Dear Boys, Teach Your Brain To Think Positively. It Matters For Your Health

/in , , /by

IMG_7333

Dear Boys,

I want to share a story with you about a time when I was working to build a business to allow me to stay at home with you.This business took me far out of my comfort zone and stretched me in ways I didn’t really want to stretch. But you were worth it.

Large and looming fears took great liberty to whisper into my mind. An inner dialogue formed an inner critic, which sounded like this. What if I fail? What if people think I’m stupid? What if I’m wrong? I’ll never be able to do this well. I’m not cut out for this kind of work. I don’t have these skills. I can’t. What if.

These thoughts formed patterns and habits I failed to recognize initially. What was I focused on? Me. Who was I not focused on? God.

When fear speaks with confidence to us, it has an ability to shift our focus to ourselves when our focus needs to be on God. The chattering of fear silenced the words of God that would shift my focus from me to Him.

A habit doesn’t take long to form, but habits can be broken. Negative thinking patterns are habits that must be broken. We must learn to train our brain to think positively.

2 Cor 10:5  “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

We take our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.

Our thoughts don’t have to control us, and if we let them have their way, they will create patterns that will lead to poor health mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

We hear our inner voice more often than we hear anything else all day long. It accompanies us on everything we set out to do. Depending on its intent, it can be our biggest encourager or our biggest foe.

Brian S. Borgman, in Feelings and Faith, says “Martin Lloyd-Jones’s words on preaching to yourself are truly a classic. “Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?…..You must take yourself in hand, you have to address yourself, you have to preach to yourself, question yourself…then you must go on to remind yourself of God, Who God is, and what God is and what God has done and what God has pledged Himself to do. (Lloyd Jones, Spiritual Depression 20-21)(Borgman, Feelings and Faith p 142)

This is the key. You teach your mind to focus on Who God is. When your mind wants to ponder your circumstances, you take that thought before it can lead you down the dusty familiar path. You turn it back to God. You tell that thought who is boss. It will not bully you any longer.

Here’s how you do this. You fill your mind with God’s scripture and you fill your mind with thanksgiving, praise, and positive thoughts. Truly, your life will change. Your health will improve in ways you’ve not imagined.

During the time I struggled with my fears creating negative thinking patterns, someone gave me self-talk tapes. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever heard of. And utterly boring.

I popped the tape in as I set about cleaning the dishes and doing laundry. Internally, I laughed and scoffed at the absurdity of what I listened to. I imagined that awkward, embarrassing moment someone would drop in for a surprise visit and discover me listening to these tapes. Nevertheless, the tapes played on.

A monotone, sleepy voice repeated, “You are strong and capable. You can do great things. You are strong and capable. You can do great things. You are strong and capable. You can do great things.”

You see, I didn’t stop what I was doing and listen to this tape. It simply played in the background. Our thoughts do the same thing. Often, our thoughts simply play in the background, and we are oblivious to what they are creating in our minds and souls.

The tape ended and I continued about my day. I couldn’t seem to purge the lines from that tape or that voice. Each time a fear based or negative thought entered my mind, I heard that monotone, sleepy voice telling me I was strong and capable and could do great things.

What if I didn’t imprint a sleepy voice telling me how great I was and instead sewed in God’s Word that tells me I’m not strong and capable, but He is, and that through Him, I can do all things because of His strength.

What if God’s Word playing on repeat was the very thing that would teach my brain to stop creating negative paths that led to fear and poor health and began to create brand new pathways to life and healing?

We can learn how to speak to ourselves in a way that tells fear to go to sleep. We need to train that inner voice to speak truth and life, not fear. We need to bathe ourselves with the words the Lord speaks!

Like those self-talk tapes that told me I was strong and capable, I needed to speak God’s Word over and over again into my daily rhythms. We don’t need to listen to self-talk tapes to tell us how great we are. We have God’s Word which tells us how great He is, therefore through His power, He can do great things through us.

Breaking through these fears is not a matter of believing in ourselves and believing we can do anything we set our minds to. That is what culture says. Instead, it’s believing in a mighty God who can move mountains. It’s believing in a God Who chooses the weak and humble, the poor and broken to work through so that all who see this work will give Him the glory. The glory is His. He uses our willingness to face our fears in order to take what we have to offer and use it for His purposes.

Negative thinking is typically rooted in our fears. When we think negative thoughts about other people, it is usually our own insecurities (fears) at play. When we can’t see how our current situation can ever be better, it’s often because fear is causing us to not trust God or focus on anything that we can’t see.

Research shows that we create neural pathways in our brains by the thoughts we think. These pathways become like deep grooves, train tracks. Each time we think these thoughts, the grooves get deeper. Sometimes we don’t realize how deeply ingrained our thoughts have become. How they have shaped the person we are and how we respond to life.

Most negative thinkers don’t even realize they are negative thinkers. It’s become normal.

I want you to be aware of your thought life because it directs everything. God is an amazing Creator and has designed a brain that can be remapped and retrained. Even if you tend towards negative thinking, you can retrain your brain to think positive thoughts and create new neural pathways.

The easiest way I know to do this is through God’s Word. Reciting and preaching it to yourself. Because that is truth. Preach truth, and you won’t believe the lies your mind will try to tell you.

Focus on Who God is, and you are less likely to focus on the difficult circumstances you walk through because you know the One holding your hand.

Question the thoughts in your mind. Call them to the challenge. When you find they are negative, replace them with a positive immediately. Focus on God, not you. Life is not about us. It’s about Him. Keep your mind off you and on Him, and you will be amazed how your thinking changes, and ultimately how your health strengthens.

Lamentations 3:22-27 The LORD’S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,  For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,“Therefore I have hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke in his youth.

Love,

Mom

Devices are Destroying the Family and Stealing Childhood

/in , /by

IMG_7311

I’ve written quite a few posts on electronics. The first one I wrote I thought would be my last. My passion for encouraging families to guard their children and protect their time has only intensified.

If you are a parent who feels like electronic devices have taken over and kidnapped your family, you are not alone. I met a women recently who made mention to how much my boys play outside. She assumed they were younger than they actually are. I get it. You almost never see pre-teens outside anymore. How sad! Her comment to me was, “I wish my boys would play outside, but all they do is sit on those stupid video games.”

Here’s what I wanted to say but feared opening my mouth since we literally were meeting for the first time, “You are the parent, and they are the children. The parent sets the boundaries, rules, and limits. Not the kids. If you don’t want them playing video games after school, set a limit for weekends only.”

There is a part two to this statement. Josh McDowell is notorious for saying, “Rules without relationship leads to rebellion.” Herein lies the real issue. If your child spends hours on a device of any kind, his relationship with you suffers. It steals time that is yours. Quality time is critical to building relationship, so if that suffers, and you place your rules around something that’s become an addiction, that is when the fight back begins.

The majority of the parents that I talk to about the video game addiction are frustrated with it, yet they feel powerless to the drug. And drug is what it is. I don’t want to waste writing space on the science, but do spend some time researching the effects on the brain, the pleasure center in particular, when your child is playing video games or feasting on social media.

Would we ever offer our kids cocaine? A cigarette? How about heroine? Never. But at the youngest of age, we place a drug in their hand to appease them. To make them happy. To entertain them. To make our lives easier. Babies in shopping carts playing games on an iPhone. Lost to the real world before they’ve ever had a chance to discover and experience. Taught to get their demands for constant entertainment at the first peep they make. Taught they don’t need to learn self-control because we will just occupy you so you don’t need any self-control.

Kids at a ballgame watching their brother or sister play, sitting with a circle of kids playing video games. Heartbreaking. They can’t handle boredom. They don’t care to cheer on their sibling. They want to be entertained. The parents don’t want to listen to the whining, so they give in. The kids are happy and quiet. After all, they are learning games.

A generation of kids at stake to be the most selfish, self-centered generation we’ve ever seen. And we will be to blame. Because we fed this diet to them. We are creating the monster.

Kids are losing their wonder for the world. Their attentions can’t be held for long anymore. It takes more and more to excite and entice them. Like the effects of pornography. A child in the real world has a hard time looking around and finding wonder. Instead, they complain it’s dumb, it’s boring. Then they begin to tell you about their Minecraft world they created.

Video games and electronic devices are the most innocent looking destroyer set on our families. It’s not just about our kids. It’s about us too.

What grabs my attention first thing in the morning? Do I turn to my husband and give him my eyes or do I reach for the phone to see what I missed while I was sleeping? Do I go to my kids to spend the first few minutes with them or do I try to sneak in a few quick articles or see what everyone is doing?

When we go to bed at night are we connecting as a family? Or are we all in our own private worlds connecting to imaginary worlds or people we rarely see face to face?

And at the end of it all. At the very end of my life, will I be satisfied with how I trained my kids or how I spent my days?

I’ve said almost everything in the posts listed below. Each looks at a different aspect. Some speak to the parents, some to the kids. Here’s the deal- whether we like it or not, this electronic addiction is destroying families. When our kids are little, we don’t see the trap we are setting. It’s destroying creativity, free thinking, critical thinking, time, relationships, empathy. And the list goes on.

I will never look back and wish my kids had played more video games. I know that for certain. But if I allow the addiction to set in, I will regret the time the devices stole from us that we will never get back and the parts of their person that changed because of what held their hearts.

A Letter To My Boys (The Real Reason I Say No To Electronics)

A Letter To Me (and all moms) What We Need To Remember When We Open The Screens

A Letter To Husbands From Your Wife (Why You Need To Put The Screen Down)

5 Benefits Of An Electronics Fast

Exploring Limiting Electronics With Kids

Why Shutting Off Electronics Is Good For Kids

How To Rob A Childhood And Miss The Sacred Of Parenting

Dear Kids, A Little Secret About What Electronics Is Stealing From You

Mom, You Are Always On Your Phone!

Dear Kids, The Real Rules You Need For Owning Devices

When Moms Unite Over Electronic Devices

 

Parenting In A Culture Where No One Is Wrong and Teaching Our Kids To Own It

/in , , /by

IMG_7267

I gave clear instructions as to my expectations. I even went as far as writing down the four things I expected them to do, time frame to finish, and consequences for failure to complete in a timely manner.

At 12 and 10, I don’t feel I need to micromanage my older boys. The 4 instructions should have been common sense. Things they need to do every night. Pack your lunch and clean your mess well. Put away any clean laundry in your room. Brush teeth, get ready for bed. Clean up all dirty clothes and bathroom mess. Simple.

Andrew and I finished up reading his favorite baseball book. The one that is ridiculously long. I’m sure I wasn’t the one who bought this book. We dogeared where we’d pick up the next night, said our prayers, snuggled for a minute. The door opened a crack. “Hey, mom, I’ve finished everything.”

Surprised at the record time, I asked, “Everything on the list?”

With complete assurance, he nodded is head, “Yes, every single thing.”

Kissing Andrew’s head one last time, I whispered goodnight and closed the door. I walked downstairs for a glass of water before beginning the nightly reading session with Jacob and Zachary. When I entered the kitchen, I froze.

How in the world could he possibly think he completed the 4 simple things when the kitchen looks like this? Two bags of popcorn, a loaf of bread, peanut butter, jelly, a sticky knife, crumbs galore, all the drawers wide open, dirty dishes placed next to the sink. It looked like they hadn’t lifted a finger towards that list.

Initially, I was agitated at the fact that they are 10 and 12 and should just know better. I shouldn’t have to tell them to clean up after themselves. The fact that I had specifically asked them and they failed to obey is what I wanted to discuss with them.

One of the boys had followed me down the stairs. He was the first to hear my thoughts. He immediately began cleaning. “I’m sorry! I’ll clean up my mess.”

I hollered upstairs for the missing culprit. I began the same discussion with him I’d just had with his brother. However, this child immediately began to defend himself, to build a case for why he was right. “You didn’t tell me to clean up that mess.” “That part isn’t mine.” “You said…..”

What could’ve ended in 2 minutes ended up becoming an hour long process.

I sat him at the table and we did the back and forth. Each stating our case. Showing how we were right. We heard a key in the door and paused as Steve walked into our tense dialogue. We each began retelling our versions, which surprisingly were vastly different in details.

Steve remained mostly quiet as my son and I continued. Then this child’s emotions spiked, and he bordered that point where you begin to say things you will later regret. Those things that will hurt your heart when your emotions settle and the heat of the moment passes. This is the point I asked him to simply go upstairs.

I’ve learned when my boys are emotionally charged isn’t the best time for us to have the discussions. Tempers flare, anger threatens, and words can become dangerous weapons. When the battle is intense, we will never convince each other why we did what we did, why we said what we said. And simply put, we are pretty selfish creatures. We are prideful and tend to look at our own wants, needs, and sides of the story. We falsely believe the person’s eyes we look into have become our enemy.

Psalm 4:4 Be angry, and do not sin; ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent.

In the middle of the argument, I excused the brother who failed to argue, the one who owned his part, apologized, and made it right. For him it was end of discussion.

The entire time I argued/discussed with the other brother, God kept saying, “You do this, too.” At one point I caught my husband’s eye and had to keep from laughing. I’m sure he was thinking that this child and I are so similar at times it’s scary.

After he went upstairs, Steve said, “I wish someone would always tell me to go away when I got angry. It would keep me from saying things I’d later regret.”

“Yeah, me too.” I had to know. “Steve, do I do that too?”

With a slight twinkle in his eye, he said, “Yes, sometimes. It’s just that usually, I’m wrong. But when you are wrong, yes, you do that too.”

Ouch. I knew it was true because I saw it played out and I heard God saying, “You do this, too.”

It gave me what I needed to talk to this child. First, I stopped by the brother who’d been excused.

“Listen, I want to point out something. When I showed you the mess in the kitchen and pointed out where you guys failed to obey fully, I appreciate the fact that you owned your part and made it right. You didn’t make excuses for why you didn’t obey. You didn’t even simply clean up only your mess. You simply realized that yes, you hadn’t done what you were asked to do, said you were sorry, and made it right.”

He stopped reading his book, gave a sleepy grin.

“I wish I were more like you in that way. You’ve always had a heart that is quick to repent. God uses you to teach me.”

His grinned broadened. We prayed, I tucked him in, kissed is head, and gently closed his door.

I walked into the next room. He sat propped up by his pillows, reading lamp casting a soft glow on his maturing features. His face had softened drastically. His jaw wasn’t set, his shoulders relaxed, hands clasped on his stomach.

“Listen, I need you to understand something.”

He looked up at me with those eyes that look the same as the newborn eyes I remember gazing into. I remembered back to thinking I could never envision this sweet, innocent baby challenging our love in any way.

His demeanor was completely different from only 15 minutes earlier in the kitchen.

“The major issue wasn’t about your failure to do what was asked. That was the starting point. But it goes beyond that. It’s how you handled yourself and the situation when confronted with your failure to obey instructions.”

He nodded. Eyes still so soft.

“You are not perfect. You will make mistakes. It is how you handle the mistakes that is most important. Can we own our failures? Can we simply say we are sorry and do what is required to make it right? Or will we allow our pride to blind us so that we only make a defense for ourselves?”

I continued, “Conflict and confrontation are normal parts of life. Human nature is to look at the conflict only from our perspective and form our response from that position. That is where pride begins to take root. We become selfish even in our own points of view.”

“I know this because this is what I do many times. I wish at your age I had begun to learn these things. At 39, I’m only beginning to see things differently. The heartache I could’ve saved if I’d entered disagreements looking from common ground instead of from my position only.”

“I hate to disappoint people. I hate to fail at something or fail someone. Out of fear, I will try to protect myself. I will state my case so that the person will not see me as a failure or a disappointment. Often, I create greater disappointment in my inability to own my own mistakes and say I’m sorry quickly. Bottom line, it’s pride.”

I could tell he was really listening. Not just trying to get through a lecture. This time there was no lecture. Truly, I shared my heart. It’s one of my many struggles as well. I get it. I get him. I feel for him. It’s what I do. As a parent, it breaks my heart to watch his pride stand tall. I know the dangers of pride. I know how it grows. I see in lives around me how this very thing has destroyed relationships.

“Jesus was the most beautiful picture of humility. Never elevating himself over another. Always choosing the lower position. To the very point of death. For us. He could’ve made his case (and he would’ve been right), he could’ve demanded that everyone see his point of view. He did nothing of the sort. He submitted to the Father. He humbly went to the cross. And He never said, “You all just wait and see. You’ll know I’m right sooner or later.” No, He said, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” Even to death, He thought of others first.”

I looked back over the things we’d exchanged downstairs. His defense of his defense. ‘I can’t just submit if I don’t think I’m wrong.’

I was struck by this because it’s how I often feel as well. I can’t submit to what you are saying if I think I’m right. But that is not the example of Jesus. He submitted fully. He was right. He gave no defense. He left that to the Father. And so should we.

I’m learning alongside these children that we are raising. Before we argue our case and defend ourselves, maybe we need to pause. See the part that is ours, the mistakes we made, and own them. Say we are sorry quickly, not after defending ourselves, and move forward to make it right.

The sweetness of God in how He parents us as we parent our children, His children first.

2 Corinthians 10:5-6The Message (MSG)

3-6 The world is unprincipled. It’s dog-eat-dog out there! The world doesn’t fight fair. But we don’t live or fight our battles that way—never have and never will. The tools of our trade aren’t for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture. We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ. Our tools are ready at hand for clearing the ground of every obstruction and building lives of obedience into maturity.

When My Anger Broke Out On My Children

/in , , /by

IMG_7164

Psalm 37:8-9 “Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated, it can only bring harm. For evildoers will be destroyed, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.”

Something snapped inside me. A raging fury welling up from the pit of me. Slamming down the lunch box, I lurched at him standing with the refrigerator door open in his hands. I snatched the door handle from his hands, slammed it shut with every ounce of rage now fully visible for all to see.

The words poured out like the bile they were. All over my child. “How dare you speak to me like that. Why do you think you can speak like that?”

Silence in return. His face reddened with anger in his eyes matching mine. He held his tongue. Mine ran with wild abandon. And then I pulled away.

As I walked away, I felt weak and shaky. All energy expelled through my anger, now I stood blanketed by shame, guilt, and humiliation. My selfish pride demanding respect from my child in a way that disrespected him right back.

He returned to the refrigerator door. “Great, you broke the door. That is what anger does.”

I felt the anger again. This time in the form of sheer disgust. The anger at myself.
This refrigerator I’ve never been fond of. It has an odd mechanism on the door that is fragile. The left side must close before the right. A piece must fit neatly and securely in order for the right side to fit. Break one side and it affects the other.

This door mechanism was out of joint. I was out of joint.

My anger broke out. And in the aftermath, I saw in the faces of my children I’d broken more than the door. I’d broken hearts and spirits. Deflated, defeated, hurt, disappointed.

When anger breaks out, it breaks all that stands in its wake.

The condemnation began. The fiery accusations. The taunts. Some example you are for your kids. You just set them up for a great day. Just wait until you try to homeschool them….home all day to fight these battles – have fun. They will always disrespect you. You have no control over them. Look you can’t even make them talk to you the way you wish they would.

I let the enemy have his way. I imagine he stood right in the middle of our kitchen pushing button after button, whispering threat after threat. Even as the boys walked out the door with angry, sad hearts, the enemy didn’t stop. He kept telling me to punish myself.

I closed the door behind the children as they left with the carpool. I stood for minutes replaying the devastation that took place in a matter of seconds. It didn’t take long to realize my anger came from somewhere else. It wasn’t really a simple disrespect from my child that caused that fury to spew.

I sat with the Lord, words were few. I’m sorry.

I felt numb. Exhausted emotionally. I sat with the Lord stunned at my behavior. It seemed to come out of nowhere.

Was it worth it to give my energy to my anger? Did I get what I wanted? Did they stop sassing me and show the respect I demanded they show? Of course not, but who thinks rationally when anger drops the gloves? Where had that been hiding in me? Who was I in that moment?

Fear. The root is my fear.

I fear my children will turn away from the Lord one day. I read story after story. I hear it from friends. It terrifies me. And satan knows it. So in those moments my children show the sin in their hearts, the enemy says, “See, they will wander away one day.”

I fear losing my kids. I fear the loss of control. I fear so much, and this fear lies under the surface. It takes a mere hair trigger to set off the explosion.

I’m tired of fighting for control. I don’t want to let anger win. I’m tired of worrying.

What I can’t wrap my head around is this endless grace and mercy God bestows. I deserve to be done with. I deserve Him to give up on me. I deserve to suffer much harsher consequences than a broken refrigerator door.

As I sat in the silence with no words but “I’m sorry,” I felt His tender compassion. I felt His warm embrace. I heard Him whispering, “It’s ok, my child, I love you. I forgive you. You are mine and I’ll never let you go.”

Then I remembered. I prayed a dangerous prayer at the beginning of the week. God, make me love you more than I do right now.

In the hours that followed my undoing, I almost felt unable to bear the lovingkindness, the mercy, the forgiveness, the unconditional love. It makes no sense. Unworthy of forgiveness with no ends, yet that is what He offers. Unworthy of love when my actions are beyond unloving to those He’s graced to me. Yet He tells me His love isn’t hinged on my efforts. It makes no sense.

In those hours, I felt rushes of His love over me. My heart that wanted to continue punishing myself continued to feel it might explode from within me with this growing love for God.

I wish I could say I immediately accepted His forgiveness and held tight to His promises of love and mercy. But they were too good for what I felt I deserved. So I held them at a slight distance. Close enough to see, not close enough to own.

The days that followed I fell again and again. In my rejection of what He offered, I suffered the consequences. It’s the place the enemy wanted me. Pride kept me there.

It was a trap, and I felt the chains with every move I made.

I stepped outside to simply be with Him. The wind chimes swinging gently. The blue sky proclaiming His glory. Suddenly, I remembered the prayer from the beginning of the week. Make me love you more.

Is that how? By falling? By seeing the disgust that still lives inside me? And knowing that when He looks on me, He loves me despite my heinous actions? Because He sees His Son when He sees me?

It’s one thing to read about His mercy, His lovingkindness, His grace. These become church terms that I fear lose their meaning. We sprinkle them in conversations, but do we understand their magnitude?

As I sat outside listening to the wind chimes, watching the birds flit from branch to branch, I felt Him. This is when I knew that He had been answering my prayer to love Him more.

It was Holy Week. I was already reading daily devotions on the path to the cross, the great love poured out, the great redemption, the great rescue. Sin, penalty, death, into freedom.

In that moment, it became as personal as a mom who lost it on her children, broke the refrigerator door in her wrath, and couldn’t forgive herself, much less allow her Savior to forgive her. Again.

In the days that followed, I continued to fight. I fought grace. I fought mercy. I fought tender loving kindness. Until I had no fight left in me. Spent and exhausted, I surrendered to His love. And this mama who didn’t feel she had an anger issue, surprised and disgusted by the disgust that resided in the depths, allowed God to rush His waterfalls of grace over her.

I never expected Him to grow my heart to love Him more in this way. It was surprising in ways I still can’t put words to.

I broke the refrigerator door on a Wednesday. I had to rig it shut. No one seemed to be able to do it but me. Each time someone tried to close it, I’d have to get up and assist. I had to be the one. Each time it was a reminder of my fall, my pride, my anger, my fear. But God did something that week.

Until I stopped fighting Him to receive His mercy, I felt shame at that door. When I surrendered to His love, I felt His tenderness each time I had to delicately close the door just so.

Thursday night the entire mechanism ended up falling off. It took a bigger fix to fix. Family would be arriving on Friday night. I knew that my dad or step dad would be able to fix what we were unable to fix. Another reminder. I was waiting on my dad to fix my mess. My Heavenly Father left the throne to come down to me to fix my mess once and for all. I will continue to make messes with my life, but He has already poured out the punishment for what I mess up. Now He wants me to accept what He has already accomplished and walk in that love.

Friday night the door was fixed. It works like it is brand new. Truly He makes all things new.

One day, everything will be truly new. Each day His mercies are new and fresh. New starts. But one day, He will do it for good.

Revelation 21:5 Then the One seated on the throne said, “Look! I am making everything new.” He also said, “Write, because these words are faithful and true.”

 

 

4 Ways To Make Holy Easter Traditions In Your Home

/in , /by

Today I’m sharing our favorite Easter traditions. (Sniff sniff) And holding back tears over these pictures of my little guys from 5 and 6 years ago.

DSC_2098

DSC_2103

Resurrection Eggs. Some years we’ve hidden one egg a day over the course of 12 days. Some years we’ve hidden 3 eggs a day. Some years we’ve hidden all eggs at once. What I love about these eggs is that it tells the story of Jesus in an engaging, hands-on way that is active and lively for the kids. It comes with a little booklet to read as a devotional. Perfect for all ages in my opinion. I started when my boys were babies, but at 12, 10, and 7 they are still excited for this tradition.

DSC_5503-2

 

Repentance Box from A Holy Experience. This one I love. Honestly, I wonder why we don’t do this year round?  We use a little treasure box we have. We place a stack of paper and pens next to the box. Through the course of the day, we find ourselves confessing our sins to God on these slips of paper and slipping them into the secret dark of the box, where only God and ourselves know.

It’s a practice in confession. It’s an awareness of the constant temptations we face and the daily failures. It’s a reminder that this life is impossible to face victoriously without a Savior to take our sins. It’s a practice of daily, and moment by moment cleansing.

DSC_5506
On Easter we burn what’s in the box to remind us that our sins are forever gone because of the blood shed by Christ on the cross. He rose from the grave defeating death, our sins have no hold on us.

DSC_4243

DSC_4249

DSC_4254

Grace garden – You can find examples on A Holy Experience and all over Pinterest. We’ve made grace gardens for the last several years. It’s something all my boys have loved. This year only Andrew, 7, got his hands dirty with it. He was proud to design and implement his grace garden plan completely on his own. On Friday, the stone will cover the tomb and on Sunday, the stone is rolled away. The tomb is empty for He is risen!

(And here he is 5 years later! Major sniff sniff now)

IMG_7095

If you enjoy giving Easter gifts to your children, you may be interested in these:

IMG_6928

What I love about The Story, The Story For Children, and The Story for Kids is that it is the Bible, put into chronological order, told as a narrative with added explanations between stories to help connect the dots. Beautifully done at all levels.

IMG_6931

We also own the CD set of The Story and we have The Story of Jesus on Audible. My boys absolutely love listening to these audios.

Some other favorites (we really love audiobooks and dramas):

Adventures in Odyssey

The Little Kids Adventure Bible 

Blessings to your family this Easter week!

 

 

*****************This post contains affiliate links**************************

 

 

 

 

 

When Moms Unite Over Electronic Devices

/in , , , /by

devicepressure

“Hey, can I talk to you about something?”

“Sure,” I answered my friend. Our boys have been friends for years. We walked to the parking lot together to leave the earshot of others.

“Here, let’s sit inside the car where it’s warm.” We jumped in the front seat of my minivan as I became keenly aware of the crumbs on the seat she now occupied, the greens powder stained smoothy cup, and the strips of paper and debris left behind from the boys. I really should clean this van more often. 

My friend began to tell me about a recent sleepover experience our boys had. I let go of the pesty thoughts of my dirty car. Her son went to the sleepover with an iPhone. None of the other boys had devices. When she talked to one of our other friends, she realized that her son having that phone had become a distraction to the boys that night.

“I realized that it wasn’t fair to the mom hosting the sleepover that she had the added responsibility to then monitor what was happening on my son’s device that could impact the other boys. And our son knows his limits, but what if my son’s device ended up being used in a way that exposed other boys to something harmful or dangerous?”

She went on to tell me how she and her husband discussed the issue at length and came up with an idea. Our boys are at this interesting age where they don’t need phones at all. However, many middle schoolers have them anyway. So then there is this issue of who has one and who doesn’t. Who feels cool and who doesn’t.

We’ve discussed with our boys that we will never make decisions to do something so that they fit in. That would be us modeling peer pressure decision making. Giving our kids something to be like everyone else rather than giving the why’s behind our decision and praying for hearts in agreement.

My friend said, “What if we parents determined our boundaries together so that there is always a common agreement on the electronic issue and no fears about what will go on at each house.”

I felt speechless momentarily. The fact that no one approached my friend to oppose her in any way. No one came to her and expressed upset over her son bringing a device. She, on her own, felt genuinely sorry about how the device impacted or could impact that time the boys have to simply be boys and wanted to be proactive about it.

I kept thinking to myself, “What a picture of humility.” Many parents wouldn’t be so willing to step forth when not approached to admit they felt they’d done anything wrong. Then to take it a step further and say, “Let’s fix this going forward, too.”

She said, “I don’t want any of our boys to feel like they don’t want to go to one house because they have limits that other houses don’t have.”

Again, speechless. This has been something I’ve prayed about for a long time. Steve and I are 100% ok with the boundaries we have in our home with devices. And we’ve never had a boy come here that complained about our rules either. In fact, they get so busy playing ping pong or foosball or riding bikes, shooting baskets, or whatever that they don’t seem to miss it at all. But there is still this little fear that my boys’ friends would prefer to go to someone else’s house where devices have no limits.

She continued, “I think we should let all the boys know that if they bring phones or devices, they are given to the hosting parent when they arrive. That way they are free to be boys. If they need to call or text their mom, they can come get their device. But other than that, the hosting parent will keep them safe.”

This eliminates the need to interrogate the parent each time we send our kids to each other’s houses. We have all come to the same agreements with regards to uses and protections.

My friend talked to several of our other friends. Not one person pushed back. Every single mom expressed gratitude and felt a sense of relief.

It took away that awkward conversation we have to have each time we send our kids away. I’ve discovered that simply telling my boys to remember our rules apply away just like at home isn’t enough. Without establishing our boundaries with other parents, we are putting our kids at risk. Many families allow their children full internet access. We do not. The times I’ve failed to have this discussion with the parents, I’ve regretted it.

My friend approaching me about this issue, establishing these boundaries and rules to protect all of our boys, left a deep impression on me. I was struck by her ability to look beyond her own kids to the other children. She took ownership without being challenged. How rare today to see this modeled. And what a relief now at least for this group of boys to know that we are all on the same page and have the same house rules. They are free to just be boys for this brief window of time. Far too soon, they will be in high school and beyond where the boundaries will shift again.

And for the boys….it seemed to relieve them of pressure we didn’t even realize they carried. Free of the device, free of the stress it brings in disguise.

 

 

 

Christian Idolatry on Instagram & Beyond

/in , , /by

flattery

A little alarm has begun to sound in my heart at times I’m scrolling through Instagram. Never when I am viewing a picture of someone I know, but almost without fail each time I see a picture a christian public figure or “celebrity” posts.

It’s the comments I read from followers on these feeds that scares me. Here’s a few:

I’m sooooo jealous!

So perfect and beautiful! 

I would give anything to hang out with you!

I would die if I ran into you. Love your ministry!

We worship quick and easy.

What alarms me is how as worshippers, we are setting up some of our favorite people to fall. Rather than solely looking to these people as communicators of God’s truths, we are looking to them as the objects of our worship. Idolizing. Wanting to know where they bought their jeans. And oohing and ahhing over their hair and the big names they know. We don’t even realize we are doing it.

Do we become so devoted to the person teaching the Word of God that we begin to forget they are fallible? They are human. Sinful like us.

Do we begin to take their words as gospel truth? Do we take off our hats of discernment and believe everything they speak?

Most importantly, do we spend more time worshipping them than praying for them? The enemy seeks to devour those who will teach the Word of God. When we as believers forget to cover them in prayer and take it a step further and shift our focus from worshipping God to worshipping the communicator, we are helping to lay the trap.

Andy Stanley came under quick fire for careless statements he made from the pulpit. I appreciate the boldness of people like Voddie Baucham who were quick to rebuke teaching that is in error. The thing that saddened me was how quick people were to do two things: 1) Lash out harshly and unlovingly 2)Look past the error in what he said because they are fully devoted to him as a person.

While I appreciate Andy’s apology and explanation, I still feel he left much unspoken. On a friend’s Facebook page, I commented “While his response and apology are nice, the bottom line is that it’s not the church’s role to raise kids with a deep faith….it’s the parents job. To suggest that parents should attend a church based on what their children need in a youth ministry is unbiblical. Church is where we go to worship God and fellowship with believers, not to get served and entertained. Still feel much left here unaddressed. At the same time, he’s a pastor….human, prone to mistakes.
Our role is to recognize what doesn’t align with God’s Word, forgive, and move on. I imagine being in his position is not easy at all!”

God’s Word says a few things about raising our kids in faith, and a thriving, large youth group is never mentioned. Deut 11:19, Deut 6:7.

Once when our boys were very small, we were looking for a church. We shared with a friend our list of requirements we wanted met. He listened patiently before correcting me. “You know, the church’s role is to preach to the believer, to equip the believer to go out and make disciples. It is not the role of the church to raise your children to love the Lord. The church will equip you to make disciples of your kids.”

His correction sent me to the scriptures myself.

When a christian public figure or a pastor or anyone teaching God’s Word speaks and something in our spirit feels poked, we need to go to God’s Word. It’s a dangerous place to believe everything as truth and not compare it to the Word of God.

That is only one issue. The issue that is saddening my heart is how we as believers are aiding God’s gifted servants to fall into the traps laid by satan by our hearts of worship misplaced.

I appreciate the humility of Andy Stanley in quickly apologizing and taking ownership.

Our pastors and christian communicators need our faithful prayers more than they need our worship. They need to be encouraged by us not flattered by us. Flattery is dangerous. It’s a trap satan places that will whisper to the pride and ego in each of us.

My challenge to us is to not raise these people up higher than they need to be risen. When we are lavishing our praise for these public figures each time they post a picture, we are flattering them not encouraging them. Encourage your pastor or favorite christian public figure by telling them how God used them to show you something. They need the encouragement. They don’t need the empty flattery, though if we are honest, we all like the flattery.

I’m not at all saying the Andy Stanley issue has anything to do with what I’m seeing on Instagram. The point I want to make is this. Be careful what we worship. Test everything with scripture. Pray and encourage, don’t idolize.

Satan is a deceiver and manipulator. He wants our leaders and communicators of the Word to fall. Let’s lift up those the Lord has called and equipped to proclaim His Word. Let’s be careful not to pour out words that will inflate them and set them up for a fall. The most loving thing we can do for those in the public eye for the Lord is to pray for them and encourage them.