Are We Being Judgmental? – 50 Shades of Grey

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When I posted What The Bible Says About 50 Shades of Grey, I was stunned that it went viral. Before writing that post, I literally sobbed to my husband because I knew so many of my christian sisters were being blinded by the enemy.

A nerve struck deep with many people. I wrote that post for my christian sisters. I specifically wrote that post to address the Biblical position of this book/movie in the life of a christian. And honestly, I barely scratched the surface. The post was short and to the point, but it resonated with many of you, who quickly spread it.

As our culture moves away from God, we are losing our senses. We are losing our ability to think for ourselves. We are becoming tolerant and believing the lies that we aren’t open-minded or that we are judgmental if we disagree with what we see in culture.

Over the next couple of days, I want to address some of the most common questions or comments I received. Today, we are exploring the question of “Aren’t we being judgmental?”

2 Timothy 4:2-5 (NLT)

2 Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching. 3 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will reject the truth and chase after myths. 5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don’t be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry God has given you.

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary says this “4:1-5 People will turn away from the truth, they will grow weary of the plain gospel of Christ, they will be greedy of fables, and take pleasure in them. People do so when they will not endure that preaching which is searching, plain, and to the purpose. Those who love souls must be ever watchful, must venture and bear all the painful effects of their faithfulness, and take all opportunities of making known the pure gospel.”

I love souls and can’t sit silent on this issue. Not to mention I am raising boys, who I pray will respect and honor women.

My post was not a judgement. The intent was an encouragement to the ones who have not read or seen it, an encouragement to stand strong for truth and oppose peer pressure, and to correct/rebuke thoughts and positions on the subject in the life of the christian.

Friends, we have the Word of God, the living Word, to guide, teach, and correct us. We have been granted access to the power of God in our lives. And we have been given permission to ask for wisdom. When we aren’t seeking wisdom, we are susceptible to believing the lies around us.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 New Living Translation

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.

 

We can’t stop going to God’s Word to test everything. That is where we find truth. We don’t believe it because a blogger said it. We don’t believe it because the media said it. We must test everything against scripture, especially when it is something as culturally shifting as erotica/porn becoming the new standard for book clubs and movie nights.

To navigate our culture we need wisdom, not worldly wisdom, but wisdom that only comes from God.

Proverbs 2:6 NIV

For the Lord gives wisdom. From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

James 1:5 NLT

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

Here’s what happens when we lack wisdom:

Proverbs 9:13-18 13

The woman named Folly is brash. She is ignorant and doesn’t know it. She sits in her doorway on the heights overlooking the city. She calls out to men going by who are minding their own business. “Come in with me,” she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment, she says,  “Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!” But little do they know that the dead are there. Her guests are in the depths of the grave.

Quest Study Bible notes 9:17 “The intrigue and danger of being found out can add to sexual temptation. Doing something considered out of bounds offers a thrill or heightened sense of excitement. The euphoria, however, is short-lived and soon gives way to shame, self-loathing and regret.”

Friends, we aren’t being judgmental. When we see something that is sin in the life of our sister or brother in Christ, and we expose the sin, it’s not judgement. It’s love. It’s loving them enough to take on abuse and ridicule for the sake of their souls.

We aren’t judging the person, we are judging the action and loving the person.

Stay tuned this week when we discuss “Does God really care what we read and watch?” and “What’s the link to sex trafficking.”

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How To Help Our Kids When They Just Want Freedom

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How to Help Our Kids When They Just Want Freedom - Square

Night after night he lamented, “Mom, it’s not fair, everyone goes to bed so much later than I do. Why do you make me go to bed so early? I’m 11 years old.”

I attempted to explain the why behind our bedtime policy, though my best efforts failed to ease his frustration. I tried to explain that he wakes earlier than his friends, that his body actually functions better on more sleep, that some kids stretch the truth to impress each other. Wasted words. What he really wanted wasn’t a later bedtime. He wanted freedom.

He felt constrained. He was so focused on the one thing that we withheld from him, he lost his ability to see the abundant freedoms we showered over him daily.

In his 11-year-old world, his vision focused on what he convinced himself he was missing due to the limits we placed on him. Limits for his own good. Boundaries to protect him because we want the very best for him.

The desire for freedom is nothing new.

Would you join me at my dear friend, Jeannie Cunnion’s blog to read the rest of today’s post?

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What the Bible Says About 50 Shades Of Grey

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50 Shades

God has called me into writing and speaking out of a deep love for women that He’s placed in my heart. It’s because I love you so much that I risk writing this post today. I pray you read this through the lens of love from which I write.

I ask one thing, that you read this to the end. I’ve kept it short to keep your attention.

We were created with hearts that desire a love story. We want a rescuer. We want a man to come and sweep us off our feet. We want a protector. We want to be understood. We want to be fully known and deeply loved. We want to be the center of his attention, the apple of his eye. We want him to pursue us, chase us hard. We want to be found when we hide.

We long for a love story, one bathed in passion and excitement.

50 Shades of Grey will promise to deliver a love story full of passion and excitement. It is not a love story. You want a love story? It’s in the Bible. It’s a story unimaginable. A love story no mind could fathom or create.

You want passion? It’s in the Bible, what kind of passion lays one’s life down for another?

You want excitement? It’s in the Bible. When you read the lengths He’s gone to for you, you can’t help but pant for more of him.

Want a story of power who will come and sweep us off our feet? He’s coming on a white horse for us. He’s come and he’s coming again. (Revelation 19:11-16)

God knows these desires, and He has fulfilled and waits to fulfill every longing of our hearts. The very hearts He created, the very lives He breathed life into.

We have an enemy who knows these desires quite well. This enemy sets out to deceive us and destroy us. He takes God’s truths and distorts them. He takes God-given desires and deforms them. He takes what was meant for good, turns it inside out, and uses it against us as a weapon that will lead to death. Death of marriages, families, lives. He is death. God is life.

2 Corinthians 11:14

But I am not surprised! Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light.

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

50 Shades of Grey is nothing but pornography. Erotica is a justified term for porn. A staggering number of christian women are falling victim to pornography. It’s a story of power and dominance, demeaning to women, full of dark and evil.

There are many gray areas in the Bible. And there are black and whites. 50 Shades of Grey is no gray area according to God. It is a black and white issue.

[Tweet “50 Shades of Grey is no gray area according to God.”]

How do we, as christian women, make any decisions? We look to truth. We look to His Word. We seek wisdom. We pray for discernment.

Women, stand for truth and goodness. Stand for integrity and holiness. Stand for purity and righteousness.

Psalm 101:3 NIV

I will set before my eyes no vile thing. The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me.

When we purchase this book, when we purchase a ticket to watch it, we are funding sex trafficking through the back door. The very evil that outrages us and causes us to stand and fight, we take part in when we give our money to pornography. Pornography funds and fuels little girls and women across the world to be sold for vile sex acts. Pornography funds the selling of bodies to fulfill the lustful desires of evil men.

If you want to fight sex trafficking, do not read, purchase, or watch 50 Shades of Grey.

[Tweet “If you want to fight sex trafficking, do not read, purchase, or watch 50 Shades of Grey.”]

I’m pleading with you today on behalf of innocent victims to fight against a culture that is opening the door to pornography and making way for more girls to be sold, abused, and oppressed.

Life is a fight. A constant fight. We prevail. We win in the end, my friends! Praise God, He is coming to put an end to the evil of this world. We will all stand before Him. I long to hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

Love your christian sisters enough to say no to 50 Shades of Grey. Don’t fall into peer pressure. Speak up when others speak as if this book is ok. It’s not. It’s the enemy’s tool to deceive us and steal the joy, excitement, and passion He has for us here and now.

Additional posts in this series:

Are We Being Judgmental? 50 Shades of Grey

Does God Really Care If I Watch 50 Shades of Grey?

50 Shades and Sex Trafficking

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Why We Need To Loosen Our Grip On Life

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mtn

I spent the weekend on a mountain with Jesus. The Cove in Asheville to be exact with some lovely ladies from my church.

On the mountain with Jesus, the rubbing world becomes a touch softer. Time decelerates to allow our wandering eyes to find Him and focus with intense precision. The clock’s tick-tock becomes a soothing melody to replace life’s shrill and demanding rhythm. The cares of the world dissipate as we focus solely on Him.

I want to stay on the mountain with Jesus. Sometimes I forget that when I leave the mountain, He escorts me right back down that rocky terrain. I tend to leave God behind on that mountain. I go back into my little life and grip it with every ounce of strength I can muster.

After descending the mountain Sunday, it didn’t take long for my praising of Jesus to become grumbling and complaining. It only took an overflowing laundry basket, an unplanned menu, remembrance of forgotten tasks, looming difficult decisions, and a glance at the upcoming week to turn my eyes from the mountain top to the realities of my life.

Sometimes I compartmentalize my Jesus. You just stay up here on this mountain. I’ll come back again soon. Don’t worry, you know I come back often because I need you so much. I’ll go down and deal with life, then we will meet up here again. 

Ok, not literally, but if I’m honest with myself, my actions speak these sentiments loud and clear.

Our good friend, Moses, knows a few like me well. (Exodus 32)

He went up to meet on the mountain with God. 40 days he basked in the presence of the Father, receiving the very words from God that breathed true life into life, the commands that guide our entire existence. I imagine Moses wanted to camp on the mountain forever.

We were created to live in His Presence, doing life with Him. He’s never desired that we leave Him on the mountain and journey alone.

Moses came down that mountain to an impatient group of people. Tired of waiting on God to do what they wanted Him to do, they took life into their own hands and created their own little god. Guess smartphones aren’t the cause of our impatience after all.

Oh, don’t I do that? Don’t I take my to do list, my desire to have my husband meet all my expectations, my kids’ bad attitudes, my writing, my housekeeping, my friendships, my hopes, my anything I hold dear and get frustrated on waiting for God to be what I want Him to be for me. So I just make a little calf out of the dailies of my life. I do a little dance. And I get nothing back but more frustration, more impatience, more feelings of failure.

I leave my God on the mountain and pick up a little calf on the climb back to life. God never wanted me to leave him on that mountain. He wants to hold my hand, He wants to whisper truth over the voice of the enemy.

He wants my heart to sing His praise louder in the realities of my life than He does on the mountain with my girls.

I can’t do that when I leave Him on the mountain. I can’t take both God and my little gold calf. I must choose which to cling to and which to throw into the fire.

In theory it’s easy to choose. I choose God. In the moment by moment, many times, I pick up my little calf and stumble and grumble through my day. I think I’m holding onto God, but I’m not.

[Tweet “When my grip on life tightens, my hand isn’t free to hold His always open hand. “]

He’s always here to journey with me. He wants to swim through life’s swamp with me. He’s here for me to lay down my parenting heart’s desires at His feet. He wants to take the fears that I close my fist around and replace them with a faith that can move a mountain.

My grip must loosen. I grip the good of this life, I grip the fears of this life, I grip my desires of this life, I grip what I can’t control of this life. I grip it all. A tiny little calf I hold in the palm of my hand. I know I need to let my fingers relax and let those little gold calves of my life fall into the flames.

Freedom comes when we let it all go. We will have free arms to hold onto Him with. He is limitless. We are not. He has arms to hold the entire world at once. We have arms that can only hold a few things at a time. If we let go of everything we cling so tightly to, we can cling to Him, and He can hold everything we try so desperately to hold.

When we place ourself in His arms, whether on the mountain or in the realities of life, we are free.

[Tweet “We are deliriously free when we hold His hand.”]

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I’m Leaving the Good Mommy Club

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I listened to a Focus on the Family broadcast that I can’t shake. It was John Rosemond speaking on Raising Well-Behaved Children. The title had me.

I don’t want perfect children, but I desire obedient children. I don’t want children who can’t think for themselves or form their own opinions, but I do want children who will not challenge every word from my lips or argue each instruction I speak.

John Rosemond’s words have been scrolling through my mind. He talked about how our generation is more concerned with building relationships with our kids than being leaders and disciples to our children. Considering the fact that I attempt to build a strong relationship with my kids, I knew I had to explore this line of thought.

I love the words of Josh McDowell, “rules without relationship leads to rebellion.” John spoke to this and said he believes Josh would agree that to have a relationship, you need leadership first.

John goes on to speak about the ‘good mommy club’. This is the club where to be a good mommy you spend as much time as possible with your children (among other things). He said, “My mom expected me to pay attention to her.” Whoa!

Here’s where I will take this in a different direction. My mind began to ponder our drive to become intentional parents.

John Rosemond said he wants to liberate women across the country from the good mommy club and restore marriages.

Over the past several weeks, God continues to show me where I need His freedom. I need His freedom in everything. Often I push back and think I have life under control or that I know best. God gently brings me to a place where He shows me that freedom through Him and His strength is what I truly need.

God didn’t ask me to be in the good mommy club. He asked me to be in the ‘love Me with your whole heart club’. Many of my best efforts are attempts to take His glory.

Jesus wants to carry the weight of glory so I don’t have to.

On any given day, I can scroll through Facebook or Twitter or my blog roll, and I can read amazing, amazing, amazing words that encourage me to be more intentional, or instruct me in being a better mom. I see pictures of what everyone else does with their kids, and suddenly I feel what I’m doing doesn’t compare.

It’s not the fault of the words I read or the images I see, it’s what I do with those words and pictures. Often I turn these well-meaning words into commands to try harder. It comes back to me.

The online world doesn’t need to change. The bloggers don’t need to stop blogging. The posters don’t need to stop posting. I need to change what I do with the words and images when they enter my heart.

If I’m not careful about the words I allow to shape and impact me in my parenting, in my spiritual walk, in everything, I can very easily make ready a field of fear in my heart. Fear of failing my kids. Fear of how my kids will turn out. Fear of them making poor choices. Fear over everything in my life.

The words we allow to shape us have the potential to create fear which quietly fuels our desires to become more “intentional”, which could possibly turn into try-harder parenting in disguise.

To be an intentional parent is to be a parent on purpose and to parent with purpose. 

Intentional parenting isn’t merely filling bucket lists, creating memories, going on special date nights, attending every field trip, and playing for endless hours. All of these moments are lovely, but if we aren’t careful, these can add up to a list that will never be satisfied. They will whisper to our soul, “You will never be enough.”

Our world is making intentional parenting something it doesn’t have to be. Something more complicated than it should be.

The harder I try to be a good mommy, the bigger my fear grows. With good reason. My focus is on me, not Him. My eyes need to be fixed on Him, not the world around me that tells me what a good mommy looks like. My eyes need to be fixed on Him, not my children, who at any given moment cause me to tremble at the possibilities I see. My eyes need to be fixed on Him, not the fear of what others think.

If our kids need us to be a leader, which makes way for a healthy relationship, then the best place to start is fixing our eyes on the ultimate leader who came for us.

Maybe when we fix our eyes on Him, intentionality becomes effortless. Maybe intentionality becomes a byproduct.

Today I will release my membership from the good mommy club. Care to join me? I’m taking my eyes off what the world, the blogs, and social media says I should do to be a good mommy, and I’m fixing my eyes on Him. I will let Him make me the mommy He wants me to be. It might not look like the best mommy to the world, but if He is leading me, it will be the best version for the purpose He sets before me.

I think I agree with John Rosemond. I think freedom will feel really nice. Christ came to set us free. He covers us with grace through the sacrifice.  He came so nothing would hold us captive again. Even being a good mommy.

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A Letter To My Daughter-In-Law – 10 Promises I Make To You

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[box] Today, I share a letter to my future daughters-in-law, Lord willing. It’s promises I make before I know them. I pray for these girls daily, and I know the Lord hears my prayers. [/box]

Dear Daughter-in-law,

God has graced me with many gifts in my life, some of the most lavish of His gifts were 3 boys. I remember the day it dawned on me that my boys weren’t actually my boys, rather they were God’s boys first, on loan to me only for a time. I was given the gift of mothering them, pointing them to the Father, and preparing them to be loving and devoted husbands, Lord willing.

My greatest gifts were never meant for me to hold onto forever. They were always intended for me to give back out. Isn’t that how many of our gifts are?

I’ve written letters to my boys since they were very young. And from the day they were born, I began to pray not just for them, but for you too. Because I’ve spent my life praying for you, my love for you goes beyond what I’m capable of offering on my own.

We love Him because he first loved us (1John 4:19). I love you because He first loved you. Simple as that. I love you not based on any criteria other than the fact that God loves you and chose you to be the wife of the son He chose for me to raise.

When we pray for someone, we can’t help but begin to love that person. The longer we pray, the more we love them. I’ve prayed for you your whole life.

I’m writing this letter now before I’ve ever laid eyes on you. As I sit here writing you are still a little girl. I try to imagine you as that little girl. I can’t wait to hear the stories of your life before we knew you. As I write to you, your story is in the first few chapters.

Being a woman is hard. We feel pressure to please, we feel the expectations that we place on ourselves accompanied by the expectations others place on us, we hide insecurities deep in the corners of our hearts. We wonder what others think, we hope we are loved, we hope we are understood, we battle fears that we don’t want to share.

In our soul what we want most is to be truly known and deeply loved.

God has knit us to desire to be known and loved by Him. I pray you find security in knowing who knows you and loves you. True joy is found in the freedom of grace. I pray we shower you with grace, which is only an attempted sprinkling of true grace.

Here are 10 promises I make to you, my daughter-in-law:

  1.  I will always pray for you. Every day, forever. I will pray for your marriage every day. Prayer has changed my life more than anything other than my salvation. Praying for my own marriage has changed what every day has looked like. I want to give that gift to you. I want to pray for you and my son every day that you will both love the Lord more than anything else in the world. Because when we love Him more than anything, everything else flows from there.
  2. I will always love you. Because love is more than a feeling. It’s a choice we make, when placed in God’s hands, grows into a love more beautiful than we can fathom.
  3. I will always be your cheerleader. I will always be here to encourage you, to cheer for you, to love on you.
  4. I will not expect you to be anyone other than yourself. I celebrate the creativity of our Creator God. I cherish you as a work of His hands. I thank God for the intricate, unique ways He crafted you. I will never expect you to be anyone other than who He created you to be.
  5. I will never expect your life to look a certain way. God is the author and perfecter of our faith. He writes the most beautiful of stories and being a part of His story is the greatest thrill in life. Live in the freedom that we don’t expect your life to look like ours or anyone else’s. Your family is on a journey where God is creating a new story. No 2 stories read alike.
  6. I will be honest with you. I’m a very transparent and honest person. I will always share with you from a position of trust and honesty. I will never make assumptions about you.
  7. I will thank God for you. Every good and perfect gift is from above. You are a gift to our family, and I will thank God for you. (James 1:17)
  8. I will always be a friend you can turn to. You will never have to worry about me talking about you behind your back. You will never have to worry about what I really think of you. You can always know that a friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17:17
  9. I will always encourage grace over try-hard living and people pleasing– Grace is the freedom I live under. The harder I try to please people or the harder I try to be a “good” girl or make people like me, the smaller grace becomes in my life. When I release the pressures of being anything other than a daughter of the king, I am free to live in the grace He died for. Grace colors us beautiful. I will always encourage grace based living over try hard people pleasing.
  10. I will always remember we are sisters before we are mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. – I grew up with 4 sisters. I get sisterhood. But earthly sisterhood is only a flickering of our sisterhood in Christ. You are my sister. When I look on you, I see a daughter of the King, a sister of mine in Christ, the gift of a daughter He’s given to me.

With all my love,

Renee

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