Why Does God Warn Us?

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It took me several weeks to become acclimated to the buttons and functions of my new car. Most of the time, I could figure out fairly quickly where something was or what it meant. Except this one red light and beeping noise that seemed to go off at random with no rhyme or reason.

At various speeds, my car would beep 3 times and flash a warning that read FCW. The first few times, I questioned and wondered. The next few times I became agitated. Then I got to a point of ignoring. I’d accepted the fact that I didn’t understand it and likely wouldn’t.

Eventually, I did pull out the owners manual to attempt to solve the mystery.

FCW – forward crash warning. The car detected my speed and the distance of the cars around me to warn me of possible dangers. The car knew what I failed to see – danger was just ahead.

Join me at Lift Up Your Day for the rest of today’s post.

In His goodness and mercy, God used the writing of this post to alert me just prior to 2 major warnings He sent my way. I wrote and submitted my post. Within minutes, I received a phone call, which later I realized was a giant warning from God. Two days later, another warning came.

God will never stop protecting us because of His great love of us. We are wise to take His warnings seriously.

Please hop over to Lift Up Your Day!

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What If We Lived Like Today is Our Last Day?

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“Mom, I think I just heard Jesus tell me I would see him soon.”

I looked at Andrew to see if he wore his ‘I’m just tricking you’ grin. He did not.

“Andrew. Really? No, you didn’t,” I patted his back giving him a playful grin.

“I’m not joking, Mom. I really did. I heard him in my heart. And I really think I just heard him tell me I would see him soon.”

“Well, I can’t wait for the day I get to see Jesus. But even when we are here on Earth, He’s around us everywhere we look.”

On any other day, I would hear his precious words and move right on into our next moment. But in light of this sense of urgency God has laid on my heart, I was unable to shake Andrew’s comment.

I could tell it bothered Andrew that I didn’t believe him. I can relate. I’ve shared my passion and conviction for the times we are living in only to receive a blank stare back, a no response email, or an actual audible laugh.

After last week’s post, for the first time since I’ve started blogging, I received more unsubscribes than subscribes on one particular day. People begin to squirm when we talk about end times. People don’t like to think about things that bring fear or discomfort. The unknown is not fun. And we’d rather read about how much He loves us, and how special we are, and how we are chosen and blessed.

While I don’t want to make you squirm, I do want to remind you that if you are in Him, there is nothing to fear. We are to take heart, to be courageous, to share His love, and wait with excited anticipation, and pray. Yes, excited anticipation for His coming.

At the same time, we feel a sense of urgency because we know the majority of people in our lives don’t hold the same beliefs, and we are desperate for them to know what we know.

While I did receive many blank stares, unreturned emails, or laughs, the Lord was gracious in leading me to others He’s placed the same stirrings in. He crossed my path with others who feel the urgent call to get on our knees and repent, to return to Him, to seek Him, to share with everyone.

Driving to school, Jacob, my insightful and wise old soul, said, “You know, Mom, it’s weird to think how we just go through our routines all the time. We don’t really think about life being different at any given second. We just go through our familiar routines. But then one day, in like a split second, we will see Jesus, and life will never be the same again.”

I’ve pondered that thought all morning. I’ve always been a moment maker, lover of relishing in the moments, tasting and experiencing to the fullest. I understand that each moment is a gift to enjoy because we never know what the next moment holds for us.

But Jacob’s thought has led me in several directions. As christians we often say that we live with eternity in mind. But to be honest, I really don’t live moment to moment with eternity in mind. I’m thinking about what is next on the to-do list, or how to discipline a particular issue, or how to celebrate someone’s birthday arriving in mere days.

Over the last few days, Steve and I have spent more time discussing what really matters in life. I don’t know many believers who disagree that we are living in end times. When you read the signs of the end of the age in Matthew 24, we see all the signs. Jesus tells us they are the birth pains, they must happen, but he also tells us not to be alarmed.

When I was pregnant with Andrew, our youngest, I felt birth pains for what felt like ages. At about 30 weeks, I began having contractions. I went into the hospital for monitoring and went home on bed rest for a short time. For the remainder of my pregnancy, Andrew gave me signs he was ready to be with us always. I got to a point the contractions no longer concerned me. The doctors kept a close watch and everything appeared fine, but the early birth pains remained.

The night of Andrew’s arrival took us by complete surprise. You would think it would have been no surprise, after all, he’d been alerting me with contractions for weeks. But the day he arrived, he became a bit silent. He stopped kicking and squirming as much. Steve made the comment it would be nice if he waited until after Thanksgiving to arrive so we could enjoy the holiday.

10:00 pm Thanksgiving Eve, Andrew went from what felt like slumber to a desperate attempt to escape. We arrived at the hospital in extreme pain, we received no epidural, and Andrew arrived in record time for us.

It happened so fast it took us by complete surprise. Yet, he’d been reminding us all along he was coming.

I feel we are at the same point in our nation’s history. The Bible is clear a date of Christ’s return cannot be predicted, but it is also clear what the signs are leading up to His return. The signs are all around us if we open our eyes.

If we lived like every day was our last, what would our life look like? Would we be a little kinder? Would we speak a little gentler? Would we help with no motives? Would we share the gospel with no fear of rejection? Would we stop caring so much what others think of us and start sharing what matters most? Would we put down our phones and pick up our eyes a little more? Would frustrations suddenly become blessings? Would moments we’ve taken for granted revive us?

If we lived every day like it were our last, would anxiety cease to exist? Is that where true soul rest comes in? When we lay down our worries, being still in Him, and walking in His will. Would today be more than we fathomed because tomorrow wasn’t assumed?

I just wonder what happens to our soul when we live like there is no tomorrow. I wonder if I’d pour out myself with a little more generosity.

Today is September 1st. Today is the day we begin praying for our nation and ourselves to return to God, to seek Him. We pray for a revival and repentance like we’ve never seen. We pray God would heal our land and draw hearts back to Him. We pray for our nation to fall back in love with our God and to serve Him with our whole hearts.

For 30 days, we pray with urgency. All day long as the Spirit prompts, and specifically, 3 times a day we lift our voices together to the Heavens. Thank you for being here. For those who’ve stuck around, thank you. Let’s watch God do amazing miracles before our very eyes.

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Are You A Rebel In a Good Girl’s Skin?

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I don’t think that anyone who knows me would call me a rebel. In fact, they might call me a rule follower. I believe I’m a rule following rebel, or better yet, I’m a rebel in a good girl’s skin.

The rebel that lives inside me is quietly determined, acts in small ways, and can be painfully stubborn. That little rebel behaves well, does what’s expected, and for the most part remains pretty quiet. Until something shakes her awake and begins stirring in her soul.

I’ve become familiar with these rousings. And it comes as no surprise to me, given the state of our nation, that my rebel is speaking a little louder in my head. It’s more than my little rebel right now, it’s God impressing deeply a message on my heart that I must share with you.

To my knowledge I’ve never asked you to share any of my posts. Honestly, it’s because my good girl rebel says, “Who cares about building platforms and audiences. I’m here to share what God shows me and to encourage the believer.” When the publishers and agents advise what a blogger/author should do, my little rebel quietly moves in the opposite direction most times. I say this to say, I’m not asking you to share this because I am trying to develop a larger audience. I don’t write for profit (though there is nothing wrong with that). I’m asking you to share this because God has placed something on my heart and the only way I know to spread the message beyond your eyes is to ask you to spread it to your friends.

The thing is… this is not what I planned or wanted to be writing or focusing on this month. To be shamefully honest, I’m envious of my blogging and writer friends who are posting fun and light posts, who are celebrating book releases and instragraming their days. God knows that in my heart, I had a great lineup planned for this month. But as He often does, He directed me off the path I thought best and is steering me in a different direction for a time.

Our nation stands at a point where we have never stood before. We are seeing culture and politics move in a way that is both shocking and numbing. The thing that is frightening right now is that many are living blind to the times we are living in. When you pair all of this with prophesy, remaining silent is not an option.

I’ve been reading a book about Louis Zamperini to my boys. When we reached the end of the book where Louis chose to forgive his prison camp tormentors, Jacob, my child who has a strong sense of justice, couldn’t believe Louis could forgive them. He said he would probably want to see them pay for what they’d done.

Initially, it bothered me that he felt that way. I reminded myself that he is a child immature in his faith and not to freak out just yet. At least I know what to pray for his heart. But then God reminded me how I feel the same way, I’ve just learned how to phrase it coated with some pleasantries. Heart to heart, we are no different.

The following morning God pressed in hard on my heart. Hard. There are days and moments when God speaks, and it is undeniable. No matter how you try to run from it, you can’t. He will hunt you down. In my quiet time, I tried to escape where He was leading by finding something more pleasant to land on. But God is relentless in His pursuit, stopping at nothing. He started in with me at His Word, but He hasn’t stopped chasing me down with the message He impressed on me.

2 Chronicles 7:14

“if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Our nation has weighed heavily on me. It’s affecting my thoughts and heart all day long. From Planned Parenthood videos about selling baby body parts, to the redefining of marriage, to Ashley Madison – God help us-, to the Duggars, to sex trafficking, to a predicted stock market crash, to a world of dying and starving children. It’s one thing after another. It’s too much to bear.

I stand here and wonder, why? Why has America turned so far from God? A nation created one nation under God? How did we move so far from Him, and at what point will He remove His hand of protection from our nation? Do we not understand that every blessing we’ve ever enjoyed is directly from His hand? Do we not know that any protection has come from His hand? Do we not believe that a point comes when He will remove His protection because of our disobedient and defiant hearts that refuse to believe and repent?

When I fix my eyes on this world, discouragement is an understatement, despair doesn’t do it justice. Jesus has a word on this.

John 16:33

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

I am speaking at a Women’s Retreat in November. Our theme is Take Heart. Isn’t God sweet like that, that I’ve been writing and preparing to share the very words He needs me to hold tight to right now.

On the morning of my quiet time, when God was speaking louder than my sleepy ears wanted to hear, He led me to the book of Jonah. I’ve written on Jonah before. He’s one of my favorites for so many reasons. I encourage you to sit down and read the entire book of Jonah fresh today. You’ll be glad you did.

Now remember, first God led me to 2 Chronicles 7:14 where He says if the people turn to Him and repent, He will heal their land. Now He takes me to Jonah. I read the entire book, which is very short.

God sends Jonah to preach repentance to the evil city of Nineveh. Jonah runs from God. God sends a giant fish to swallow him, where he lives in the belly praying for 3 days. The fish vomits him out, he goes to Nineveh and preaches repentance to the people. The people repent!

Guess what, the people believed Jonah, they believed God, they called for a fast:

Jonah 3:7-10

“Then he issued a proclamation in Nineveh: “By the decree of the king and his nobles: Do not let any man or beast, herd or flock, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink. But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth. Let everyone call urgently on God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.” When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened.”

Did y’all read that???? The people called urgently out to God, God saw their repentant hearts, God had compassion, God withheld His judgement of destruction.

America, fellow rebels in a good girl’s (or man’s) skin, it’s time for us to call out urgently to God.

I love Jonah. My Jacob reminds me of him in the following verses. I think Jonah had a strong sense of justice and a little less compassion in the face of evil. But that is not our God. God is just, but God is compassion and mercy and love. But a time will come and is coming when time is up and judgement falls. That is why we need to cry out now!

In chapter 4 of Jonah, Jonah is angry at God and basically says, “Lord, I knew you are slow to anger and compassionate, you abound in love and relent from sending calamity when your people repent, but now I’m so angry I could die.”

God asks a fair question back to Jonah. “What right do you have to be angry?”

God causes a vine to grow up and provide shade to Jonah. Then at night He sent a worm to destroy the vine so it withered. Jonah was happy when the vine provided him shade and mad when it died and he suffered the scorching heat. And this is just a beautiful picture of the compassion of the God we serve.

Jonah 4:10

“But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?”

Good girl rebels, do we believe God is concerned about our great nation? Yes!!!  Do we believe God is full of compassion, abounding in love, and slow to anger? Yes!!! Do we believe that often God shows mercy when we show repentance and withholds His judgement? Yes!!!

What can we do? How can we change the world? It’s so easy. It’s so easy, yet we forget. We pray.

Tim Keller says in Prayer: Experiencing Awe and Intimacy With God, “Prayer has been called ‘rebellion against the world’s evil status quo.'”

It’s time we lead a rebellion against the world’s evil status quo. We can’t stand by and watch this nation fall under the hand of God’s judgement when He is in His great mercy giving us time to turn back to Him. He desires we return to Him.

Here’s how we can’t lead a rebellion. With words of anger or hate, with words of fear and condemnation, with violence. Our God has never shown us that as the example of bringing His people to Him. It’s His lovingkindness that brings us to repentance.

Will you become a rebel with me? A rebel in a good girl’s skin? A rebel in a good man’s skin?

Our nation can’t tell its right hand from its left hand right now. We need to boldly proclaim a message of repentance. We need to show fierce love by pointing to the cross. But the very first thing we do is pray. We pray for God to change the hearts of our nation, for God to open up eyes and stir up desire to follow Him and His ways. Pray for God to reveal and manifest in ways to His people that draw them to Him. Pray for a turning back point where our nation honors God and follows Him wholeheartedly.

And we need to remember:

Psalm 127:13-14

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.

I’m going drastic for the month of September and asking you to join me in going prayer crazy. I’m setting aside 3 times a day to pray specifically for an awakening in our nation and a turning back to God. I’m setting my alarm to pray every day 3 times a day. What if we all set our alarms and prayed together at the exact same time?

Here’s when I’m praying: 9:00 am (est), 12:00 pm, 3:00 pm. These times will be set aside to pray for our nation, revival, awakening, and repentance in our country.

I’m asking you to fast with me on September 1st. If you’ve never fasted, here’s a great resource. I’m asking you to join me September 1-30 praying for our nation 3 times a day. I’m asking that you remain confident that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I’m asking that you take heart, be encouraged, be courageous, be a rebel in a good girl’s(man’s) skin.

When the people of Nineveh heard the message from Jonah, they believed, then they called a fast, and they called out to God. And God had compassion on them and withheld His judgement.

We are standing at the gates of our Nineveh. Please join me on this journey. And I ask that you share this post. On your social media, through email, Bible study, etc. I want the entire country crying out to God this month.

We can remind and encourage each other when we pray at our specified times by posting on social media using the following hashtags #rebelinagoodgirlsskin #rebelinagoodmansskin #prayingforamerica

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Our summer recap

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Summer is an interesting mix of a lot of nothing and a lot of everything. Incredible growth tangled with a holding onto what we’ve always known.

I thought it would be fun to share with you a little of what the last 3 months have looked like for us. Almost zero writing for me, but a whole lot of living it up with these boys.

Our summer was a lot of reading. Lots and lots and lots of reading.

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Zachary saved up and bought himself a camera. He is officially the family photographer. Yay for one more thing I can strike off my list! He and Jacob mastered the selfie this summer. Cute aren’t they?

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Andrew learned to ride his bike. So, so wonderful. Family bike rides have forever changed. Love big kids!

 

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My boys plotted in secret and pitched a plan to me to have an ‘all kids day’. A day where there are no rules except kids rule. Anything they want, all day long. They wanted a day of no chores, no one telling them what to do or what to eat or not eat. The biggest surprise came when I said yes.

There was excessive tv watching in a home where 30 minutes a day is granted during the summer. All the junk food they could find was consumed. It was everything they hoped it would be. And I survived.

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Zachary learned to cook this summer and became a fantastic breakfast man. He’s mastered pancakes, eggs, and french toast. On this particular day, he woke on his own before anyone other than me was up and got to mixing and baking. His first homemade waffles.

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We went tent camping for the first time not in our backyard. Super fun!

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Macy our girl Schnoodle is nearing 3 years old. Bristol is now 8 months old. I never thought we would be a two dog family, but now we can’t imagine life without these little guys.

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We went to Seabrook Island for the 2nd year in a row. Steve and I realized we are about a 3-4 year in a row beach loyalist. We stick with one we love then we find one we love better. Currently, we can’t imagine loving any beach like we love Seabrook. Amazing. Beautiful. And the best part is that Steve turns his phone off and leaves it in the car for 7 days straight.

This picture cracks me up because seriously….my boys just don’t know how to match their clothes. And they are so all boy that they really don’t care. And we don’t either. So, there you go. No cute outfits and perfect poses. Andrew is throwing a gang sign apparently, and we are fortunate we got all smiles. Success.

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It will always be Zachary or Andrew throwing in a silly face or bunny ears. If I catch it while taking the picture, I become quite annoyed after 15.5 times saying, “Just smile. Put your hands down. Stop making faces. Just act like you like each other!!” Like these…

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After a few threats, we managed a decent shot.

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Jacob took a fishing trip to Missouri with his Paw-Paw. A 14 hour car trip. When he reminisces about the trip, his favorite parts are the car ride. Talking to Paw-Paw. Hearing his stories and just being with him.

We went to Georgia 3 times, a quick beach trip with my parents, Zachary did a Winshape day camp (oh my word, I love Chick-fil-A and all they do). Andrew had therapy upon therapy. And we all did VBS at our church, which I forced Jacob to do and he now thanks us for. His sweet compassionate heart fell in love with the people of Haiti through their missions offering and he is now working hard to raise money to go on his first mission trip to Haiti next spring. VBS at our church really impacted him this year and we were blessed to watch God working in his heart.

All in all, it was like many summers. Except we decided no bucket list this year. It was a bit too much pressure. Instead, we just focused on doing whatever we were doing and being thankful in the process. Many things we do every single summer that we didn’t do. We decided we are ok with that. Change is good sometimes.

Summer is by far my favorite time of the year. Sending the boys back to school is never easy. We are just grateful for the gift of another summer. Tomorrow is the big day of new school years and fresh starts. We made the most of the time we had and are ready to take on this new season ahead.

It’s good to be back here on the blog regularly. Glad you stuck around 🙂

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What Happens When Our Freedom Is Lost?

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Steve turns 40 this year, and I follow suit next year. In January, Steve decided it was time we take healthy eating and living to new levels. It wasn’t long that we were feeling better than we’d ever felt in our lives. The change was exciting and invigorating….when it was my choice to change.

Fast forward a few months, and I was told I must adhere to a particular diet for a time being. This is the moment everything changed. My entire perspective was lost when my freedom to choose was removed from me.

Join me over at For Kingdom Life Now where I’m writing about what happens when our freedom is lost.

P.S. I actually did not pose my boys for this picture. I was called outside for an “emergency” to find this. Boys!

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How to See God in the In-Between Moments

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The doctor placed oversized glasses on his eyes. One lens blue, the other red. The lights dimmed low, she held her flashlight tool inches from his face. “Ok, buddy, how many lights do you see?”

His slumped back straightened, and that dimpled chin I can’t get enough of took a slight turn north, “Three!”

“Great, how about now?” she inched closer to the door.

His shoulders drew back, “Three!”

The doctor repeated at several distances, and each time, his confidence grew. The doctor put her tool away and turned on the lights. The assistant led him outside to the treasure box, as the doctor gently closed the door behind them.

“Put these glasses on. I want to show you something.” She performed the same tests on me as she did my 6-year-old. At each distance I saw four lights rather than the sure three Andrew saw. Taking notice of my confusion, she said, “Now cover your left eye and tell me how many lights you see.”

Despite the questions running relays in my mind, I answered, “Three?” At each distance, with one eye patched, I saw three lights. Slowly exhaling, I removed the glasses and met the compassionate eyes of the doctor.

Join me over at Crosswalk for the rest of today’s post where I’m sharing how my son’s learning disabilities are teaching me more about seeing God beyond the obvious and the “big” and  seeing Him in all the in-between moments. Aren’t the in-between moments where we tend the hang out the most? 

Full post published originally on Crosswalk.com.

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When I was too angry to pray

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Click here to listen to the audio recording of this post.

During the summer my boys wake up to the dogs pouncing on their bed, slobbering kisses all over their faces. No annoying blaring alarm clocks, or worse, no annoying mom repeating ‘get up and hurry’. I found the key to boys rising from bed in a pleasant mood. Let the dogs be the alarm and quickly mention the breakfast menu.

The morning was typical, nothing out of the ordinary. Bristol and Macy, our Schnoodles, jumped on Andrew’s head and licked his face mercilessly. He laughed through eyes clenched tightly shut, not ready to come fully awake. His hands groped to find the dogs and pull them close into him.

I made mention of food, he hopped out of bed, we chatted happily down the stairs. All so normal. He plopped into a chair, and his eyes kind of glazed over. I kept chatting about nothing in particular. I caught sight of his face again and took pause. Right before my eyes, I watched his facial expression transform from happy to downright mad. He turned to me and said, “Why are you making me turn into a bad attitude?”

Inside my head I screamed. Inside my head I stomped my feet and pounded my fists. Inside my head I railed at God, “Why???? Seriously, why? I did everything as ‘right’ as I could. Why does he have to be so difficult at times? Can’t we have one morning of peace here?”

I turned to Andrew, and with all the calm sweetness I could muster, I answered, “Andrew, I’m not turning you into a bad attitude. You are in control of your own attitude, not me. You are the boss of your attitude.” (Side note, I found a trick with a strong willed child. Show them what they are in control of that can be used for good. On this day, it didn’t work.)

The other boys came down the stairs expecting the same chipper mom they’d seen minutes earlier. Instead they found a snappy, irritated crazy woman just wanting some peace in the morning. There are times I hear God’s still small voice, and there are times I silence Him. He likely whispered to me, “Remember how you told Andrew that he is control of his own attitude? Well, you are too, my daughter.” I didn’t hear it, didn’t want to hear it. I wanted Andrew to fix his behavior and that was that. We forged on.

We had 2 friends arriving at our house for VBS carpool. (Side note- it’s a week of double VBS. A morning VBS at another church and evening VBS at our own church where I’m also volunteering. What’s about to go down happened not at our home church.) I loaded 5 boys in the car and we set out. Andrew continued to be difficult and disrespectful. Handling right in the moment was difficult as we were running late and had a couple of extra kids. So I just held my breath and hoped by the time we arrived, he’d snap out of his funk.

The check-in girl greeted me with the most cheerful smile. Jealousy told me that she likely hadn’t dealt with what I’d dealt with that morning. She printed off name stickers, I passed them out to each boy, Andrew looked up at me with defiant eyes, ripped off his name tag, placed it on the ground, stomped on it, looked back at me with defiant eyes, crossed his arms, and loudly proclaimed, “I’m not going to sports camp today!”

I glanced around wondering how many moms were staring at me, how many were thinking I had the biggest brat on the planet, and how many wondered if I knew how to parent at all. Been there before? I knelt down, pulled his ear to my lips, and said, “Yes you are. Now let’s go.”

He followed me down the hall and up the steps ranting, “I’m not going. You can’t make me. I hate this place. I hate everything.” Ya’ll it was humiliating. Mamas passed by holding babies and toddler hands. I listened to sweet sentiments shared. I listened to mamas using gentle tones and watched as they planted tender kisses on the heads of their angels. And all I kept thinking was, “Just wait til they get older.” Real spiritually mature, right? Super Christ-like. I was angry. Angry because my child turned into this totally different person in an instant, and I was powerless to control his heart and attitude.

Again, I silenced God’s still small voice. I bet He whispered to me, “Daughter, I love you. Love my son well, shower him with grace and mercy. Speak gently to him. Pray and let me take over here. I don’t want you to do this alone. I want to do it with you.”

Nope, I put my hand up. Didn’t want to hear it. We got to his hallway, he stopped, crossed his arms, I carried on. His teacher greeted me with a super chipper smile. I told her he refused to enter. I thought back to the baby/toddler days when I could physically place them in another’s arms crying and walk away knowing all would be well. I realized that I physically can’t place a 52 pound 6 1/2 year old in the arms of anyone without endangering their life. My anger began to boil. I was powerless. I had no control. I asked her if he had behaved. She looked surprised at my question. “Andrew? He’s behaved perfectly. There are others we’ve had to get on to, but not him.” Lovely.

I marched back to Andrew, knelt down, through gritted teeth I said, “Fine, let’s go home. You win. But this will be one of the worst days ever! You will not behave like this and come home and play and have a day with mommy. You will sit in your room all day, no toys, nothing. This day will be so boring, you will wish you’d stayed at camp.” I’m not proud of this moment. I wish I could erase it.

His stubborn eyes met my stubborn eyes. “I don’t care.” We proceeded to the car. I passed a sweet friend and spewed my frustration on her, she gave me a hug, I drove home and placed Andrew in the guest room, which lacks toys and books.

God tapped my shoulder. “Pray, daughter. Pray.” I told God no. I couldn’t pray. I was too angry to pray. I wasn’t in a holy frame of mind to pray. I just wanted to be angry, and I wanted to get my way. Oh, sin. Sin that is always crouching at my door. An enemy always waiting to attack and knock us off course.

I texted a friend, she asked if I could talk, I called her and cried. Cried. I told her it’s exhausting parenting a strong-willed child. I cried that if he acts like this at 6, what will 15 look like. The longer I talked, the more I realized the roots of my anger. Fear. Fear of Andrew following a path that leads to destruction. My fear makes me hold tight and try to control his behavior. And when I see how powerless I am, so many of my sins come spewing out like a volcano. I hold them down and keep them dormant until something shakes them awake.

I hung up the phone and sat in silence. I felt God tapping me again asking me to pray. I told God I needed to calm down first. God did what any good parent does. He got creative. If asking me to pray isn’t working, He’d try another method to get me on my knees. I walked around the corner and saw Andrew standing in the hall.

“You are not to come out of your room.”

“Mommy, I need God to help me be a good behaver.”

“Yes, you do. You need to pray that God helps you to behave.” I love that God is kind and compassionate. He didn’t blast me by telling me I’m a hypocrite and how could I tell my kid to pray and ask for help when I myself couldn’t do the same thing. Instead, God works on our hearts.

“Mommy, but I need you to come and pray with me and to help me ask God to help me.”

I didn’t even realize God was working to get me on my knees. In fact, my pride stayed puffed up as I thought to myself, ‘Good, glad God is working on Andrew.’

We got on our knees, bowed our heads, I placed my hand on Andrew’s leg, and I began to pour my heart out to God. As I prayed, I physically felt God softening my heart. I physically felt God lifting my burdens and removing my fears. I felt the walls of pride and fear crumble. And my prayers changed. I prayed for us both.

As I prayed, I could hear God telling me that just like I want Andrew to obey me, God wants me to obey Him. When He asks me to pray, He wants me to obey. He doesn’t want me to wait until I feel like it. That may never happen, and then I lose out on unleashing God’s power to change the course. I felt God reminding me that just like I became angry over Andrew’s attitude, which led to his disobedience, I myself had allowed my circumstances to control my attitude, which led me to disobey God.

My bad attitude clouded my vision. My bad attitude placed foolishness where wisdom wanted to reside. My bad attitude caused me to disobey. Just like Andrew’s bad attitude caused him to disobey.

Andrew is no different than me. He is a sinner just like me. Because he’s accepted Jesus as his Savior, he is forgiven just like me.

I continued praying with Andrew something like this, “God, just like we are learning in VBS this week, help us to follow you wherever you lead us, help us to trust you no matter what, and help us to stay on track by keeping our focus on you and not our circumstances. Lord, your Word tells us whenever we turn to the right or to the left, we will hear in our ear this command behind us saying this is the way, walk in it. Isaiah 30:21.

I left Andrew’s room feeling like a new person. I felt free. The weight of my sin had been lifted. I laid it down in prayer. I’d asked God to forgive me, and His Word assures me He always forgives.

The rest of the day my eyes were open to the gifts He had in store for me. Gifts I might have missed if I’d continued in my disobedient path.

Here’s a sampling of the gifts I received – Andrew came out of his room a new person as well. He looked at me with the most tender eyes, eyes completely opposite of the ones that stared back at me defiantly only hours before. He said, “Mommy, I love you so much. From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. Thank you for praying with me.” My heart melted, but at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder if he was simply manipulating me. He grabbed me in the tightest hug I’ve received in months and held tight. I whispered thank you to God over and over in my head. Andrew never hugs me anymore. This was a gift from the Lord.

I told Andrew that I forgave him and there is nothing he could ever do that I wouldn’t forgive and reminded Him of the kind of forever forgiveness of God. I followed it up with, “But you still must stay in your room today.”

“I know, mommy, I don’t want to come out. I just wanted to hug you and tell you I love you.”

Another time in the day, he showered me with kisses. I can’t remember the last kiss I got from him. One day when he was 5 he decided he didn’t like kisses, and they came to an end. His kisses were a gift from the Lord.

Somehow I managed to clean my entire house from top to bottom in super record time. A gift from the Lord.

I had incredibly rich conversations with Jacob later in the day. A gift from the Lord.

All 3 of my boys fell asleep for 2 to 3 hours that afternoon, and I had the peace I desperately wanted that morning. This time God freely gave me that peace when He allowed all boys to fall exhausted into bed in  the middle of the day. (It’s a week where the boys are in a sports VBS in the morning then we all go to our VBS at our own church where I’m also teaching. So we are a little more tired than normal.) Sleep and peace – a gift from the Lord.

When Andrew was allowed to emerge from his extended time out later that day, he was a transformed little boy. It was true, genuine change that ONLY the Holy Spirit can accomplish. A gift from the Lord.

This time I could hear that still small voice of the Lord speaking to me. I believe He said something like this, “Daughter, I have the power to change a heart, an attitude, and a mind. And when I change it, it is true and right. When you hold tight out of fear and try to control your circumstances around you, you will wear yourself out and you will not get the results you want.”

When I finally prayed, God’s power unleashed in our home. Everything looked different.

I know I will forget this lesson. I know I will find myself directed by fear rather than walking in obedience again at some point. I also know that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me enough to enter into every tiny detail of my life. Down to giving me kisses through my 6-year-old that I’ve longed for.

Later that night I tried to talk to Andrew about our day again. I wanted to get to the root of his refusal to go to the morning sports VBS camp. I explained that it was never about me forcing him to go to something he didn’t enjoy, but it was his attitude and behavior that I disciplined. I told him that if he didn’t like it, he didn’t have to go back. He responded, “No, mommy, I like it. It was just my bad attitude.”

I nodded. I get it. My bad attitude makes me behave in ways that I am later ashamed of. Going forward I hope to remember this lesson quicker and pray in the middle of my bad attitude so God can change my heart before I walk in disobedience to Him.

As I lay in bed that night I thought back to the day. God blesses obedience. I know this to be true. God showed me that day when I let go of the reigns of my life, and surrender my need to control, and invite Him into the details, everything changes. When I became obedient, God worked out what I was powerless to work out. The rest of the day rained blessings I might have missed if I’d continued in the path of disobedience.

Parenting for me is more about learning how my Father loves me and cares for me more than it is training and loving my own children. He never stops parenting us. Often these lessons come to us through our very own children.

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