Unseen – The Silent Competition- Part 3

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This is part 3 of a series titled Unseen. For previous parts, and to read series from the beginning, please visit this link for the index.

Thoughts of feeling loved and appreciated play a game of tag in the recesses of my mind. I scrub the counters with unwarranted force. The swirls of black and white granite camouflage the stains and spills. I know they linger. So I scrub. I step back admiring my work in all its glistening glory telling a story so different from the one it told only minutes before.

Realizing a break is in order, I remove the gloves one finger at a time and reach for the phone. Powder-covered fingers scroll through my newsfeed while the humming of the dishwasher plays background music.

Hmmm, they seem to live at the beach. How happy they all look. It must be nice to take that much vacation. The aqua waters mesmerize me. I can almost feel the sand beneath my fingernails. I run my fingers through my ponytail in desperate need of freshening.

While I’m in the midst of conflict with my husband, I see how her husband brought her coffee in bed this morning. At the first opportunity, I catch a good moment in time, and I post.

I joined in the silent competition.  The one that shows only a glimpse of me, and not all of me, offering a counterfeit version of transparency.

A Friday night is not my preferred night to have a marital scuff. It started over something silly and turned into more than it should have. The day had been long and exhausting for us both and suddenly bed seemed the best place for me to land.

I should’ve known better, but I picked up my phone and scrolled through my newsfeed. I saw pictures of friends on a girls night out while I lay in bed in my 10 year old pajamas with a hole in the armpit at 8:00 on a Friday night.

I unfairly compare my current frustrating situation with the highlight of their day or week. How fair is that to my own mental well-being to look at what might be their best moment in 7 days and set it in competition with my worst moment of the week?

Thorn-producing seeds are dropped right into the fertile soil of my sin-filled heart. Sins begin to grow, cutting my heart. The same heart that God knows and loves anyway.

My 6-year-old and I stop at the local ice cream parlor for a surprise treat. I gaze at the way he cherishes each bite. Smacks tell a story words cannot. I want to remember this moment forever. I’m blessed, and I post.

The likes pile up offering the instant validation I crave. The validation that I am a good mom, and I’m not ruining my kids. This moment makes up for my feelings the day before.

I’m not invisible. I am seen. I am known. I am loved. This is what my heart is longing to know.

I see the lives of everyone all day long scrolling before me, interrupting my own moments. Before I realize what is happening, I’m desiring to make myself known too. My desire to be seen and known is a silent question I ask.  Do you see me too? I have value too. Am I liked? Am I worthy? 

Sometimes I wish real life could hit a like button to reassure my insecure heart. But then again, it’s best that it doesn’t because I would still be left empty. Life, whether online or real time, can’t give me what I need most. Filling of the empty is reserved for God. He longs to remove our insecurities forever.

At times my highly connected life makes me feel as if I live in competing worlds. The online world offers immediate feedback, both good and bad. The place God calls us to does not offer feedback at the pace of social media. My online world allows me to show snippets of my life, both the good and bad. The place God calls me to places it all exposed before His throne. My online world tells me I’m not really known, I’m only partly known. The place God calls me to tells me I’m more than fully known. My online world turns my focus inward. The place God calls me to tells me to turn my focus upward.

My worlds collide.

And isn’t that exactly where God has placed us? In a collision of worlds. We are right here for a reason, my friends. He waits right at this intersection for us to look up. He is waiting to tell us that we are seen, known, loved, and accepted. In fact, He has already told us.

Let’s begin to know the One who knows us full well and loves us anyway. When we truly know Him, we desire less to be known by the world. He is all we need. Knowing Him satisfies a heart that cries to be known. 

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When we know Him, we know who we are in Him because we were created in His image. This alone answers the silent cries through social media.

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Unseen – The battle that wages – Part 2

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This is Part 2 of Unseen. If you are just joining, visit this link to an index listing of all posts in the series.

Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit and shared with Adam. Once they ate of the fruit, their eyes were opened and their nakedness exposed to themselves. They quickly sewed fig leaves together and tried to cover themselves. When they heard God walking through the garden, they hid. I find it interesting God calls out to them asking where they were. Of course, He knew where they hid. This was a rhetorical question to which they said they hid because they were naked. What shamed them they tried to cover and hide from God. But He is the Creator and always knows His creation.

Our social media interactions can be both the fruit and the fig leaf. It can tempt us toward areas of sin, such as jealousy, discontentment, bitterness, and ingratitude. It can also be the covering we use to hide ourselves.

I grab hold of that shiny red apple that looks perfect, free from bruises and blemishes. So I bite with a post that captures my children sitting around the breakfast table, dutifully reading morning devotions while eating my homemade bread, feasting on living bread. A beautiful moment.

I chew that bite, digesting the likes and favorites bit by bit. So juicy and tasty going down. Then it’s digested, gone, and I need more. But worse than my appetite for more is the lingering ache that is left in the pit of my stomach.

I look back at that post and see a fig leaf. I covered the moments prior to breakfast when my tone was harsh and my eyes cut deep. It covered the parts of me I don’t want known. The parts that might cause others to judge me or dislike me. Guilt filled the empty.

The enemy loves to fill our hearts with shame and guilt. At times this guilt is so heavy it will lie like a blanket over our deepest desires to be found by the One who always knows where we hide.

For all the wonderful aspects of social media, it can also act as a refuge where we run and hide from the trials, frustrations, and pains of daily life. Social media can distract us from running to the one true refuge.

This series is not an attempt to paint a picture of the harms of social media. It can be a wonderful tool, one that brings joy and laughter, one that calls to action prayer warriors, one that saves lives, one that raises money, one that connects people where distance has formed. Social media can be a wonderful, beautiful thing.

On the other hand it can also be a place we go to satisfy what only God can satisfy. Or it’s a place we go to in order to escape, which might just take us from experiencing God in that very moment.

Our desires aren’t something to be ashamed of. They were sewn into our soul by our Creator and must express themselves. Our soul recognizes this longing to be deeply known and craves it. We were created with a yearning to be known by our maker. The one who knows us so intimately he can count the hairs on our head.

Sister in Christ, you and I share the same desires. We desire to be known. We desire to be loved. We desire to be accepted. We desire to be seen. We desire to have a purpose. We desire to be secure in who we are. We desire true, authentic relationships. We desire joy. We desire a faith that slays our fears.

The root of all of our deepest desires is God. What our hearts thirst and pant for is Him. God. And you know what? He wants to fulfill the deepest desires of our heart with all of Him. And He tells us how to do it.

What threatens our desires? A silent competition played out in a highly seen world where we share more information than ever before and feel less known as a result.

A battle wages. The seen vs. the unseen. In the seen world, I’m tempted to fill these desires myself. It’s easy to do. I can pop into social media for a quick fill up. But what I’ve discovered is that my tank runs dry again. I’m pulled to the seen. It beckons me because I can see it and get immediate results.

His Word whispers to me:

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God calls us to this place in between. He calls us to live in the seen but to live for the unseen.

[Tweet “God calls us to live in the seen but live for the Unseen”]

To live for Him, desiring not attention for ourselves, but desiring to love Him so wildly that we cause the world around us to see the unseen through us. He gently reminds me that joy will be found when I live in the seen yet live for the unseen.

Where I fix my eyes is crucial. If I fix my eyes on the mess, it will pull me into its abyss. If I fix my eyes on my pain, the sting will be unbearable. If I fix my eyes on the monotony of life, the boredom will turn me into a stone pillar. If I fix my eyes on the load waiting for my back, I will break with the first step.

Social media offers us an alternative place to fix our eyes, and sometimes that is what we want. Something else to focus on other than what feels heavy. But there are times this causes us to miss the most excellent view.

Where we fix our eyes holds power. Let’s learn to fix our eyes on God.

In my walk with Him, I’m discovering new trails, which are more like paths that connect the seen to the unseen. A stroll is always more fun with a friend. I’m glad you are here with me.

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The Unseen Series -Because we were made for more than a like

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Last year I wrote thousands upon thousands of words for a message God laid heavily on my heart.  While God opened many doors in my ministry, the door to publish this book did not open.

This message still stirs in my soul. It just won’t rest.

Because I have thousands of words stored on my computer, and God continues to nudge me to share them, and He hasn’t opened the door to print them in a book, I am sharing some of them here through the door He has opened. To you.

I pray you will clearly see the Unseen in the midst of a highly visual world.

In a social media age, where more is shared than ever before and our desire to be seen is greater than ever, our hearts hold deep desires we temporarily feed that can only be fully satisfied by God, the unseen in a highly seen world.

We are living in a world where we all have something to say and stay constantly connected to hundreds of friends at the touch of a finger, yet many women feel lonelier than ever before.

Social media has changed the game. While social media is fun and offers some wonderful and positive benefits, something slips into our hearts in disguise. Discontentment, insecurity, doubt, and jealousy. It attempts to steal our joy, rob us of soul rest, and diminish our purpose.

Each of us has deep heart desires. Longings that were created in us by a God who waits to fill every empty place in our heart. Our plugged in hearts are tempted to seek filling through social media interactions, which offer immediate gratification.

Plugging in online temporarily feeds our desires, but it leaves us wanting more. The likes satisfy for a moment but leave us parched.

[Tweet “Plugging in online temporarily feeds our desires, but it leaves us wanting more. The likes satisfy for a moment but leave us parched.”]

We struggle with comparing ourselves to the woman next door. Now we have thousands at the touch of a screen we are silently competing against in our own heart and mind. It’s a silent game we play in our head. We don’t seek to knock the other out in the online arena. We just want to know that we are seen too. We are known. We are loved. We have a purpose.

Our natural tendency is to let our eyes direct our thought life. God knows this, which is why He instructs us to fix our eyes on the Unseen, on what is eternal and not temporal.

Where we fix our eyes will influence our mind.

I want to offer a new perspective. One where we learn to fix our eyes by changing how we think and respond in an online world.

The online social media world increases our self-focus and magnifies our hidden insecurities. Fulfillment of our deepest longings happens when we take the focus off of ourselves and put it wholly on God. And we don’t have to disengage online to do this.

It’s learning how to plug into the Unseen.

I hope you stick around through this series to explore with me the desires we have and how to find full satisfaction in Him. I will still continue writing on other topics as well.

This page will also serve as a landing page for all future parts of this series.

Please invite your friends to join us as we explore together through this series. I pray this is a conversation we can open up and discuss together.

Posts in this series:

Part 2 – The battle that wages

Part 3 – The silent competition

Part 4 – Satisfy me

Part 5 – Am I accepted?

Part 6 – Freedom from slavery of likes

Part 7 – Am I Seen?

Part 8- Like Me

Part 9 – Overcoming the Comparison Trap

Part 10 – Wrapping Up

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40th Birthday

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I have blogged every day this week. I don’t know that I’ve ever done that before other than the time I did the 30 day challenge. I guess being caged in my house for weeks made me have a lot to say.

Today is another off-topic post. I guess I’ve become a bit random this week as well.

A friend turned 40, and I wanted to give her a small gift with some meaning to it. So I turned to Pinterest of course and found this. Do check out this pin because it really is much more beautiful than what I made. I’m just not crafty at all. However I can handle a Sharpie and a paper cutter.

I made this. 40 rocks with 40 of my favorite inspirational scriptures to celebrate 40 years.

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Mine never turns out like Pinterest, but that’s ok. It’s the thought that counts right?

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Raising our kids to be leaders

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He threw his full weight on the couch, slouching into the leather. Arms crossed, he groaned, “I don’t want to go. I’m tired of going.” He continued listing all the complaints he held about attending his running class that evening.

My hand pulled a quick zipping motion across my lips and my eyes sent a clear message about what I wanted him to stop doing that very moment.

“What? I just….”

“Nope. Stop right there. We will continue this is private. I’ll meet you upstairs.”

“Am I in trouble or something?”

“Nope, just wait for me upstairs.”

The two younger brothers stared back at me. They had running shoes on, water bottles filled, and suddenly their excitement seemed to fade away. I offered a quick smile, told them to play, and I’d be back in a bit.

I sat on the bed and faced my 11-year-old, Jacob. In his eyes, I see such a strength of character, such a heart for God, such tenderness holds guard around that heart.

I always start by assuring him I’m not upset (when I’m not).

“Jacob, you didn’t choose to be a leader, but God chose you to be a leader.”

His eyes raised. Curiosity awakened, so I continued.

“To be a leader doesn’t mean you simply choose to be a leader. Sometimes you don’t have a choice in whether you are a leader or not. Your only choice is whether you will lead well. Will you be a good leader or a bad leader.”

“List for me some leaders that come to mind.”
He rattled off some well-known great leaders. I reminded him of some poor leaders. Then I reminded him of some leaders that became leaders simply because others began to look up to them.

Each of us has been created with roles to lead and roles to follow. We were created by God to follow. To follow Him. We are His sheep. He is our Shepard. At the same time, He gave us dominion over creation, we rule over it. And in those roles, we will often have people who look to us to lead them in their roles.

We may be a leader at home, a follower of our teacher at school, a leader of our friends on the playground, a follower of our older friends in the neighborhood.

We are both leaders and followers. Our choice is what kind of leader we will be and what kind of follower we will be. In that conversation we focused on leading.

“Jacob, you didn’t choose to be a leader of your brothers. God chose that you were the firstborn brother. By that given right, you were placed in a leadership position. Your choice is how you will lead. Do you want to be a good leader or a bad leader?”

“Of course, good, mom.”

“Do you remember how God described the Israelites as they wandered through the wilderness on their way to the promised land?”

“They were grumblers and complainers.”

“What happened to them? When they reached the promised land, how many entered and how many were not allowed to enter?”

“Like 2 million got there, but only Joshua and Caleb got to enter.”

“What do you notice about Joshua and Caleb that is different than the other Israelites?”

“The Israelites grumbled all the time. Joshua and Caleb didn’t.”

“One thing I want to point out about Caleb, he kept his focus on God. The Israelites focused on their circumstances. When we focus on God, we can lead well, we can follow well. When we focus on ourselves and our circumstances, we can become grumblers who can’t lead or follow. Look how negativity and complaining spread like wildfire. It took over the camp. It infected all but 2 people! It’s a nasty disease, which at its root is ingratitude, selfishness, and pride.”

“Your brothers, whether you like it or not, look to you to lead them. They adore you. They love you to pieces. They look to you to guide them. They base their likes and dislikes on yours. They are following your lead. When you stop liking something, so do they. When you complain, so do they. When you talk negatively about a person or situation, they start looking for the bad as well. On the flip side, when you point out something positive you took notice of, they take notice of the good around them to.”

His slouching shoulders straightened.

“Don’t worry. This role God gave you isn’t hard. It shouldn’t stress you out. Really all you have to do is be like Caleb. The Lord described Caleb as having a different kind of spirit, one who followed him with his whole heart. It all boils down to loving God with our whole heart. When we do that, leading become easy.”

To be a good leader, we have to be a better follower. We have to follow God with our whole heart. Then we will be a leader we could never be on our own.

[Tweet “To be a good leader, we have to be a better follower. “]

As a mom, if I plan to lead my kids well, I have to follow God better.

[Tweet “As a mom, if I plan to lead my kids well, I have to follow God better.”]

I have to follow with my whole heart as I pray my children can do the same.

Lord, bless our children with a different spirit that is able to follow you wholeheartedly. Despite the voice of fear that mocks them, let them charge forward knowing you lead the way. Rise up a new generation of children who passionately follow you because Your truth is planted so deeply in their souls that following you isn’t a struggle. Use them to lead well those who follow them. And use them to lead those people straight into your arms.

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Treating the Flu Naturally and Other Hidden Blessings

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Today’s post is a bit off topic from what I normally write about, and I am no expert or authority on the world of health. But when I find things I love, and that I feel have been instrumental in our family, I have a hard time not sharing. And when I see how God has created things in nature that work to heal our bodies, I’m astounded.

We have had 3 kids sick with something similar to the flu. Maybe it is the flu, but we didn’t go to the doctor to make it official. In my experience, we go to the doctor and pick up something far worse than we went in with. We try to stay far away from the doctor this time of the year! And we NEVER go for well checks during flu season.

The Lord was so good to us through friends who are well-educated in all things natural. Whenever possible, I like to treat illness with natural remedies.

One of my favorite places to stop is The Bradford Store in Huntersville, NC. In particular, I like the little house that sits to the right of the Bradford Store, McLeod’s Organics. The man who runs it is full of knowledge in all things healthy. By the way, I believe he ships, so check out his store.

On Day 2 of Zachary’s fever, I sent him an email to see if he had any suggestions for fighting the flu naturally, made a stop in his store, and that day began the process of nursing Zachary to health.

Here’s what helped us. And we ended up with 3 kids down with it.

  • Epsom salt baths with 6-7 drops Somatherapy Cold/Flu essential oil blend
  • Diffuser running in the room with Somatherapy cold/flu essential oil blend
  • Lots and lots and lots of water. No other drinks, especially anything with sugar (gatorade, sprite, juice, etc). Water with lemon is a good detoxifier.
  • No food while no appetite. No sugar at all.
  • Face over steaming water with 2 drops of Oregano oil to open up sinuses.
  • Manuka Honey– I think this was the key for us. I’d never heard of it before. We used it in hot tea or when we couldn’t get him to drink the tea, we put on a piece of bread when his appetite returned.
  • Hot teas/drinks – below for recipes
  • Increase Vit D dosage
  • Increase Vit C
  • Probiotics
  • Avoided any fever reducing medications. Fevers are good.
  • Collodial Silver – 1/4 teaspoon in water once a day

Hot concoctions that worked well

  • Hot water, 3/4 inch ginger, 1/2 tsp manuka honey, 1/2 lemon
  • Hot water, 1/2 tsp manuka honey, 1 TBS Bragg’s apple cider vinegar, 1/2 lemon

When I visit McLeod’s Organics, I come away with more than tips on healthy living. I come away with these little nuggets of wisdom from T., the man who runs the store. He is a wonderfully kind man who loves the Lord.

T. reminded me to remind Zachary that God works all things for good. Of course I should have thought of this, but I hadn’t been looking for the good. While discussing with T., he saw some of the good, which sent me looking for more.

God working all things for good in the visible:

  • Jacob misses his brother deeply. There is a deep void with Zachary quarantined. Jacob shared several times how he understands now why I tell him to be careful how he speaks to his brother and the reminders not to take our time together for granted. Blessing. God instructing Jacob’s heart through Zachary’s sickness.
  • Zachary’s heart turned to prayer when Andrew came down with the illness. He prayed and prayed for his quick recovery. Andrew bounced back much faster than Zachary. But I saw a tender affection as Zachary cared for his brother through prayer. Blessing. God instructing Zachary’s heart through his sickness.
  • Thankfulness. A new appreciation for health, something we take for granted, forgetting it is a gift when we have it.
  • Comfort. A chance to lean into God and receive comfort.
  • For me, eyes to see how love is truly more important than anything. How out of love for my Savior I can care for my family with joy and a realization that out of my own strength and own love, it’s impossible. A blessing as God is teaching me about love.
  • Through walkie talkie, Andrew beeped me, and with his raspy voice said, “Mom, I love you. Thank you for taking care of me.” Blessing. Pure sweetness.

God really does birth good from all things. Sometimes we are given the gift of seeing those things, sometimes we are not. Sometimes they aren’t revealed to us, sometimes they are revealed many years later. Sometimes we simply aren’t looking, so we miss the good God did through the bad. That is what I fear. That I will stop looking for God and miss seeing Him in every moment of my life.

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When Caring For Sick Kids Heals More Than Illness

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Week 3, soon to be week 4, of kids home from school. School holiday, followed by several snow days, followed by sickness, and spring break is just days away. As one can imagine, life has been anything but normal here. I am non-stop canceling appointments, re-planning, cleaning (laundry and dishes I’ve never seen), nursing kids to health, running up and down stairs. Well, you get the picture. No different than your own life.

I’m reading Kisses from Katie right now. If you missed yesterday’s post, here it is. It’s changing how I view my life – in more ways than I can begin to write about.

Prior to reading this book, I would have found myself day 2 into nursing sick kids, grumbling my way through the laundry, huffing and puffing by my husband in an attempt to receive sympathy or a pat on the back. (It’s embarrassing, but I can be so incredibly childish and selfish) You would likely hear me list all the ways I’d served my family all the long days long. Giving and doing but deep down wanting something back in return. A thank you. Appreciation, Recognition. Please silently nod with me that you do this too. It would make me feel so much better.

This time was different. The Lord has started something in my heart, which I’m still unsure about as He is only revealing it to me bite by bite. It’s all I can really handle at one time anyway.

Just as the snow days came to an end and school resumed, Zachary came down with something like the flu. Maybe it is, I’m not sure. Another day at home. Then another. Then the third day, Andrew came down with the sickness. Another day at home. Monday rolled around, and 2 are home again, and I wonder if they will even make it back before Spring Break begins on Friday.

On Day 2 of taking care of Zachary, I stood at the kitchen sink and felt the Lord’s presence. He spoke and stopped me right in the middle of vitamin prep and dish duty. A vivid picture of Katie Davis caring for these children in Uganda played in my head. I saw her bathing, feeding, nursing, teaching. Loving. I saw her falling into bed exhausted, yet elated and filled with a peace and joy I’ve never experienced in that way. A joy that comes from fully expending every ounce you have to love another because you have so much love for Jesus that has to go somewhere, so it pours on the ones you touch.

I saw these scenes in my head that I’ve been reading in her book. They were alive. Those scenes faded and the Lord turned the channel. This time it was a running list of the blessings I’d failed to recognize. The list of what I had to be thankful for. The Lord brought to mind the words of a friend who told me to remind Zachary how the Lord uses ALL things for good. Even our sicknesses. We’ll come back to this.

The list began to unfold.

1. I’m healthy enough to physically care for the needs of my family

2. We have stores we can get to within minutes and buy all the supplies we need to heal our bodies

3. We have fresh, safe food to nourish our sick bodies to health

4. I have friends the Lord has blessed with wisdom and knowledge to guide me in treating sickness naturally

5.  We have running water

6. We have hot water

7. We have a car to get us where we need to go

8.  We have doctors

9. We have money to buy our supplies

10. We have knowledge and skills to care for each other

11. At the push of a button, we have all the information we need to research anything

The list went on and on and on. Setting the dishes down, I gazed into the backyard, half slush, half snow.

My mind went back to Katie Davis. How does one live a life so selflessly, I wondered?

Here I sit in my comfortable home, and my mind threatens to whisper to me all the ways I should feel discontent. It tempts me to focus on the negatives, the sick kids, the constant barrage of the unplanned, the lack of time for me.

That is when it hit me. I’m the most selfish person I know. At the root of my negativity is my own unfulfilled desires. I just want to rest. I just want some quiet. I just want to sit and eat a meal. I just want to read a book. I just want. I just want. I just want.

So how does one combat selfishness? What is selfishness? Is it not a love for one’s own self? The best way to rid ourselves of anything is to replace it with the opposite. We can’t simply remove something and leave that empty space. We have to find the opposite to fill in the crevices.

To kill selfishness, we have to love another more than our own self. Jesus. When will the message of the cross stop shocking me? When will the gospel stop amazing me with its simplistic, yet unfathomable message? I pray never.

Jesus loved me more than he loved himself. To the point he died for me. He gave every ounce he had to save me out of love. He had so much love for me, there wasn’t room to love himself more than the ones he served. He loved me. And you. And the world.

I went back to the message from Kisses from Katie that the Lord is etching into my soul. Love. Each person the Lord brought to Katie, she looked on with love. She could only do that because she was in love with Jesus.

Eventually, my love for my family will prove to be inadequate. I will lack joy in serving them if I do it from my own personal storehouse of love. If I do it from my own strength and will. It dies. It gives out completely. I can maintain for a bit, but then it fades to misery disguised as servanthood. I will eventually attempt to paint myself a martyr for my family. Serving them because I love them so, but deep down true joy will be lacking. Then the guilt. And the list goes on.

The root is selfishness. That is where it all stems from. So I must kill selfishness. I must love Jesus more than I love me. Only when I’m filled with love overflowing, can anything pour from me into another that is sustaining.

He is ready to give us new eyes, a new vision. One that sees Him in all things.

Turning from the dishes, I slowly walked up the stairs, fully aware of this revelation God was planting in my heart. I have been praying to love Him more than anything else. And He is beginning to show me piece by piece how it will change everything.

I reached the edge of Zachary’s bed and gazed at him with a fresh perspective God granted to me. His weak eyes fluttered open, a tiny smile emerged through dry, cracked lips, and he whispered, “Thank you for taking care of me. I love you.”

The Lord fulfills every desire we have. If only we stop trying to fill them ourselves and give Him room to work.

Lord, thank you for never giving up on us. Thank you that even when we are blind, you continue to heal our sight. Give us fresh eyes to see you today. Give us hearts that love you so much there is no room to love ourselves too much. Let us love others out of love for you and not from our own storehouses, which eventually run dry. Fill us to overflowing. Amen

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