Unbridle my love, Lord

/in , , /by

IMG_8947

To listen to an audio recording of this post, click here.

“Mom, you have to pause right now. You have to come outside and see God’s beautiful world. There is a yellow and black butterfly flying back and forth between the trees. And everything is just. so. beautiful.”

I swiveled my cracked leather chair away from the computer screen and looked into his eyes wide with excitement. His little hands clenched tight to the mason jar holding one tiny rock.

“I found this rock when I was digging. I saved it in this glass jar so you could always think of me. I want you to remember me.”

“Andrew, I will never forget you.” I smiled, closed my computer, and followed him outside. For the first time in days, the humidity wasn’t 95%. The sky was overcast. It was lovely.

“I see the butterfly, Andrew!”

“See, I told you, Mom, it’s just beautiful out here.”

IMG_8949

He led me to the spot where he had been digging. He found bird netting that had grown into the ground and a rock. “Mom, I’m trying to make a hot tub. I decided I would help dig so if we ever get a pool, we will have a hot tub, and you won’t have to hire so many workers.”

I smiled back at him, nodding my affirmation of his plan. He stood up, brushed the dust off his shorts, and held his garden shovel high. “It’s not impossible for a little man with a little shovel to do that kind of job.”

Not with faith and belief like that. For the one who believes that with God all things are possible, then all things simply become possible.

After a few minutes exploring outside, we made our way back inside. We grabbed the book he and I are reading aloud, Misty of Chincoteague. We snuggled close on my bed. The dogs took their spots, one as a pillow behind my head, the other sprawled at our feet. The dialect when the grandfather speaks is tough for me to read and even more difficult for Andrew to follow. Every few sentences, I would stop and explain in plain English what the grandfather was saying to his grandchildren. The grandfather in the story referenced “gentling” a horse. I explained this would be taming a wild horse.

His eyes widened again. “I could do that. I could totally do that.”

“Andrew, honestly, I believe you could. I can absolutely see you having the ability to tame a wild horse.”

A few minutes later, he shared his newly discovered dream with Jacob. “Hey, Jacob, I’m going to calm a wild horse. I’ll just get the strongest rope in the world and bring him to me. Then I’ll get a brush and brush him softly because that will calm him like it calms our dogs.”

Jacob listened as he faked slam dunks on Andrew’s closet basketball goal. “Cool, Andrew, that’s neat.”

Andrew leaned back in his bed with his arms behind his head. He was in deep thoughts of taming wild horses. I softly closed his door for our daily “quiet” time.

An hour later quiet time ended and the boys transitioned to their daily movie or Wii time for 30 minutes. Andrew had lost his screen time because of an earlier in the day episode of disrespect, disobedience, and some serious outbursts of anger.

I sat on my bed writing during that time. He climbed on my bed with me. “Mom, I am just so sad. They are watching a show, and I wish I didn’t have to lose mine. I’m ashamed of myself.”

I put my computer down again. “Andrew, can I tell you a story?”

“Is it a true story?”

“Well, it’s a story from my heart.”
He shrugged his shoulders, crawled closer to me on the bed, and ran his fingers over threads hanging from the comforter.

“Imagine you see a wild horse. Of course, you would want it since you want a horse so badly. And you would love it immediately. In your heart you would promise to love it, protect it, and take good care of it. You would do for it what was best. But that wild horse doesn’t trust you, so it doesn’t know that you will only do what is good for it.”

He looked up from the threads and met my eyes. “Andrew, sometimes you are like that wild horse. You think you know best and forget that I love you and know what is best for you, so you forget to trust me.”

“That makes sense, actually.”

“It really does. We are all like that wild horse at times with God too. God has promised to never leave us and never foresake us. He will always take care of us and always love us. But sometimes we buck and run and He is whispering to us. He is saying, ‘Just trust me. I know what is best for you. Just obey me and love me.’ ”

He nodded as he began to play with the loose threads again. I pulled him tight to my side, kissing his cheek. “Do you know how much I love you?”

He rolled his eyes, “Yes, mom.”

“Do you know how much God loves you?”

His automatic answer, “Yes.” Then he switched his answer, “No.”

“He loves you so much He sent His One and only Son to die for you. That is how much. He loves you way more than I love you!”

His smile broke across his face as he pulled out of my embrace, skipping out of my room. We all like to be reminded that we are loved with a ridiculously wild, indulgent love.

His plans are good, His will is perfect. He asks us to trust and follow. And in response I ask Him to make me love Him wildly. With a love that is unbridled.

Lord, let me trust you with my whole heart. When I’m scared, let me run to you, not away. When I think I know what is best, remind me that you know my heart better than I know myself. Unbridle my heart to love you wildly.

Want to receive posts slipped into your inbox? Sign up here so you won’t miss a post. Subscribers receive a free ornament download to accompany Seeking Christmas.

 

 

Don’t Give Your Kids Chores

/in /by

IMG_8748

To listen to the audio recording of this post, click here.

I admit, I chose this title to get you to open the post. Now that we’ve established that, I’ll explain.

I am queen of systems. I love a fresh new way of doing things. Since my boys were little we have tried all kinds of creative variations to get more work done with less complaining. We’ve memorized scripture, we’ve crafted beautiful Pinterest systems. Years and years of new systems that worked beautifully for about 10 days before becoming stale.

I attempted various ideas regarding allowance. Allowance vs no allowance. The problem we encountered when offering allowance based on chores is that each time I asked them to do something not on their chore list, they thought they deserved to be paid for it. It began to make them even more self-focused than they already were. So we ditched that.

Then I read an article that really changed how I viewed “chores”. The perspective was a new one for me, which led me to make some changes. No longer would we view chores as chores. They would simply become a responsibility we all share because we live in this house together as a family.

In the recent months, we threw out all forms of chore charts. I explained to the boys that we are a family and each have a responsibility to serve the family and to take care of all household duties. This means that when the table is cleared at dinner, you don’t simply grab your own dirty plate and cup. You look beyond yourself and see the entire table. You serve your family.

You don’t simply clean your own room, clean your own bathroom mess, clean your own dirty clothes. No, you look around the house with eyes of a servant. The entire house is all of ours. If we focus on our own mess, we focus on ourselves only.

No longer did I want to hear, “But that’s not my mess.” It doesn’t really matter. If we all clean up after ourselves initially, then collectively there is less to clean up. Seems pretty simple.

Children are capable of doing so much more than we give them credit for. A 2-year-old can wipe counters, dust shelves, and sweep a floor. A 4-year-old can fold towels, a 5-year-old can vacuum. It won’t be perfect, but it’s the habit and heart we are aiming for. The quality of work comes with age and practice.

Only a few short years ago, I would ask one of the boys to sweep the kitchen. When they weren’t looking, I would go behind them to really sweep. Now, they do a better job than I do, and I don’t have to go behind them anymore. In the training years, we can set the expectation that it will take 2 to 3 times as long to get anything accomplished, and the quality won’t be spectacular. If we can look past the outward appearance, and see instead what we are creating inside them, it’s worth the effort.

By our nature we are selfish, self-centered, and prone to feelings of entitlement. These are the very things I want to work out of my kids while I have them in our home.

I told the boys a few months ago that going forward, we are ditching the chore charts and the formal assignments of “chores”. From now on, we are all all-in. Whatever needs to be done, I assign out. It will vary from day to day. I don’t want to hear that you did that yesterday, it’s not your mess, or it’s not fair. Instead we are all going to develop an attitude that we will serve our family out of love. (I wish I could say I don’t hear these thoughts anymore, but I do. And the prayer is that over time, they will become less and less.)

Serving the family is no longer a chore, it’s an act of love. At least that is the goal and the hope.

“Last year we paid you an allowance based on the chores you did. That didn’t go so well because anything not on your list, you complained about and tried to demand payment for it. We’ve decided instead we want to give you a free gift each week. It’s not based on your work quality, the amount of chores you completed, or even if it is deserved. It’s a totally free gift that you don’t deserve. We are giving you an allotment of money each week out of the kindness of our hearts. You didn’t earn it, you won’t earn it, it is yours. And we will help you learn to manage your money.”

I had their attention here, so I continued. “We are sinners, yet while we were sinners, God sent His One and only Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. It was a free gift that we couldn’t earn, didn’t deserve, but had to accept for it to become ours. The money we give you each week, you will not earn, you won’t deserve, it’s given to you freely, but you must accept it for it to become yours. Just like salvation is available to all, but it must be accepted on an individual level to become personal. Each week you receive this money, think about the gift of your salvation. Don’t let the gospel become stale in your hearts.”

When they were little we followed the Dave Ramsey system of envelopes where each time they received money, they would place 10% or more in give first, then a portion in save and a portion in spend. Each week they receive their free allowance, they are required to put money into give first and encouraged to pray about where God would have them give that money. Beyond that they can determine how they divide up their save and spend and we help them set goals and determine plans for achieving those goals.

We have a long way to go still, but the good news is that we have plenty of opportunities. I desire my boys to have strong work ethics, to give their best attitude in all they do. Our role as parent is to provide the training grounds for that to happen. It won’t happen naturally.

We have a fairly small yard, and a couple of years ago my husband said to me, “If we didn’t have boys, I would have a lawn company take care of the yard to free up some of my time. But I don’t want our boys growing up having someone take care of that and not learning the lessons that come with learning to cut the grass, trim the bushes, and take care of your home.”

At 9-years-old the boys began learning to cut the grass. Little steps at a time. A few strips of grass with him at their side teaching safety and respect for the machine. Do they love cutting the grass? No. But they are learning it’s just what we do, and if we are going to do it, we might as well do it well and with a good attitude.

My hope is that habits created will influence the hearts within them.

Scripture to pray and memorize:

Ephesians 6:7 “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men.”

Philippians 2:5 “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death – even death on a cross!”

Philippians 2:14 “Do everything without complaining or arguing.”

Want to receive posts slipped into your inbox? Sign up here so you won’t miss a post. Subscribers receive a free ornament download to accompany Seeking Christmas.

When I Watched the Gospel Wear Skin

/in , , /by

IMG_8820

I sat in the corner of the waiting room where Andrew attends Interactive Metronome therapy twice a week. Jacob stood at the door leading from the waiting room to the hallway. “Oh my gosh, Mom, come here! Andrew is out in the hallway.” The laugh in Jacob’s eyes told me I didn’t want to miss this.

I placed my book on the seat and joined Jacob at the door. Peering around the doorframe, I gasped. Jacob doubled over gripping his stomach through his fits of laughter. From the end of the hall, Andrew shouts back, “What? Stop it, Jacob!” Jacob couldn’t stop laughing.

“Jacob, please go back in the waiting room,” I whispered. Just then Andrew’s therapist emerged from the bathroom holding the shirt Andrew had been wearing. It was soaked.

“Andrew had a little accident on his shirt when he went to the bathroom. I tried to rinse it off and accidentally got his shirt wetter than I meant to and now it’s too wet for him to wear.”

I laughed. He laughed. Then I realized, we really did have a bit of an issue. Therapy time ticked away. Valuable time. It’s been years since I’ve kept extra clothes on hand. He could go shirtless, which would be fine with him, maybe not with the other children. I saw no solution.

I wore a cardigan over my shirt. I took it off to offer it to Andrew. His always over-expressive eyes widened, “Mom! I cannot wear girl clothes! I’ll look ridiculous!”

He pushed his arms in anyway. We rolled the sleeves up, buttoned the bottom buttons, hoping he would roll with it.

“No. No way. Take this off me now. I can not wear this!”

“Do you think one of his brothers would loan him their shirt?”

“Ha! I highly doubt it, but I’ll ask.”

I thought to myself, “There is no way they will give up their shirt, sit shirtless in a waiting room so Andrew can continue therapy.” Having no other options, I entered the waiting room to ask so I could say I’d given it my best.

“Ok, boys, Andrew had a little accident on his shirt, his therapist tried to help him out and ended up soaking the shirt. In order for him to finish therapy, he needs a shirt to wear. I tried to give him my cardigan but he won’t wear it. Is there any way one of you would be willing to loan him the shirt off your back so he can finish therapy?”

Before I completed my sentence, Jacob shot up from his seat. “I’ll do it, Mom. He can wear my shirt.”

Before he could change his mind, I whisked him out of the waiting room back to Andrew standing shirtless in the hallway.

They locked eyes and both burst out laughing. Through his laughter, Andrew said, “Stop it, Jacob.” Jacob couldn’t help himself.

“Jacob, quickly take off your shirt and give it to him so he can get back to work.” Jacob pulled his shirt off, Andrew slipped it on his head. And I watched it dawn on Jacob what he had just done.

Jacob stood exposed.

Andrew looked down at his new shirt. “This fits perfect. Thanks!” And off he and his therapist went. Meanwhile, I handed Jacob my favorite white cardigan.

He looked at it as if it were poison. “Mom, I can’t believe I just gave him my shirt. I don’t know what I was thinking! I am so embarrassed right now.”

I let it all out. Every ounce of laughter I’d been holding in. Watching Jacob put his arms into that cardigan, button up the buttons which went to about his belly button, and looking at his bare chest. Well, it was about the funniest thing I’d seen in awhile.

After I gathered myself, I stood back looking at him. “Jacob, that is the most beautiful picture of sacrifice I’ve seen. You didn’t think, you didn’t weigh the options, you didn’t count the cost to you. You gave to your brother what he didn’t have, you suffered humiliation and embarrassment for his sake. And you did it out of love.”

A blush covered his face, as he gently nodded, eyes cast to the floor. “It was weird, Mom, because I didn’t even think about it until after I’d given him my shirt. It just happened. I really can’t believe I said yes.”

“It’s the absolute perfect picture of sacrifice. When we sacrifice something from our hearts, we often don’t think about it. It comes naturally.”

A soldier who gives his life for a brother isn’t weighing his options and what he will give up. There is no time. A mother who runs into the road to save her child crossing the street isn’t thinking. She is simply acting. Often what we call a sacrifice is simply an act of love to the nth degree.

“Jacob, you had what Andrew didn’t and out of your love for him, you sacrificed. You are embarrassed, you are humiliated. Jesus did for us what we couldn’t do for ourselves. He hung on a cross in complete humiliation. Willingly. It was the ultimate sacrifice.”

I watched the thought wash over him. It transformed his face, and I pray it transforms his heart. I know it will. Because the gospels transforms us. Not just the first time we get it, but every moment we live it.
When we truly get the gospel is when the gospel gets us. And we will never, ever be the same. It’s impossible.

Jacob showed me gospel living. The gospel is meant to be tasted, felt, experienced. The gospel is radical. Extreme. Unnatural. It’s wild abandonment of self and pride. It’s humbling.

The gospel isn’t meant to be boiled down to a Sunday School lesson leading to a sinner’s prayer. It’s so much more. It’s beautifully complex wearing the clothes of simplicity. It’s a simple message meant to be breathed in and out.

With each breath of the gospel, we come alive, and out of the life He gave for us, we can give. We can stand humiliated yet unashamed.

Want to receive posts slipped into your inbox? Sign up here so you won’t miss a post. Subscribers receive a free ornament download to accompany Seeking Christmas.

Total Immersion Is The Way To Bathe Our Kids in Truth

/in , , /by

IMG_8266

In 2012 and 2014, we hosted orphans from Latvia in our home. If you visit my posts in December of 2012 and June 2014, you can read all about our experiences. Both children we hosted astounded me with how quickly they learned English. I didn’t purchase a fancy language program or even buy a dictionary. It was total immersion.

In a 4 week period of total immersion, they learned more than any book could’ve taught them over the course of a year or longer. The change was phenomenal.

These children lived with us, a family actually speaking English, for weeks. They saw us living out the English language, putting it in practice moment by moment.

Training our children in the way they should go should be total immersion. In this world and this culture, sprinkling will not do. The key is that we as parents have to live it out. We can’t simply talk about God in general terms. We can’t put them in church programs and hope they become good, moral children. We have to live out the gospel in our homes.

At some point along my journey of faith, I stopped compartmentalizing my faith life and my “real” life. My lives merged and became all about God all the time. God began to change my perspective on pretty much everything.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 ” These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart. Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Bind them as a sign on your hand and let them be a symbol on your forehead. Write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

I think God is serious about this command. Another way to translate is – Totally immerse your kids in me. Talk about me all the time. Tell them what you know of me. Tell them what I’ve instructed. Don’t ever stop. Driving carpool, fixing dinner, throwing the baseball…whatever you are doing, show them who I am. I am the great I Am.

Last week I shared the most profound parenting advice I’ve ever received. When that advice began to sink in is the point God gripped my heart.

I’ve talked to families recently that shared how empty they feel. They want to grow spiritually but feel dry. Life is busy, hard, and they don’t know where to start. If this is you, I urge you to focus on one small step today. Often we look at where we want to go, and it is overwhelming. If we focus on simply each step in front of us, eventually we will get to where we are going by focusing one step at a time. The staircase as a whole can be quite intimidating, but we can handle one step today.

So what does total immersion look like on a practical level? For me total immersion is an all in approach. I tend to be an all in or all out kind of person.

The worst advice Steve and I ever received came when we were new Christians. The advice was not to get “crazy” with our faith. At the time I didn’t see how ludicrous that advice was. Can we get too crazy for Jesus? This world could use a little more of that in my opinion.

Parenting takes an enormous about of intentionality. It’s easy to focus on intentionally creating memories, intentionally investing in their sports development, intentionally investing in their academics. However, intentionally investing in their soul is by far the most important thing we can do for our children.

Here are practical ways to become a family that is all in for Jesus. A family that desires to become totally immersed.

  1.  Prayer – Prayer is where the power is. Whatever you do, when not guided through prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit, is our own attempts. If we want our family to be all in, we pray us there. Begin a family prayer journal. Hold family prayer meetings. Pray before meals. Pray as you part ways during the day. Pray when you come together at night. Pray as you close out the night with each child. Pray beyond yourselves. Pray for others. Pray for this world. Pray specifically. Pray boldly. Pray as if you believe He actually cares and listens. Pray as you are driving the kids around town. Pray out loud in the car. Stop and pray immediately for things. Don’t put off prayer by saying, “Let’s pray about that.” Instead, stop and pray immediately. Guide children into the habit of praying without ceasing. 1 Thes 5:16-1816 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
  2. Use Car Time Wisely – Families today spend almost more time in the car than they do at home. We are a busy society running our children to school, activities, errands, etc. Some of the deepest conversations take place in the car. Two of my boys accepted Christ while we were driving around town. Don’t discount the value of this time. At the same time, protect this time. Make car time distraction free by not allowing electronic devices to steal these moments. You are guaranteed time in the car together- guard it, protect it, and use it to immerse them. A few ideas for using car time intentionally.
    1. Audiobooks and Radio Dramas –Adventures in Oddysey, Chronicles of Narnia, The Story. These are a few of our favorites. Adventures in Oddysey is great for all ages. Truth in a story that captivates them from the beginning. The Story in audio is amazing. It is scripture told in chronological order as one big story. It’s powerful and we have listened to it several times through. Narnia, amazing.
    2. Christian music – I listen to one station only, and it plays only christian music. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed that I have no idea who the latest heartthrob is. I can hear a song that the world knows, and I’ve never heard it. And my kids likely haven’t either. Music is powerful. It influences our moods, our thoughts, our beliefs. I don’t believe it’s innocent fun when the lyrics speak in ways that dishonor God. I’m given a high calling to protect the hearts and minds of my kids. At their ages, I greatly control and influence what goes into their ears and hearts. I don’t want them listening to the messages of this world. The prince of this world is satan, and he uses music as one of his weapons that looks completely harmless. On the flip side, I want my kids to worship God always, not just on Sundays. We worship Him in our heart by what we allow in.
    3. Spiritual Conversations – Use this time to discuss current worldviews. Compare them to the truth of God’s Word. When my boys were little these conversations were quite basic. Now that they are older, we have used car time to discuss topics such as sex and purity, politics, abortion. We discuss apologetics, world religions, etc. Yesterday my 12 year old and I had a heated debate when he made a generalization to state his side of the argument. I agreed with his position but his method of arguing it was poor so I attempted to destroy his argument quite successfully. He became defensive and upset, which further helped me state my argument. When it was over, we had a great discussion on why generalizations don’t hold and how he could have argued his case better. This happened in the 10 minute drive from church to lunch. Every minute we have counts.
    4. Just talk – Going back to my earlier point, keep car time a guarded time where electronics aren’t welcome. Protect this time especially if you are a busy family. Great conversation happens in the car. After school is when my kids are ready to let go of the stress of the day and share their days. Enjoy each other. While in the car, nothing competes for our attention, we simply have each other. Laugh, share, invest in the relationship.
  3. Books and Movies – If we want to totally immerse, then the majority of what we read and watch should intentionally reveal God to our children. We read aloud as a family regularly. We read individually to each of the boys each night. We often read during a meal time, it could be any meal. During the summer, we read aloud during the afternoon after we’ve all had some time to rest from the day. We use these opportunities to impart truth. The options here are vast.
    1. Fiction, historical fiction, adventure books – I need to do a whole post on books. And I think I will, but for now a few favorites: The Prince Warriors by Priscilla Schirer, The Cooper Kids Series by Frank Peretti, The Kingdom Series by Chuck Black. My boys love these. I truly have a giant list I need to share outside of this post.
    2. Devotions – Two favorites are Point Me To Jesus  and Josh McDowell’s Family Devotions
    3. Apologetics or non-fiction for kids – I have so many favorites in this category. Jesus Is Alive by Josh McDowell, Heaven for Kids by Randy Alcorn, Lee Strobel’s Case books for kids (Case for Christ, Case for Faith, Case for Creator), The amazing Bible Adventure for Kids by Josh McDowell, The Awesome Book of Bible Answers for Kids by Josh McDowell, The New Answers Book by Ken Ham.
    4. Biographies or books on heroes of the faith. Christian Heroes Then and Now. Incredible. Books like The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom you simply never forget. They impact your faith and encourage you to live boldly.
  4. Slow Down – The less chaotic schedules are the more time there is to have conversations that must take place. Are your kids overloaded with activities to the point you read this list and think there is no way? If so, what can go? And what is most important in light of eternity?
  5. Talk, Talk, and More Talk – Our kids receive messages from the world at a pace that never slows and never stops. The information, the news, the social media, all of it creates a constant stream of worldliness that we have an opportunity to guide them through. But it’s exhausting and we must determine not to take the easy way out. Our kids need a constant bath in truth. A constant bath in what is holy, righteous, beautiful, pure, and good. The world has twisted ideas and blurred lines so that many kids don’t see the harm in what God sees as deadly. Our role is to keep that dialogue steady and strong.
  6. Keep them busy but not entertained – Kids today simply don’t understand boredom. They have everything they want at the push of a button and touch of an icon. And we’ve created environments where our kids believe the world spins around their desires. They struggle to see outside themselves because we spend so much energy catering to their desires. Serving as a family can be a way to walk the walk together.
  7. Read the Bible– This is critical. The Bible is truth. If they don’t know it, they don’t know truth and the world will eat them alive. They need to see mom AND dad reading God’s Word. They need to see it transform us day by day. They need to see us go to it and find answers to life’s perplexities.

I can give this list that sounds wonderful, ideal. And some will read it and think it’s impossible. Others will read it and pick one thing to focus on. Still others will go all in. But there is one key to totally immersing our kids in truth. We must be connected as a family for this to work. If the family unit is split apart because of crazy schedules, if kids spend more time with friends and activities than at home, if the relationships have been broken and torn, then some of what I listed will be met with a fight. So if that describes your family, don’t leave here discouraged. Simply start with step one. Pray. That is where the power is. Let the Holy Spirit direct you to the next step of repairing and restoring strained relationships.

The world has forever shifted. The “world” has launched a full attack against our kids. The attacks often are disguised as anything but an attack. As parents we can find ourselves wanting our kids to fit in and not be alienated. But that is not biblical either. We are aliens here and it’s ok for our kids to grow up as aliens. Otherwise, if they fit right in, they may never desire anything other than what everyone else has accepted.

1 Peter 2:11 “Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.“

Want to receive posts slipped into your inbox? Sign up here so you won’t miss a post. Subscribers receive a free ornament download to accompany Seeking Christmas.

This post contains affiliate links.

 

 

The Most Profound Parenting Advice I Ever Received

/1 Comment/in , , /by

IMG_8464

 

To listen to the audio recording of today’s post, click here.

Several years ago a group of us young moms sat around talking about our desire to raise children who deeply loved the Lord. Our children were babies, full of innocence and complete reliance on us. How could we raise them to place their faith in Jesus and grow in Him in a world like this?

A mentor mom listened carefully before she said something I’ll never forget, and it is the very thing to spark something inside of me changing me in ways I never imagined. This mentor mom said, “We can only lead our children as far as we ourselves have gone.”

Let that soak in for a moment. We can only lead our children as far as we ourselves have gone with the Lord.

If I stay at a pace of 5 minutes a day with God, how can I expect my children to give God more than 5 minutes of their day? If I’ve never grown to see God in ALL of my life, how can I expect my children to see God in ALL of their life? If my prayer life consists of basic “God bless us and keep us safe” type of prayers, how can I expect my children to view God as a personal God who desires intimate conversation? If I don’t let the truth of scripture guide every single decision I make, why would I think my kids would do differently?

If I make excuses for why I don’t have time to read His Word, why will my children believe His Word is more important than anything they read or do? If I prioritize my life so that I run around frantic and busy pushing God to the end of my to-do list, why will my kids want to make Him their first love? If I chase other things harder than I run after God, why will my kids want to run after Him?

When I first began to ponder these thoughts, the task seemed daunting. Until I began praying a prayer that changed everything. “God make me love you more than anything in this entire world. Make me love you more and more every single day.”

If the greatest command (Matt 22:38) is to love God with all our hearts, minds, and souls, I imagine that asking God to love Him more than anything else brings delight to the Father.

I want my kids to know that I love God more than I love them. More important than wanting my kids to know this, is for them to see this played out – authentically. Kids are hypocrite detectors. They know in an instant when we say one thing but live another. If I proclaim to love God more than anything, yet “loving God” occurs only on Sunday mornings, my kids will know that the love I proclaim is love with my lips only.

I talk to moms all the time who tell me they want to spend more time with God, they want to pray more, read the Bible more. They want to live a life that He flows through so that their kids will walk with Jesus and never turn away.

The only way for this to happen in the culture we live in is total immersion. No sprinkling will do.

Satan roams the earth seeking to destroy and devour our children and us. That is his goal. One of his methods is to make us love this world, to see it as mostly good with a little evil. If we view the world this way, we live in this world and we sprinkle in a little God for good measure. We take our kids to church on Sunday. Maybe Awana or VBS. We say our bedtime prayers and we hope that is enough. It’s exactly what satan hopes we do.

This world wants to consume our kids. To battle back, we must totally immerse our kids, soak, saturate them to the very core with Truth. That means reading Bible stories isn’t enough. Going to church once a week, not enough.

If we want our kids to grow up to be a light then total transformation must take place in us first. That will guide everything we do in the lives of our children.

This doesn’t mean that the spiritual lives of our kids rest solely on us. I was raised in a loving home, but one that didn’t have Christ as its first love. God is Sovereign and uses many methods for pursuing His children. Our kids are given to us for a time, and we are good stewards when we raise them to love the Lord with everything in them. Ultimately, the decision to love and follow the Lord rests on our children. But we have a great calling in their lives to model to them the way.

Parents, it starts with us. If we want strong christian kids, it starts right here in our own hearts. We surrender it all to Christ. We come to Him empty and desperate with a simple prayer. “Lord, I’m desperate for you. This world is evil and terrifying, but your Word tells us to take heart because you overcame the world. I desire to love you more than I love anything in this world. I desire to raise a family that loves you wholeheartedly. Lord, make me love you more today than I did yesterday. I’m not capable of loving you even a fraction of a degree the way I want to love you. So I ask you to make my heart love you more. Take me and transform me. Then let your Spirit overflow from me influencing the ones you’ve placed in my life. My heart’s desire is to be a family that follows you wherever you lead us no matter what.”

Often our desire to raise children who love the Lord is so fear-driven that we do the exact opposite of what we should do. We begin to push away our children from the very thing we desire for them. When we let fear rule our hearts, we cling tight, we dig our nails in, we fight. We begin to attempt to control life around us because it’s the only way we know how to fight the fear. When we do this, Christ isn’t flowing through us. We have pushed Him into the shadows. Christ isn’t fear. He is freedom, grace, beauty, and truth.

When we are ruled by Christ, we walk in total freedom. When we have soaked in His truth and know His promises, fear is pushed back into the darkness where it came from.

I tell my kids all the time they can’t control the people or the circumstances around them. All they can control is their own actions and reactions. If my greatest desire is for my kids to walk with the Lord, if I’m not careful that will take precedence over my love for God, which should be more important than my child’s walk with God. If my child’s walk is most important, fear will move in. Little by little.

Satan loves to distract us. His desire is for us to be so focused on raising kids to love the Lord, that we become desperate for it. He will shoot his arrow setting little fires for us to put out that will increase our fear. We will place all our efforts on putting out fires in the lives of our kids in order that they can love the Lord. When really, it’s much simpler than that. We make Him our first love.

When He is our first love, His light shines through and radiates to those around us. Our words won’t be as needed because all that flows from us pours out love. Love changes the world. Love changes our families. Love changes everything. It all starts with love. It all ends with love. All that happens in the middle is because love poured out for us and we’ve allowed it to flow through us to others.

The most profound advice I’ve ever received is to make God my first love. When He is my first love, I will never be the same. When love courses through me, it impacts all around me. This is why it’s the greatest commandment.

Want to receive posts slipped into your inbox? Sign up here so you won’t miss a post. Subscribers receive a free ornament download to accompany Seeking Christmas.

Building and Inspiring Kids Self-Esteem

/in /by

Today’s post is sponsored and written by Active Parenting.

IMG_8342

Sponsored and written by: Active Parenting

We all remember the days of trying to fit in and be “cool” as a kid. Today, it’s more daunting than ever for kids to figure out who they are and how to fit in. Peer pressure is real and ever present.

What can we do as parents to encourage our kids to be more accepting of who they are and less concerned about what others think? Below are some activities you can encourage your kids to pursue that are healthy and that will help make them become more accepting of themselves and what they love to do.

And as always, as parents, we need to be encouraging of our children. Set realistic goals for them; express confidence in them and use positive gestures (thumbs-up or a hug), facial expressions and supportive language.

Related: find out what your parenting style is

Explore New Interests Together
Encourage your kids to branch out. Ice-skating. Guitar lessons. Color guard. Acting. Basketball. Key club. Habitat for Humanity. Life is full of choices. It’s too easy for kids to fall into a rut and just do one thing. By opening up options, your child may surprise you (and themselves) and find something they are truly passionate about.

Try A New Sport
Sports encourage a healthy lifestyle while promoting teamwork and building relationships. Teams win games by working together and building each other up. When kids are a part of a team they learn how to work with others and focus on each other’s strengths rather than weaknesses. Sports are a great way to help kids gain confidence in themselves, while supporting their teammates.
Also consider that the sport you choose does not have to be “traditional” sport in any sense (soccer, baseball, etc). It could be martial arts, riding dirt bikes, skateboarding, or something more abstract, such as fencing or riding horses.

Join A Club or Volunteer Group
In most schools, there’s a club or volunteer organization for just about anything and if it doesn’t exist already, it’s usually not too hard to get one started. School clubs can be a great way for kids to get involved in something they love, be it Spanish, cooking, debate, chess or a myriad of other activities.
Finding a volunteer group helps kids learn about giving back to the community and opens their eyes to how the world works.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to go skateboarding with your 10-year-old to show you are interested in his or her favorite activity. Talk to them about skateboarding, watch videos together on YouTube, and look for opportunities to encourage his or her participation. To keep your expression of interest on the positive side, make sure to be encouraging, be genuine, avoid being critical and ask non-judgmental questions.

Have questions on how to be a better parent? Visit Activeparenting.com better parenting page, which is a page for parents to learn more about training programs in your area.

So, why the push? Kids who are involved in extracurricular activities are less likely to pick up unhealthy habits and have higher self-esteem. Just like adults, kids slip into bad habits because they’re bored and lacking a focus in life.

By getting your kids involved in activities that promote healthy behavior, they are more likely to figure out who they are without feeling the need to explore harmful substances and venture off the beaten path.

Thank you Active Parenting for sponsoring today’s post.

About Active Parenting:

Active Parenting Publishers, Inc., was founded in 1980 by Dr. Michael H. Popkin, a former child and family therapist and Coordinator of Child and Family Services for Northside Community Mental Health Centers in Atlanta, Georgia.

APP delivers quality education programs for parents, children and teachers to schools, hospitals, social services organizations, churches and the corporate market. The Active Parenting model is heavily based upon the theories of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs (click here for more about Adlerian Psychology as it applies to Active Parenting).

The most popular program is Active Parenting 4th Edition, for parents of children ages five to twelve. Active Parenting Publishers is recognized as an innovator in the educational market and is committed to our mission of developing human potential through our programs.

Visit Active Parenting on their website, Facebook, Twitter, Vimeo, YouTube, LinkedIn, Google+

Dear Boys- That Championship Trophy Means Nothing and Everything

/in , /by

IMG_8037

 

Dear Boys,

Take a stroll down baseball season memory lane for a minute. Recall the seasons of domination…and the seasons of defeat. Don’t forget the seasons that are hard to remember, the ones where you won a few and lost a few. The seasons that seem average are often anything but.

Which season stands out most to you? If you are honest, you are thinking of your glory season, of crushing teams, bulldozing your way to the championship. You tasted victory. You liked it and wanted more. It fed something inside you without you realizing it.

I want to think on those highly victorious seasons for a moment and ask that you view through an alternate lens momentarily. As a mom, I’ve watched each of you through these various seasons, and the thing I’ve walked away with is that your character is more developed and your heart is more refined and purified during the seasons with little to note externally. It’s a picture of life really.

In fact, if you are still being open-minded with me here, I’d go so far as to suggest that the seasons of total domination have actually created in your hearts a self-centered, win-hungry monster. One that thinks about yourself, your desires, your path to get there. It’s human nature. It’s the culture we live in.

Then we compare that with the seasons less noteworthy. The ones perhaps where you lost more than you won. A little of your love and passion for the game seemed to be lacking because you were focused on that one thing. Those big wins. The ones that proved you were the best team out there.  Pride wears several masks. Know what they look like.

We all love to win. Why else do we play a game if not to win, right? I get that. I love a good competition. The rush of adrenaline. We typically play our best when we are out to win. I love the drive in each of you to win, to finish strong. But there is a caution worth noting. When you happen to be on a team that wins game after game, you begin to feed the monster inside that becomes all about you. You laser in on winning at all costs, you start to shout from the rooftops the landslide scores, your undefeated record, or your high win record. It becomes all about you and the win.

I wonder if you noticed the little boy on the other team who struck out almost every at bat. Did you find yourself so striving for the clear win that you were cheering on his defeat a little too loudly? I wonder if when you were playing the field, and your team got out runner after runner, if you remembered to offer a few kind words to the opposing player. Maybe a “good run”, “nice hit”, something of encouragement for the effort expelled.

I’m not suggesting you should feel guilty for the wins and victories. I’m simply asking if in the middle of your own personal glory, did you think of anyone outside of yourself?

Baseball is a little about the game and a lot about life. Life is best lived when it’s nothing about us and it’s all about Him. When it’s all about Him, we love others fiercely. When we love others well, we simply don’t think about ourselves at all. Suddenly, the win is secondary. Still sweet. Still satisfying. But only secondary to living with a passion for loving others because we are freed by the love of Christ.

Play the game of baseball to win because then you are playing as if unto the Lord. Do everything as if you are doing it for Him. But represent Him well. Imitate Him. Model Him. When you play to win because you are doing all things for the glory of God, you will care about others in such a way that you’ve already won. The true win will live in your heart. And the trophy win, well, it’s a nice accessory, but it’s not the main thing.

That’s why I’d rather you be on a team that wins some and loses some. Because that is life. In life you don’t win every game. You strike out. A lot. A wrong call is given to you. A lot.You walk. A lot. Then you get the home run. And it’s sweet. You slide into second….just in time. It’s sweet. Because you have the experiences that differ to weigh the scales into balance.

Baseball is rarely an experience where the scale hangs far to one side. Same with life. When something happens that weighs down the left side, right behind it is something to bring down the right side of the scale. Bringing it all into balance. Balance is the sweeter spot. It’s the place you’ve tasted the different extremes. The place your heart begins to check its true motives and intentions.

It’s awesome to win. In that moment, do a check on your heart. Are you celebrating that your team put it to the other team? Or is your heart celebrating that you gave everything you had as if doing it for the Lord and in the process you gave more thought to the players around you than to yourself? Did you shine a light to your teammates and the opposing players? Did you model humility? Did you speak with respect even when frustrated? Did you choose to be slow to speak and slow to anger when a call didn’t go your way or your team’s way?

Luke 6:45 A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart.

You see baseball is a team sport. It’s not a sport all about one person. Life isn’t about you. It’s about Him and through that it becomes about others.

When you happen to be on a team that puts a serious beating on every team you play, you begin to think more highly of yourself than you ought. Hear me. Life isn’t about you. It’s really not. Don’t believe the lie of the world.

In a culture that elevates self, do the opposite. Lift up others. Always. Less of you, more of Him. Less of you, more of Him. Feed that and you’ve won the trophy. You’ve become a champion. You are victorious because you are living life for Him, by Him, and through your surrender, He is the trophy the world needs to see.

I love you. I love to watch you play baseball. I love to watch you win. I love to watch you lose. More than anything I love to see Christ shine through you on that ball field.

With all my love,

Mom