An adulterer, same philosophy. A murderer. To come to Christ for the forgiveness of sins, we must turn away from those sins. It’s only in the homosexual conversation that we are now saying, “It’s ok, you don’t have to turn away from your sin. You can still be in Christ and continue in your life of sin.”

This is why what the Hatmaker’s have done is so devastating. There is no gray area in scripture about homosexuality. It is a sin. God calls it sin. What satan has done so brilliantly is to begin to tell us that it’s not sin. We are born that way or it’s “holy” as the Hatmaker’s believe.

I believe the reason God is pressing me to write on this topic is because of the strong allegiance I’ve seen to the Hatmakers. Her supporters are clinging to her for dear life. They are waving their support banners and believing every word she says. You know the most loving thing we can do for our christian brothers and sisters? It’s to reveal the lie, proclaim the truth, and pray for the deceivers and the deceived.

We should give no man, or woman, our unhindered devotion. That is idolatry. And that is what is happening here. People love Jen Hatmaker so much, they have set her up on their altar of worship. Instead, we should love her enough to pray for the deception she is under. To pray she sees the truth and turns back to the Word of God. And pray for those under her influence.

When we know Truth, we won’t be deceived. Guard your heart from deception. Unfollow those who you know are deceivers of Truth, don’t applaud them. Pray for them to see the truth. Pray for your brothers and sisters living in an age of deception. And look up. He is coming soon!

I know many of you are going to walk away from this post angry. You will believe I’m judgemental and harsh. And I’m sorry if that is how you leave this conversation. God did not give me this platform for myself. He gave it for His glory. And when I see this dividing our christian community, and I see the Word of God trampled in this obvious way, I can’t remain silent. Because I love you too much. And love holds hands with Truth. If I didn’t love you and only cared about my readership and platform, I’d keep my mouth closed so as not to offend or step on any toes. Like I tell my kids all the time, dealing with hard issues is only worth it in the eyes of love. If I don’t love you, I don’t care about entering into a mess. I’ll stay away because I don’t really care about you. But love insists I enter into this.

 

God Never Asked Me To Be His Assistant Holy Spirit

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The words in my head are itching to make their way out through the pounding of my fingers on the keyboard. I find myself constantly saying, “I have no time to write anymore.” Actually, I have no time for anything it seems. I have no time to take a run or a long walk. No time to write. No time to answer emails. No time to think. The more I feel this way, the more the anxiety builds up. I begin to notice something going on around me when I get this way. I rest less in Him, I try harder in me.

I sat down to write a post this morning, and the Lord brought to mind one I’d already written on this topic. I thought it fitting to share it with you today.

You can ready the original post here – I am not the Holy Spirit.

Of course, I know I’m not the Holy Spirit to my family. But you wouldn’t know it by how I act far too often. The less effective I am to change their hearts, the harder I try. The harder I try, the greater the frustration and anxiety. Because I’m powerless to change a heart. Not only that, it’s not my job. I’m taking the role from God.

Last week, I read an article on Desiring God. One sentence reached into my heart and squeezed with all its strength. Paul David Tripp wrote, “God has tasked parents with many things, but nowhere in his word has he tasked you with the responsibility to create heart change.”

It was the light bulb moment where God likely says, “You know this. You’ve walked this. You wrote this very thing. But you’ve forgotten and I want you to know this because it’s for your freedom and your good.”

I’ll stop here because I’ve said all that needs to be said in my previous post I am not the Holy Spirit.

This is resting in God. Tucking under His wing. To let Him be God. To trust in His every way. To soak in Him in order to be wrung out on the ones He’s woven you with.

For your weekend, I pray you will allow His love to rush over you. To refresh and revive your heart. To fill you with so much of Him that it pours out on the ones who fill the seconds and minutes of your days. To remember that He never asked you to be the Holy Spirit. To grasp the freedom in that.

Happy Friday!