Are We Being Judgmental? – 50 Shades of Grey


When I posted What The Bible Says About 50 Shades of Grey, I was stunned that it went viral. Before writing that post, I literally sobbed to my husband because I knew so many of my christian sisters were being blinded by the enemy.

A nerve struck deep with many people. I wrote that post for my christian sisters. I specifically wrote that post to address the Biblical position of this book/movie in the life of a christian. And honestly, I barely scratched the surface. The post was short and to the point, but it resonated with many of you, who quickly spread it.

As our culture moves away from God, we are losing our senses. We are losing our ability to think for ourselves. We are becoming tolerant and believing the lies that we aren’t open-minded or that we are judgmental if we disagree with what we see in culture.

Over the next couple of days, I want to address some of the most common questions or comments I received. Today, we are exploring the question of “Aren’t we being judgmental?”

2 Timothy 4:2-5 (NLT)

2 Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching. 3 For a time is coming when people will no longer listen to sound and wholesome teaching. They will follow their own desires and will look for teachers who will tell them whatever their itching ears want to hear. 4 They will reject the truth and chase after myths. 5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation. Don’t be afraid of suffering for the Lord. Work at telling others the Good News, and fully carry out the ministry God has given you.

Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary says this “4:1-5 People will turn away from the truth, they will grow weary of the plain gospel of Christ, they will be greedy of fables, and take pleasure in them. People do so when they will not endure that preaching which is searching, plain, and to the purpose. Those who love souls must be ever watchful, must venture and bear all the painful effects of their faithfulness, and take all opportunities of making known the pure gospel.”

I love souls and can’t sit silent on this issue. Not to mention I am raising boys, who I pray will respect and honor women.

My post was not a judgement. The intent was an encouragement to the ones who have not read or seen it, an encouragement to stand strong for truth and oppose peer pressure, and to correct/rebuke thoughts and positions on the subject in the life of the christian.

Friends, we have the Word of God, the living Word, to guide, teach, and correct us. We have been granted access to the power of God in our lives. And we have been given permission to ask for wisdom. When we aren’t seeking wisdom, we are susceptible to believing the lies around us.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 New Living Translation

All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work.


We can’t stop going to God’s Word to test everything. That is where we find truth. We don’t believe it because a blogger said it. We don’t believe it because the media said it. We must test everything against scripture, especially when it is something as culturally shifting as erotica/porn becoming the new standard for book clubs and movie nights.

To navigate our culture we need wisdom, not worldly wisdom, but wisdom that only comes from God.

Proverbs 2:6 NIV

For the Lord gives wisdom. From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

James 1:5 NLT

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

Here’s what happens when we lack wisdom:

Proverbs 9:13-18 13

The woman named Folly is brash. She is ignorant and doesn’t know it. She sits in her doorway on the heights overlooking the city. She calls out to men going by who are minding their own business. “Come in with me,” she urges the simple. To those who lack good judgment, she says,  “Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!” But little do they know that the dead are there. Her guests are in the depths of the grave.

Quest Study Bible notes 9:17 “The intrigue and danger of being found out can add to sexual temptation. Doing something considered out of bounds offers a thrill or heightened sense of excitement. The euphoria, however, is short-lived and soon gives way to shame, self-loathing and regret.”

Friends, we aren’t being judgmental. When we see something that is sin in the life of our sister or brother in Christ, and we expose the sin, it’s not judgement. It’s love. It’s loving them enough to take on abuse and ridicule for the sake of their souls.

We aren’t judging the person, we are judging the action and loving the person.

Stay tuned this week when we discuss “Does God really care what we read and watch?” and “What’s the link to sex trafficking.”

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Stop Allowing Yourself To Be Judged



When I was a working mom, I felt constantly judged.  Each time I had a conversation with a stay-at-home mom, I felt the need to explain that we were praying for a way for me to stay at home, but financially it was impossible. If I didn’t explain, I feared they would think I didn’t love my children.

When I began staying at home, I felt the need to let working moms know that I worked at one time too.  I feared they would feel judged by me if I didn’t explain myself.

The moment someone asks where our kids go to school, I fight the urge to explain why we’ve chosen the path we’ve chosen. I feel judged. Or I fear they will feel judged.

And then the moment, as a working mom, when you encounter a stay-at-home mom, and you describe your stress at the office, and they say, “At least you get a break.”  And you bite your tongue because you know what you are sacrificing when you are away.  And it gnaws at you everyday.  You want to explain your family’s unique situation or your calling, but you hold back. And you walk away feeling judged.

And then the moment as a stay-at-home mom you vent your frustrating week, and someone says to you, “Just imagine if you worked.”  And you bite your tongue and want to explain all the intricate details of your life because you suddenly see how little they know about you. And you feel judged.

I’ve never felt more judged than I do during this season. I have people in my life who are clueless about why I do what I do. I have people reading my heart spilled on paper. I feel judged. I have the world’s strongest-willed child who displays his power at the most inopportune times. My kids fail to become my clone, and they display their free will and uniqueness. All.the.time. I feel judged.

If I’m honest, really honest here, I don’t have much time to judge anyone else because I’m too busy thinking about myself! It’s human nature. We are prideful. We think of ourselves more than anything else all day long. We are so prideful that we think others are spending as much time thinking about us as we spend thinking about us. Well, they aren’t.

Life is hard, and we want the world to ease up on us. We feel the pressure of watchful eyes, and we just want to scream out, “You don’t understand my life! Stop judging me!” At least that is how I feel many days. I’m not proud of this. But it’s the truth.

At every turn there is reason to judge and be judged. The most common comment of the opposing views to my electronics post was “Stop judging.” This summer it seemed that bloggers were constantly posting messages that begged us to all stop judging.

I’m going to offer up a different perspective.  Instead of focusing on wanting others to stop judging, let’s stop allowing ourselves to be judged.  It takes 2 to go to trial. A judge with no one to judge has no case.  The case begins in our own hearts and minds. We have a choice whether we enter the courtroom or not. Let’s not go there.

If we really want change, it starts inside our own hearts and heads. It’s not outside of us. It’s not hoping others will stop judging. It’s inside of us the true battle wages. We must not allow ourselves to be judged.

Changing the world happens one heart and life at a time. Right here in our own hearts. We can stop allowing ourselves to feel judged. Just because we feel it doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because we feel judged at the park by the mom playing tag with her child while we read emails doesn’t mean she is judging us. We have got to stop being so defensive. Just because a friend shared an article on Facebook that broadcasts a message opposite our own beliefs doesn’t mean she is sitting behind her computer screen judging and thinking about us personally.

Colossians 2:16 “Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.”

Notice the instruction to not let anyone judge you.

We are only judged if we allow ourselves to be judged. Don’t let anyone judge you.

At the same time we stop allowing ourselves to be judged, we stop judging others. We all do it. It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. We don’t want to be judged, yet we judge. We are going to make a radical shift in our hearts. We will stop allowing ourselves to be judged. AND. We are going to ask God to prick our heart each time a judging thought enters our mind.

Matthew 7:1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.

There is peace found in living a quiet life in our hearts. If we feel constantly judged, then we are spending too much time thinking about ourselves. That’s an unhealthy place to live mentally and emotionally.

Our family celebrated the end of summer at the beach a few weeks ago.  I took notice of the way the thousands and thousands of shells piled on top of each other revealing a stunning picture. Some shells were more worn and weathered than others.  Some appeared perfectly intact. Some were eye catching colors.  Some more plain and ordinary.  But together they were stunning.

Your jagged edges, paired with her smooth finish, laid on top of her weathered undersides is a stunning display of God’s masterpiece.

We are all doing the best we can. Life looks different for everyone. Choices for one woman look different than another’s. Family life won’t look the same from home to home. And that is more than ok.

At the end of this life, there is only one Judge who matters.

I want to live a life for the only Judge that matters.

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