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The Golden Calves Our Kids Worship

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“Mom, I just wanted to tell you I’m so glad you didn’t get us electronics when we were young. If you had I know we would’ve loved them and could’ve ended up addicted.”

I stopped at his doorway silent for a moment.

“I appreciate you saying that.”

He smiled back, “It’s true. I don’t care anything about having a smart phone or any device, but if I had one years ago, I know it would have ended up something I wanted to be on all the time.”

My mind immediately went to the first post I ever wrote about electronics. I had to turn off the comments because some became simply vicious. I was called names, ridiculed, and told my kids would simply rebel.

It didn’t bother me. When you write online, you open yourself to all kinds of attacks. Those types of comments paled in comparison to the ones who agreed with my post and felt the same way.

Commenters told me my children would hate me for withholding electronics from them. The reason my children don’t hate us for this decision is because we have told them and shown them how much we love them, we have shared the why’s, and we have shown them something much more beautiful. We’ve shown them life. Real life.

Real life, real beauty, real conversations. We’ve offered them the real over the fake. What’s not to love about that? The letter I wrote our boys expressed to them that the root of our limiting electronics is the fact that we don’t want to miss out on life with them. They will be 18 in the blink of an eye. I don’t want to miss a minute. When they understand it’s because we love them and don’t want to miss out on experiencing life with them, they see into our hearts.

When it comes to phones, ipads, devices, video games, or anything of the sort, I so often have parents tell me they didn’t want to enter into this world BUT they wanted their kids to fit in.

I get it. But at the same time, I say, “No!” No, we shouldn’t desire our kids fit in if it is in an area we feel contention over. If it opens them to a world you aren’t ready to parent them through, keep that door closed. If it opens a door to a world that is dangerous to their hearts and minds, keep it closed. If it opens the door to a world that is out to devour them, keep it closed.

The dangers are real, and we are guardians over their hearts and minds until they learn how to guard themselves.

When we give our kids over to electronics out of peer pressure, that is what we are modeling to them. How can we expect them to fight their own peer pressure when we show them that is how we make many of our decisions?

Start as we intend to go. It’s much easier stay on course than it is it start down a path, crash into obstacles, get lost in the forest, and try to find the path you wish you had started on to begin with.

This article is heartbreaking – Digital heroin.

That is what we are up against. An addiction equal to a heroin addiction. This should terrify us into an awakening. This should give us the resolve we need to do what is right for our kids at the risk of them not being “cool” in the eyes of some.

Were our kids called to be cool? Or were they called to be set apart?

I don’t want cool kids. I want set apart kids.

It doesn’t take much for an addiction to set in. We are worshipers at heart. The problem begins when we place our natural inclinations toward worship on anything other than God. Enter idolatry.

The current craze is Pokemon Go. Much controversy surrounds this game. Years ago my children became interested in Pokemon cards. A few weeks later strange behaviors began to take place in one of my sons. I began praying through his room asking God to reveal if there was something in our home which opened a door to the enemy. Later this child came to me and said he felt he needed to get rid of his Pokemon cards and his Wii game Skylanders. All went to the trash, we prayed through the room and house. Strange behaviors left with the items we threw out. So I’m sensitive to Pokemon or anything with occult ties and origins.

With Pokemon go, we have a view into how easily our children become worshipers. How quickly they give their heart to something and fix their eyes on the object of their worship. If we are raising our kids to love and honor God, it should concern us when something, anything, grabs their heart in such an obvious, addicting way. (Side note: This is a great article if you have concerns about your child playing Pokemon Go)

We have an opportunity to train our children to worship the only One worth worshiping. A child or teen, or adult for that matter, has no problem with worshiping. It’s a matter of where they fix their eyes and heart. It will be given to something.

What if we teach them from Revelation? Teach them what awaits us. Show them the God who is worthy of our entire hearts?

When we spend more time teaching and showing our kids who God really is, they will thirst and hunger for the One who quenches every desire. They will hunger for the only One who can truly fill them. If we spend time talking about eternity, talking about Heaven, talking about things that matter, we can plant seeds in their hearts that grow into fruit bearing, life giving pursuits.

Why Shutting Off Electronics Is Good For Kids

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I will not bore you with statistics and facts about what electronics are doing to our children. I will tell you the effect I see on my own children, which is the very reason we periodically shut it all down.

Last year I wrote a letter to my boys about why we say no to electronics more than it seems other families might. This post has gone viral multiple times and continues to circulate at numbers that astound me. I realized many of us feel the same way.

As parents we are exploring a new world where constant connection is creating a disconnect for the relationships and the life we were created for.

My heart is grieved when I see preschoolers and young children gathered together with headphones on buried in devices. When I see the new norm for playdates has become video games. When I see kids riding in cars oblivious to the passing world because they are living in a make-believe world.

The time we have with our kids rushes by us. The time they have to experience life carefree digging in dirt and chasing their friends flies by. We are caught in an age where it’s easier to give a kid a device. As parents we weren’t called to take the easy road.

We are not an electronic-free family or house. We own all types of devices. However, we do place limits and boundaries, which I will share.

Here’s what happens to my boys when television, iPads, and gaming devices begin to become more important than they should.

1. They have no motivation to do anything.

2. They become lazy.

3. They become complainers when asked to serve the family.

4. They become ungrateful and actually foster a sense of entitlement.

5. They don’t want to exercise or do any physical activity.

6. They argue constantly.

7. They become impatient, snapping back with an impatient tone of voice and are quick to get angry.

They say it takes 30 days to create new habits. Our family just went through 30 days of clean eating, and I’m a believer in giving anything 30 days now. We’ve done electronic fasts in the past, and I always wonder why we don’t do them more often.

Sunday I realized numbers 1-7 above described my children. The effects of electronics had silently slithered in. And I promise that if we had not taken fasts in the past, I would have NEVER made the connection of the above mentioned issues to electronics.

Within HOURS my kids were different kids. The simple words, “Starting right now we are taking a 30 day fast from tv and electronics.” That alone seems to change everything. It is literally like they release the stress and burden of devices. Sounds crazy I know, and for the readers who will disagree, I can understand how crazy this sounds. I have no research to back this up. I have first-hand knowledge how this works on my 3 children, though. Every single time.

The very day we gave up all electronics, here’s what happened.

1. My 6-year-old went through the house, collected materials, and made his very own baseball from scratch. It took a long time, but he worked hard and completed a project.

2.  My boys stopped fighting. I didn’t hear another argument all day long.

3. They hung out with us all day. We played outside, we lounged on the screen porch, we took naps. It was lovely.

4.  My 9-year-old picked up a book and simply read without being told to read. (never would that happen if electronics was an option)

Now days into this fast, they do argue, but not as much. They simply go outside and play again. They don’t ask when they can watch a movie because the option was removed. So they get creative.

One of my sons in particular has become very creative in the last few days. The one who rarely uses creativity. One of my other sons has opened up in conversation to me revealing something he never wanted to share. Now I know how to pray. None of this would have happened if we were living distracted.

When electronics are gone, my children begin to think again. They begin to think about life and their role in it. Since our fast started on Sunday, we have had numerous conversations with our children that revealed to us inner struggles they were dealing with. Because their minds weren’t focused on their entertainment, they were thinking about life again and trying to make sense of changes they are facing.

Even in our family that has limits on electronics, our children can live in snippets of moments instead of truly experiencing life. They can begin to live from one game to the next. One experience to the next. And the thinking in between is on their conquering of new worlds and mastering new levels rather than exploring their own heart and connecting to the real-life world they live in.

The most common email I receive in regards to electronics limits is how we do it in our family. Today, I want to share what it looks like in our home.

Here’s our guidelines:

1. No devices in cars unless it is a long road trip. The car ride is when I’ve had some of the deepest conversations with my kids. It’s when my husband has had opportunities to have discussions on “the talk”. 2 of my 3 children accepted Christ while we were in the car out running errands! In our busy world, the car time is golden. As my boys are getting older, I have to capitalize on each moment I have with them.

2. No weekday electronics during the school year. It’s just too busy anyway. There isn’t time. If they are allowed electronics during the week, they rush through homework, they rush through family dinners, they rush through conversation because they have one thing on their mind. Their pleasure. They begin to give less of themselves to what matters because they want to pursue mastering a game instead. Life is no game.

3. No iPod touch, iPhone usage without permission. Our boys have iPod touches, but they are only used on long car rides for the most part. They are stripped of all access to the internet, which is the only reason we allow them to remain in their rooms. If internet access were granted, we would never allow them to keep their iPods in their rooms. The statistics are staggering on children exposed to pornography at young ages. Kids given internet devices and allowed to access them freely is dangerous territory. Evil finds our kids when our kids aren’t looking.

4. Time limits on games and tv watching. – They set an old fashioned kitchen timer and are allowed to play 30 minute sessions twice a day on the weekends. They have freedom to choose when and what and are given the responsibility to set the timer. The timer has been a key for us as my children were shocked to discover how fast 30 minutes goes by. Without a timer, they would play for hours. It’s hard to pull out of a game you are engrossed in. But setting time limits is practicing self-control. When they are older, they won’t have timers, but hopefully they will have practiced the art of leaving fun and realizing it was for their good.

5. Summer they are allowed one 30 minute session a day, but not before lunch. The days I’ve allowed them to start the day with tv or games, they tend to move like slugs and have no motivation. The days we work hard then play, they learn the value of work before play.

Another common email I receive is from parents frustrated about how addicted their kids are to their devices and desperate for help and solutions. When our kids are under our roofs, they are our responsibility. We have an obligation to society to raise kids who think beyond themselves and pursuing their pleasures. We have a responsibility to raise kids who value work, who think of others before themselves.

When my older boys were little, the electronics issue wasn’t an issue. We went to the store without needing to entertain our kids. We are raising a generation that believes they must be entertained, and they must always be happy, they must always get their way. When our kids act up, we silence them with a gaming device because it saves our sanity and embarrassment.

Parenting is not convenient. Parenting is downright embarrassing. Parenting is frustrating and full of hair pulling and tears hiding out in the bathroom. Parenting is the total giving of ourselves for the benefit of another.

Trust me, I struggle through this all the time. Just this week I went to the grocery store and had a 20 minute battle with my 6-year-old who refused to get out of the car. When he did, he refused to walk beside me and ran to aisles far away. I had to pull him from the store in a full on battle of the wills where we readjusted attitudes and hearts in the car. My grocery store trip left me spinning. I was sweating, exhausted, sad, and mad. A trip that should have taken 20 minutes took an hour. Had I put a phone in his hand, we would have zipped through the aisles and all would have been well.

Here’s what I would have missed.

1. Seeing my need for Jesus to help me parent.

2. Relying on God to grant me patience and literally crying to God in the car to help me parent a child well who struggles to obey the smallest instructions.

3. Teaching a child that life is more than his pleasure.

4. Explaining to a child why God desires obedience.

5. Disciplining a child (a child left undisciplined will be a child who struggles to feel loved)

6. Modeling to a child obedience, respect, discipline, and following it all with showers of love and grace.

It took time. Time I didn’t have. Time I didn’t want to give. It was awful and I didn’t see the beautiful in that moment that was pure embarrassment.

Parenting is a life of opportunity. The electronic grip on our kids steals our moments. It steals what is rightfully ours. Time is all we have, and it goes by much too fast. We will never have these years and opportunities again. Once they are gone, they are gone.

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A Letter To My Boys (The Real Reason I Say No To Electronics) – Repost

I originally posted this letter to my boys in January 2014. Within the first 7 days, this post was viewed 70,000 times. I received comments and emails that left me in tears. So many of us share these feelings and this letter gave voice to what you held in your heart. I am reposting today because as we head into summer, it’s easy to slip into patterns of excessive screen time. I want to remind us that our time is short with our children. Let’s make memories. Let’s claim this time. Original post and comments can be found here.

Important note before you read – If you plan to skim this, please don’t bother to read it. You will miss the point completely. I do not fear technology. My children have access to devices and technology. I’m not setting them up for failure in society. They know how to use computers, phones, and video games. We give limits and train them to exhibit self-control. I welcome all comments, but if you plan to comment in a negative or nasty way, it will be discarded. Thank you and blessings!

Boys back

Listen to the audio version of this post by clicking here.

Dear Boys,

Do you remember the day we went to the drugstore and the lady said, “Wow, you are the first kids I’ve seen all day with nothing in your hands.” Remember how she marveled at how you didn’t need an electronic device to carry through the store? I know how her words made you feel. I know how it reminded you that you are different because your mom limits your electronic usage. I know it was yet another reminder.

The same reminder you receive when we are out to eat and you notice all the kids playing their phones and iPads instead of talking to their parents. I know it was a reminder of all the sporting events where you feel you are the only kids whose parents are making them cheer on their siblings rather than burying themselves in a phone. I know it was another reminder to you that you feel different in this electronic age we live in.

Well, boys, it’s not you. It’s me. Me being selfish maybe. You see I can’t bear to miss a moment with you. Let me explain.

I want to talk to you when we are out to eat. I want to listen to your questions. I want to have training opportunities. I want to allow space for conversation that can take us deeper. And if you are always distracted with electronics, well… I might miss those moments.

I could give you all the statistics about how damaging it is to your development, your attention span, your ability to learn. While all of those are valid reasons to keep electronics away, that is not my primary reason why I say no to you so much. It’s more than that. Much more. I need you to understand this.

When we are together, I want all of you. The fullness of you. I want to experience you. Truly experience you. And I can’t do that with you when there is an electronic device between us. You see it acts as a barrier. I want to see what brings life to those eyes. I want to watch the wonder and magic dance across your face as you discover the wonders of this world. I want to watch you as you figure things out. I want to watch you process life, develop your thoughts. I want to know you. I want to know your passions. I want to watch you as you discover your God-given talents and gifts. And when you hide behind a screen, I miss out on all of that. And my time with you….well it will be over in the blink of an eye.

I want to guide you into an understanding of life and who you are. Boys, kids today are starved for attention, true connection and relationship. I don’t want you to feel starved. That is why I say no. I know that feeding the desire to play in your device is like giving you candy. It satisfies for a moment but provides no long term nutrition. It does more harm than good.

I don’t want to look back when I’m out of the trenches of child training and regret a second I had with you. I don’t want to merely survive. I want to thrive in this life with you. We are in it together. We are a family.

Yes, when we are waiting at a doctor’s office for an hour, it would be easier to quiet you with my phone. But if I did that, I fear I would send you a message that says I’d rather hush you than hear those precious words falling from your lips.

I can’t bear the thought of allowing you to miss out on the wonders and mysteries of this world. When you are transfixed on a screen, the beauty of this world will be lost to you. In every moment beauty is waiting to be discovered. I don’t want you to miss it.

I want you to be comfortable with yourself. I want you not to feel a constant need to be entertained and distracted. If you stay behind a screen, you never have to experience just being you, alone with your thoughts. I want you to learn to think, to ponder life, to make discoveries, to create. You have been gifted by God in unique ways. I want those to bloom. They can’t bloom in the glow of a screen. They need life, real life, to bring them to light.

I want you to be confident in who you are. I want you to be able to look people in the eyes and speak life into them. If I allow you to live behind a screen, you get little practice relating eye to eye. To truly know someone you have to look into their eyes. It’s a window into their heart. You see what can’t be seen in cyberspace.

When I tell you no to devices, I’m giving you a gift. And I’m giving me a gift. It’s a gift of relationship. True human connection. It’s precious and a treasure. And you mean so much to me that I don’t want to miss a second of it.

I love how God created your mind. I love to hear the way you think and process life. I love to see what makes you laugh. I love to watch those eyes widen when a new discovery is made. And when your head is behind a screen, I miss all of that. And so do you.

In this life we have few cheerleaders. In this family we will cheer each other on. I know it is boring to sit at swim lessons and watch your brother learn to swim. I know it is boring to sit through a 2 hour baseball practice. And in all honesty, it would be easy for me to give you the iPad and keep you quiet and occupied. But we all lose out when we do that. You will miss out on watching your brother’s new accomplishments. You will deprive him of the joy of his moment to shine for you. You will miss out on what it means to encourage each other.

I want you to grow up knowing the world doesn’t revolve around you. (One day your wife will thank me) I want you to learn to give selflessly of yourself….to give away your time, your talents, your treasures. If I distract you with electronics when you should be cheering for your brother, well, I’m simply telling you that your happiness is more important than giving your time to someone other than yourself.

This world needs more selflessness. This world needs more connection. This world needs more love. We can’t learn these behind a screen.

I want to raise sons that know how to look deeply into the eyes of the ones they love. I want my future daughters in law to know what it’s like to have a husband that looks deeply into her eyes because he knows the value of human relationships and the treasure of love. And that is best communicated eye to eye.

I want to watch your face illuminated by the majesty of life – not the glow of a screen. I want all of you. Because I only have you for a short while. When you pack up and leave for college, I want to look back with no regrets over the time I spent with you. I want to look back and remember how your eyes sparkled when we talked. I want to look back and remember how I actually knew those little quirky details of your life because we had time enough to be bored together.

It’s ok to be bored. We can be bored together. And we can discover new things together.

I love you. I love you too much to quiet you with an iPhone or an iPad or a DS. And I can’t even apologize, because I’m really not sorry. I’m doing this so that I won’t be sorry one day.

With all my love,

Mom

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Reasons to Consider Unplugging from Technology to Plug Into Our Families

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Last March our family fasted from electronics for a month.  It was the first time we had done something like that, and we were pleasantly surprised by the results.  Here is the post I wrote last year on 5 Benefits of an Electronics Fast.

I began to notice some areas of attitude, resistance, and disconnection in our family recently.  This is an area I pray about frequently and felt that another fast was in order.  Our fast began over the weekend.  This is never something welcomed by our children.  They never get excited that we are implementing this.  However, we see the most positive results through the process.  If I gave them their choice, they would eat candy all day long and never touch a vegetable.  The same holds true for electronics.  It’s fun, they love them, but we know there are healthier options they need to experience.

After posting A Letter To My Sons (the real reason I say no to electronics), I realized how many families felt the same way.  It’s a topic that is becoming more important as the crutch of electronics invades our family lives.

The weeks leading up to Easter is a great time to try an electronics fast if you’ve always wanted to give it a shot. I admit, it’s scary, but you will not regret a second of the time you experience with your family.  Start small.  You don’t have to start out with a 30 day break (though I really love our longer breaks).  Try just one weekend, one day even.

Of all my boys, my middle son is the one who loves electronics more than the others. However, on Day 2 of our fast, he said, “This is actually kind of fun.”  This same thing was said last year by both of my older boys.  They wouldn’t choose an electronics fast, but they do enjoy it and see the benefits.

I would add one more thing to my list from 5 Benefits of an Electronics Fast – more sleep.  I find that on the weekends my boys wake early because they expect to watch a movie or they wonder if a movie is being watched, and they don’t want to miss out.  Now, they are simply sleeping and enjoying getting the rest and relaxation because they know they aren’t missing out on anything.

“When the option of electronics is completely removed, kids will become kids again.  When all the distractions are removed, we can fully enjoy our moments again.” – 5 Benefits of an Electronics Fast.  I encourage you to visit this previous post to read the benefits we noticed in our family.

Technology has wonderful uses, but every so often a disconnect in the family calls for a disconnect from technology.  A time to recharge and reboot as a family unit.  A time to connect fully with each other and rediscover one another.  A time to create some new moments and see them with fresh, focused eyes.

Slow Processor

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I watch as one of mine struggles to process information.  His brain receives it, and depending on the time, the day, the circumstances, it processes at different rates.  Early in his development, we noticed a few minor things that caused us to pause.  A disconnect of sorts. Sometimes he grasps concepts, sometimes he doesn’t.  No rhyme or reason can be found.  As he grows, we notice it more.  However, he is tenacious, strong-willed, hard-working, and passionate.  Just what the Lord knew would be needed to overcome a few disconnects.

The mama bear in me emerges at times.  I try to tame her. It’s not the mama bear wanting to protect her child that tries to break out (though she is there as well).  It’s the mama bear that wants to make it all ok.  To soothe, to explain, to make it all better.  I want all connections to exist.  I want everything firing well.  But the Lord planned differently.

This child is passionate about all things sports.  Any sport.  Anything physical.  And he is good.  Seriously, good.  I know we all say this about our littles.  I see certain passions the Lord has placed in him.  And I watch him try to overcome his inability to process information at the rate of other kids by excelling at his strengths.  Where understanding is lacking, brute force shows up.

With his inability to process information as quickly as other children, comes a need to remind him of things.  Not remind him of things he needs to do.  That is the exact opposite.  Simple instructions need be given once.  Get your shoes on.  Check.  Make your bed.  Check.  It’s the things he doesn’t hear over and over again that need reminding until he gets it.

I’m realizing how much I actually have in common with this child of mine.  I need a lot of reminding.  I usually do this through my writing.  I remind myself who goes before me.  I remind myself who I belong to.  I remind myself that I’m forgiven.  I remind myself to fear not.  I remind myself of truths over and over again.  Because I’m a bit slow to process the moments as they come, writing is a necessity for me.  It’s not merely an expression of my heart.

I’m a slow processor at times.  I need constant reminding. Most of what I write comes from a place of remembering something I already know.  I’ve just been slow to process it, and I need to remind myself again.  It’s sort of like a shepherd using his staff on himself.  His crook is intended to guide the herd, but when he turns it on himself, it does the same thing.  My writing might appear to be used to encourage and inspire the path of my readers, but it’s always turned towards me.  I need the gentle reminding of the shepherds hook.

The post I wrote titled A Letter to My Sons (the real reason I say no to electronics) served two purposes for me.  First, to explain my heart to my children.  Second, to remind myself why I say no.  What has taken me by surprise is the popularity of it.   This post has received more views in 2 days than all posts combined over the last 2 months.  I believe the reason is that it has served as a reminder to many of us.  We know the things we feel in our hearts.  Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder to keep us on our paths.

I wanted to thank you for sharing that post.  Thank you for giving me the gift of seeing how the Lord moved in your heart. I truly treasure it as a gift.  I find myself floored by the community of readers we have here.  Thank you for loving me and encouraging me the way you do.

P.S.  It is definitely worth noting that we are not an electronic free household.  We own a computer, 2 iPads, 2 iPhones, Wii, DS, and Leapster.  Oh and tv.  When I wrote the post, I didn’t specify only because it was written as a letter to my boys, who know all of this.  My letter addressed their desires to have electronic usage when we are away from home….doing life with others and each other.  We do use electronics at home.  We give our children limits and guidelines, such as it’s allowed only on weekends, 30 minutes a day over the weekend, etc. Just felt the need to clarify that 🙂

 

A Letter to My Sons – (the real reason I say no to electronics)

Boys back

Dear Boys,

Do you remember the day we went to the drugstore and the lady said, “Wow, you are the first kids I’ve seen all day with nothing in your hands.”  Remember how she marveled at how you didn’t need an electronic device to carry through the store?   I know how her words made you feel.  I know how it reminded you that you are different because your mom limits your electronic usage.  I know it was yet another reminder.

The same reminder you receive when we are out to eat and you notice all the kids playing their phones and iPads instead of talking to their parents.  I know it was a reminder of all the sporting events where you feel you are the only kids whose parents are making them cheer on their siblings rather than burying themselves in a phone.  I know it was another reminder to you that you feel different in this electronic age we live in.

Well, boys, it’s not you.  It’s me.  Me being selfish maybe.  You see I can’t bear to miss a moment with you.  Let me explain.

I want to talk to you when we are out to eat.  I want to listen to your questions.  I want to have training opportunities.  I want to allow space for conversation that can take us deeper.  And if you are always distracted with electronics, well… I might miss those moments.

I could give you all the statistics about how damaging it is to your development, your attention span, your ability to learn.  While all of those are valid reasons to keep electronics away, that is not my primary reason why I say no to you so much.  It’s more than that.  Much more.  I need you to understand this.

When we are together, I want all of you.  The fullness of you.  I want to experience you. Truly experience you.  And I can’t do that with you when there is an electronic device between us. You see it acts as a barrier.  I want to see what brings life to those eyes.  I want to watch the wonder and magic dance across your face as you discover the wonders of this world.  I want to watch you as you figure things out.  I want to watch you process life, develop your thoughts. I want to know you.  I want to know your passions.  I want to watch you as you discover your God-given talents and gifts.  And when you hide behind a screen, I miss out on all of that. And my time with you….well it will be over in the blink of an eye.

I want to guide you into an understanding of life and who you are.  Boys, kids today are starved for attention, true connection and relationship.  I don’t want you to feel starved. That is why I say no.  I know that feeding the desire to play in your device is like giving you candy.  It satisfies for a moment but provides no long term nutrition.  It does more harm than good.

I don’t want to look back when I’m out of the trenches of child training and regret a second I had with you.  I don’t want to merely survive.  I want to thrive in this life with you.  We are in it together.  We are a family.

Yes, when we are waiting at a doctor’s office for an hour, it would be easier to quiet you with my phone.  But if I did that, I fear I would send you a message that says I’d rather hush you than hear those precious words falling from your lips.

I can’t bear the thought of allowing you to miss out on the wonders and mysteries of this world. When you are transfixed on a screen, the beauty of this world will be lost to you.  In every moment beauty is waiting to be discovered.  I don’t want you to miss it.

I want you to be comfortable with yourself.  I want you not to feel a constant need to be entertained and distracted.  If you stay behind a screen, you never have to experience just being you, alone with your thoughts.  I want you to learn to think, to ponder life, to make discoveries, to create.  You have been gifted by God in unique ways.  I want those to bloom.  They can’t bloom in the glow of a screen.  They need life, real life, to bring them to light.

I want you to be confident in who you are.  I want you to be able to look people in the eyes and speak life into them.  If I allow you to live behind a screen, you get little practice relating eye to eye.  To truly know someone you have to look into their eyes.  It’s a window into their heart.  You see what can’t be seen in cyberspace.

When I tell you no to devices, I’m giving you a gift.  And I’m giving me a gift.  It’s a gift of relationship.  True human connection.  It’s precious and a treasure.  And you mean so much to me that I don’t want to miss a second of it.

I love how God created your mind.  I love to hear the way you think and process life.  I love to see what makes you laugh.  I love to watch those eyes widen when a new discovery is made. And when your head is behind a screen, I miss all of that.  And so do you.

In this life we have few cheerleaders.  In this family we will cheer each other on.  I know it is boring to sit at swim lessons and watch your brother learn to swim.  I know it is boring to sit through a 2 hour baseball practice.  And in all honesty, it would be easy for me to give you the iPad and keep you quiet and occupied.  But we all lose out when we do that.  You will miss out on watching your brother’s new accomplishments.  You will deprive him of the joy of his moment to shine for you.  You will miss out on what it means to encourage each other.

I want you to grow up knowing the world doesn’t revolve around you.  (One day your wife will thank me)  I want you to learn to give selflessly of yourself….to give away your time, your talents, your treasures.  If I distract you with electronics when you should be cheering for your brother, well, I’m simply telling you that your happiness is more important than giving your time to someone other than yourself.

This world needs more selflessness.  This world needs more connection.  This world needs more love.  We can’t learn these behind a screen.

I want to raise sons that know how to look deeply into the eyes of the ones they love.  I want my future daughters in law to know what it’s like to have a husband that looks deeply into her eyes because he knows the value of human relationships and the treasure of love.  And that is best communicated eye to eye.

I want to watch your face illuminated by the majesty of life – not the glow of a screen.  I want all of you.  Because I only have you for a short while.  When you pack up and leave for college, I want to look back with no regrets over the time I spent with you.  I want to look back and remember how your eyes sparkled when we talked.  I want to look back and remember how I actually knew those little quirky details of your life because we had time enough to be bored together.

It’s ok to be bored.  We can be bored together. And we can discover new things together.

I love you.  I love you too much to quiet you with an iPhone or an iPad or a DS.  And I can’t even apologize, because I’m really not sorry.  I’m doing this so that I won’t be sorry one day.

With all my love,

Mom