31 Days of Uncomfortable

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You know those times you expect to scan an email or a blog post, pick up the highlights, and move on about your happy day?  That was me when I saw Emily Freeman’s post about the 31 day challenge to write.

Curiosity piqued.  I read further.  I even went so far as to click over to the source blog.  Then I went further and clicked many of the blogs that have participated in the past.  I was fascinated by the idea.

Why?  Because I process life through writing.  Putting  a pen in my hand is like giving me a shovel into the places buried in my soul.  However, I like to write when I want to write.  I like to write on my own timetable and don’t know if I write well under pressure.  I’ve always had plenty of time to write what needs to be written. (Can you see a theme emerging?  Can you see a topic God needs me to explore?)

If I write for 31 days and commit to it might I dare to dig deeper?  Might I explore life with intentional purpose through writing?  If I write on one topic for 31 days, is it possible my shovel will dig deep enough to find hidden tunnels that connect one to another?

I pondered these thoughts.  Then I formulated all the necessary excuses for why I couldn’t participate.  Here goes:

  1. I blog once or twice a week because I don’t want to fill up inboxes everyday and take away from the moments I’m writing to inspire.
  2. I don’t think I can possibly write 31 posts on one topic.
  3. I don’t have time.  Period.
  4. My first book JUST released.  Did I mention I don’t have time?
  5. I don’t want to fail

If I’m honest numbers 1-5 on that list would read “I DON’T WANT TO FAIL”.

Failing is uncomfortable.  It’s not the place I want to be.  But what if that is exactly where God wants me to be?  What if He has plans for me right in the middle of that most uncomfortable place?  Whether I succeed or fail doesn’t matter.  It’s the work He is doing that matters.

So friends, I’m taking the challenge.  I really don’t want to fail right before your very eyes.  But I might.  Whether I succeed or fail, I pray you will see God in the midst of it all.

I hope you join along for 31 Days of Getting Uncomfortable With God.

This is the post for Day One.

Day 2: Fight or Surrender?

Day 3:  When Success Wears the Mask of Failure

Day 4:  Jonah’s Discomfort After the Whale

Day 5:  Lessons from the Batters Box

Day 6:  Risk the Unusual

Day 7: Silent Discomfort

Day 8:  Lessons of Hope From Shawshank

Day 9:  Promoting a Book is Painfully Uncomfortable

Day 10:  Happy 10th Birthday, Jacob

Day 11:  God’s Call

Day 12:  Do You Dare? 

Day 13:  Is it time to camp or travel?

Day 14:  Trust and Obey

Day 15:  The Uncomfortable Dance 

Day 16: When We Accept The Uncomfortable Gift of Rest

Day 17:  The Book That Made Me Love Him More

Day 18:  Radical is Pretty Uncomfortable

Day 19:  Be Strong and Courageous 

Day 20:  Catch-Up Day

Day 21:  Happy Birthday, Steve

Day 22:  Say No

Day 23:  Changing Perspective

Day 24:  When an Orphan Enters Your Life

Day 25:  The Deep End

Day 26:  A Peace of Uncomfortable

Day 27:  A Journey of Refining

Day 28:  How Far Can I Go

Day 29:  A Name

Day 30:  Do You Dare To Dream

Day 31:  Jesus the Ultimate Picture of Discomfort

What I Learned in September

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I’m linking up to Chatting At The Sky today with a list of what I learned in September.

I like this idea for the simple reason that I can make this an intentional way of learning a little bit more about myself….and the world around me.  It forces me to stop and think back on the month or plan forward for what I will learn ahead.  And it’s just fun.  I need fun.  And I’m really quirky, so this fits well with me.

In no particular order…

  1. I can’t bring myself to use hashtags.  I’ve tried and they get deleted.  Just can’t do it.  And I have a hard time reading things posted that have so many hashtags.  Why do we use them?  I’m always on the late end of discovery, so maybe I’ve missed something here.  But what does everyone do with the hashtags?
  2. Mumford & Sons does not sing the Olympic song.  WHAT?  This should not surprise my close friends and family that I would make such a grave pop culture mistake.
  3. I’m more removed from pop culture than I realized.  Reference #2 above.  When a friend referenced someone I guess I should know, she saw the blank look on my face and the conversation stopped.  Yes, I’m a lot of fun to talk to if it’s lighter, fun topics. 🙂
  4. Some memories need to be left in the memory banks.  On a recent date night, Steve and I pulled up some fun 90’s music videos to stroll down memory lane.  Tiffany, Belinda Carlisle, and my all time favorite NKOTB.  My face actually turned red as I watched in complete embarrassment for myself….and for the performers.  I wish those music memories had stayed in my mind.  Just not the same 25 years later.
  5. Shopping is not my friend.  
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    Neither is family picture planning.  I had a friend bail me out by taking me shopping TWICE to coordinate clothes for my family picture this weekend.  I’m fashion challenged.  Again, this is no surprise to those closest to me.  They help me out a lot here.  Thank you, Lord, for sending me fashion friendly friends.
  6. Some transitions just sneak up on me.  Andrew graduated out of the “nursery” area at church this month.  For the first time in a decade we don’t have a child in the nursery!  I went to the pumpkin patch with Andrew on his first field trip today.  He’s in K-4.  It’s the first time since I’ve had school-aged kids that I didn’t have a stroller or small child with me or that I needed to arrange babysitting for.  I was there with that child!  And how glorious it was. I had no idea how freeing and wonderful it would be to just be there with him and enjoy it.  Heavenly.
  7. Toby Mac’s song “Eye on it” can increase your pace a good minute per mile.  It’s true.  Please try it.  Just put it on repeat and you will run 5 miles in record time.
  8. Speaking of Toby Mac- I am now a fan thanks to my children who listen to the cd over and over and over again.  They can sing every single word.  To every song. And now so can I.  I never knew I liked Toby Mac.  I think his music makes me feel hip.  (Do you notice a pattern in this September list?)
  9. I miss buying CDs.  If I have bought music, I’ve bought downloads. For Zachary’s 8th birthday I bought him his first CD.  All for him.  Toby Mac (wow Toby took 3 of the 9 spots on my list this month).  I’ve forgotten how fun it is to buy a whole album (is that the word we still use?) and discover new songs that haven’t made it to the radio.

And that is all.  Except it’s not all.  September was a huge month for our family with the release of my first book.  Thank you to everyone who has purchased a copy and for your sweet words of encouragement during this new phase!

This is the fun and quirky stuff I learned.  Now you know a little more about my nerdy side.

Come back Monday when I will begin a 31 day series for the month of October linking up to The Nester.

Speaking Life

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[box] “Look into the eyes of the brokenhearted; Watch them come alive as soon as you speak hope, you speak love, you speak… you speak life,”  TobyMac[/box]

Usually baseball practice brings my husband in the door full of energy and life, excitement and stories.  On this evening, however, he seemed….peaceful, calm, and content.  Not that this is abnormal for him.- it’s not, it’s just that adrenaline trumps calm on baseball nights.

The boys withdrew upstairs to wash the dirt away. Steve looked at me and said, “Renee, Zachary sat in the backseat of the car singing every word to that Toby Mac song from his new CD and it just about made me cry.  He sounded like an angel.”

I knew exactly what he meant.  To hear a child singing out loud words that penetrate the heart. Well, it transforms your moment.

Our words hold power.  Sometimes it’s the simple act of speaking at all.  Someone we encounter today may simply need someone to stop along their path and speak.  Simply speak. Sharing a moment. Taking the time to look them in the eye- to listen to them. To smile at them. Someone to encourage and not criticize.  Someone to speak kindness rather than harsh words.

We can speak life in the big moments.  And we can speak life in the ordinary moments. Sometimes the ordinary moments are hidden God encounters.

Lord, help me slow down long enough to speak life. 

Listen to these words and be inspired to speak life into the heart of another today.

Click over here to listen.

Why Can’t Mine Be Like Hers?

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I was in the first grade and wanted handwriting like Jodi Pitts.  Her papers were always neat and beautiful- just the way I envisioned mine.

I’d go home and practice writing my name over and over and over again trying to make it beautiful.  Mine never looked like Jodi’s.  Finally, I asked my friend to give me handwriting lessons.  Thankfully, we were 7 so that wasn’t quite so weird.  I probably wouldn’t have many friends if I asked my friends today to teach me to be like them.

I’m no longer 7, but that same insecurity lingers.  It’s a valid insecurity.  Adults are kinder than kids (usually).  Instead of coming right out and telling me that my handwriting is illegible, they will gently ask me, “What’s that letter?”

When the fact becomes obvious that – yes, I have awful handwriting and I know it, friends have said, “Your handwriting doesn’t match up.  You seem like you would be careful and meticulous, but you’re not.”  No, I’m not.  It’s embarrassing.

I don’t receive handwriting grades anymore, so I shouldn’t really care.  And my children have neater penmanship than I do, so I don’t think it’s an inherited problem.

I had to sign books recently and became painfully aware, yet again, that my handwriting is a problem.  Looking for a way to fix my problem, I went to Target.  Target just seems to fix my problems from time to time.  Surely, they have now invented a pen that can make anyone have beautiful cursive.  Did you know there is an entire aisle of nothing but pens?  I expected a 10 second aisle scan, and 10 minutes later I was frustrated that I had so many choices.  All the pens claimed to be groundbreaking and revolutionary.  They can even prevent signature fraud they claim.  They have pens “perfect for lefties.”  They have pens that are made from recycled plastic bottles.

So I fell for it and bought the pen.  Turns out they don’t have a pen that can make your writing look beautiful.

Sometimes I just want to fix my problems.  I want to fix what doesn’t look right in my life and make it look the way I envision.  I want things to be beautiful and neat.  I don’t want messy and illegible.  I want to buy the pen that can write me a more beautiful picture than what I currently have.

Perspective.  It’s often overlooked, yet it’s so crucial to how we interpret each moment.  If I am focused on the ugliness, I obsess over my own control of the situation.  How can I make this better?  How can I make this the way I want?

When I shift to God’s perspective, I can see the beauty in the mess of the moments. What does God have to say to me in this mess?  How is God growing me into godliness through this?  How am I being made beautiful on the inside even if the outside doesn’t shine the way I would prefer?

I have the new pen.  The one I thought would make it all better. It failed.  But God doesn’t. This pen reminds me that He holds the power of the pen.  His writing is always beautiful.  And He can take my illegible work and turn it into something marvelous, despite my inabilities.

Memory Cards – A New Kind Of Fall Tradition

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[box] “As long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.” ~ Helen Keller (1880-1968), American author, Political Activist and Lecturer[/box]

With my head in my hands, I sat on the balcony sobbing.  Even the rhythmic sound of the crashing waves was powerless to bring soothing relief.

I tried to put voice to the tormenting feelings.  I knew it didn’t make sense.  I knew it was silly.

He patiently listened to my words, tangled by sobs.  Gently, he touched my hand, “Renee, they are having a great time.  Memories are being made.

In my mind the vacation was a disaster.  It was a first to this particular beach, which I wasn’t fond of.  There was too much traffic, too much noise, too many people, and too much rain.

I expected the trip to look a certain way.   And this didn’t come close to fitting my picture.

I had only my perspective.  What I needed was a perspective shift.  My husband knew that from the kids’ viewpoint, the trip was amazing.  They were coming with a completely different set of expectations.  To them it was perfect.

That trip was 4 years ago.  Today the boys tell us it was their favorite beach trip ever.  They have no idea how I cried on the balcony as they slept for fear we weren’t giving them the memories we wanted to give.  When they share their highlights, I’m amazed that those were the memories that got tucked into the corners and spaces of their hearts and minds.

I realized through that experience that I had spaces in my heart filled with guilt and regret over what wasn’t rather than what was. Not from that trip, but from life in general.

When my boys relayed memories to me from that beach trip, they freed me from my self-inflicted regret.  They simply shared their positive perspective, having no idea of the impact they had on allowing me to let go of my false negative emotions.

Our enemy would love for us to stay in bondage to negative emotions.  Our Redeemer offers abundant life.

Perception affects how a memory is stored in each of our hearts.  Through one simple act, we could potentially release someone from negative emotions that could be holding them down.

What if something as simple as sharing a sweet memory with someone could have the power to release the hurt hiding in their soul?

You see we have no idea how memories recorded in our own hearts are recorded in the hearts of someone else.  Maybe they focused on what wasn’t instead of what was and recorded something entirely different than we recorded.   Maybe it could offer an unspoken forgiveness they secretly desire.

As summer transcends to fall, a fresh start beckons us.  This season I want to start a new fall tradition.  One that can bring a smile to a withered heart.  One that can release guilt trapped in the dark crevices of the soul.  One that can bring a chuckle forth.  One that can lighten the heart, if only for that moment.

Would you join me?

Don’t think too long and hard or too deep and profound.  Simply write 3 memories.  Then write a note to 3 people who share that memory with you.

Some memory cards will bring freedom from pain.  Some memory cards will bring laughter to the light.  Some memory cards will simply remind someone they are loved and thought of in that moment.

Our perspective of a memory is powerful to the heart and soul of another.  Let’s share our joy.  Let’s share what was for us.  It could be just what they need to lose their focus on what wasn’t for them.

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[box] 1 Thessalonians 4:18 NIV “Therefore encourage one another with these words.”[/box]

 

The Power of Perspective – Getting Uncomfortable with God Series

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“Mom, isn’t this picture cool?”

I folded the napkin and placed it next to the bowl, glancing over my shoulder at his drawing. “Yes.  It’s nice.”  I’ll admit it.  I just did a 1/2 glance.  He loves to draw, but he gets in phases where he draws the same scene over and over again.  My eyes have been trained now to take a peek and say I like it.

I assume I already know because I’ve seen it before.

He inquired further this time.  “What do you see?”

“I see us at the beach having a good time.”

“Well, that’s not what I drew.  Look closer.”

Stepping away from the table, I curiously studied the paper.  I saw what I thought was Jacob and Zachary in the ocean playing with a beach ball.  A jelly fish was swimming a good distance away.  They were safe.  Meanwhile, me, Steve and Andrew were smiling and waving from the sand.

With full confidence, I relayed my interpretation to him.  His smirk confirmed my errors.  “Mom, that’s not it at all.  Not even close.  Look, me and Zachary are in the ocean, and a shark is heading our way.  See, that is his fin and the ripples of water he is creating.  You are shrieking from the beach and waving your hands around.”

Wow!  Talk about a misinterpretation.  I made the mistake of assuming it was the same old picture.  I’d seen it before.  A hundred times.  However, from his standpoint, this time was different.

Perspective is everything.  

I saw a happy beach scene.  He saw a morbid approaching death scene.  I had a positive outlook.  He had a deadly outlook.  It’s all about perspective.  How we look into a situation.

Oftentimes the danger in our perspective is history.  We tend to let our past experiences shape how we view our present situations.

Have you ever found yourself in conflict with someone or your feelings hurt over something and wish you could just get out of it? I have found myself here more times than I like.  The fact is we can’t avoid conflicts.

I vowed this year to avoid any and all conflicts.  Guess what!  God brought me more!   I kept my mouth closed when I wanted to speak, I fostered “healthy, safe” relationships and avoided ones with potential for conflict.  It didn’t work.  God has work to do in my heart that can only be worked out through conflict.

God works in my discomfort.  This is a theme in my life right now, so let me repeat it.  God works in my discomfort.

I’m uncomfortable with conflict.  But in my discomfort, God’s power is revealed.  When I’m in conflict, I must CHOOSE to love the person.  This is not comfortable for me when I’m angry or hurt.  In fact, it’s completely impossible for me to love.  But it’s not impossible for God.  So He lets me go there.  To that place of extreme discomfort where I can choose to yield to Him, choose to obey Him, choose to love.

I’m always telling my boys, “If you want to get better at something, you need to practice.” Often those words reverberate back to my heart as I see God allowing me ample opportunities for practice.

The ding of my email sounded.  I expected it was more junk mail to delete.  Shocked, I read an email from a friend that had completely misinterpreted a message I conveyed.  Initially, I began to play my side of the story in my head.  How could they have assumed that…..I never said that…..I said this….Don’t they realize I have this going on and that’s why I said that…..It all made perfect sense.  To me.  My perspective was different than theirs.  I didn’t have the same past experiences they had shaping their reactions.  Nor did they have mine.

God’s whisper is so soft and gentle.  So sweet to the soul.  “No, Renee, they don’t see all of that. They simply want to feel loved.  They have only their perspective, which is shaped from their past-which might have nothing to do with you.  They might have past hurts and insecurities that feed into their interaction with you.  Just love them.”

It’s uncomfortable to be in conflict.  But love.  Well, it covers it all.

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1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.”

So here’s the challenge.  Will you join me in getting uncomfortable with God?  Where do you feel God leading you out of your comfort zone?  Do you see Him guiding you towards greater holiness through your discomfort?  Do you see relationships characterized by conflict in which you can choose love?

Dangers of Disobedience

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It looks more congested than normal today.  It’s actually hard to see the cars approaching the crosswalk because of the stopped traffic on our side.  I made my mental assessments and turned to Andrew who was trailing behind me dragging his preschool creations and backpack.  “Make sure you stand behind me.  Do not walk in front of me.”

5 seconds morphed into 5 minutes as time seemed to pause.  Is this happening while my feet are on the ground or am I watching this from afar?  

My right foot took the first step onto the crosswalk when he darted past me, full sprint.  I saw the lady on the other side of the crosswalk, a look of horror on her face.  Was that me screaming or her?  I saw the man to my left, his car stopped to let the preschoolers cross.  His mouth hung open, a silent scream hanging from his lips.  I heard the screams, I saw the faces, and I saw my 4 year old running.  I saw it all before I saw the car approaching from the right, flying through the crosswalk.  The driver never saw the crosswalk, never saw the children.

Lunging forward I hooked the collar of his shirt pulling him backwards into me.  The car whizzed by, missing him by mere inches.

When did time begin moving again?  The gazes that met mine as my shaky legs carried me across the street seemed to say, “I cannot believe he is alive.”

“M’am, are you ok,” a gentleman shouted from his car.  Did I even answer him?

Trembling hands pushed the door open button on the van as I collapsed into the back seat with Andrew.  Unable to speak, head buried in my hands, I sobbed.

Gaining control, I looked up into his calm blue eyes.  That angelic face, full of innocence and oblivion.

“Andrew, you could have died!  That car almost hit you.  All because you didn’t OBEY mommy!!!!  I told you to stay behind me.  You didn’t obey.”

“But I didn’t die.”

My words fell on him like a summer rainstorm, relentless.  The rushing waters from my lips desperately wanted to soak in.

“Andrew!  It’s simple.  Just obey!”

“When you obey me, you are showing me that you love me.  Because if you love me, you trust me.  If you trust me, obeying becomes easier.”

As I preached to him about obedience and why God expects it, I began to hear God whispering back to me.

I watched my child choose disobedience, which nearly cost him his life.  How often do I find myself in a similar situation?  Thinking I know what is best, that I know what is right for me.  Thinking “I’ve got this one, God, don’t worry, it’ll be all right.”  Thinking “God, I know what your Word says, BUT….the circumstances are different for this one.”

But.  He sees ahead.  He sees that car headed my way.  He sees my blocked vision.  He sees the backpack I’m carrying distracting me from making the wisest decision.  He sees it all, and that is why He demands obedience.  For no other reason than love.  His radical, crazy, wild, relentless love.

The choice is ours.  Will we trust Him enough to obey Him?

[box] 1 John 5:2–3  By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. (ESV)[/box]