When I Want To Take Away My Child’s Pain

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A word, a sentence, a look is all it takes to arouse a fear lying dormant in the heart.

“Mom, I can’t bend at my knees. I think my leg is swelling up again.”

Fears in my heart rubbed the sleep from their eyes.

“I’m sure your knee isn’t swelling. You are probably a little sensitive to the possibility of it happening again.” I was convincing myself as much as my 9-year-old.

The following day he made mention of pain in his leg. We noticed a limp in his walk. Fears in my heart began to stretch their arms, preparing to come fully awake.

Easing himself into a chair, he placed his left leg out so I could raise the leg of his pants. The chattering of fear could be heard in the background. I talked back, telling fear that it was a different leg than last year. I talked back telling fear that this was a coincidence. I talked back telling fear to go back to sleep. He’s not welcome here.

Inching the leg of his pants up, I swallowed a gasp as my eyes took in the sight of his knee. Begging my eyes not to give away the fear now fully awake, I looked at Zachary. “I think it’s fine. It looks like it is a little swollen, but I’m sure it’s fine. We will keep watching it and pray it doesn’t swell like last time.”

One year ago we had a scare and a painful couple of weeks when his right leg became swollen, fluids drained, tests run, and finally no conclusions, but swelling gone. For a year the fear of a reoccurrence has slept in our hearts.

Now we are reliving the experience. This time in the left leg.

In my own heart, fear feeds on the unknowns and the what-if’s. In Zachary’s heart, fear feeds on the pain, the oversized needle, and the inability to do all the things he loves- running, jumping, and playing outside.

The mama heart in me wants to make everything right for my child. To take away every twinge of discomfort, every ounce of pain.

We pray, friends pray, family prays, teachers pray. I listen to his prayers. I hear the courage that wants to dominate, but I hear the fear that fights for its place. We ask God to take away the swelling. We ask God to bring back the normal function of his knee, his whole leg. We ask God to take away the pain.

As we lay our requests at the feet of Christ, my heart silently pleads with God. Please, God, grant us this. I want Zachary to see how you answer our prayers. I want him to see how you work on our behalf. I want Zachary to experience you.

And I hear His whispers back to me. I strain hard to hear. I freeze, making no movement to be sure I hear Him. I always answer prayers. I work all things for good for those called according to my purpose. My ways are not your ways. Trust me.

I argue with God in the privacy of my soul. No, God, really. I don’t want my child to hurt. I want to take away all his pains. I don’t want to watch him struggle. And more than anything I want him to grow in his faith. I want him to know you fully and trust you with everything he has.

Patiently, God listens to my moanings. He is my child. I love him even more than you do. I want the same things for him.

I see my shallow faith. I see my temptation to believe the lie that my child must get his way to believe God. That my child must have his prayer answered immediately the way I believe is best to believe in the God he’s placed his trust in. I feel the guilt in my heart growing.

It’s a struggle I face daily. Trying to be the Holy Spirit within my children. I’ve written about this struggle.  Thinking I know what is best for them. Wanting to guide them towards safety. Wanting to grow them into who I want them to be.

I want to take away the fears of my children. I want to take away pain. I want them to experience joy. I want them to trust God with all their heart.

But at times I want that so badly, that I try to get in the middle and do it my own way. I think I know best. I think that for my kids to fully trust God, that God must answer every prayer according to how I best see fit. I think for them to trust God, they must get the answers they want from Him.

God always brings me back to Him. To a place of seeing our most desperate need is not to get our own way, but to live out our lives His way.

Softly, He brings to mind many of the prayers He has answered in my own life. Many that He answered in ways I never would have anticipated. Many in ways I never asked. Some no’s, some yes’s, some maybe’s, some yes – but it looks different that you are picturing.

Zachary hobbled to the farmhouse table and eased himself onto the bench by the fire. The place where hearts are shared regularly. The place where stories are told and created. The place where the fire warms us, the food feeds us, and His Word nourishes us.

“Mom, I think I know one of the reasons God allows this to happen to my leg.”

I looked up to meet his eyes that spoke a tenderness commanding my attention.

“I think God allows this pain so I can help others. Now that I know what this is like, I can help others when they hurt.”

The gasp I swallowed out of fear earlier came to the surface. This time it didn’t come from the place of fear.

“Zachary, if I could take away your pain I would. If I could take it on myself, I would do it. But I can’t. God did that for us didn’t He? To save us, Jesus took on pain, shame, and death so that one day we could be with Him in glory.”

He reminds me again. His ways are not my ways. Sometimes He uses our pains and our struggles to create the person in us He wants us to be. Sometimes He uses our circumstances to grow the character needed to sustain what He sees ahead of us. Sometimes pain free isn’t the best place for us. Sometimes it’s there we are most aware of Him.

As a mom, I want to make life well for my kids. I want to take away what hurts them. Kiss the boo-boo away. Tuck them in tightly crowding out their fears. Sometimes, I want it so much I’m tempted to take away the place God wants us to be in that moment.

He sent His son to die on a cross for my sins. He knows the pain of a parent watching their child struggle. He knows that pain more than I can begin to fathom.

Yes, I can trust Him with my own child. After all, my child is His child, on loan to me for a time. My role isn’t to make life smooth and comfortable, removing the rocks along the path. My role is to encourage my child to keep his eyes focused on the One who leads him along the path laid out before him.

 

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Who Bears Your Burdens?

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As I sit in the quiet of the morning, I’m thankful I don’t bear the weight of the burdens I carry. This verse is timely for me, as the past few days and weeks have felt more than I can bear. How about you? Can you relate? What burdens your heart today? I pray you hear these words the Lord has for us and find comfort in the One who bears your burdens today.

Have a blessed weekend!

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A Hands-On Way To Teach Children The True Meaning Of Christmas

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The green and red plastic totes from the attic made their annual appearance in the family room. Artificial garland peeked through the cracks of those worn boxes in need of replacing. Opening each one was like finding my favorite sweatshirt, coffee mug, and fuzzy blanket. Comfort and familiarity enveloped us. Treasures of memories with our children each year were stored away awaiting their opportunity to do it again.

I wanted to stay parked there. Right there. At nostalgia. But pulling me away was this racing list in my head of everything that needed to get scheduled, bought, planned, packaged, shipped, decorated, baked, and wrapped.

As I picked up my pen and began jotting notes, I heard 2 of my little boys exploring the memories hiding in those boxes. “Oh, remember this, Zachary!” “I remember this!” “Look at this one!” “Remember when….”

The energy escalated with each discovery. They began rattling off all their favorite things about the season. Setting down my pen, I silently observed my 4 and 6-year-olds discussing the magic of Christmas. Not one gift made the cut. Not one material possession was cited. Not one extravagant display or party was credited. It was all the tiny, simple moments, the traditions that had been taking place year after year of their little lives. Nothing had come from Pinterest. Nothing about the super cute teacher and friend gifts I stressed about.

What did they remember? Paw-Paw calling to read ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas on Christmas Eve. The scavenger hunt daddy sends us on that ends with hot chocolate and a Christmas movie. Looking at Christmas lights in pajamas. Spending the day decorating the tree together.

Time together. As a family. Celebrating what Christmas is all about.

Stop! Wait! Pause time! I wanted to capture this……………

To read the rest of this post, hop over to my friend, Courtney DeFeo’s, blog.

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25 Advent Calendar Days Of Memories and Experiences

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The Christmas season blows in hard doesn’t it?  We feel behind before it ever begins. When the season actually arrives…like right now, even though it’s only the beginning of November….if we aren’t intentional in our planning, we will find ourselves feeling little joy and much stress.

We want to create memories for our families. But does that sometimes feel like one more to-do? Do we feel the pressure of adorable Pinterest pins and Facebook posts of our friends who have teams of elves entering their homes every single night making Christmas magical? Do we wonder if we are making Christmas special enough?

I’ve found a secret to fighting this type of Christmas stress.

Simplify.

With our advent calendar, we have simplified our Christmas, while making our season more meaningful and intentional. It only takes a little extra planning the first year, then each year that follows, you will thank yourself for making your holiday less stressful and more memorable.

My kids love an advent calendar. They love opening the doors and counting down the days until Christmas. I love it too, and I thought, why can’t we use our advent calendar to create memories, to experience times of togetherness, and to do some of the things on our Christmas to-do list or Christmas bucket list?

Do you remember this post where I listed 18 ways your family can serve others at Christmas? Well, using an advent calendar is a great way to make sure your service projects actually happen. Also, each day in Seeking Christmas, there is an activity that ties into the lesson. When I know the days we will be doing those lessons/activities, I put that in the advent calendar. For me it is accomplishing 2 things at once by simplifying. But it is also about becoming intentional with the fleeting moments of Christmas. Intentional to spend time together, to create memories, to experience moments together, and to serve others.

It’s easy for an advent calendar to become just one more ways kids are given a message that it’s all about them. It could potentially be one more way they run to see what they get that day as they countdown to the day they get even more. It doesn’t have to be that way. Kids love time together. Kids love the surprise of opening the door. Kids will cherish these memories. And one day, they will have a heart that thinks a little more of others and a little less of themselves. We pray, right??

So here is the list we use in our house. Many days I duplicate activities. I usually have several days that the activity is reading a Christmas story together, or watching a movie, or enjoying a cup of hot chocolate together. Don’t feel the pressure to come up with 25 different activities. Some activities will want to be repeated. This list is to give you ideas. I left off many that you might want to include for your family, such as going to a tree farm or decorating the tree.

To simplify even further, I got Christmas card stock, used a gift tag punch, and created these advent activities to use each year. Now I don’t have to think about it. I just pull it out with our other Christmas decorations. And like any tradition, my kids anticipate what lies behind those doors.

25 Advent Days of Memories and Experiences

1-Enjoy a cup of hot chocolate together

2-Enjoy a Christmas movie together

3-Look at Christmas lights

4-Be a secret santa to someone

5- Make cookies

6-Random act of kindness

7-Christmas craft

8- Bless someone in some small way

9-Enjoy a candy cane

10-Sibling exchange shopping

11- Gingerbread houses

12 -Make ornament

13- Choose a Christmas book (we keep a shelf of Christmas books that only come out once a year.)

14 – Family service project

15 – Write a Christmas poem or story together (we do this every year and I love looking back at what my kids have written)

16 – Wrap gifts (you do this anyway, so make a memory and have some fun with it!)

17 – Write a Christmas letter to someone (compassion child, a relative,a friend)

18 – Choose your activity (each person can choose an activity…a story, movie, etc)

19 – Christmas outing (ice skating, a local town parade or festival, etc)

20 – Christmas scavenger hunt

21 – Make a Christmas blessings list (where today did you see hope, love, peace, and joy?)

22 -Christmas campout- Set up sleeping bags under the Christmas tree, watch movies, make popcorn and indoor s’mores, and snuggle up for an indoor campout under the lights.

23 -Prepare, create, wrap teacher/friend gifts.

24- Christmas Eve church service

25 – Jesus was born – our greatest gift ever (we have a tiny porcelain baby Jesus that fits in our Advent house)

Additional ideas we have used :

  • a surprise gift – a small something you have chosen for each person
  • call someone to simply say I’m thinking of you and Merry Christmas
  • Birthday Party for Jesus
  • Special Christmas programs, performances, or musicals you plan to attend

 

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18 Ways Your Family Can Serve Others At Christmas

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I want my kids to understand that Christmas is about more than the gifts. At the same time, I want them to see the gift inside of them they can offer to others. We can practice generosity and service all year long, but Christmas provides a unique opportunity to model a giving heart.

The Christmas season seems to blow in like a blizzard and bury us with piles of to-do’s. The key for me is to plan ahead just a little. To determine before life gets too hectic what our family will do.

Serving can be so fun when done together as a family. It’s an easy way to create new traditions that bond your family while giving to those in need. Here is a list of ways your family can serve others at Christmas.

  1. Have a hot chocolate stand and donate the proceeds to your favorite charity. – My kids love having lemonade stands. In the summer, they will host a stand and donate to Blood Water Mission to provide clean water for Africans. I’m amazed at the generosity of the people who stop when they know they are giving to a good cause. People will pay $5 for a cup of lemonade. So how about hot chocolate at Christmas? The kids have fun making signs and setting up the stand. They work hard and keep none of the money but know their efforts have the potential to save lives.
  2. Pack shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child– This is one of our favorite traditions. Each of our boys likes to pack their own shoebox. Many Chick-fil-A locations even have a day to drop off boxes in exchange for a free sandwich coupon.
  3. Purchase a gift for Angel Tree Prison Fellowship -Many children have lost a parent to prison. This is a way to provide a gift to a child whose parent is unable to give them a gift.
  4. Visit a nursing home– One year we visited the nursing home and just walked around visiting the residents while they ate lunch. This was very uncomfortable for me but totally comfortable for my husband. He didn’t hesitate to hug people he didn’t know, and I couldn’t believe how open and receptive the residents were. They loved seeing our boys. Andrew was about 2 at the time, and he easily hugged the necks of strangers and they hugged him right back. Other times we have purchased small gifts such as slipper socks and warm hats to hand out to the residents.
  5. Adopt a family– Many local charities offer ways to adopt a family in poverty that cannot afford to provide gifts at Christmas. This is a wonderful way to lessen what you might spend on your own family and allocate to a family in need. Children can be very involved in this by selecting the gifts, making cards, and wrapping presents.
  6. Host an orphan, or donate to help other families host an orphan. 2 years ago we hosted an orphan at Christmas and explained to our children that rather than use our money to buy gifts, we were going to bring a child who has no parents into our home, love on him, and model to him what family looks like and show him the love of God. This experience changed our family forever. We have now hosted twice, and God has caused our hearts to desire to care for the fatherless in tangible ways.
  7. Pack military boxes –Brave men and women serve our country so we can enjoy the freedoms and safety we enjoy. They sacrifice their lives for us. For many in the military, they will not be with family like we may be. Sending a little care package is a tiny way to say thank you for all they do for us.
  8. Blankets to homeless – Purchase blankets and visit an area of town where homeless men and women are likely to lay their heads at night in the cold. Pass out blankets. And pray over the blankets you will place in the hands of ones in need.
  9. Ornaments or craft projects to friends and neighbors – This isn’t a project of serving the needy, but is a way to continue to think of others over ourselves. It’s a fun way to love on the ones we love. The craft store has so many inexpensive projects that kids love doing. Pinterest not required! Just grab a few ornaments, paints, and stickers, and let the kids use their own creativity.
  10. Cookies and apple cider to homeless shelters – Take jugs of cider and plates of cookies to a homeless shelter and pass them out. It might be the brightest moment of someone’s week or season when you enter into their world even for just a moment to love on them.
  11. Provide a meal for a hospice patient – This has become a tradition for our family, which we started about 3 years ago. Contact your local hospice and ask if they have a volunteer list for donating a meal. Our hospice offers the option for Thanksgiving or Christmas and the option to provide a cooked or unprepared meal. In the past we have delivered a cooked meal on Christmas Day. Providing a meal is an obvious act of love and one that is so easy to get the kids involved in. It’s a way to remember that while some of us are in seasons of joy, others are in seasons of grief and pain. We can pray over the meal we prepare and pray for the mouths that receive it.
  12. Serve in a soup kitchen (most have age requirements, so this doesn’t work for young children). Our kids have not been old enough to do this yet, but I look forward to the day we can.
  13. Invite someone you don’t know over for dinner and practice hospitality. Is there a neighbor you don’t know very well? A widow nearby that could use the company? Don’t worry about how clean the house is, don’t worry about the decorations. Open the door wide, invite them in, and love on them through kind hospitality.
  14. Deliver treats to community service workers. Drop cookies at the fire stations, police station, teachers lounge, library help desk, garbage men. We are served all day long by many different people. Our kids need to be reminded how hard others work on their behalf. It’s a small thank you.
  15. Choose a gift from the Compassion or Samaritan’s Purse catalogue – The gifts from these catalogues are so inexpensive when you see the life-changing effects they have. Andrew selected a soccer ball as a gift item one year. Our boys take for granted they can go to a store whenever they want and buy a new ball. To realize some children don’t have a simple ball to play with was shocking to them. One of my boys chose the gift item that provides medicine. And one chose clean water.
  16. Random acts of kindness– everyone loves this, especially kids. It’s a fun way to be a secret santa. There are hundreds of random acts of kindness you can find online.
  17. Dedicate a day to the “little” ways that bless big – We often look for the obvious ways to serve, the soup kitchens, the shoebox packing, but we can’t overlook the little ways we can bless big. Make it a game of finding every chance to bless someone by serving them hope, love, peace, or joy. A child that normally fights back when offended by a brother chooses to disengage, he gave the gift of peace to the family. A child that saw an elderly in the produce aisle and offers to push her cart while she picks her produce, offers the gift of love. A child who sees a sad expression and tells a joke, or offers a giant smile, gives the gift of joy. We have the opportunity to serve constantly. While it is important to look for big ways to serve, it’s equally important to practice serving in the less obvious ways.
  18. Day of prayer– choose a day and a charity or need that God places on your heart and spend the day praying. Prayer changes situations more than anything we can ever do. It shouldn’t be overlooked. Prayer is the best act of service we can offer, and this is something we can model no matter the age of our children.

With all of these ideas (and the many I didn’t cover), we can’t forget to discuss with our kids why we are doing what we are doing. We aren’t trying to gain recognition. We aren’t trying to be super christian. We aren’t trying to gain favor. We are giving the gifts of Christmas. We are showing the love of Christ when we allow Him to use us to offer love, hope, peace, and joy to another.

Everything we do is an offering to Him. Every act of service is an act of worship.

One beautiful way to keep this visual in your home is to wrap up these “gifts” as gifts back to the Lord in honor of a season that is a celebration of His birth. This can be done by keeping a stocking for Jesus where you write notes on scraps of paper of all the gifts of Christmas you gave in His honor and fill His stocking. Or you can let the kids wrap up notes or packages addressed to Jesus that tell of the gift given for Him. Christmas morning unwrap these gifts to Jesus in celebration of His birth.

All in remembrance of the gift He gave for us. The gift of a son, born to die for our sins, so that we could have eternal life through Christ. The ultimate Christmas gift.

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In This House We Will Giggle

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I’m so excited to share an interview with Courtney DeFeo discussing her new book In This House We Will Giggle. I met Courtney through a mutual friend and had the privilege to listen to her speak at She Speaks last summer. Last Christmas a friend bought me ABC Scripture Cards, which I fell in love with. I had no idea that Courtney was the creator until I met her at She Speaks. Today she shares her new book with us!

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  1. How did In This House, We Will Giggle come about?  In This House, We Will Giggle began after I left a marketing career and became a stay-at-home mom. Two passions collided. My passion to empower others mom – and my passion to change little lives. I started Lil Light O’ Mine – a blog and company with ABC Scripture Cards. As you are aware, the blogging community for moms is so unique. We can share our failures and dreams and work together to change lives as we follow God’s promptings. I was given the opportunity to share a book idea at the She Speaks conference by Proverbs 31 and they loved it. So the rest is history. I was able to continue with my mission to empower moms and change little lives through innovation in the home. Just in the form of a book! Reaching many more families than I ever dreamed.
  2. What do you hope this book will bring to families? I hope they have more laughter and less lectures erupting through their homes. I hope moms see how very practical the book can be for their lives I want it to be a conversation for these 12 virtues. The 12 family fun activities are just ideas – and they are BEST implemented when our families embrace them. So tweak them, skip some – just give it a shot! I want our kids to experience WHO we know more than hear WHAT we know.
  3. What is your heart’s passion/desire behind this book? Truthfully, it is to know Jesus. I believe if our kids experience His goodness vs just hear about all the rules and consequences – they will want to stay with it. The way my parents lived out their faith left a mark on my life. Our kids are not too young to serve, to give and to change the face of a community. It will get in them and it is contagious. Good little Christian kids is not the goal. Ones who have Jesus in them – and they enjoy it pouring out – that’s the goal. There are millions that know a lot about Jesus in their heads, but not so much in their hearts. Adults and kids.
  4. Does the book offer practical ways families can begin putting into practice immediately? Oh yes! I am a busy mom. I don’t have time to read a book that offers inspiration without practical help. So, each chapter has a detailed family activity to go with the key virtue. In addition, it has an easy virtue definition (words kids can understand), a corresponding memory verse and much more. Plus, the entire book has 60 ways to make your family giggle.
  5. What age range of children is this book intended for? I have pregnant moms to parents of teens and grandmothers reading this book and loving it. The activities are geared for 2 to elementary kids but the majority of them can be implemented well into the teens.

 

ENTER TO WIN A COPY! Just simply comment below on what makes you giggle in your home. Winner announced on my Facebook page Monday, November 3rd.

You Tube Link to Trailer Video

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About the Book: In This House, We Will Giggle: Making Virtues, Love, and Laughter a Daily Part of Your Family Life offers parents a practical approach to instilling virtues in their children through laughter, rather than lecture. Designed to cover an entire year, each of the 12 chapters highlights one key virtue in developing a child’s character, along with insights to help infuse the virtue into everyday life. In This House, We Will Giggle teaches children to experience the goodness of God, the joy of following Jesus and the difference children can make in the lives of others.

 

View More: http://aleamoore.pass.us/defeofamily
About the Author: Courtney DeFeo is a popular blogger and creator of ABC Scripture Cards featured on “The View.” She is a graduate of Auburn University and has worked in marketing for Chick-fil-A. Courtney and her husband, Ron, are the parents of two children. To connect with Courtney, visit CourtneyDeFeo.com

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Why Sometimes We Need To Stop Seeking A Greater Purpose

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The faint sounds of clapping swirled in and out with the wind. When the wind stilled, the air seemed to carry the slightest noise for miles. Still and calm for but a moment. In rhythmic fashion the wind came and went. Gliding in and out. Each time the sound of clapping returned, then stilled.

I looked up at the trees with leaves that seemed to punctuate the arrival of fall set against the blue gray sky. I watched as the leaves clapped the entrance and exit of the breeze.

Those trees stand tall and vibrant declaring the glory of the Lord. Showing off their changing colors. You can’t miss them. In that fleeting moment, the trees clapped as if to whisper praise to their Maker.

Sometimes our only purpose in a moment is to offer praise to our Maker.

In days those leaves will be a distant memory as they transition into late fall abandoning the trees that will stand tall and bare. Vibrance a memory. One moment they draw all eyes to them, and their purpose is so evident. Another moment, their purpose forgotten. But always a purpose remains. A purpose of praise.

Some seasons I itch for a greater purpose. Some seasons, days, or moments I fail to see how anything I do all day long makes a difference. Some days my purpose is magnified when my golden leaves clap His praise against the bright blue sky. Other days, my leaves have fallen, and I stand and wonder what purpose I serve. Sometimes I feel the weight of the dying limbs of failure and shame. Some seasons bring new growth and accentuate my life’s purposes.

Sometimes I simply spend too much time thinking about myself and looking for my purpose. Sometimes I simply need God to breeze through my leaves and stir up the praise. Sometimes my only purpose is to direct my mind off my purposes and usher in the praise.

Regardless of my season or state, the wind breathes praise. Leaves or no leaves, I clap His praise. Applause and praise to Him who created me and works in and through me to bring glory to Him.

The wind that whips through my soul grows quieter. It softly blows, and I hear the clapping. Praises for my King.

Psalm 145:10-11

All you have made will praise you, O Lord; your saints will extol you. They will tell of the glory of your kingdom.

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