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When You Are Ready To Quit

/in , /by

Recently I panicked. Completely. Everything I worked so hard to do seemed to be more than I could handle. Everywhere I turned I felt I was failing someone or somewhere. I couldn’t return phone calls, follow up on important tasks.

The weight of homeschooling, running 2 businesses, writing, and simply being wife, mom, friend, volunteer, etc seemed to come down on me like a heavy weight. The pace I’d been running was unsustainable.

Here’s what I started to do. Find my escape route. My reason out. My excuse to quit everything. This is what happens when my margin narrows. It pushes on my soul, and I feel I’m suffocating.

I asked Steve and one friend to pray with me. After my panic settled over me, His peace flooded my soul. He began to speak. The rest of the week, I took it in. I continued moving forward. I didn’t actually quit anything. I just moved slowly.

God showed me 2 things.

I’m addicted to the high moments, the spiritual mountain tops, the big wins. I love change and challenges. I feed on the adrenaline rush in these times. I need newness, and when the new wears down and the hard kicks in, I begin to squirm.

I’m afraid of success. This sounded ridiculous to me the first time I heard it listening to The Secret Code of Success. In fact I retold that part of the book to Steve pridefully. “That is NOT me.”

Turns out I have some unidentified fears. It wasn’t that I actually feared success exactly. It is that when I reach a point that feels like success, I become scared of the higher expectations I’ll need to live up to. I’m afraid of failing at yet another thing. Yet, I claim I’m not afraid to try and fail.

Here’s what I discovered. I reach a point of success, and I want the control. So if I back out gracefully, it is on my own terms. I didn’t actually fail. The pride runs deep, my friends. I’m so grateful God’s not through with me yet.

The entire week God held me in a state of peace. One evening I read The Tortoise and the Hare to Andrew. We have the version from a Chick-fil-A kids meal so many years ago. I could just sense God reminding me to keep that steady pace. It’s ok if I don’t run a sprint. I just need to keep going at a pace I can manage.

When I faced resistance I began to doubt God’s direction to me. I began asking God if He was sure.

I don’t know if you do this too. But I will know I’ve heard God. I follow the direction He’s leading, but then I want continued reassurance every few steps. When I trip or stumble I immediately believe I heard wrong. I begin to question everything I thought I knew.

When we moved to Nebraska in 2017, a friend told me to journal everything God told me during the preparation and transition. She said I would need the reminders when we settled in. We’d begin to question why we found ourselves in the middle of the country so far from everything we’ve ever known. She was right. I referred to my prayer journal often in those first 6 months.

I need to spend more time remembering and less time second guessing. It’s not that God changed what He said. I’ve just forgotten. The more time I spend in His Word, the quicker I am to distinguish His voice from the bellowing of the world.

 

I spend a little less time writing these days since I’ve followed God’s direction in starting 2 businesses. One is right here on the blog. If you click on Shop you can find much of what’s been keeping me busy.

I would be so appreciative if you supported me by sharing my shop with your friends and family.

Christmas is around the corner. Maybe your gift list includes people in need of reminders of God’s goodness and faithfulness.

My newest addition is my favorite to this point. It’s a luxurious, velveteen, zipper-closured pillowcase. The only problem is you may find it harder to get out of bed in the morning.

 

A few of my favorite items to help you journal your thoughts, prayers, ideas, lists and all the things.

Bullet Journal Planner Pens Colored Pens Fine Point Markers Fine Tip Drawing Pens Porous Fineliner Pen for Journaling Writing Note Taking Calendar Agenda Coloring Art School Office Supplies, 18 Colors

You are so often in my thoughts and prayers. Sometimes I’m overwhelmed at the community, friendship, and loyalty you offer me. It’s a noisy online world and you are still here with me. This blog is the only thing I didn’t consider quitting.

Thank you for the notes you send. And thank you for sharing with your friends and family and social media.

Blessings,

Renee

It’s Time To Take Back Ground – Are You With Me?

/in , /by

“What if what we need….is to go back to remembering who God is?”

The weight of that question laid over us like the blankets cocooning us against the howling Lake Michigan wind.

Huddled like teens away at camp, the questions from deep within bounced back and forth between us.

With tenderness we held the holiness of the ponderings leading us to the question we believe was God-breathed.

Who is God? Really? Not the version the world creates. Not who others tell us He is. But who He is as revealed by Him!

We know God. We walk with Him. But He is infinite and we forget. Or worse, we harbor lies deep in our souls that we don’t even know are there. Lies like God isn’t good all the time. Or I have to take care of myself because God might fail me. Or I need to prove myself because I have to earn God’s love.

There are so many lies that bury themselves inside our hearts without us even realizing it. That is until we find ourselves in a situation that requires complete and total trust in God. And we have to go back to remembering who He is.

When we focus there, everything begins to change.

What if the answer to our biggest challenges in life is found by one simple practice or discipline? Actually, I now believe it is.

Lord, You light my lamp;
my God illuminates my darkness.

With You I can attack a barrier,
and with my God I can leap over a wall.

Psalm 18:28-29, HCSB

 

You, Lord, keep my lamp burning;
    my God turns my darkness into light.
 With your help I can advance against a troop;
    with my God I can scale a wall.

Psalm 18:28-28, NIV

Friend, it’s time to take a stand. Time to take back ground the enemy has taken from you. No longer will you allow him to bully you. No longer will he use fear tactics, depression, anxiety, or diagnosis. No longer will he use your pain as a weapon against you. No longer will he use your illness against you. No longer will he use your insecurity.

Nope. He’s done. You know why? Because God is bigger.

It’s a simple truth we know but forget to live into. For too long we’ve allowed the devil to speak too loudly. Why do we listen to him? Have we forgotten he’s a liar?

The enemy tells us God’s not good.

God is good.

The enemy tells us God won’t catch us when we fall.

God tells us He will never leave or forsake us.

The enemy tells us to protect our hearts because no one is looking out for us.

God tells us He bottles up our tears.

The enemy tells us no one sees or understands.

God tells us He’s numbered the hairs on our head. And the stars he calls by name. Yeah, He sees alright.

Take that satan, you liar!

God has been showing me for a year it’s time to go on the offense.

Too often we wait to start fighting when the weight of the world feels it may crush us.

So God woke me early one morning, only a few short weeks after I sat huddled like a teenager with my friend at a writer’s retreat. He woke me with His Presence and His Words. His Holy Spirit began to pour out over me, and I experienced a time with Him like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. And now I finally get to share it all with you.

I have a few questions for you:

  • Do you find yourself facing problems, grief, difficult people or situations and feel it will swallow you right up?
  • Do you find yourself walking under the whispers of insecurity, doubt, guilt, shame, or fear? (You aren’t alone)
  • Do you feel distant from God?
  • Do you wonder how others hear from God and you don’t?
  • Do you simply need a heart renewal and revival?
  • Are you hungry for that which sustains?

You are not alone. It’s time to illuminate the darkness.

I have written and created a devotion just for you.

Illuminate – Seeing God by the Light of His Word is available for purchase here.

Here’s a post with all the questions you might have.

Or you can visit here for a video trailer and reviews.